Be Careful What You Wish For Chapter 9 - Roll the Bones

EPOV

I pulled into Jasper's driveway just in time to see the front door open. His mom stepped out and half-turned, sticking her head back in the doorway to say something I couldn't hear. She rested her hand on the door frame for a moment, and then she nodded and turned around again, lifting the same hand to wave at me with a smile.

I smiled and waved in response, shutting off the engine and hopping out of my car. She came down the front steps carrying a basket, which I took from her as soon as I reached her. Being nice to the parents never hurt, and Jasper's parents had always been good to me, anyway.

"Just in time," Hannah said, flashing me a smile as she kissed my cheek, patting the other one before she turned around and headed back into the house.

I was leaning into the SUV, putting the basket in the backseat, when something hit the back of my leg, making my knee buckle. "Fuck!" I muttered, straightening up to find Jasper grinning at me.

He was holding a garment bag in one hand and a suitcase in the other. "Out of the way, fucker…this shit's heavy."

I raised an eyebrow at him, flipping him off as I slowly stepped to the side. He muttered something under his breath and stepped up to the car, dropping the suitcase in the floorboard before hanging up the garment bag.

"You know it's true," he said finally. "My mom packs like she's never coming home again."

"They're only gone for the weekend, right?"

"Yup," Jasper said and then pushed away, heading back to the porch when he saw his dad step out with more bags. Our fathers worked together – some sort of higher-ups for the bank, though I couldn't tell you what the fuck either one of them did. Our mothers were both stay-at-home moms who – thank fucking god – did a lot of volunteer work that kept them out of the house. On top of that, Jasper's mom was a writer, so she spent a lot of time locked in her home office typing away.

She specialized in those trashy romance novels that she could turn out in no time. Out of curiosity, I'd picked one up at their house once in middle school and flipped through it. Knowing Jasper's mom wrote about throbbing, turgid lengths and slick folds had been way too much information for my adolescent brain, and I'd been torn between sporting a raging hard-on and wanting to laugh in her face all summer.

I'd done both.

Jasper's parents were heading out of town for the weekend to go to some convention at which Hannah Hale was to be a prominent feature. For Jasper's mom, it meant a weekend in the limelight…which, for Jasper's dad, meant a weekend filled with bouts of boredom and mind-blowing sex. I kind of wished I didn't know that last part, but he had the unfortunate habit of talking to my dad about way too much personal information, and he never could seem to remember when I was in the house.

For us, it meant a weekend of unsupervised fun.

Sort of.

Rosalie was coming home from college, theoretically to "watch" us. She rarely had much to do with us, though – I think a lot of that had to do with Emmett's uncontrollable drooling whenever she was around making her uncomfortable.

"Hey, jackass." I took a step to the side to keep my balance after Jasper punched me on the shoulder. "What the fuck are you thinking about?"

He was grinning at me with that goddamn mischievous look in his eyes that meant he was about to give me a hard time. I beat him to it. "Your mom and throbbing cocks."

I took off running before I could see the realization on his face. "Asshole!" he called out as I heard his feet pounding the pavement behind me. I swerved to the right, leading him into the backyard, and then I hit the ground fucking hard when he slammed into my back. He pinned me down, punching my ribs as his elbow dug into my shoulder blades, and I was laughing breathlessly when he finally pushed my face into the grass and stood up, muttering, "Dick."

I rolled over onto my back and squinted up at him. He was standing with his hands in fists at his side, and I couldn't tell in the glare from the sunlight – bright, for once – if he was really pissed or not. I took a chance. "Hey, at least I wasn't thinking about your dad's throbbing cock."

There was silence.

Then, "You're one sick bastard. You know that, right?" He held his hand out to me, and I took it, pulling myself up.

"So they tell me."

He rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath, but I could tell from the way he carried himself – shoulders loose, arms swinging – that he wasn't really mad. I said, "Sorry, man, couldn't resist…"

He chuckled finally and shook his head. "I just can't believe she writes that shit. Swear to god, I'm scarred for life."

I grinned and then laughed outright. Jasper would have a lot to tell his therapist someday. In fifth grade, he'd once picked up a file folder that he thought had his paper in it. He had to stand up in front of the class to present his report, only to find himself reading about breathless panting and quivering thighs. Thankfully, he'd realized the mistake before he actually read any of that out loud. Of course, the three of us – me, Jasper, and Emmett – had hovered around it over lunch, our eyes fucking popping while we read it over each others' shoulders.

We walked around to the front of the house again as Jasper's dad, Gary, put in the last of the suitcases. We spent a few minutes making nice and saying good bye. Before they left, Jasper's mom hugged me and kissed my cheek again, saying, "Tell Lizzie I'll call her when we get back about lunch on Monday, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," I answered, and she pressed her lips into a thin line. Her eyes were shimmering the way they always did when she looked at me these days. I could see the way she felt for me and worried about me, and I hated it. I wanted things to just go back to normal. I didn't want to be the subject of pity or worry or fear or hate or anything else.

When would I get to be just Edward again?

I kept it all inside, though, shoving the emo away. I was here to have fun with the few people who still treated me like a normal human being.

I heard the rumble of Gary's voice as he gave Jasper some last minute instructions before hugging him. He shook my hand and pulled me closer, patting me on the back, and soon, they were pulling away. We stood in the driveway, waving at them until they'd backed out. Then Jasper clapped me on the back and said, "Come on…we've got a couple of hours before everyone else gets here."

We went inside and began putting away the more valuable, fragile stuff sitting around. We really were having just a few people over, but we'd learned the hard way that Emmett alone was enough to fucking trash a room. In the middle of our Emmett-proofing the dining room, Rosalie arrived. She wandered in, took one look around, and said, "Having a party while the parents are out of town? How very teen movie of you."

"Fuck off, Rosie," Jasper said, but he grinned and walked over to hug her. She made a face and pushed him away, grumbling about touching her while he was sweating. They'd been the same since I met them – despite their outwardly antagonistic relationship, they were actually very close.

She didn't respond to him, asking instead, "So I guess I missed Mom and Dad?"

"Yeah, by about half an hour," Jasper said. "Hey, we're gonna order some pizza. Want some?"

"Sure, sounds good…I'm freaking starving." Rosalie brushed hair back from her face, smoothing it into her ponytail even though I couldn't see anything out of place. Her nails were done, of course, and she was dressed meticulously. She and I didn't get along very well because I thought she cared about all the wrong things – and gave her hell about it – but she was alright.

"It's not a party," Jasper answered. "Just a few people coming over. You know most of them."

"Most?" Rose caught the opportune word and arched a manicured eyebrow. "Who?"

"Emmett, Ben, Angela…and Bella." I listened to the way Jasper said Bella's name, trying to pick up any hint of how he felt. There was nothing – so far, at least.

Rosalie latched on to the new name and asked about her. I paid attention without seeming to, leaning against the wall and picking at my thumbnail like I was bored. Jasper filled her in on the basics – Charlie Swan's daughter, moved from Phoenix, fucking hot – and I realized as he talked that he was definitely interested. Not necessarily interested interested, but there was a hint of something in his voice.

I wondered if maybe it was just because she was new. I had to admit that that particular fact was pretty appealing. We'd gone to school with nearly every girl we knew since kindergarten, which didn't leave a lot to the imagination.

Just as Jasper was winding down, there was a knock at the door, followed immediately by it opening. Emmett came wandering in, his eyes lighting up when he saw Rosalie standing there with us. Before he could even say anything, she said, "Hello, Emmett," and then, "I'm going to go change," to Jasper. "Do you mind grabbing my bag?"

"Here, I got it," Emmett said without missing a beat, but Jasper shouldered him out of the way, muttering, "I don't fucking think so," under his breath.

Rosalie pretended not to notice the two of them struggling over her duffel bag as she turned and headed into the hallway to go upstairs. Emmett hissed, "What's your problem?"

With a final tug, Jasper yanked the bag out of Emmett's hand and reached up to brush his hair out of his eyes. "You think I'm letting you go anywhere near Rosie's room? It took me for-fucking-ever to convince her that the underwear you stole – fucking disgusting, by the way – must've gotten lost in the dryer. You're keeping your nasty ass down here."

I couldn't help laughing at the look on Emmett's face – part indignation, part mischief. He absolutely would've stolen another pair if he thought he could get away with it. Luckily for him, Jasper turned away without seeing Emmett's expression, and as soon as he disappeared into the hallway, I distracted Em by saying, "Hey, what kind of pizza do you want?"

We settled on five larges with a variety of toppings, and I called the order in before sticking my contribution to the pizza fund on the counter. I made sure Emmett paid up, and then Jasper joined us as we parked ourselves in front of the Wii to play some Mario Kart while we waited for the others.

Ben and Angela showed up together not too long after, but the pizza arrived before Bella did. I felt a little antsy, though I didn't know why. I was sure she was coming – she had to want to get out of that house for a little while – and I guess I just wanted her to hurry the hell up already so we could…well, hang out. Exactly like we were right now.

I frowned.

It was becoming more and more obvious to me as I picked at my pizza, my appetite lacking, that I was too interested in Bella. What I wasn't sure of – yet, anyway – was what to do about it.

She needs a friend, asswipe.

I half-nodded and then caught myself, glancing around to see that no one had noticed. We were all piled in the living room, where half-eaten pieces of pizza were on plates scattered around the room while Angela, Emmett, and Jasper were racing. I was watching them while Ben read his comic book, so when the doorbell rang, I had the perfect excuse to go answer it.

My jeans had been sliding down my hips, so I hitched them up as I walked, pulling my bare feet free from the frayed hems – it would be really fucking uncool to trip on my way to the door. When I pulled it open, Bella was standing there, biting her bottom lip as she peered up at the gray sky.

"So, does it ever fucking stop raining in this town?" she said by way of greeting.

My lips turned up in a wry grin. "'Course it does. Otherwise, we'd drown in that truck bed of yours."

She smiled at me kind of shyly, and I kept my hands at my sides to keep myself from reaching out to brush her hair from her forehead. We stood watching each other for a second, and then she lifted an eyebrow expectantly and said, "So, did you invite me over to stand out on the porch all night, or can I, ya know, come in?"

I laughed and braced my elbow against the door frame, leaning down so that my lips were close to her ear. "What if I just wanted to see if I could get you to come?"

I heard the innuendo in my voice and quite honestly didn't know if I would take it back if I could. I watched as she shivered…and then I saw her lower lip tremble as I straightened back up and realized what I was doing.

What the fuck was it about her that made it so hard for me to control myself?

I took a step back and waved her inside, closing the door behind us as I told her where to find the others. "I'm gonna get something to drink…want anything?" I asked her.

She said, "Sure," and flashed me a smile, any uncertainty or excitement or whatever the hell else had been in her eyes fading as she went into the living room. I heard everyone else greeting her, but I took a few minutes to go into the kitchen and try to get my thoughts – and the growing problem in my pants – under control.

Okay, so you're definitely attracted to her. So what?

So what.

I exhaled slowly as I leaned into the refrigerator, taking a little too long to search for the drinks that were right in front of my fucking face. It wasn't like I was new to the whole idea of not acting on my impulses. I'd learned the hard way how those could fuck up your life. I definitely still had problems with my control, though, and it seemed like Isabella Swan was going to be one of those problems.

Don't fuck it up, Masen. Remember Carlisle.

The thought of my mentor's serene blue eyes – eyes that I knew would be understanding and compassionate even if I went into his office tomorrow and said, "Hey, by the way, I fucked your stepdaughter" – was enough to cool the desire I felt far better than anything else could have. I had no doubt that Carlisle would be disappointed and hurt, and I quite literally couldn't stomach the thought of hurting him.

When the fuck did that happen?

I'd always been the type to weigh my options, decide if the crime was worth the punishment, and I'd hurt my own mother from time to time with my actions. But, somehow, Carlisle was different.

Realizing I'd been standing for a really long time, staring into the refrigerator as if it had the answers to life's greatest mysteries, I snorted at myself and grabbed a couple of sodas, closing the door before I went back into the living room. Bella was already settled in – right in between Emmett and Jasper – with a plate in her lap and pizza sauce on her chin.

I watched as Jasper laughed and reached over, wiping it away with his thumb. Blushing, Bella reached for a napkin and wiped her chin herself, and I fought the urge to punch Jasper in his smirking face. Since that was hardly a real option, I stepped closer and handed her the can before settling in the armchair in the corner so I could watch the action for a bit.

Rosalie came downstairs and fixed a plate, for once staying in the room as she hung out and talked to us – well, to Bella, really – for a bit. I couldn't get a read on what she thought. She asked questions and listened to the answers like she was interested, but the look on her face was bored.

Of course, with Rosalie, how could you tell?

She probably had that same expression during sex…and probably told the guy exactly what he was doing wrong.

No, thanks.

After about half an hour, Rosalie headed back upstairs, claiming she had a paper to work on. As soon as she'd gone, Emmett went out to his truck and returned with a cooler of beer. His older brother David always bought it for him, and while Rosalie had never turned us in, we also didn't flaunt it in front of her. Usually.

He passed the cans around, and I watched from the corner of my eye as Bella popped the top on hers and took a long pull. There was no hesitation, letting me know she wasn't new to it, but she made a slight face as she lowered her can. Apparently she didn't like it quite as much as the chief did.

As the night wore on, we hung out, got to know each other a little better, and…got a little trashed. No one was to the point of passing out, but we were clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol when Emmett started complaining that it was too hot. His face was bright red, and his hairline was shining with the sweat that he kept wiping away before it rolled onto his cheeks.

It was fucking November. In Forks. But we trotted our happy asses out into the backyard, being careful to stay out of the light of Rosalie's window. Just because she hadn't narc'd on us yet didn't mean she wouldn't…and sometimes, she was bitch enough to do it just to do it.

Emmett immediately breathed a sigh of relief, so we all sprawled around on the back porch. Angela sat in the swing, and Bella went to sit beside her. They were talking again, this time about The Awakening, which I had yet to crack open.

I leaned against the porch railing, half-listening to them as I talked to Ben about the upcoming Avengers movies. He was completely excited, and his babbling allowed me to pay more attention to what was going on around me than to him. I caught Bella shivering and rubbing her upper arms despite the fleece jacket she was wearing, but what I missed was Jasper disappearing inside.

He reappeared a few minutes later and held out his leather jacket to Bella. I could see her blush even in the faint light from the house windows, and she smiled up at him as she stuck her arms through the sleeves with the jacket on backwards. Jasper leaned against the house near her, and I heard him say something, his voice a low murmur that kept me from making out the words.

It became obvious, though, when he grinned at her and said, "Cool." He reached into his pocket, pulling something out, and I saw the flare of a lighter as he lifted it to his lips. I grinned, pushing away from the railing as I went to stand near him.

The sweet, soothing fragrance tickled my nose, making me rub it as I waited for Jasper to pass the joint. It went to Bella first, and she inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as Jasper lit a second and passed it my way. Obviously, Ms. Swan wasn't new to this either.

I felt the burn of the smoke as it filled my mouth and filtered into my lungs, leaving my chest feeling tight. Emmett's fist bumped my shoulder, and I held it out to him automatically, my eyes still closed as I let Jasper's special blend work its magic.

I opened my eyes finally, exhaling in a cloud of smoke that cleared to reveal Bella's eyes trained on me. She licked her lips slowly, and it was as if her brown eyes – so ordinary, really – were sucking me in…as if they were some black hole that wouldn't let go until Ben reached out his hand, putting the small white roll in hers.

It was fucking weird, but I…liked it.

The longer we smoked, the lower we found ourselves on the porch until we were finally all sitting against the house with our legs sprawled out in front of us – all except Jasper, who was sitting on the railing, his feet hooked behind the spindles as he leaned back as far as he could to look at the stars. It had stopped raining, but clouds still covered the sky, so he wasn't seeing a hell of a lot. He was fucking determined, though.

I was sitting just to the left of the back door, while everyone else was to the right of it. Bella settled in beside me, lowering her head to my shoulder as naturally as if she did it every day. At some point, she'd put Jasper's jacket on, and she stretched her arm across my waist, her fingertips slipping under the edge of my shirt to idly caress the skin at the top of my hip.

I was instantly more alert.

"So soft," she murmured quietly. I could hear the others around us talking, everyone falling into random conversations that stopped and started with no rhyme or reason.

"What…" I started to ask, but Rosalie picked that moment to open the back door and poke her head out.

"How did I know?" she said. She shook her head, looking around at all of us. Jasper didn't even bother looking up. He was still leaned back so far that I thought he might fall, but it didn't seem to worry him. Rosalie's eyes fell on Emmett, who was lying flat on his back with both hands behind his head. She had his undivided attention – he craned his neck to get a good look at her – but she still barked, "McCarty!"

He pushed himself up to his elbows and said, "What is it, Rosie?"

I thought I saw her lips twitch at the nickname, but her voice was stern when she said, "If you're ever going to have a chance, you have to stop acting like a fucking teenager." With that, she turned on her heel and went back inside, slamming the door.

Everything was silent for a moment.

Then… "Oh, hell yes," Emmett said, pumping his fist in the air and sitting up against the railing. "Did you hear that shit?"

"Oh, hey, I see one," Jasper said, his voice far away.

He'd clearly missed the whole exchange – or didn't care at the moment – but I laughed at Emmett. "Seriously, man, she just called you a child."

He frowned at me and shook his head, arguing right away. I really didn't feel like focusing on him, though, because Bella sighed and leaned into me, so I shifted and put my arm around her shoulders, conceding defeat to Emmett. Without any opposition, he eventually grew quiet and rested his back against the post in the corner, staring up at Rosalie's window. I caught him muttering something under his breath off and on – it sounded like he was debating going up to her room.

I would pay to see that.

I really didn't think Rosalie had any intention of giving Emmett a chance – especially not while he was still in high school – and I would've been willing to bet that he'd get himself slapped if he went upstairs. Luckily, he seemed a little too wasted to make up his mind.

The night grew quiet after that. Jasper climbed down from the railing and went out into the yard, lying flat on his back as he looked up at the stars. The sky had cleared a bit, so a few were visible, giving enough light for me to have a clear view of Angela and Ben making out on the other side of the doorway. Ang had shifted to her knees and was straddling Ben's lap while his hands were all over her back and thighs.

I chuckled, glancing away. I didn't need to see the show again; I'd seen it often enough, and it wasn't like I'd be getting any help if I got myself all riled up.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, and then Bella sat up and pushed herself to her feet. "I want to see the stars," she said, her words a little slurred.

I stood up with her. "It's wet out there." We both glanced to where Jasper was sprawled out, and I looked back at her with a smirk. "Trust me. He just doesn't notice it yet."

"I want to see them," she said, her quiet voice insistent. Something in her eyes worried me. She looked…lost. Like she needed this.

"Alright," I answered just as quietly. "Let me get a blanket, yeah?"

She nodded, and I stood for a moment longer to make sure she was going to stay put before I went inside. The linen closet downstairs was always packed with sports equipment, but Jasper's mom kept a few old quilts in the top. We used them for watching fireworks on the Fourth of July and that sort of thing. I grabbed two, hoping the thickness would help keep the damp grass away from our clothes. I didn't know what was going on with Bella, but getting sick wouldn't help, I was sure.

She was still standing where I left her, one arm wrapped around her waist as she bit the thumbnail of her other hand. Her eyes darted to Ben and Angie and then away again, finding Emmett where he'd passed out against the railing. He was snoring lightly, and I knew he'd stay there until morning if we didn't wake him up and make him go back inside.

"Come on," I murmured as I walked by her. I sensed her falling into step behind me. I led her around to the side of the house, away from the light of Rosalie's window. If she wanted to watch the stars, I was going to do my best to make sure she could. The skies over Phoenix had to be a hell of a lot clearer than Forks.

I spread out both blankets, and before I'd even straightened fully, Bella was stretched out on her back. I moved more slowly, lying down beside her on my back. I put both my hands behind my head, taking a few minutes to just…breathe.

Those moments were rare for me.

And that particular one didn't last very long as Bella shifted, drawing my attention right back to the girl beside me. She made a little noise that made me smile, and I turned my head to look at her.

She was staring at the sky, a look of enchantment on her face. Her lips were parted into a tiny smile; she seemed at peace for the first time since I'd met her. My eyes traced the lines and curves of her face, allowing myself to really study her, really take her in. I felt an inexplicable urge to reach out and brush back the wisps of hair that had to be tickling her ear.

And that was when I knew I better turn the fuck around.

I shifted my eyes back to the sky, but I didn't really see the stars. My mind was in overdrive, worry and attraction and whatever the hell else all mixed together in one what-the-fuck-do-I-do moment.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I heard Bella mutter something under her breath. I turned to her again, whispering, "Hmm?"

"How can everything be so fucked up?" she answered quietly, but she seemed to be talking to herself. Her eyes scanned the sky, moving slowly back and forth as she talked. "I used to make Dad do this, you know? Even if it'd been raining all day like usual, he'd gather up every blanket he could find and put down goddamn trash bags so I wouldn't get wet, and we'd just lay there and not talk, but that was alright because at least we were hanging out together." A smile flitted across her face and then disappeared, replaced by a frown so quickly that I wasn't sure I'd really seen it.

"And now I…" she paused, shaking her head and taking a breath. "Now I have to fucking wonder if it was goddamn Carlisle's blanket…"

She grew quiet. I took it for as long as I could, and then I shifted my weight, lying on my side so I could look at her. She didn't look at me, and I took the obvious distance between us to be a warning to keep my mouth shut.

So I did…for now.

I had a million questions – what, exactly, it was that she didn't like about Carlisle. What she thought about his relationship with Charlie. What was going on at home. What she thought of Jasper. What she thought of me.

But I could tell from the slightly vacant look in her eyes that she wasn't exactly in a state for deep conversation. So, somehow, I bit my tongue, and we spent a little while longer looking at the stars before I started shivering. Bella acted like she was fine, but I knew her body had to be cold, even if she wasn't registering it.

I made her get up and go inside, though she grumbled all the way. She woke up Emmett while I went to retrieve Jasper. His back was fucking soaked, and he was freezing, so he went inside without complaint. Angela and Ben surprised us by coming with us, and soon we were all settled around the Wii again with coffee in hand.

Bella had made it, so it was drinkable for once, if a little weak. Jasper disappeared upstairs to change, and we heard his voice arguing with Rosalie before he reappeared again. We were all tired and winding down; we spent about another hour sobering up and playing games before Bella stood and said she had to go.

I was a little disappointed that we hadn't been able to talk more, especially with all the questions that were now on my mind, but she at least seemed more relaxed and happy than she had since I met her. After she said goodbye to everyone, I walked her to her truck, noticing the tightness around her eyes when she joked, "Pray they're not going at it on the couch when I get home?"

I frowned at her. I couldn't imagine Carlisle doing anything like that. I kept the tone light, though, joking back, "Has that been a problem?"

She wrinkled her nose, shuddering a little, though I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or not. "Not exactly. But they were…cozy…when I got home earlier."

She bit the corner of her bottom lip and looked up at me, her eyes filled with hurt. I couldn't begin to piece everything together – not with my slightly inebriated state – but I tried to hold onto the look and the terrible joke as I hoped that we'd have a chance to talk about whatever was going on at home for her soon. I felt like there was something there, something important, but I just couldn't grasp it.

She wrapped her arms around my waist, holding me close as she pressed her cheek against my chest. "You have no idea how glad I am I met you," she murmured.

I was frozen for a moment, my hands hovering at her back before I caught her up in my arms, hugging her tightly. My chin rested on the top of her head, and I was struck with how fragile she felt. I knew better than to say that shit, though. I'd end up with another bruise on my ribs.

Our goodbyes were quiet. The carefree feeling from earlier in the evening had evaporated completely, leaving behind this weird melancholy funk that seemed to be around Bella a lot. I watched helplessly as she drove away, wishing I had told her to text me or…something…when she got home. As I thought about it, though, I realized that I'd never seen her with a cell phone.

Fucking weird…

I made a mental note to get her number as I walked back inside. Everyone was still sprawled around the living room, so I plopped down next to Emmett on the couch and spent the next two hours racing with everyone and kicking some ass at boxing. Angela and Ben disappeared a little before 2:00, and it wasn't long after that that the three of us decided to call it a night.

Emmett and I didn't feel like driving, so we borrowed some of Jasper's pajama pants and then passed the fuck out on the couches downstairs. Jasper had been unusually quiet all night, but I really didn't care to think too much about him right now.

Bella was the one I couldn't get out of my mind as I listened to Emmett's goddamn chainsaw snoring from the couch while I was crammed into the loveseat. He always claimed that he was bigger, so he needed the room, but my being skinnier didn't exactly matter when my feet hung a good two feet off the end.

I don't know how long I laid there, trying my damndest to forget about her, but Bella's eyes were still swimming in the darkness in front of mine when I finally fell asleep.

I woke up to Emmett's massive ass landing on my abdomen as he sat down on me hard. His meaty paw reached out, ruffling my hair as he said, "Wake the fuck up!"

"Oof." I grunted, any other protest silenced by the fucker bouncing and knocking the wind out of me.

"You're such an ass, Em," Jasper grumbled. His voice broke off into a yawn, and then Emmett's weight mercifully lifted from my chest as he tackled Jasper.

The two of them wrestled, punching and kicking while I sat up slowly and blinked, trying to do what Emmett said and wake the fuck up. When I felt a little more steady, I stood up and walked into the kitchen, kicking one of them along the way.

I chuckled at the muffled, "Hey!" I heard, and they stopped acting like idiots and got up to follow me. We ate cereal in relative silence with only random questions and comments answered by grunts.

I glanced at the clock on the microwave and sighed when I saw it was close to 9:00. "I better go."

Jasper frowned at me, looking up with milk dribbling over his chin. I laughed at him, and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Already?"

I nodded. "Yup, building some character with Dad today." Jasper grimaced and nodded. Ever since my incident, my dad had decided that he didn't spend enough time with me, so I was subjected to regular family time, which usually involved a hell of a lot of back-breaking work. "Then I've gotta meet Carlisle this afternoon."

Jasper perked up at that. "What are you gonna say?" He lifted his bowl to his lips, draining the milk while I thought.

What the hell am I going to say?

After the initial meetings, Carlisle and I had never had any sort of friction between us. I was open and honest with him, like he always told me to be, and he gave it to me straight, too. But now with Bella…

I shrugged. "Same shit I always do, I guess. Yes, I'm still bi. Yes, people still stare. No, I don't give a shit."

Jasper gave me a wry smile and nodded. He looked at me a little longer than normal, and I knew his mind had gone to the same place – Bella.

I felt a flare of annoyance. Jasper and I fought sometimes, of course, but this weirdness was…well, fucking weird. We'd never been interested in the same girl before, and I honestly didn't know what to do about it.

And it was too damn early in the morning to try to figure it out.

Emmett had sat quietly the whole time, eating his way through his third bowl of cereal with a little too much concentration. I clenched my jaw. These two had been the only sanity I'd had for the past year-and-a-half. I didn't want things to be strained between us.

I walked around the counter, running water in my bowl before I dropped it and my spoon into the dishwasher. Then I went back over to where they were sitting, giving each of them the guy-hug. We talked for a couple of minutes more, and then I was on my way out the door, feeling a little unsettled.

When I pulled up at home, my dad was already in the front yard with a rake in hand. There was another propped against the nearest tree, so I had no doubts about what I was supposed to do. I waved to him as I parked and went inside. He waved back with a smile.

At least it doesn't look like he'll be giving me the third degree today.

My mom was nowhere to be seen, so I went straight to my bathroom. One of the benefits of being an only child was definitely the privacy. I took a shower, even though I was about to be outside raking leaves – it was the only way to get rid of the paranoid feeling I'd have otherwise, wondering if Dad could smell the pot in my hair. I stuffed my dirty clothes in my hamper; times like these were the only ones that made me thankful that my mom had insisted I start doing my own laundry when I was fourteen.

Once I was dry, I dressed in sweat pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt, shoving a baseball cap over my damp, messy hair. I spent the morning outside, sweating despite the cold temperature. Dad and I made very little small talk, but he did ask me about school. He was mostly concerned with my grades and with whether or not I was going to try out for track again.

I shook my head, running my forearm across my forehead to catch the sweat beading there. A major point of contention between me and my dad was that he wanted me to just pretend nothing had happened when I knew the reality – I couldn't, not even if I'd wanted to because everyone else sure as shit remembered.

He asked about Jasper and Emmett, too, and then asked if Angela was still dating Ben. He fervently hoped that Angie and I would get together, and that just would never happen. I loved her dearly, but she really was like a sister to me. Besides, with the way she was always grinding on Ben, I figured she must like her guys a little nerdier than I was.

I knew what it really came down to as far as my dad was concerned anyway – Angela was the only girl I ever spent any time with and, therefore, his best hope at me ending up with a girl. My parents were both outwardly supportive, but I saw the confusion in their eyes. They didn't get it. And I, of course, didn't get how they didn't get it, so there was always this distance between us – which was typically a topic of conversation with Carlisle.

But we were all trying, and I had to admit that it was getting better. They at least didn't treat me like a pariah or some science experiment – anymore – so I did my best to stay out of trouble.

After enduring several hours of yard work and a somewhat uncomfortable lunch with both my parents, I showered again and headed to the hospital for my weekly session with Carlisle. In the beginning, we'd met three times a week, but the requirement had been gradually reduced to once. Not that I minded…in fact, sometimes we still met up after school for a little bit of ice cream and light "therapy."

On the drive across town, I let Jimi Hendrix blast through my speakers. It relaxed me, putting a smile on my face as I pulled into the parking lot, singing, "'Scuse me while I kiss the sky."

I pocketed my keys, humming as I walked through the doors of the hospital and headed straight for Carlisle's office. I grinned at Bree as she flipped me off and winked at me, her signal for me to go on in. She'd been such a tight ass on my first few visits, but it had only taken a few…irreverent comments to get her to loosen up. I knocked and went through the door into Carlisle's office, and all it took was one look at his tired face to bring me back down to earth.

Fuck.

I remembered at once that I had no idea what to say to him this time – no clue how far was too far. It was…fucking weird, this feeling of having to keep things from him. It was kind of ironic, too, that it was because he'd asked me to befriend Bella, and now I felt like I couldn't betray her trust. I liked her too damn much.

Which, of course, brought me back to the other problem of talking to Carlisle right now.

He gave me a sleepy smile that was interrupted by a yawn as he pushed up out of his desk chair and went to his refrigerator.

"Jesus, Doc…you alright?" The concern in my voice was genuine. His bloodshot eyes were worse than I'd ever seen them – and I'd seen him worn the fuck out after pulling doubles at the hospital all weekend.

He nodded, yawning again as he pulled out two cartons of ice cream and handed me one. I smiled, thanking him for the Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. He said, "Of course," and grabbed two plastic spoons, tossing me one before slumping back into his desk chair.

"What's wrong with you? You sick?" I asked. I had a good idea of what was going on, but I wasn't really sure how much I should ask about how things were going at home. It was on that list of possibly off-limits topics. I frowned at the thought, taking a big bite of my ice cream to try to make myself shut the hell up.

He was quiet for too long, and when I glanced over, it was to find him watching me with that thoughtful look he had sometimes. He was tapping his spoon on the corner of his tub without even realizing he was doing it, which wasn't like him. When I caught his eye, he sighed, seemingly coming to a decision.

"No, I'm not sick. I just haven't been sleeping well. We had kind of a late night last night."

Immediately, I was on edge. I wondered what the hell had happened – had Bella gotten caught coming in? Did Charlie know she'd been drinking? That she'd been smoking?

Shit.

I didn't know how to ask – or if I should ask – because I didn't want to get Bella in trouble or stick my nose in their business.

Fuck, this is going to be complicated.

I sighed. Ironically, I knew that Carlisle smoked pot from time to time – and that Charlie didn't approve. That particular revelation had come about when my dad had caught me and pitched a shit fit the likes of which I'd never seen before. I would've thought that after having been caught with another guy's dick in my mouth, a little weed wouldn't have been a big deal. I'd been dead wrong.

That had been a particularly heinous week at home, not long after the incident that started all of this mess, and I'd been about as worn out as Carlisle looked right now. He'd encouraged me to be honest with my parents, open the lines of communication and all that. I'd followed his advice to a certain extent, but when it came to telling them every time I did it, I'd told him he was fucking insane.

I'd compared it to walking up to my parents to announce I'd fucked a guy - or, hell, a girl - the night before, and I'd been surprised when he relented and agreed. He'd explained that there were certain things that were personal and private, and that what mattered was that I maintained an honest, healthy relationship with my parents rather than filling them in on every single thing I did.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" My head jerked up, my face turning toward the sound of his voice. I realized I'd sort of zoned out, becoming lost in my own thoughts as I wondered how to navigate this fucking minefield I found myself in.

"I asked how things are going at home." Carlisle's voice was gentle and quiet, while the look on his face told me he was worried.

"Oh." Brilliant start. "They're okay, I guess. Had some quality bonding time with Dad today that consisted of raking the entire fucking yard and not saying a damn word." I shrugged. "The usual."

He nodded, taking a bite of his ice cream as he sat back and crossed one ankle over the other knee. I was always amused by the slight British air that hung around him even after all the years he'd been here. It was subtle, but it was there in his mannerisms and, of course, his accent. His accent was pretty fucking sexy, actually, and there was something attractive about him despite his age. I'd once told him he was hot just to see him blush.

And because…well, he was. In a way-too-old-for-me-and-dear-god-that's-creepy sort of way. Still, I could appreciate his good looks. I could definitely see why Charlie was attracted to him, anyway.

What the hell is your problem today, Masen?

My mind was definitely all over the place, and I didn't know if it was because of my activities the night before or because, for the first time ever, I felt awkward in Carlisle's office. Whatever it was, it had me acting strangely, and I couldn't even find anything else to say until he asked me how school was going.

At least with that, I had a little more to say, and we talked a bit about how I was handling the Crowleys and Newtons of the world. Carlisle seemed relatively pleased with my progress, especially when I told him about how I was avoiding reacting to Tyler at all. Even though Newton was more vocal, Crowley was the one who was far better at getting under my skin.

As I was winding down with the latest tales from Forks High, I saw a guarded look in Carlisle's eye. He said, a little too casually, "So I understand you met Bella…how does she seem to be adjusting?"

I leaned forward, putting my carton of ice cream on the coffee table in front of the couch. Then I sat back, settling myself in the corner as I crossed my ankle over my knee much like Carlisle had. I spread my arms out – one over the back of the couch and the other over the arm – as I thought about how to answer.

"She's doing fine, I think. She's fucking clumsier than anyone I've ever met, but there hasn't been any permanent damage." Carlisle smiled at my assessment, and I saw the way his eyes brightened as he listened. He was so obviously eager to hear about this stepdaughter he barely knew, and for the first time, I felt a little bit pissed off at Bella. "I'm helping her steer clear of the fuckholes like Newton, but she was doing a pretty good job of that on her own. She's amazing at English. I never see her without a book in her face unless she's hanging out with us." I shrugged, unsure what else to say. "She seemed to have a good time with us last night…"

I threw the last out as a feeler, trying to get a sense of what had happened once Bella got home. Either Carlisle would talk about it or he wouldn't, but either way, he had the perfect opening.

He nodded slowly, eating a little more ice cream before he stuck the spoon in the carton and set it to the side. "That's good. I'm glad," he said with weariness in his voice. He put both feet on the floor, resting his elbows on his knees as he balanced his forehead on the heels of his palms. His fingers tangled in his hair, and I heard another jaw-cracking yawn before he looked up again. "We stayed up until she was home," he said by way of explanation. He gave me a small smile before continuing, "We didn't leave our bedroom, though, and Charlie kept me up wondering aloud if he should go check on her. After about an hour, I asked him to please go, and she was asleep in her bed."

I just watched him, listening curiously. I wasn't sure how appropriate it would be to ask questions, but I felt the tension leaving me as I realized that Bella hadn't been caught.

Thank god.

"I'm glad Bella's settling in well at school. Thank you for looking out for her. She's…having a tough time at home." Carlisle's blue eyes studied me thoughtfully for a moment before he added, "We all are."

I nodded slowly, feeling a little out of my element. I'd never really offered Carlisle advice before, but I wondered how they were handling everything. I knew Bella well enough already to know she was fucking hard-headed as hell, and she didn't like to be kept in the dark.

What I didn't know was how the hell to get back on her good side once you'd upset her.

"Has umm…has she talked to Charlie?" I finally asked.

Carlisle gave a small snort and a wry smile. "Only if you count Charlie grunting and Bella rolling her eyes."

My eyes widened. That was the closest I'd ever heard Carlisle come to saying something negative about Charlie. Sure, he told me they had problems to help me see just how "normal" I was, but I'd never seen it firsthand.

It was kind of cool.

"No, they haven't really talked. I…" He trailed off and leaned back in his chair, moving his elbow to the arm as he held his chin between his thumb and forefinger. He shook his head and gave an exasperated sigh. "Bugger, Edward. I have no idea how much to say to you. Are you having this problem, too?"

I laughed quietly. Leave it to the good doc to get this shit out in the open. "Yeah, a little. It's fucking weird."

He nodded his agreement, and I recognized the expression on his face. His lips were slightly pursed, his forehead wrinkled a little, and it always meant he was thinking hard about a compromise. I gave him time, picking up my ice cream again. I already felt a little lighter just having the problem out there. I trusted him to come up with some sort of solution. He always had before.

"Okay." He clapped his hands lightly once, rubbing them together before putting both hands on his knees. "You're Bella's friend. I'm Charlie's partner. Obviously there are certain things we can't really discuss without betraying a trust. Yes?"

I nodded.

"I won't ask you to tell me anything about her, but I will promise that anything you tell me will be between the two of us." I started to smile, and he held up one finger to stop me. "One caveat."

I frowned, wondering what it could possibly be. He didn't leave me waiting long. "If you tell me something that I feel endangers Bella's safety that I think Charlie should know about, I will tell him, though I won't tell him where I got the information."

I took a moment to ponder his words before holding out my hand. "Deal," I said, and we shook on it.

"On the other side," he continued, "you may ask me anything at all, but I reserve the right to refuse to answer."

"Fair enough," I agreed, smiling at him.

From there, our conversation moved a little more smoothly. We were still side-stepping some stuff, but the awkwardness wasn't there anymore. I found out from him that Bella was barely speaking at home, which was kind of ironic considering it was hard to get her to shut up most of the time. As he talked, I realized something.

"You think Bella hates you?" I asked in surprise.

He blinked at me. I could see defeat and sadness in his eyes, and that little burst of anger at Bella from earlier flared up again. I didn't like him being hurt. I knew she had her reasons for being hurt in her own right, but causing him pain was damn near inexcusable.

"What else could I possibly think, Edward?" The defeat was there in his voice, too.

I frowned at him. "I don't think she does." Even as I said the words, though, I wondered about how true they were. She was definitely pissed off, and I guess I hadn't ever really asked her outright how she felt about Carlisle. She'd told me, though, that she didn't even know him, and I told him as much.

"I know." His voice was small, and he looked as close to frightened as I'd ever seen him. "I just don't know how to fix that when she won't talk to me." He shrugged, a small lifting of one shoulder.

Quiet hung in the air as I tried to think of a response. There was none. Not really.

Since there was nothing I could say to him right then, I decided to talk to Bella as soon as possible and see if I could figure out what, exactly, upset her. I had a million ideas, but that was the problem – they were just my ideas, my assumptions. I needed to know what she thought and how she felt if I were to have any hope of helping smooth things out between her and Carlisle.

When I didn't say anything, Carlisle rubbed both hands on his knees, and I could see him visibly pushing away his darker thoughts. He smiled at me and said, "Well, now, you didn't come here to listen to an old man lament. I have a message for you."

"You do?"

"Indeed, I do." The twinkle was back in his eyes, which crinkled around the edges as he grinned. "Alice says hi and to tell you that she'll see you soon."

"Oh, yeah?" My own grin spread automatically in response. I laughed, remembering Carlisle's fucking crazy niece. I'd met her last summer when she came to visit. I was hanging out at Charlie and Carlisle's a lot then, mostly avoiding my own house, so I spent a hell of a lot of time watching movies and doing random shit with Alice. We emailed back and forth sporadically, but neither one of us was great at keeping in touch. Still, every time I talked to her, it was just like it had been when she was here. "When's she coming?"

"In two weeks. She wanted to be here for a proper Yank Thanksgiving," Carlisle answered with a smile that faded. He licked his lips and then said, "Oh, ahh…Bella doesn't know yet, so keep it quiet until Charlie has a chance to talk to her, please."

"She doesn't know," I said flatly. It was not a question. I knew the look on my face had to reveal my complete disbelief that Charlie still hadn't learned his lesson about keeping things from Bella.

"Ahh, no…and I know. I know." He held up his hands with his palms facing me as if conceding my unvoiced point. "He's…working on it."

Carlisle heaved a deep sigh, and I decided just to drop it. I thought it was ridiculous that he hadn't bothered to tell Bella that they were going to have a visitor for an extended period of time, but I guess compared to everything else, that was a relatively minor concern.

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. "It'll be good to see her, anyway. Alice is a lot of fun."

His smile was back at once as he agreed. We kept the conversation to light topics until it was time for me to go, but I could tell as we said goodbye that we both had heavier things on our minds.

My mind was cluttered with questions, all of which centered around Bella. I had no way to get in touch with her, other than calling the Chief's house, and I didn't think that would be the best way to get her talking. I stewed for the rest of the day, somehow managing to make small talk with my parents over dinner, and Bella was still on my mind when I went to bed that night.

All day Monday, I was just a little off. I had trouble focusing in class, and I had to fight the urge to start rapid-firing questions at Bella every time I was around her. As a result, I was distant with everyone. I didn't say much, and both Jasper and Emmett asked me what the hell was wrong with me. I saw the expressions on their faces, and I could tell they thought I was building toward another snapping point, but that wasn't it at all for once.

By the time gym class finally ended, I felt a mixture of relief and anxiety as I showered. Emmett was uncharacteristically quiet, so much so that I barely noticed him drying off and dressing beside me. On our way out to the parking lot, he punched my shoulder lightly and said, "Hey, you alright, man?"

I managed a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a lot on my mind, I guess." I hitched my backpack onto my shoulder again and ran the fingers of my other hand through my hair. "Had a long talk with Carlisle."

When I shrugged, he nodded, and his shoulders seemed to relax a little. I realized that he'd been ready to kick someone's ass on my behalf, and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Thanks for watching out for me, man."

He nodded and grinned. We were halfway across the parking lot, getting closer to Bella's truck, and Emmett lowered his voice a little. "Well, well…look who's waiting on you again." I made some random noise to let him know I heard him, but as soon as I saw her sitting in her truck bed with the hood of her new jacket pulled up against the light rain, all my focus was on her. "Wonder why she's sitting out in the rain," he mused aloud.

Because that's where we talk.

I had a stupid smile on my face as I told Emmett goodbye. Thanks to the rain, he didn't hang around. He waved to Bella and then went straight to his truck while I hopped up into Bella's truck bed.

"You know, we are perfectly capable of hanging out somewhere else," I observed wryly as I sat down, my ass immediately becoming soaked.

"Maybe I just wanted to see if I could make you sit out in the rain," she retorted.

"Fair enough," I said. "Sure you don't want to take this elsewhere, though?"

She looked up then, tilting her head slightly to the right as she studied me. Her jacket was thin but sturdy, and it had this massive hood with a blue bill that hung down over her forehead, making her eyes seem twice as big as normal. The cold breeze had put a permanent blush on her cheeks, but the rest of her skin seemed so…pale. Strangely so. "I'm good," she said, but her lower lip trembled as she tried to stop her teeth from chattering.

I had to fight to keep from rolling my eyes at the stubborn set to her jaw. "Suit yourself."

She smiled as I settled across the truck bed from her with my legs spread out around hers again. It seemed comfortable…normal. She lowered her hands to my shins, and we spent a few minutes just talking about random shit before she said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Expecting some random question about Forks or some of the people we went to school with, I was caught off guard when she said, "How are you…I mean…what…" She trailed off, frowning for a moment, and then she blurted out, "How are you attracted to guys and girls?"

I felt one corner of my lips turn up into an amused smirk. It was a question I'd been asked before, but no one had ever said it in quite that way – with honest curiosity rather than derision. I decided to tease her a little. "How are you not?"

She frowned at me, moving her hands from my shins to her lap. "What do you mean?"

"What I said," I answered simply. "Do you seriously look at someone like Angela and not see what amazing eyes she has? Her beautiful lips?"

Her eyes narrowed, and her jaw clenched.

She doesn't like me talking about other girls.

I grinned. That new little bit of information was good to have. "I just…I see beauty in a lot of people. Doesn't matter to me if they're male or female." A dangerous course of action presented itself to me, and like the idiot that I am, I took it. "Take Jasper. He's gorgeous. Clear blue eyes, great runner's body, and that goddamn smirk is a killer."

Bella was watching me with an impenetrable look on her face. It unnerved me a little since I couldn't tell if she agreed or not; I decided to press on.

"Even Ben's got a lot going for him. He's kind of scrawny, but he has great hands, and his face is going to be stunning once he grows into his ears."

Still nothing from Bella.

I shrugged. "I'm an artist, Bella. I appreciate beauty wherever I see it, and it just so happens that I'm attracted to it." I couldn't stand the way she was just staring at me, so I tried to throw her off a little. "Take you, for example. You're beautiful."

"I'm beautiful?" she breathed, her wide eyes and parted lips finally giving away a little of her emotions.

"Absolutely. Flawless skin with big brown eyes, high cheekbones…great lips. Beautiful…" I paused for a second and then added, "Until you open your mouth."

She snapped her mouth closed and glared at me. I laughed at the expression on her face, indignant and calculating at once. I could see a little satisfaction in the set of her jaw, and I knew she liked that I thought she was beautiful.

I wish I could show her just how much.

Since I couldn't… "I'm sorry. But you gotta admit that you deserved that. A little."

Her narrowed eyes told me she did not agree, but she begrudgingly said, "Maybe a little." She kicked at my knee and then put her hands back on my shins. "Fucking ass."

"See, there's a little of what I'm talking about." My grin was incorrigible, and she rolled her eyes. I waited until her thumbs started rubbing circles on my calves, noticing that the rain had slowed to a drizzle, and then I said, "Does that answer your question, though?"

She pondered for a minute and then shook her head slightly. "Not really. I guess I just don't get it because I don't…get it. Does that make any fucking sense?"

I laughed. "Yeah, a little. You don't feel that way, so you don't understand how I do?" She nodded. "Goes both ways, you know."

She flashed me a smile. "Yeah, guess so."

"My turn?" I asked.

"For what?" Her tone was clearly puzzled, but she'd skirted too close to the issue I wanted to talk about, and she had given me the perfect opening with her question.

"Can I ask you something?" I clarified. When she agreed, I said, "So, you're okay with the fact that I suck dicks?" It was blunt, and I knew it. I wanted to see her unedited reaction to being faced with my sexuality both for my own information and as preparation for my next question.

She blinked slowly and muttered, "Where the fuck…?" She shook her head as if shaking away her confusion and said, "I told you. It doesn't matter to me. You're not exactly the first guy I've known who sucks dick." Her smile and tone were both wry, and I was nodding before she even finished.

"So…why does it bother you so much with Charlie? Is it just because he's your dad?"

Her eyes hardened, a little bit of that wall flying up in between us. I leaned forward, covering her hands with mine.

"Hey, this is just you and me. Tell me to fuck off if you want, but don't you dare give me some bullshit answer."

We stared at each other for a long moment, hard brown eyes meeting green, and then she nodded at last. "Fine." I laced my fingers through hers even though the way I was sitting was fucking uncomfortable as hell. I was leaning forward with my knees raised, my arms between my legs like I was some goddamn frog, and the ridges in her truck bed were digging into my ass. But I was holding her hands, and it looked like she was going to answer my question.

"It's…weird," she admitted at last. "I mean, I spent my whole fucking life thinking my dad was practically a monk." I heard the bitterness in her voice as she continued, "I thought he was up here pining away over my mom, you know? And then I get here, and not only is he not in love with my mom, but he's been fucking around with some man – literally – for my. Entire. Life."

She broke off, giving an angry shake of her head as she tried to control herself. "I don't care that he's gay. In some ways, it's even easier because – obviously – my mom isn't a man, so they couldn't have worked out. But he fucking lied to me for I don't even know how long, and now I have all these stupid questions, and I can't even ask them because I can't look at him long enough without just wanting to…to…fucking scream or some shit."

God damn.

The little bout of anger I'd felt at her while talking to Carlisle fizzled as I looked at her face. Her eyes were filled with doubt and confusion and hurt, and I realized at once that I couldn't stand to see her upset anymore than I could Carlisle.

I'd already put together enough clues to guess at what she just said, so it wasn't really a surprise to me. "What questions do you have?" I asked as gently as I could.

She pulled one of her hands away from mine and pushed her hood off. She ran her fingers through her hair and glanced out over the side of the truck before she answered. "All kinds of shit," she said bitterly. "Was he fucking Carlisle while he was married to my mom? Did he ever even love her? Did he want me?"

Her voice broke on the last word, and she bit her bottom lip in what looked like an attempt to keep more words from spewing out. I gave her a few minutes, partly because it looked like she needed them and partly because I didn't know what the hell to say. I wanted to go sit beside her and put my arm around her.

And kiss her until she didn't feel like crying anymore.

But that was a dangerous impulse, especially right then, so I kept completely still. I watched her profile as her jaw worked a few times, clenching and relaxing, and then she took a shuddering breath.

"Hey," I said quietly. I waited until she looked at me. "For what it's worth, everyone knows how much the Chief loves you." Her eyes held flat disbelief. "It's true. For about a month before you guys go on vacation, you're all he fucking talks about."

She blinked rapidly but didn't answer. I saw a little bit of something – hope, I thought – flicker in her eyes, so I took that as an encouraging sign. "And you know how gossip goes in a town like this, right?"

She gave a curt nod.

"Well…this town is fucking nosier than most, but I've never heard anything about your dad cheating on your mom. There's plenty of other talk – they're one of, like, two gay couples, not to mention who they are – but I've never heard that."

Her expression was calculating, and I could tell that she'd at least heard me and was taking it in. What she made of it, I had no idea, but there was one more thing I needed to tell her. "Bella, I really think you need to talk to them. I don't even care which one, but you're just going to make yourself miserable this way."

Her chin quivered once before she lowered her head and nodded. I didn't know what, exactly, that meant, but I had some hope that maybe she'd take what I said to heart.

It was quiet in the truck bed again until she brushed her hair away from her face and looked up at me. "It's just like I don't know anything anymore, you know? Every single time I've seen Charlie for as long as I can remember, he's been miserable. Just…lonely and depressed, and I always thought that it was because he was still in love with my mom and missed her. I felt sorry for him. And it sort of killed me to learn that he was missing someone…but it was someone I'd never even met." Her brown eyes were fixed on mine when she quietly admitted, "I don't know how to move past that."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, that's…shitty…"

She snorted and rolled her eyes at me.

Yeah, yeah…

I knew that was a complete understatement, but what the hell was I supposed to say to that? I sighed, sitting back so that I was leaning against the side of her truck. "I don't know. I don't think you can just do it all at once. I think you just have to sort of take it one day at a time. At least, that's how it worked for me." I shrugged, thought about it for a minute, and then gave a wry smile. "Well, I'm still working on that one."

Bella glanced up at me, finally grinning for real as she nodded. She sighed heavily and leaned back. "I'm just so fucking tired."

"Go home and take a nap," I suggested. She did look beat. The dark circles under her eyes rivaled Carlisle's, and I wondered just how much of this could be avoided if someone would just fucking talk in that house.

She nodded again, yawning this time. "Maybe I will." She looked at me for a moment, and then her lower lip stuck out in a pout. "I don't want to leave. This is, like, my only moment of sanity every day." I smiled at her, reaching down to squeeze her calves, and her frown curved into a playful grin. "I might be addicted to you."

You haven't even had a taste yet.

The thought put a wicked grin on my face as I teased her. "Better watch saying that too loud. Next they'll have me strung up on drug charges." I shifted to the end of the truck and hopped onto the ground, holding out my hand to help her. "Come on…you need to get home and out of those wet clothes."

She followed behind me, and we talked briefly as I walked her around to the cab of her truck. She smiled up at me as she hugged me again, and I heard her breathe, "Thanks."

"No problem," I answered gruffly, holding her close before letting her go. I helped her climb into the cab and then closed the door, giving a single wave before I walked to my own car.

When I got home, my mom was out – most likely still with Jasper's mom hearing all about his dad's sexual prowess – and Dad wasn't off from work yet. The house was blessedly quiet, and I went straight to my room, kicking off my shoes and changing into some dry clothes before I pulled out a sketchpad and sat down. I grabbed my iPod and spent the hours before dinner getting lost in my drawings.

It made the somewhat uncomfortable couple of hours I spent with my parents easier to manage when I was relaxed. My mom was in a good mood because Hannah had brought her back an autographed copy of a book by one of her favorite authors, so she did her best to run interference when my dad tried to get on me too much.

After dinner, my own exhaustion hit as I was checking my email and visiting a few of my favorite websites. I shut down the computer, deciding that I might as well take advantage of the fact that I was tired and felt like I could really sleep for once.

At school on Tuesday, it struck me how well Bella was fitting in with the five of us. She seemed perfectly relaxed with everyone, and everything she did made it clear that she was with us. I watched her turn down advances from Newton and brush off Jessica Stanley, and I couldn't help the shit eating grin on my face every single time.

We spent the lecture part of Biology sketching again, and I became so absorbed that I didn't pay any attention to what Bella was drawing until I heard her sigh. I glanced over and saw what looked like a twisted tree, and she was frowning down at it like it had personally wronged her or something.

I bumped her elbow with my own, nodding at the drawing when she shifted her eyes to me. She grimaced and shrugged, going back to shading in a figure at the base.

I turned my sketchpad so a blank corner was facing me and scribbled, What the hell is that?

She shook her head. I looked at her pointedly until she huffed, exhaling loudly as she rolled her eyes. After school, she wrote.

I started to nod and then frowned, writing back, Can't. I have to work.

She read the words and pouted at me. Her eyes shifted to the front of the room, where the teacher was fighting with the TV. When she looked back, she started to whisper something, but just then, Banner won the fight, and music blared from the speakers. He quickly turned it down a little and snapped off the lights, leaving us in relative darkness.

Bella sighed. She didn't do anything else until the TV screen brightened, and then she leaned over to write, K. Go be responsible, I guess. Selfish ass.

I caught her grin out of the corner of my eye, and she bumped my shoulder with hers. She stayed a little pouty all through the video Banner was showing, but she perked right up when we entered the lunchroom. She and Jasper talked more than they ever had, since they hit upon a common love of the Rolling Stones that I just didn't share. I didn't mind them, but I certainly didn't know every single album and song the way those two did.

I glowered like the selfish ass she'd accused me of being, but I tried my best not to let on that I minded.

Emmett distracted them by asking Bella about getting together for some Trig project they were working on. While the two of them chattered away, Jasper and I both joined Angela and Ben in their ongoing debate about the most powerful superhero. They were having an old argument – whether Batman could really be considered a superhero since he technically didn't have any superpowers – and it was fun to interject just to goad Ben. I loved watching him get all flustered. His face turned red, and he straightened his glasses constantly, leaning forward with his elbow on the table as he gestured wildly to make his point.

Too fucking funny.

The rest of the day was pretty normal – predictable, even, but after the last couple of years, I welcomed every goddamn predictable day that didn't include me being the focus of some sort of scrutiny.

As I walked out to my car after gym, I half-expected to see Jasper sitting in the back of Bella's truck with her. It was a stupid, irrational fear, but somehow I felt like that was my place, and I didn't want to see any other fucker anywhere near it. Thankfully, Bella's truck was gone, a fact that made me smile like a goddamn moron all the way to work.

Beth greeted me with a hug as soon as I walked in to the hospital cafeteria. Her long, blond hair was pulled back into a bun just like it always was, letting me see the little bit of gray just at the temples. She fussed over me, telling me I looked too skinny and asking me if I was sleeping enough. I told her I was fine, and after she grilled me on how I was doing in school, she finally handed me my apron and said, "Alright then…you're in the dining room today."

Her tone was suddenly brusque and businesslike, but her smile was fond. She patted my cheek and then schooled her expression. "Go on, now."

"Yes, ma'am." I grinned, slipping the apron over my head and wrapping it around my waist to tie it. I spent the first hour or so bussing tables, and I was refilling the napkin dispensers when I glanced over to find Carlisle sitting at a table in the nearly empty cafeteria…with Charlie.

They were sipping coffee and talking quietly. Both of them looked fucking dead on their feet – or, rather, in their seats. I watched them for a minute, glancing at them as I kept working. I wasn't sure if they'd seen me, and I couldn't decide if I should go say hi or not.

The absurdity of that particular thought was what made me shake my head, grumbling at myself for being an idiot as I walked over to their table. Carlisle saw me first and glanced up with a smile. "Edward! How are you?"

"Hey, Doc…Chief…" I nodded to them both, smiling.

"Good to see you, Edward," Charlie answered. "How're Ed and Liz? Treating you okay?"

Charlie had somewhat intimate knowledge of the whole situation, since he'd been involved in investigating some of the claims made by James. Thankfully, he had never let it color the way he looked at me – or, at least, not that I could tell. He and Carlisle had been nothing but welcoming and supportive of me, and it was as I was standing there, looking at their tired, withdrawn faces that I made a snap decision.

I needed to tell them something.

I gave myself a few minutes to decide what, exactly, I should say by making idle conversation. We talked about my parents and how things were going at the bank. Charlie asked about Emmett and Jasper, and when I told him they were doing great, he asked if Angela was still dating Ben.

"Yes, sir," I answered with a smile. "I don't see them breaking up anytime soon."

Charlie nodded, his smile hidden beneath his mustache but obvious in the way his cheeks lifted. After a couple of more minutes, I noticed a few people leaving and knew I really needed to get back to work.

Now or fucking never.

"Hey," I said quietly. I didn't wait for an answer. I just plowed ahead and hoped like hell Bella wouldn't kill me. "I think you should know that Bella doesn't hate you."

Charlie tensed, freezing in place, and Carlisle drew a sharp breath. Neither of them said anything, so I continued, "She's pissed off that you lied to her, and she has a hell of a lot of…technical questions…but she doesn't hate you." I felt Carlisle watching me and turned to meet his eye before adding, "Either of you."

Carlisle gave me a small smile, real happiness beginning to appear in his eyes again even as Charlie said, "Technical questions? What the hell do you mean?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, man. That's between you two. I'm probably going to be in deep enough shit as it is, but I just…I thought you deserved to know that." I shrugged, glancing around before I said, "Look, I've gotta get back to work. I'll see you later."

Their eyes were heavy on my back as I walked away to bus a newly emptied table. As soon as I left them, I felt slightly sick as I wondered what they would say to Bella…and what she would have to say to me. I prayed that I could count on Carlisle's diplomatic ways to keep me as far out of this shit as possible.

And then I realized that it didn't matter if they told Bella or not…because I was going to.

Fucking. Hell.

Somewhere along the way, all of Carlisle's advice about honest relationships had sunk in, and I felt…creepy, somehow, keeping that from Bella.

A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, and I glanced over to find Carlisle standing beside me. He gave me a weary but happy smile and said, "I just wanted to say thank you. You really didn't have to do that, but it means a lot to him…" He glanced over his shoulder at the counter where Charlie was paying the bill and then looked back at me, his smile widening. "To both of us."

"No problem, Doc," I answered with a genuine smile. He squeezed my shoulder and then patted it once before walking away.

I watched him go and then cleared the rest of the table, carrying the dishes to the back. As I walked over to grab a broom, I felt a twinge in my ribs and rubbed my side, wondering just how hard Bella could punch.

I had a feeling I might find out.

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Chapter 8 ~ Chapter 10

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