I climb out of the pool, watching the water drip at my feet. Suddenly, my skin is prickling, and I'm intensely aware of eyes on me.
All eyes on me.
"Fuck," I whisper, taking a deep breath.
I hadn't been hiding my sexuality, but I'd sure as hell just advertised it for everyone to see.
Heat bathes my side as Jasper steps up to me, slipping his hand into mine. He reaches up, tilting my chin so I'm forced to look at him.
"Go out with me tomorrow night?" he murmurs. "Please?"
"Yes." I smile as he kisses me again.
Showing posts with label Beyond the Gaze of a Boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beyond the Gaze of a Boy. Show all posts
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Apology
"Sorry, bro, but I'm hungry, and J's supposed to man the grill."
I huff and may even be pouting a little. I've finally, after all this time, gotten what I've been wanting for so long, and Emmett has to let his stomach spoil it all.
Emmett nudges me in the ribs, his voice lower as he says, "Really, Ed, I'm sorry..."
Rolling my eyes at him, I shrug.
He grins. "You can kiss your boy all you want after dinner."
I blush fiercely, my eyes automatically cutting to Jasper, who seems to be watching us with both amusement and longing.
I huff and may even be pouting a little. I've finally, after all this time, gotten what I've been wanting for so long, and Emmett has to let his stomach spoil it all.
Emmett nudges me in the ribs, his voice lower as he says, "Really, Ed, I'm sorry..."
Rolling my eyes at him, I shrug.
He grins. "You can kiss your boy all you want after dinner."
I blush fiercely, my eyes automatically cutting to Jasper, who seems to be watching us with both amusement and longing.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Cold
Reality crashes back in a brutal way. We jump apart, sputtering and holding our hands in front of our faces in a vain attempt to fend off the cold water stinging our skin.
"Damn it, Emmett!" I roar, my normal calm replaced by rage at the sight of my idiot stepbrother with the hose.
He throws back his head, howling with laughter, but I'm more pissed off than he counted on. I launch myself from the ground, catching him in the ribs. We crash into the pool together, the water cooling my temper.
When we surface, Emmett ruffles my hair.
"Damn it, Emmett!" I roar, my normal calm replaced by rage at the sight of my idiot stepbrother with the hose.
He throws back his head, howling with laughter, but I'm more pissed off than he counted on. I launch myself from the ground, catching him in the ribs. We crash into the pool together, the water cooling my temper.
When we surface, Emmett ruffles my hair.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Part
He pulls away much too soon for my liking, resting his forehead against mine. A smile plays on his lips as he says, "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that."
Letting out a breathy chuckle, I shiver. "Why didn't you?"
He runs his fingers through my hair. "I wasn't sure if you were or not. You were never with anyone, boy or girl, so..."
He grins. "But now I know..."
Jasper leans in again, kissing me hungrily. I'll readily let him devour me if it means more of this.
My mind goes completely blank, forgetting our surroundings.
Letting out a breathy chuckle, I shiver. "Why didn't you?"
He runs his fingers through my hair. "I wasn't sure if you were or not. You were never with anyone, boy or girl, so..."
He grins. "But now I know..."
Jasper leans in again, kissing me hungrily. I'll readily let him devour me if it means more of this.
My mind goes completely blank, forgetting our surroundings.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Taste
"Do you want me?" he murmurs.
His face is so close I can feel the movement of air as we breathe. "Yes," I answer at last, the simple truth.
"Thank god," he whispers, and I watch his eyes drift closed before he leans closer. I just have time to close my eyes, my heart thumping loudly in my chest, and then his lips meet mine.
Our lips are chapped, tortured from sun and water, but the kiss is divine. His tongue brushes against my lips, and I part them eagerly, moaning quietly as I taste Jasper for the first time.
His face is so close I can feel the movement of air as we breathe. "Yes," I answer at last, the simple truth.
"Thank god," he whispers, and I watch his eyes drift closed before he leans closer. I just have time to close my eyes, my heart thumping loudly in my chest, and then his lips meet mine.
Our lips are chapped, tortured from sun and water, but the kiss is divine. His tongue brushes against my lips, and I part them eagerly, moaning quietly as I taste Jasper for the first time.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Disbelief
I stare at him, wide-eyed. "W-what?"
His eyes search mine. I see hope there. Hope, longing, and something burning I can't identify.
His fingers curl around mine; his touch is warm, comforting, and so fucking arousing. I can't find it in myself to worry about that right now, though. I'm utterly focused on the way he's licking his lips, the way he leans just a little closer, his eyes continuing to flicker between my own eyes and my lips, and back again.
He takes a wavering breath, whispering, "Could you ever want me, Edward?"
All I can do is nod.
His eyes search mine. I see hope there. Hope, longing, and something burning I can't identify.
His fingers curl around mine; his touch is warm, comforting, and so fucking arousing. I can't find it in myself to worry about that right now, though. I'm utterly focused on the way he's licking his lips, the way he leans just a little closer, his eyes continuing to flicker between my own eyes and my lips, and back again.
He takes a wavering breath, whispering, "Could you ever want me, Edward?"
All I can do is nod.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Forward
I clear my throat and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. My eyes are trained on the pool, but all I see are colorful blurs of bathing suits against the blue backdrop. All my attention is focused on the guy beside me and the question he just asked.
"Yes," I say at last, adding to myself, But you wouldn't look twice at me.
He inhales sharply, and I catch his frown out of the corner of my eye. I'm too afraid to look directly at him – until he puts his hand over mine.
"Could you maybe want me?"
"Yes," I say at last, adding to myself, But you wouldn't look twice at me.
He inhales sharply, and I catch his frown out of the corner of my eye. I'm too afraid to look directly at him – until he puts his hand over mine.
"Could you maybe want me?"
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Hesitant
The silence - relative, considering the noise of our surroundings - stretches on for too long while I struggle.
Please don't ask.
Please do!
I know I won't be able to lie to him, but if he doesn't feel the same - and why on earth would he want someone like me? - then I'll never be able to look at him again.
This is the first time we've ever really talked, and I find I like it. I want more of this - so much more - and it terrifies me that I might lose it so soon.
"Is there anyone you want?" he whispers.
Please don't ask.
Please do!
I know I won't be able to lie to him, but if he doesn't feel the same - and why on earth would he want someone like me? - then I'll never be able to look at him again.
This is the first time we've ever really talked, and I find I like it. I want more of this - so much more - and it terrifies me that I might lose it so soon.
"Is there anyone you want?" he whispers.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Lure
"Oh, come on," Jasper says. "You can't leave it at that."
I exhale in relief when Rosalie calls out, "Jasper! Come start the grill!"
But he waves her off, barely looking away. His eyes are intent on mine as he waits patiently, and all I can see are those damned freckles.
I tear my eyes away, looking at the grass as I say gruffly, "It's hard to go from someone always being there to being alone."
He nods slowly. "So why haven't you..? I mean, you've had chances."
"Not with anyone I wanted," I tell the rock between my feet.
I exhale in relief when Rosalie calls out, "Jasper! Come start the grill!"
But he waves her off, barely looking away. His eyes are intent on mine as he waits patiently, and all I can see are those damned freckles.
I tear my eyes away, looking at the grass as I say gruffly, "It's hard to go from someone always being there to being alone."
He nods slowly. "So why haven't you..? I mean, you've had chances."
"Not with anyone I wanted," I tell the rock between my feet.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Truth
I duck my head, blushing furiously, utterly mortified at the idea of telling him... anything. Because if I do, he's bound to wonder...
Oh God... kill me now...
He nudges me.
I glance up through my lashes.
He grins. "Tit for tat."
"Jesus..." I mutter.
Clearing my throat, I tell him about the one boyfriend I had at my old school – Adam. We'd been together for almost a year and were each other's firsts in everything but actual sex.
"Do you miss him?"
I shrug, my eyes briefly flickering to his. "I guess... sorta. Maybe not so much him, but..."
Oh God... kill me now...
He nudges me.
I glance up through my lashes.
He grins. "Tit for tat."
"Jesus..." I mutter.
Clearing my throat, I tell him about the one boyfriend I had at my old school – Adam. We'd been together for almost a year and were each other's firsts in everything but actual sex.
"Do you miss him?"
I shrug, my eyes briefly flickering to his. "I guess... sorta. Maybe not so much him, but..."
Monday, December 20, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Active
"He's sort of the reason I volunteer, too. I mean, it hasn't been easy for me, but it was a hell of a lot harder for him… you know?"
Jasper nods and meets my eye, smiling at me. "That's really cool. I've never been down there."
"You should," I say simply.
"I think I will."
Jasper's hand brushes against mine in the grass, and he leaves it there. I can't tell if he's aware of it or not, but it's ridiculous how focused I am on the contact.
"You didn't say anything about your ahh… experience," Jasper accuses, grinning impishly.
Jasper nods and meets my eye, smiling at me. "That's really cool. I've never been down there."
"You should," I say simply.
"I think I will."
Jasper's hand brushes against mine in the grass, and he leaves it there. I can't tell if he's aware of it or not, but it's ridiculous how focused I am on the contact.
"You didn't say anything about your ahh… experience," Jasper accuses, grinning impishly.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Compare
We sit in silence for a while before he asks, "How about you?"
"Hm? Oh!" I blush, tugging at the hem of my shorts again.
Glancing at him, I shrug.
"I've kinda always known, ya know? Never hooked up with girls or anything. My uncle's gay, so I had him as example - knew my family was okay with homosexuality and shit."
He nods.
"I was still scared to come out, but I think it helped a lot to know they'd be okay with me. Garrett's the only son, just like me...and he was accepted, so why shouldn't I be?"
"Hm? Oh!" I blush, tugging at the hem of my shorts again.
Glancing at him, I shrug.
"I've kinda always known, ya know? Never hooked up with girls or anything. My uncle's gay, so I had him as example - knew my family was okay with homosexuality and shit."
He nods.
"I was still scared to come out, but I think it helped a lot to know they'd be okay with me. Garrett's the only son, just like me...and he was accepted, so why shouldn't I be?"
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Believe
He looks away. I watch red rise up his neck, covering his cheeks, and I wonder if he's going to answer.
"When I first came out…" he says gruffly, running his fingers through his hair. During the long pause that follows, I hear squeals from the pool, reminding me we're far from alone. "I was… ahh… well, let's just say I experimented. A lot. Kind of… quickly."
"Oh." I try to think of something to say but fail completely.
"I don't want that anymore," he continues, turning to watch me. "I want to be smart. Find someone I care about."
"When I first came out…" he says gruffly, running his fingers through his hair. During the long pause that follows, I hear squeals from the pool, reminding me we're far from alone. "I was… ahh… well, let's just say I experimented. A lot. Kind of… quickly."
"Oh." I try to think of something to say but fail completely.
"I don't want that anymore," he continues, turning to watch me. "I want to be smart. Find someone I care about."
Friday, December 17, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Symbol
He twists, showing his left arm. "As reminders. This one means 'honor'."
Shifting back, he flexes his right arm. "That one, 'freedom'."
My gaze is fixed on the two symbols.
When he speaks again, I raise my eyes to his. "It's a reminder to be true to myself, that I have the privilege, the right, and the responsibility to be who I really am."
I'm transfixed by his words and the sincerity so clear in his eyes.
He watches me for a moment, then puts his hand over his heart. "I'm getting one here, next: 'wisdom'."
Curious, I ask, "Why?"
Shifting back, he flexes his right arm. "That one, 'freedom'."
My gaze is fixed on the two symbols.
When he speaks again, I raise my eyes to his. "It's a reminder to be true to myself, that I have the privilege, the right, and the responsibility to be who I really am."
I'm transfixed by his words and the sincerity so clear in his eyes.
He watches me for a moment, then puts his hand over his heart. "I'm getting one here, next: 'wisdom'."
Curious, I ask, "Why?"
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Ink
"Can I ask you something?"
He looks at me pointedly, and I give a half-smile at my ridiculous question. I reach toward the tattoo on his shoulder but lose my nerve, letting my hand drop onto the ground. I swallow before asking, "How… I mean, you're not eighteen, right?"
He nods, returning his gaze to the pool. "Mom and Dad signed the release. They made me watch all these videos about people that hated their tattoos and do some research on how expensive tattoo removal is, but when I saved up enough, they said okay."
"Cool." I nodded. "But… why?"
He looks at me pointedly, and I give a half-smile at my ridiculous question. I reach toward the tattoo on his shoulder but lose my nerve, letting my hand drop onto the ground. I swallow before asking, "How… I mean, you're not eighteen, right?"
He nods, returning his gaze to the pool. "Mom and Dad signed the release. They made me watch all these videos about people that hated their tattoos and do some research on how expensive tattoo removal is, but when I saved up enough, they said okay."
"Cool." I nodded. "But… why?"
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - History
At my quirked brow, he shrugs, running his fingers through his hair again.
Sighing, he says, "I tried, ya know? To be like everyone else - 'normal'." The last is accompanied with a huff, a roll of his eyes, and air quotes.
"It took trying to go past first base with Jess for me to finally admit girls just didn't do it for me, so I broke things off with her."
I sit, enthralled by his voice - his story, so different from mine.
He grimaces. "She couldn't believe it when I came out. Kept badgering me, asking what she did wrong..."
Sighing, he says, "I tried, ya know? To be like everyone else - 'normal'." The last is accompanied with a huff, a roll of his eyes, and air quotes.
"It took trying to go past first base with Jess for me to finally admit girls just didn't do it for me, so I broke things off with her."
I sit, enthralled by his voice - his story, so different from mine.
He grimaces. "She couldn't believe it when I came out. Kept badgering me, asking what she did wrong..."
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Common
Everything is quiet for just a little too long. I can't look at him, so I find myself staring at the dark blue band on my swimming trunks.
"Are you…?" At the sound of his voice, I glance over. He cuts off, swallowing, and smiles. "I mean, I thought… with the way you beat off Lauren Mallory with a stick, I thought you might be…"
"Yeah," I say simply, challenging. "I am."
"I am, too," he says quietly.
"I know. I saw you with some guy at the movies," I explain. "And Jessica's pretty… vocal."
"She was my last girlfriend."
Monday, December 13, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Out
Thoughts of Jasper in track clothes have me squirming uncomfortably.
Almost as if he knows the images my mind's conjuring, he distracts me by asking what else I do with my time. I don't know whether to be grateful or annoyed.
I bite my lip, tugging at the hem of my shorts again. "I volunteer once a week, too..." I pause, glancing briefly at him. I blush. "At the Gay Straight Alliance office downtown."
Though I've never made it a secret I'm gay – at least, not since I came out last year – I'm nervous. I don't know if he knew...
Almost as if he knows the images my mind's conjuring, he distracts me by asking what else I do with my time. I don't know whether to be grateful or annoyed.
I bite my lip, tugging at the hem of my shorts again. "I volunteer once a week, too..." I pause, glancing briefly at him. I blush. "At the Gay Straight Alliance office downtown."
Though I've never made it a secret I'm gay – at least, not since I came out last year – I'm nervous. I don't know if he knew...
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Extracurricular
"So what do you after school? I never see you around…"
"Oh," I say, for lack of anything better. "Mostly I just hang out, I guess. Play video games." I shrug. "I'm going out for track in the spring."
"I didn't know you were a runner," he says, turning to look at me with a grin as he leans back on his elbows. "What event?"
"I did several at my old school, but my favorite is the 400."
"Reeeally…" Jasper draws out the syllable, lifting his chin as he narrows his eyes. "Looks like I have some competition this year."
"Oh," I say, for lack of anything better. "Mostly I just hang out, I guess. Play video games." I shrug. "I'm going out for track in the spring."
"I didn't know you were a runner," he says, turning to look at me with a grin as he leans back on his elbows. "What event?"
"I did several at my old school, but my favorite is the 400."
"Reeeally…" Jasper draws out the syllable, lifting his chin as he narrows his eyes. "Looks like I have some competition this year."
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Beyond the Gaze of a Boy - Conversation
He runs his fingers through his hair, ruffling it lightly - sending drops of water everywhere.
His grin widens. "We almost had them."
I blush, lowering my gaze to the grass. "Yeah, we made a pretty good team."
The silence stretches uncomfortably for too many seconds.
He clears his throat, then asks how school's going. We're a year apart, so we don't have classes together. When I tell him who my teachers are for English and Spanish, he throws his head back, laughing. "Goff's a piece of work, huh? And Berty!"
I grin in agreement, listening intently to his every word.
His grin widens. "We almost had them."
I blush, lowering my gaze to the grass. "Yeah, we made a pretty good team."
The silence stretches uncomfortably for too many seconds.
He clears his throat, then asks how school's going. We're a year apart, so we don't have classes together. When I tell him who my teachers are for English and Spanish, he throws his head back, laughing. "Goff's a piece of work, huh? And Berty!"
I grin in agreement, listening intently to his every word.
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