Carlisle POVI stood in the doorway, watching Charlie pull away to go pick up his daughter. I wished with all my heart that I could have gone with him, but that wasn't possible. Charlie had to do this alone. I knew it, and yet I wished for the millionth time that he had told her years ago, that I could've played a part in her life up until now. I sighed and, with a shake of my head, closed the door before walking into the kitchen.
I muttered to myself, "All the wishing and hoping won't change what is, Carlisle."
Running my fingers through my hair, I glanced around. First things first. I checked the fridge and freezer to make sure they'd have everything they would need and to see that Bella's favorites were still there. I knew they were, but I felt nervous and needed to double check. I'd made sure to get the baby carrots she loved to munch on cleaned and put into Tupperware so they wouldn't go bad.
The chicken I had marinated would be ready to cook, and there were a few side dishes all ready to go, just needing to be taken out of the freezer and re-heated. Charlie was a terrible cook. The only thing he was any good at was grilling, so most of that chore usually fell in my lap. Not that I minded it; I loved cooking for him. I smiled as I thought about how Charlie's face lit up when I made his favorite things and how he moaned quietly when he took his first bite of something he really liked.
My Charlie...
Grinning, I shook my head. Most people never got to see the side of Charlie that I knew. People usually thought he was a quiet man who never had much to say, someone who didn't show much emotion. Someone who held no passion.
How wrong they all were.
He was very much a man of passion, but he was also a man who valued his private life. He was careful with his words, not because he didn't have a lot to say, but because he knew that words were powerful. Under normal circumstances, he weighed his words carefully, though there were those times when his passionate side would win out.
And then there were times like now, where he was too worried and too afraid for the results to be able to think straight. I knew my Charlie, and even though I knew he had to do this on his own, I was worried about him. When he was nervous, he tended to blurt things out, and that would not be a good thing right now. I wished I could be by his side, and not for the first time, I wondered whether staying away was the wisest choice.
But as much as I knew Charlie, I also knew enough of Bella - and teenagers in general - to know that she would need space. I had never met her, but I felt I knew her from all the stories Charlie, Billy, Harry, Sue, and Sarah had told me over the years. In so many ways, she seemed to be so much like her father, and that alone was enough to convince me of the wisdom behind my absence.
I started some water for coffee before going to the bathroom Bella would be using and checking to see that everything was in place there. I'd bought her favorite strawberry-scented shampoo and the body wash she preferred to use, just like I had done every year. After I was satisfied that there were enough towels and everything looked to be in order, I went to her bedroom. I fluffed her pillows again before running a hand over the purple bedspread to straighten it.
I smiled at the copy of Wuthering Heights that was waiting for her on her bedside table. Ever since she had taken an interest in classic novels, I'd placed a different book on her nightstand before I left. These little touches were the only ones I was ever allowed, since Charlie hadn't told her about me...or him...or us. So I did what I could, even if it never felt like it was enough. I just needed that small connection with her.
The whistle of the kettle broke through my reverie, and I hurried to the kitchen to turn the stove off. I grabbed the French press, scooped in the coffee grinds, and poured the water. Stirring it briefly, I placed the lid on so the coffee could brew. Charlie didn't like fancy coffee drinks, but this was one concession he had made on my behalf.
While I waited for the coffee to be done, I went to our bedroom and packed the few things I would need for the next couple of days. It felt strange knowing that I would be in town, but not be home. I had plenty of time before I would need to get going, so I set my suitcase by the door, grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down on the couch to relax for a while.
My mind wandered as I sipped my coffee, going back to when I had first met Charlie.
I had only been at the hospital for two days when I first caught sight of him. He was on the phone, focused completely on his work, allowing me to watch him for a while without his being aware. He looked to be late teens, early twenties - a little younger than myself. His plain white button down was opened at the top, giving him a relaxed look - the hospital didn't have a very strict dress code, especially not for desk personnel. His brown hair was short but wavy, and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to run my fingers through it - and I didn't even know the man yet.
A nurse walked up to him then and handed him a clipboard, and from where I stood, I was able to see the wedding band on his finger. The depth of disappointment I felt surprised me as I realized that whoever this man was, he was married. I shook my head at myself for being ridiculous. It didn't matter, right? Taken was taken and out of bounds.
I kept seeing him as the day went on, and every time I did, I felt a pang of...something. I wanted to know him, needed to know more about him, so I asked some quiet questions and found out his name was Charlie Swan, that he was married and had just had a little girl a few months back.
Married, and straight. Definitely not for you, Carlisle...but still...
The next day was much the same, and I felt like a fool for wanting to know him better. He didn't even know I existed, and it was probably better that I keep it that way. No sense in torturing yourself. So by the end of the day, I resolved to stay away and try to put him out of my mind.
The following day, though, I managed to run into him - literally. The shock that had gone through me the moment we touched rendered me speechless for a while. Thanks to my momentum, I had pushed him into the lift and up against the wall. Standing that close to him, my body responded immediately, and I could feel myself begin to blush. Oh God...Why him? I was afraid to move, knowing that if I did, he would feel my arousal, and I didn't want him to think it was because of him - no matter how true that fact might be.
After ascertaining that he was alright, I carefully pushed away, trying with all my might to keep from attacking him for real. I wanted to kiss him, to push myself harder against him so he could feel me; he was so close, so very tempting.
Taken! Forget it, Carlisle. Taken and straight, to boot.
We introduced ourselves and started talking. I couldn't help myself. The need to get to know him was too strong, and I reasoned that if I couldn't be anything else, I could at least be his friend. I had to be something.
Over the next few weeks, we spent our breaks together and became friends. He was so easy to be with, to talk to. There was a sense of comfort I felt when I was around him. It baffled me, but I was loathe to be without it, so we kept going, just as friends. He told me all about his little girl, and I could tell that he loved her deeply.
Not long after, he was involved in an accident and had to come into the ER. I was the one to help him. Several things happened during his time there that made me wonder whether or not he truly was straight, or if I was losing my marbles. His body responded to my touch, I was certain - and mine was certainly responding to the close proximity, not to mention the sight of his arousal. I was aching by the time I was done, my erection pushing uncomfortably against my pants to the point that I had to jam my fist into my pocket just to create a little more room. I could not look him in the eye as I gave him instructions for the care of his wound.
Not long after that, Renee filed for divorce. We'd continued hanging out during our breaks, though at first we were uncomfortable, and I wondered if he had noticed my reaction in the ER. It would kill me if I lost his friendship because of that. Thankfully, though, we soon found our groove again. I had always been careful to see him only at work, never inviting him over - though God knew I wanted to. The temptation was just too great, and I refused to be the cause for discord in his life.
After Renee left, I had to know. A part of me was certain that Renee had left him because of what had happened in the ER, though I was by no means sure how it came into play. I just had to find out, so I asked Charlie over for dinner. He accepted, and I was both elated and nervous as hell that he had.
We talked about inane things, mostly keeping to the topics we discussed at work - sports, hobbies, and the like. After dinner, I finally found the guts to ask him. When he said that he was attracted to me, I almost wanted to pinch myself - this couldn't be real. Then he said that he knew nothing would come of it, regardless of how he felt, because I would be leaving. I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. He wanted me, just as I did him, but would not act on it because I wouldn't be staying around either.
This was all new for him. The way he quietly accepted his revelation amazed me, and I found the fact that he didn't want to just fuck his way into understanding his new discovery appealing. I had been the first man he had been attracted to. The thought both elated me and made me want to weep, because 'the first' meant that there would likely be others. And the idea of another man touching him, kissing him, when I couldn't...it killed me. I wanted to be his first kiss. His first everything, if truth be told. So I foolishly asked him if I could kiss him. The stunned look on his face brought me up short, and I beat a hasty retreat, apologizing for stepping out of bounds.
I leaned against the fridge, my forehead pressed against the freezer as I mentally berated myself for being such a selfish, insensitive prick. I had no right asking him for that. None, and yet I hadn't been able to stop myself from doing so anyway. I was appalled at myself and shuddered to think what Charlie would think of me for it.
I heard him walk into the kitchen, stopping next to me, and I had to force myself to stay in place and keep my mouth shut. I wasn't sure what would come out if I said anything now. I half-expected for him to chastise me, to call me a fool or yell at me. I expected anything but the feel of his hand tentatively placed on my neck, or the sound of the steadying breath he took before moving closer. My heart started to beat faster, and I slowly turned my head to look at him, my eyes searching his, trying to find an answer to the many questions I suddenly had racing through my brain.
"Charlie..."
He shushed me before closing the distance between us, and as soon as his lips touched mine, I wanted to cry with joy. I barely recognized the groan that erupted from my throat. God, I wanted to feel more of him, to taste him - the feel of his lips on mine was heavenly. I turned to him, my hands going to his face, needing to hold him to me, afraid this moment would pass too quickly.
Charlie's hands on me, his lips on mine, his scent pervading my senses - it was all too much, and not nearly enough. I wanted more, and his whimper when I traced my tongue over his lips was the sweetest sound I had heard in a long time, if not ever. Our kisses became deeper, more urgent, each feeding off the other's passion. When Charlie turned us around and pressed into me, I could feel the desperation in his touch, and I had to fight to regain my composure. And then he pressed closer still, effectively rubbing his hard-on against mine. Sweet Christ! Have to stop - now - before I take him right here in the kitchen.
I pulled away with a groan, everything in me screaming to keep going even as I pushed Charlie away to get some space to think, to breathe. The look of hurt in his eyes as I put distance between us tore at my heart. I didn't - couldn't - let him think I was rejecting him. Far from it. I wanted him like I had never wanted anyone in my life, and he was the one person I couldn't have. It's not fair to him, he deserves to be with someone...
I couldn't finish my thought.
I kissed his lips as my hand cupped his cheek, and I searched for the words words I hoped would let him know that I wasn't rejecting him, that I wanted him, too. I rested my forehead against his with a deep sigh. My voice sounded hoarse and thick in my ears as I whispered, "Ah, Charlie...We have to stop, love. This isn't fair to you..."
He closed his eyes, and I could tell he was trying to compose himself. His voice was almost broken, and the near-defeat I heard in it pierced my heart.
"Do you really have to leave, Carlisle?"
"'Fraid so, Charlie. I don't have a choice, love."
I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into me, and he did the same, nuzzling my neck as he rested his head on my shoulder. I breathed in his scent and closed my eyes, just letting myself enjoy the feeling of having him in my arms. I was certain I would not get the opportunity again.
He had made it clear that things couldn't go further, and I had to accept that, had to respect his decision. It was hard, though. We spent more time together, both during and after work as our schedules permitted, and the better I got to know him, the more I wanted him. I was falling for Charlie Swan, hard and fast. And I could not tell him.
I frowned as I realized I had finished my coffee. I had been so wrapped up in my memories that I hadn't even noticed it. I rolled my eyes at myself as I got up to grab another cup. As I made my way back to the couch, I glanced at the clock, noting that I had about an hour before I had to go to the hospital. I had taken today offbut wanted to get some paperwork taken care of, and I had my weekly appointment with Edward later in the afternoon.
I pulled my legs up under me and got comfortable, my mind once again going back over the years. I remembered how hard Charlie had taken the loss of his father. He held it all close to his heart, only letting his guard down around me. It wasn't long after his funeral that we ended up lying in bed together, both of us needing the comfort of just being held.
It was so hard not to cross the line we had drawn - I wanted to love him in every way, give him everything of me. The closer we came to the date of my departure, the harder it got, and the more we ended up wrapped up in each other. The night before I was to fly home, I broke down, unable to resist. I had fantasized so often about being with Charlie; the thought of tasting him just once was too much, and the need to have one memory of being with him in some way was too tempting. I knew Charlie was worried I would forget him - as if I ever could. He was branded on my heart, even if he didn't know it.
The thrill I felt as I took him over the edge was quickly overshadowed by the guilt that flooded through me at having pushed his boundaries. When he wanted to reciprocate, I almost didn't let him, but again I was too selfish. To watch Charlie go from shy to something akin to proud as he stroked me to bliss was something I'd never forget. He seemed mesmerized by what he was doing to me, and I loved every minute of it.
What happened next still amazed me to this day, and I smiled into my cup of coffee as I remembered Charlie asking me not to behave. He wanted more, too, and I was unable to deny him anything as he gave me his quiet plea. The gift he gave me that night was what helped me through so many lonely nights in the years we were apart. The memory of our love making was all that sustained me, both making me crazy with want and loss and fueling the drive to work harder. It was a strange paradox.
Charlie drove me to the airport the following day, and we were both uncharacteristically quiet. There was so much that I had wanted to say to him, but in the end, all I could do was say goodbye. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, especially when I caught Charlie's whispered "I love you." I knew he thought I wouldn't be able to hear him, but I had, and it took everything I had in me to keep walking. I knew that if I stopped, if I turned back to him and told him I loved him, too, I would never be able to leave.
I felt like I was leaving behind my heart, my world. I wasn't going home; I was walking away from it, and it killed me.
That flight back to London was the longest flight I ever remember being on. I was in a daze the entire trip home, and when Esme picked me up at Heathrow, she knew something was very wrong. I hadn't told her much about Charlie - it wasn't something I felt I could tell my sister over the phone, if at all. She wrapped me in her arms, and as soon as I felt her warm embrace, the silent tears began. It hurt, so much. She just held me for a while, people walking around us, but I couldn't find it in me to care.
After a while, she slowly pulled away and gently placed her hands on my cheeks, wiping my tears away with her thumbs as she gave me a soft smile. She didn't say anything, didn't bid me welcome home - as if she knew this wasn't home anymore. She took one of my bags in one hand and took my hand in the other, tugging lightly on it to get me moving.
As soon as we got home she made us a pot of tea, ordering me to go to my room and freshen up before we sat down to talk. I did as I was told, too tired and too down to argue. I wanted to talk to her, needed to tell someone how I felt, and if anyone would understand, it would be her. She and I were so much alike in most every way, and she had been the first person I had come out to. She had stood by me, as she always had. She claimed it was her duty as the older sister, but I knew she loved me as much as I did her.
Esme was the one who smoothed the waters with our parents after I had finally come out to the family as a whole. It had taken awhile, but in the end, they came around, accepting and loving me for who I was. Uncle Aro had also helped, taking me under his wing after the initial response to the news. I owed him a lot and would come to owe him more still.
Before joining Esme, I called Charlie as I had promised. His voice sounded flat, lifeless when he answered, only brightening a little after he heard it was me. All I wanted in that moment was to be able to hold him and tell him I was never going to leave him again. When I made it down for tea, Esme let me have peace for as long as it took to drink the first cup before asking me what was wrong. As soon as I finished telling her about Charlie, how I felt about him and how much it hurt to have to walk away, she came over to me and hugged me tightly.
She pulled away slightly, placing her palm against my cheek as she spoke softly, "Well, Carlisle, what are you going to do about it?"
I sighed as I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to think. Charlie's life was in the States. With Bella, there would be no question as to where he'd stay, and I would never ask him to remove himself even further from her life. I had my family here, but... I looked up at Esme. "I'm not sure..."
Her eyes twinkled as she smiled at me, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it lightly as she said, "You, my dear brother, are going to call Uncle Aro tomorrow. You and he will have to figure out the best way for you to be able to go and be a doctor in the States. If Charlie is the one you were meant to be with, then you do what you need to do to be with him. You know I'll support you however I can."
I pulled her closer to me, hugging her tightly. "Thanks, sis."
The next day I got together with Uncle Aro and explained everything to him. He promised he'd look into it for me and advised me to contact the hospital in Forks, saying it would be a good idea to keep a relationship with them going, in case I wanted to be able to go back there. About a week later, he had come back to me with all the information he had been able to gather - which had been rather impressive.
We set up a plan for me to graduate on schedule, but with extra curriculars added to help me build a name for myself with the help of Aro. He was a well-respected physician and had written many articles. He had me help him with some of the things he was working on, and I studied harder than I ever had before. I'd never really needed to study, since I had a photographic memory, and anything academic had come easily to me. But now I had something to really work for, and I did everything in my power to reach my goal.
The next few years were spent with little socializing and much studying. Charlie and I wrote countless letters to each other, and often, his letters were the only thing that kept me going when I was weary and worrying about whether or not my dream was possible. I did everything I could think of to let Charlie know how I felt without outright telling him. I was selfish in my need to let him know, but I couldn't quite bring myself to tether him to me either. Even if I managed to pull things off, there was always the chance he would meet someone else along the way, and though the thought of him loving another hurt like hell, I could not deny him whatever happiness he might find.
I had kept in touch with Maggie, the Forks Hospital administrator, over the years as Aro had suggested. She had been there during my time at the hospital and was impressed with how things had gone and what I had done in the time since I'd left. When I explained my situation, she set about to find me a position in a hospital near Forks, but with no luck. That is, up until the beginning of '97, when one of the doctors at Forks Hospital quietly announced he was retiring later that year.
It took months to get all the paperwork in order, my visa in place, and my license to practice in the States set to rights. When word finally came that I would be allowed to move to the States, I was elated.
And scared to death.
I had asked Maggie to keep things quiet, in part because I wanted to surprise Charlie and tell him myself, and in part because I was scared out of my wits that I would be moving halfway across the world for nothing. She agreed, and even went as far as arranging for a place for me to live.
After careful planning, I said goodbye to Esme, my parents, and Uncle Aro the same day that I knew Charlie would be dropping Bella off with Renee. I'd always called him after she left as I knew he had a hard time not being a part of her daily life. Now that I had the chance to actually be there for him, I took it, and I was on a flight that would have me arrive at his doorstep only a few hours later than I normally would have called him. Esme was going to ship the things I needed but had left behind within the week of my leaving, and though it was difficult to leave her and the rest of my family behind, I felt lighter than I had in all the years I'd been back in London.
The closer I got to Forks, though, the more nervous I became. What if I'm too late? What if he found someone? What if he no longer feels the same way? What if...?
I'd bought a cellphone as soon as I was able once I was in Seattle. I wanted to be able to call Charlie, to surprise him. When I pulled up in Charlie's driveway, I had to sit for a few minutes and just focus on calming my breathing. I was so nervous; my hands were cold and clammy. Part of me - albeit a very small, insecure one - wanted to just turn the car around and leave, unable to face the possibility that I was too late...that another man would answer the door if I were to knock.
Forcing those negative thoughts away, I focused on my Charlie and the reunion I hoped to have with him. My fingers trembled slightly as I opened the console in between the front seats of my rental car. A nervous smile flashed across my lips, soon fading as I bit my bottom lip and looked at the items I'd stored there. I had no idea if Charlie would greet me the way I hoped he would...
Dear God, please let him want me, too...
But even if he did...even if he welcomed me with open arms and told me he loved me just as I loved him, I wasn't sure how he'd feel about what I'd brought. Presumptuous ass.
I nearly left them in the car - I mean, we could always come back out for them, right? But then...he'd know I brought them either way. What difference did it make if they were in the car or on me at the time? And there was no way in hell I'd want to interrupt what was going on between us to dash out to my car.
Finally deciding, I sighed softly and ran my fingers through my hair before reaching into the console and pulling out a condom and a small bottle of lube. The rest were in my suitcase in the trunk, but I'd planned ahead, wanting everything to go perfectly if he would agree to be mine. I slipped the items into my shirt pocket, blushing even here, alone in my car, and trying to suppress the memories of the only time I'd been with Charlie that way - the last time I'd been with anyone that way. My fingers tapped on the steering wheel before I finally exhaled.
After several minutes of trying to quash the panic I could feel building, I dialed Charlie's number. I got out before hitting 'call', so he wouldn't hear me close the car door. If I knew Charlie at all, he would be on the couch with the TV on, trying not to think about having dropped his little girl off again. I leaned against the car, worrying my lip as I waited for the call to connect. He had answered almost immediately, and a familiar warmth spread through me as soon as I heard his voice.
As we talked, I walked as quietly as I could to his door and knocked, praying he wouldn't pick up on the sound through the phone as well. When he opened the door, my pulse started to race. He looked older, and tired, but still every bit my Charlie. The look of shock on his face made me wonder if I truly had taken too long, especially when he didn't do or say anything for a while.
Needing something to do, I slipped my phone into my shirt pocket and shuffled my feet, feeling like a boy who had been naughty and was waiting to find out just how much trouble he was in. My heart was pounding - the sight of Charlie there, so handsome, so close, was almost torture. I didn't feel like I could go to him. I had flown halfway around the world and driven nearly five hours, all without batting an eye. But those last three steps...those had to be taken by him.
Charlie...my Charlie.
My chest ached as I watched him for endless moments before the phone he was holding suddenly fell from his hand. I didn't even hear it hit the ground because those beautiful hands were suddenly on me, his rough, calloused fingers on my cheeks as he stepped to me. His brown eyes were blazing, life flickering in their depths, bringing out those hints of gold that I loved. That exquisite sight was the last I saw before his lips were on mine and my eyes fluttered closed, and I was cast adrift on a sea of sensations - feeling the softness of his lips, the firm muscles of his back as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him even closer...the way his strong arms wrapped around me, his biceps squeezing against mine as he jerked me a little roughly, pressing his body fully against mine.
That exquisite kiss helped ease all my worries, allowing me to forget for a time that I wasn’t sure if Charlie was available. If he was still interested in me. If he would appreciate that I’d uprooted my life to move around the world to be with him – or if he would think I was insane and tell me to go home.
His lips parted mine, and as he was kissing me passionately, I just let all of it go. We could talk later and figure out what we were. If he wanted me, I was his.
It was that simple.
I smiled against the rim of my cup as I took a sip of my coffee, feeling the heat spread throughout my chest much as those first kisses with Charlie had warmed me. I think he would’ve stayed there all night on his front porch, just kissing me, had I not suggested we move inside.
I remembered all the things we’d said so clearly, but above all, his whispered, “God yes,” still sent the most delightful shivers down my spine. I will never forget the reverent tone in his voice and the way he looked at me almost pleadingly as he straddled my thighs.
And then so soon after, he’d looked me in the eye and told me he loved me. Hearing those words again - this time with his awareness – made everything real to me. I had been right. I hadn’t left home when I flew away from London…I’d been coming home.
I sighed softly before taking another drink from my mug, chasing away my melancholy mood with the memories Charlie and I had made that night. We’d explored each others’ bodies, learning so much as we breathed new life into one another. For so long, we’d lain dormant, and that inactivity had heightened each emotion, each physical sensation, so that the whole night had been perfectly preserved in my already photographic memory.
As I remembered the second time we made love that night, I felt my teeth bite into my bottom lip as I automatically shifted, settling into the corner of the couch more comfortably. This was a memory I always savored, and I never failed to start my recollection with one of my favorite moments.
“What’s this, love?” I asked, tracing the torch tattoo on his chest with my fingertips. A ‘C’ was superimposed in the center, and I felt this wild, ridiculous hope that it somehow referred to me. I knew it was likely his own initial – I’m not stupid – but the thought of him marking himself permanently with something that reminded him of me, especially when he’d had no way of knowing I was coming home, was precious to me.
My secret hope was realized when he smiled lazily and murmured, “That’s for you…” with his eyes closed.
“For me?” My voice rose an octave, so surprised and touched was I that he really had given himself a way to remember me always.
His brown eyes had opened again, gazing up at me seriously as he explained the significance behind the tattoo. Hearing him say that I was his truth touched me in a way that nothing else ever had. A confusing array of emotions was coursing through me, making me feel almost light-headed as I leaned in to kiss him. Ironically, I couldn’t find the words to tell him how I felt. He had left me speechless with just a few seemingly simple words...words that were etched onto my heart just as permanently as that ink was into his skin.
He returned my kisses eagerly, and he smiled when he felt my growing arousal pressing against his hip. I couldn’t help it…something about the man left me insatiable. I had never felt like I had enough of him, and I wondered if I ever would. Somehow, I hoped not.
I needed more of him, so I moved to straddle his hips, moaning loudly when I realized he was hardening again as well. Our bodies were a mess, still covered in sweat, and all I wanted to do was taste him again, to know him again. I leaned forward, my elbows pressing into the mattress on either side of his shoulders as I kissed him soundly. He began rolling his hips into mine, and we both moaned as our hardening cocks rubbed together.
His lips were all over my upper body, kissing and sucking along my shoulders and neck, teasing my nipples while his hands roamed my back. He cupped my ass, pulling me closer as his hips bucked insistently, and then his lips were on mine again as he kissed me hungrily.
“Fuck, Carlisle…how could I have forgotten how good you taste?” His voice was a breathless whisper that breezed across my lips, and I shivered at both the sensation and his words. It was not the first time he’d ever cursed like that in bed, but something about the desperation – the sheer need behind his kisses and those words – made me squirm with anticipation.
I didn’t realize I was aching with desire until Charlie’s arm slipped between us. He wrapped his hand around both our cocks and began pumping them slowly, hissing at the way the soft skin over our hard shafts felt brushing together. A small sound escaped me, and my eyes found his. We watched each other as our hips began thrusting rhythmically into his hand, and he licked his lips as he reached out, taking one of my hands and wrapping it around the heads of our dicks as his hand slid down to the bases.
I groaned, my eyes closing as my hips began moving more quickly, immediately matched by his. Eventually, I heard him panting and opened my eyes to find his tightly closed, his jaw clenched and his teeth grinding. A smile flitted across my face before I leaned down, kissing this man I loved gently. When his warm brown eyes opened, his hand did as well, releasing us as he moved to put both hands on my hips.
His thumbs were gently rubbing my skin, and his voice was gruff when he said, “Can I?”
I frowned slightly, completely at a loss. “Can you what, Charlie?”
It didn’t really matter what it was – I was convinced there was nothing I would deny him – so I was surprised when he blushed, his cheeks flaming red as he licked his lips. He opened and closed his mouth several times, and I was torn between amusement and concern as I gently caressed his jaw with my thumb. “Whatever it is, you can ask me…”
He nodded quickly, letting me know he knew, but when he opened his mouth again, nothing came out. He sighed, glancing over to the right, and then he finally mumbled, “You…you always…” He cleared his throat. “You always do. Can…I?”
What in the bloody hell is he talking about?
He finally turned back to look at me, a small, sheepish smile on his lips as he thrust his hips lightly upward.
Oh!
I moaned in anticipation as I finally understood. He was absolutely adorable lying there blushing, asking if he could make love to me the way I had to him, and he had no idea how much the thought of that excited me. I leaned down to whisper in his ear, nibbling on the lobe. “God, yes…please…”
His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me close as he whispered, “You don’t mind?”
I smiled softly and sat up to look at him again. His arms loosened their hold slightly as I ran my hands up his chest and along his shoulders. “Please make love to me, Charlie…”
He groaned, and suddenly I was on my back with him hovering over me as he kissed me deeply. His hand was lightly tracing my ribs, and I could feel both his excitement and his hesitation. I whispered quiet words to him, encouraging and guiding, until I felt his apprehension drain away.
Long moments were spent blissfully as Charlie’s lips and hands began preparing me. I heard the snap of the bottle of lube, and then his slick fingers were teasing my entrance, stretching me gently. I shifted my hips against the mattress, biting my bottom lip as I imagined what would soon be happening.
I habitually topped, as my few past lovers – all three of them – had shared a preference for bottoming. I enjoyed it, of course, but I had to admit that the few times I had bottomed stood out all the more for it, and I was nearly giddy with the thought that Charlie actually wanted to do this – especially since I fully planned to spend the rest of my life with him, if he’d have me.
I ran my fingers gently through the dark curls on top of his head, relaxing as I simply enjoyed the care he was giving me. I felt a second finger enter me, and as he was turning them, he brushed against my prostate, making my hips rise from the bed as I moaned softly. I saw his cheeks lift as he smiled, and when he repeated the motion, my lips parted, and I exhaled shakily. I was so turned on by everything about him – his raw masculinity, his caring heart, his beautiful face and body, but right then, I loved nothing more than the way he paid attention to me, noticing every little thing I liked and disliked.
I was seconds away from begging him to please just take me, for the love of God, but I wanted him to do this his way – for him to be comfortable with what was happening. He raised his head, granting me the incomparable sight of my dick slipping from his lips. His hand quickly replaced his mouth, stroking me gently as he said, “God, Carlisle…I’m sorry. I can’t make it much longer…are you…” He paused, licking his lips, and the movement of his hand never slowed. “Do you feel ready?”
I chuckled softly, amused that we’d each been holding out, trying to last for the other. “Come here…please…”
He flashed me a smile and then sat back on his heels, rubbing my thighs as he glanced around. “Oh, umm…” There was a faint flush on his cheeks again, but I couldn’t tell if it was embarrassment or arousal. “Do you happen to have another condom? I haven’t…well, I haven’t needed them in a long time.”
“Bloody motherfucking hell!” I cursed under my breath. I gave Charlie an apologetic smile, berating myself for bringing only one and thinking I was so prepared. “I have more…in my suitcase in the trunk of my car.”
He laughed quietly, but when I went to sit up, he pushed me back down, lying fully on top of me as we kissed. “Oh, no, you don’t…we’re not about to waste all that work getting you ready for me…” The gleam in his eyes was playful, and he nipped at my lower lip. “Where are your keys?”
I frowned, pondering. “I don’t really know…”
We both laughed this time, and he kissed me once more, telling me he’d find them. I watched as he ducked into the bathroom, taking time to admire the way his body had hardened over the years. He’d told me that he was using his free time to work out and run, keeping himself in shape for his new job as a police officer, and it showed. He came back out in a bathrobe, winking at me. “Be right back.”
I lay on his bed, looking up at the ceiling with the biggest smile on my face as I finally started to understand that this was real. This was happening. Ever since I’d made the decision to move back to Forks, I’d fantasized about moments like this – okay, not like this, with leaving condoms in the car and the like, but being with Charlie this way – and it was taking me some time to absorb that it was actually happening. They were fantasies no more. This was my reality, my truth.
And what a gorgeous truth it was…
My hand drifted down my abdomen, wrapping around my hard length as I stroked myself with a lazy smile on my lips. I was so lost in the feeling and in imagining Charlie inside me that I didn’t hear him come back in until something dropped to the floor. I glanced over at the doorway to see that he’d brought in all my bags from the trunk.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I said, frowning slightly as my hand fell to my side.
“Don’t,” was his answer. At my confused look, he licked his lips and said, “Don’t stop doing that. I’ve imagined you just like that so many times…” The robe fell to the floor as he stalked toward me, kissing me before he stretched out beside me, and his hand went to his own cock. I groaned at the sight, and he smiled. “Yeah…that’s the way I feel about it, too.” His breath was hot on my ear as he whispered, “Do you have any idea how many times I fantasized about you touching yourself? Do you know how often I wished you were thinking about me? Because I sure as hell was thinking about you…” His voice continued to murmur softly in my ear as I could feel the mattress jumping slightly in response to the movement of our arms, and I kept lifting my head to watch before it would fall back onto the pillow once more.
Finally, I couldn’t take it, and I whispered again, “Charlie, please…I need you so badly.”
“Anything for you.” His answer was so quiet, I wondered if I’d heard him right, but he immediately slid from the bed, walking on his knees to the largest suitcase. “This one?”
He glanced over his shoulder, and I nodded. “Outside pocket.”
He flashed me a devilish grin and said, “So prepared…” as he unzipped it and pulled out the box. He made his way back to the bed and knelt between my knees, taking a single condom out and putting the rest on the nightstand. “Just in case.” He winked at me.
When I arched an eyebrow at him, he mimicked my expression and said, “I brought in your bags so you’d have no excuse. You’re not leaving my bed tonight, Dr. Cullen.”
The new confidence he was exuding was exhilarating – and contagious. I laughed softly as I answered. “Who said I planned to let you leave?”
He watched me with a gentle smile, rolling the condom down his length and moving to hover over me before he finally answered. “Whatever you want…it’s yours.” He swallowed slowly, glancing away before he looked back at me, and a little bit of his timidity had returned in his eyes. “I’m yours.”
I blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden lump in my throat and the way my eyes were stinging. My voice was husky, deeper than normal when I was able to speak. Even though I'd told him before, I needed to say it again - he needed to know, without a doubt. “I’ve been yours for a very long time, my love…”
He smiled as I traced his cheekbones with my fingers, and when they reached his lips, he kissed them softly before he reached between us. “You’re sure this is what you want?”
I nodded, my smile broadening as my hands moved to his waist. He leaned down, kissing me as he moved his hips forward, entering me gently. The slight burn was exquisite, and he peppered my face with small kisses as he worked his way in, inch by inch. At last, he kissed me fully, his lips and tongue exploring mine as he paused, presumably to give me time to adjust to him.
Time I didn’t want, to be honest, so I rocked my hips against his, and he moaned, murmuring in my ear, telling me how good I felt and how lucky he was to be with me. I’d never felt so…full. In every way. My heart and mind and body…every bit of me felt full to bursting. It was a feeling I never wanted to lose – and I realized with a start that I didn’t have to. This was it – us. Together.
The alarm on my phone startled me out of my thoughts, and I reluctantly let my memories of Charlie fade into the back of my mind, keeping with me the warmth that came from being with him. With a heavy sigh, I got up and took my cup to the kitchen. I made sure to wash what few dishes there were before leaving, and after grabbing the last few bits and bobs I would need, I stood in the hallway - suitcase in hand. I looked around the house once more, my heart heavy as I turned and left for the hospital. I would check into the hotel after I was done there.
Once I got to the hospital, I went straight to my office. Bree, my assistant, handed me a stack of papers, smiling at me when I groaned at the thought of even more paperwork today.
She winked and said, "Sorry, Dr. Cullen. Those just need your signature, though, so it's not too bad."
I smiled at her. "Thank you, m'dear. Oh, Edward should be stopping by in about half an hour. Please just send him straight in?"
She nodded but didn't get the chance to respond as the phone started ringing. She made a shooing motion with her hand, and I walked into my office, chuckling. Bree was a good girl, and I was lucky to have her as my assistant. Sitting down behind my desk, I shot a quick text to Charlie, just to let him know I was there. I knew he'd be nervous, and Bella was supposed to land any moment.
I began sorting through the stack Bree had handed me, signing off where I needed to and putting aside those that I wanted to take a closer look at.
There was a soft knock on my door, and I smiled when I saw Edward's head poke around it. I stood, waving him in before walking to the mini-freezer I kept in my office just for these visits. It had become our custom to enjoy some ice cream as we talked.
"Come in, come in. What'll it be today, Edward? Cookie Dough or Strawberry Cheesecake?"
I looked over my shoulder to see Edward sitting on the couch as usual, grinning at me as he said, "Cookie Dough, please, Doc."
Grabbing us each a mini-tub of Cookie Dough ice cream and a plastic spoon, I walked over to the couch and sat down on the other end, tossing him his spoon and ice cream. He caught each deftly and grinned, "Thanks, Doc."
We both took the lids off at the same time and took a bite, just savoring the moment before we started. After another bite, I looked at Edward as he licked his spoon clean.
"So how's school going? Are things getting any easier yet?"
He rolled his eyes with a huff as he dug his spoon into his ice cream. "If by easier, you mean can I ignore some of the village idiots and their stupid ass comments a little better, then yes, I suppose they are. If you mean are they leaving me alone, then no, they're not."
He took a bite, frowning as he did. I sighed softly. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"'S okay. I'll live. Only another year or so before I'm out of that place anyway. Besides, I wouldn't want to be all well-adjusted and have to miss my weekly ice cream sessions."
He snickered and winked at me as I chuckled. We chatted a bit about what was going on in school and how he was doing apart from school - how things were going at home, since his parents had had a difficult time as well. He told me that his situation at home was improving somewhat, though there was still some distance between him and his parents. When I asked him how things were going with his part-time job at the hospital cafeteria, he smiled.
"I love it, actually. Beth's sweet, and she lets me work around my school shit. Thank you again for getting me that job, Carlisle."
"You're welcome. I'm glad that you enjoy it."
"I do. It's kinda nice to be around people that don't judge me - hell, they don't even care about what happened."
I smiled and nodded. "I'm sure that's a relief after everything at school."
He made an affirmative noise around a mouthful of ice cream, smirking a little as he did. I sighed, looking down at the tub in my hands as I pondered how best to say what I wanted to talk to him about. Charlie and I had discussed this already, and he had given me the okay to fill Edward in if I felt the need, but I was reluctant to do so. Not because I didn't trust Edward, but I hated the thought of burdening him and, truthfully, I felt like I would be betraying a trust. Which was silly, since Charlie had given permission, but still.
"What's up, Doc?"
I looked up and smiled apologetically at him. "Sorry, was just thinking about school. You know Charlie's daughter is flying in today, right?"
"Yeah, I heard something about that. All the kids are buzzing about the new blood coming to town."
He rolled his eyes in disgust before taking another bite of his ice cream. I chuckled softly. I could well imagine how the other kids were acting. I put the rest of my ice cream away, suddenly not in the mood for it anymore. I turned to look at Edward as he finished the last of his, putting the empty tub next to mine on the small table.
"Edward...I wanted to ask you a favor. Bella won't know anyone here. I think she could use a friend, someone to talk to as she...adjusts to life here. Would you look after her? I understand she'll probably be in a few of your classes at least, from what Charlie's mentioned anyway."
He nodded. "Sure, Doc, no problem. I'll keep an eye out for her, make sure the wolves don't descend on her."
He winked, but the smile I tried to give him faltered on my lips. I watched Edward for a moment, and I felt my brow knit as I tried to decide what to do. I muttered under my breath, "Bugger!" as I scrubbed my face with both hands before running my fingers through my hair with a sigh. When I looked up at Edward again, his eyes held concern and curiosity in them, but he didn't speak.
I've got to tell him... We've worked too long on trust and honesty for me to let him walk into this blind.
Running my fingers through my hair once more, I spoke.
"Edward, there's more. She doesn't know..." I faltered.
Bloody hell...
Trying again, I kept my eyes on his as I spoke softly, "Charlie never told Bella. She doesn't know he's gay, and she doesn't know about me."
I clenched my jaw, working hard to try and keep the old pain out of my voice and - hopefully - out of my eyes. I watched as the look of incredulity on Edward's face as he first heard my words changed to anger.
"He's letting her move all the way over here, and he never even told her? That's some fucked up shit, Carlisle!"
I sat straighter at his words, automatically feeling defensive, though I knew he was right. I sighed, forcing my body to relax a little.
"You're right, Edward. It is 'fucked up', as you so eloquently put it. Charlie's going to tell her when they get home, and I'm sure it'll be quite the shock for Bella when he does."
I heard him mutter, "No shit, Sherlock."
I chuckled and shook my head, shifting in my seat so I could lean my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together with my fingertips under my chin.
"I would appreciate it a lot if you would be there for her. You have an insight that I think might be useful to Bella."
I glanced at him and was pleased to see him nod, though he still looked pissed off - and rightfully so. I had always advised him to be honest with his family, especially after what had happened earlier in the year. It had taken a lot of talking and a lot of working, but we had built a relationship based on trust and mutual respect. I hated the idea that this could damage that in any way.
I leaned back, crossing one ankle over my knee as I put my elbow on the back of the couch. With a sigh, I rested my head in my hand, my fingers idly scratching my scalp as I tried to think of what to say.
"Edward, I'm not going to get too much into the reasons why Charlie didn't tell her. It's not my place to share that with you. But you know how I feel about honesty, and I couldn't let you leave here without telling you the truth. If you think badly of me that I didn't force Charlie to tell her all those years ago, just remember that we all make mistakes...and sometimes we have to be there for the ones we love, even when we know they're making them, too." I gave a short, humorless chuckle. "Especially when we know they're making them."
Edward sighed, nodding curtly. I could tell he wasn't happy about it, and I couldn't blame him. After giving him what information I was comfortable giving him though, he promised he would do what he could.
When Edward left, I sat back in the sofa just staring blankly out of the window. Please, God, let everything work out okay. It would break Charlie's heart to lose his daughter.
The buzzer on the intercom went, and Bree's voice chimed out, "Doctor Cullen? Your sister's on line one."
I got up and walked over to my desk, putting on my headset even as I thanked Bree and switched lines.
"Esme! To what do I owe this honor? Shouldn't you be sleeping right about now?"
The quiet chuckle coming from Esme made me smile.
"I was just about to head to bed; don't you worry. I just wanted to see how you were holding up. Isn't today the day?"
I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. I walked over to the window, leaning against the sill as I crossed my arms.
"Yeah, he's picking her up now. Her flight was delayed, so I don't know if he's told her yet."
My voice sounded low, and I knew Esme would pick up on the sadness even I could hear in it. Esme had been the one I confided in when I needed to talk to someone other than Charlie. She knew how hard it had been for me to not be included in that part of his life. It was to her that I had confessed worrying that maybe he was ashamed of us, of me. It was foolish, and she had not minced words about that fact. She and Charlie had met by that point, and she had gotten along great with him.
I sighed, closing my eyes as I lowered my head, feeling like a fool for ever having doubted him in any way. Ah, Charlie, love...
"Carlisle?"
I blinked. "Sorry, I'm here... I just..."
She finished my sentence, "...you wish you were with him, rather than stuck on the sidelines."
"Pretty much, yes."
I sat down in my chair, swiveling it around to look out of the window again. We chatted for a bit until she started yawning. She hung up after telling me she loved me and making me promise to give her love to Charlie, too. I was grateful for her call; I had needed the quiet reassurance she always gave.
I tried to get back to the paperwork I had come to the office to do, but I found myself unable to focus. My thoughts constantly went back to Charlie. After about an hour of futily trying to work, I gave up and put everything away for later. I bid Bree good day and headed for the hotel.
Once in my room, I sat down on the bed, leaning against the headboard with my legs sprawled out in front of me. I desperately wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, but I knew that doing so would not be a good idea. If he was with Bella and he hadn't already told her, it would make things harder on him. And if he was talking to her, I did not want to interrupt. I would have to wait for him to contact me - and I knew that he would. I just hated having to wait without knowing what was going on. I was sure that he would need me.
Resting my head against the wall, I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. Charlie had asked me to move in almost straight away, and though I wanted to, I felt it best to wait at least a little while. We spent most of our free time together, which was considerably more than the last time I had been here since he no longer had classes to contend with. He introduced me to his friends, who were all incredibly welcoming. I had hugged Sue and Sarah, thanking them for taking such good care of my Charlie over the years, which had made both them and Charlie blush.
After a couple of months of seeing each other - and Charlie's gentle insistence that I move in with him - I gave in. I knew it was silly. I had, after all, moved halfway around the world just to be with him, but I wanted him to be sure about us before taking that particular step. I was staying at his place more often than not anyway, as he always seemed to manage to convince me to stay the night. Not that I needed much persuading, mind.
Things went well for us as we settled into a life together. It was pretty much as I had dreamed it would be, and I couldn't have been happier. Esme had surprised us with a visit the following May, claiming she wanted to see what her little brother was up to and to make sure that I was being 'treated right' by the American that had stolen my heart. She had instantly taken to Charlie and he to her, and I was elated that the two most important people in my life got along so well. I could only hope that the same would hold true once I got to meet Bella.
When it got closer to the time where Bella would be visiting, things became a little more difficult. Charlie and I had countless discussions about what to do. I tried again and again to convince him to tell her about him and about us. He steadfastedly refused, claiming she was too young. I knew he feared losing her, and I could understand it - to a point. So rather than fighting over something there was no easy solution to and something that he would need to get to in his own time, I arranged for an extended vacation to visit my family back in London.
I hated the idea of being away from him for so long. As much as I missed my family, my home was with him now, and I would miss the comforting warmth he always surrounded me with. It hurt that Charlie held this part of his life back, though. It felt like he gave me everything - except that which was most important to him, most dear to his heart. I had to admit that that first year especially, the thought had crossed my mind that my leaving and his continuing to keep his truth from Bella would make him change his mind about life with me - that when I came back, he would send me on my way again.
He hadn't, of course. Coming home to him that time had been nearly as charged as it had the first time. The enthusiasm he had shown when he had me to himself again assured me that he still wanted me as much as I did him, and it had helped ease the ache of our separation and the reason behind it.
In mid-November, my Mom called to invite us to celebrate Christmas with them. We talked it over for a few days and checked our schedules to make sure we'd even be able to make it. Charlie was hesitant to go, in part because he had never flown anywhere, let alone been out of the States before, and in part because he was nervous about meeting my parents. He'd already met Esme, so that wasn't an issue. He also admitted that it felt odd to him to not be in the same country as Bella over Christmas, even if he wouldn't be able to see her were he to stay here anyway.
We'd decided to fly in on the Sunday before Christmas so we would have a couple of days to relax, do some shopping and do some sight seeing. I'd planned to take Charlie to some of my favorite places in London. Charlie had opted for the window seat and sat looking outside at the clouds underneath us, his knee bouncing with nervous energy. I placed my hand on his knee, squeezing it lightly as I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Relax, love, everything'll be fine."
He gave me a fleeting smile as he mumbled, "Sorry... can't help it."
I placed a soft kiss just under his ear as I whispered, "Would a distraction help, Charlie?"
He turned his head so he could see me better, a small crease on his forehead as he looked into my eyes. His voice was barely above a whisper as he asked, "A distraction? What did you have in mi-"
I cut him off with a kiss, and I felt him relax a little bit as he moaned softly. I pulled away with a smile and looked at him. He grinned back at me as he said, "Yeah, I think that just might help... a little."
The flight attendant had left a couple of pillows and blankets when I'd asked for them shortly after take off, figuring we'd take a nap. Now, though, I had something altogether different in mind as I put a pillow between our seats on top of the armrests and unfolded a blanket, putting it over Charlie's lap before doing the same for myself. Charlie watched me with curious eyes, but said nothing.
I grinned at him. "Sit back, love; try and relax?"
I stifled my chuckle as he lifted one brow questioningly. I was sure he was wondering what I was up to, but I just kissed him briefly on the lips before settling back into my seat. I heard him huff a little, but he reclined his seat enough to be more comfortable, but still sitting up.
Perfect.
After a minute or so, Charlie gave up trying to figure out what I was up to and turned to look back out the window. His knee began bouncing within five minutes, and I knew that his nerves were ratcheting up again. He definitely needed a distraction. I'd kept my seat in the upright position to better shield us from prying eyes - not that there were any to begin with. The seats directly surrounding us were either empty or had people already fast asleep in them. I turned around so I sat facing Charlie as I placed my hand on his knee again after I'd slipped it under the blanket.
He turned to look at me with slightly widened eyes as he felt my hand trail upwards over his inner thigh. I leaned in, kissing him briefly before whispering in his ear, "Can you be very quiet, Charlie, love?"
"Wh..." He groaned as I lightly palmed him, and I quieted him by kissing him.
I pulled away just far enough so I could whisper against his lips, "Shh, love, you'll have to stay quiet now. Can you do that?"
Charlie's eyes were on mine as he nodded slightly, biting his lip as I began unbuttoning his fly. Never had I been so glad that he usually preferred button fly jeans as I was now, because the tell-tale sound of a zipper would have given things away. Once his fly was undone, I slipped my hand into his boxers and gently pulled his erection out of its confines. I grinned slightly as I realized that Charlie was definitely turned on by this, as he was already quite hard.
I shifted slightly so it would appear I was just looking out the window and talking intimately with him. Charlie gave a soft whimper as I began to stroke him slowly. His eyes fluttered closed as I ran my thumb over his head, spreading the pre-cum that had gathered there. I took my time with him, wanting him to relax as much as possible, take his mind off of his nerves, and focus only on feeling me.
His breathing got shallower with every twist of my wrist. He was clutching at the armrest, trying to stay still, though from time to time his hips would buck up into my hand. His eyes had long since closed, and he had a look of concentration on his face as he tried to be quiet - something I knew to be hard for him. I sped up my movements, knowing he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer.
As I did, I fished my handkerchief out of my pocket and held it over his head. As he began to tense up, I kissed him hard, swallowing the groan that escaped his lips as he came. I continued to stroke him gently, prolonging his orgasm as much as I could. When I pulled away, he opened his eyes and muttered, "Bloody hell..."
I snickered at his choice of words, knowing he had picked that up from me. I kissed him briefly again before smiling at him. "Feeling better now?"
He hummed as I cleaned him up as well as I was able. I carefully wrapped the handkerchief and stood up. "I'll be right back, love."
I went to the restroom, disposed of the handkerchief, and washed my hands before returning to my seat. Charlie was looking a lot more relaxed now, which made me smile. He looked at me as I sat back down, his eyes dancing slightly as he leaned into me, whispering, "You know, Doctor, I could have you arrested for indecent exposure for that little stunt."
I grinned at him. "Sorry, Officer, but I do believe you are out of your jurisdiction. Besides, I didn't hear you complaining earlier."
He chuckled as he slipped his hand to the nape of my neck and pulled me in for a deep kiss, murmuring against my lips as he pulled away, "Thank you."
I pecked his lips again with a chuckle of my own. "You're welcome, love."
For the rest of the flight, he had been more relaxed, even taking a nap for a while. When we had arrived at Heathrow, he got nervous again, though, thinking that he would be meeting my parents then and there. Instead, we were greeted by Esme. She said that she thought it would be nicer for Charlie to get a chance to settle in first and recover from the long flight before dealing with meeting our parents. Charlie had blushed as he had muttered his thanks; I was fairly certain he was remembering what had happened on that flight, and I had to fight back a grin.
We were staying at Esme's, who lived alone now that I had moved to America. We had shared an apartment while I had been in school, mostly for convenience and because we got along so well. Neither of us had wanted to deal with housemates, so it was easy to come to that arrangement instead. After I left, she had just stayed there as she didn't need to worry about money anyway.
Charlie and I shared my old room, and he had seemed almost... reverent... as he walked around it, taking in all the small things I had left behind. Esme had not touched a thing, knowing I would come back to visit. He stood, looking at all the photographs that lined the dresser - pictures of my family mostly, and one of him taken on the back porch of the house I'd been renting when I met him. He seemed thoughtful, and perhaps a little sad. I walked up to him and slipped my arms around his waist from behind as I rested my chin on his shoulder. He leaned into me, placing his hands over mine as he sighed.
"I'm sorry."
I frowned. He had spoken so softly, I wasn't sure whether I had even heard him right. Squeezing him slightly, I murmured, "Sorry? For what, love?"
He turned his head to look at me. "For not being able to give you this." He motioned at the pictures.
I sighed, kissing his neck lightly. I wasn't sure what to say. I couldn't tell him it was okay, when I really didn't feel it was. Nor could I tell him I didn't mind, as we both knew it bothered me that he didn't open up that part of his life to me. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to think of anything to say, but I could only come up with one thing that really mattered. Placing my palm over his heart, I kissed his neck again and whispered, "I love you, Charlie, always."
We had gone down to have tea with Esme not long after that, just relaxing and catching up. She informed us that Mother and Father would be coming over in the morning to meet Charlie. She confided later when Charlie had gone to the bathroom that she had felt it better to meet here where Charlie had a place to retreat to, rather than at our parents' house. She knew he was nervous about meeting them, and she just wanted to make it as easy as possible for him - I loved her all the more for it, and I hugged her tightly as I thanked her.
The next day, we had gotten up early, though not early enough to help my sister with breakfast, as that was already waiting for us when we walked into the dining room. Esme had made an all-out English breakfast - scones, scrambled eggs, bacon, ham, toast, fried tomatoes, baked beans, cornflakes; you name it, it was there. Charlie's mouth had hung open as he took everything in, asking me quietly if Esme always did this or if she had gone all-out just for him. I grinned and kissed his cheek, telling him that he'd better get used to it.
Esme had laughed at Charlie's look of astonishment as she walked in with a large pot of tea, urging us to tuck in. We all ate heartily, even Charlie, which surprised me a little. I knew he was nervous, and normally that meant his appetite deminished. He did seem more relaxed than he had been the night before, something I attributed to Esme's warm welcome into her home.
Charlie and I both started to pick up the dishes to take them to the kitchen for Esme, but she would have none of it, ordering us to go get ready as our parents would be there within half an hour. As tempting as it was to do more than clean ourselves, we didn't go beyond kisses and tender touches while we showered together. I didn't think Charlie would need to be remembering just having fucked me or I him as he was shaking hands with my parents.
Charlie had become more nervous the closer time came to my parents' arrival, and he was constantly running his fingers through his hair, his eyes darting to me for reassurance. He was sitting on the couch next to me, and once again, his knee was bouncing with nervous energy. I shifted myself to one end of the couch, pulling him to me so he was leaning against me with his back.
Placing my hand over his chest, I whispered softly in his ear, "Stop worrying, love. Everything will be fine, I promise."
I was rubbing soothingly over his heart, trying to quietly remind him that I would be here with him and hoping that he would remember the reason he had gotten his tattoo. He relaxed minutely and was about to say something when the doorbell rang and he stiffened up, scooting to sit further away from me like a teenager being caught making out by his parents. If it hadn't been for the fact that it was Charlie about to meet my parents, I might have found it funny. As it was, I just wished I could calm him down. He really didn't have anything to worry about from my mother and father.
I sighed softly as I squeezed his knee before getting up, holding my hand out to him. He got up as well, grabbing my hand and holding it in a vice grip. I could hear Esme and our parents talking in the hallway, and Charlie started to walk to the door, but I pulled him close to me, kissing him tenderly as I caressed his cheek with my free hand.
I murmured against his lips as I looked in his eyes. "Just remember I love you. Nothing else matters, Charlie. Now breathe, love."
He let out a shaky breath, nodding once. I kissed him again briefly, and as I pulled away, Esme led them into the living room. I squeezed Charlie's hand once before letting him go and stepping up to greet my mother with a warm hug. As I kissed her on the cheek, I noticed Esme go up to Charlie, standing by him.
"Mother, it's so good to see you again."
She smiled at me as she patted my arm before releasing me so I could hug my father. "Father."
He gave me a quick hug, after which I stepped back to Charlie, who had been watching us quietly. I wondered what was going through Charlie's mind, how we would look to him. Both Esme and I looked like younger versions of our parents. Mother was slightly shorter than Esme, whilst Father and I were the same height. The only differences between us were the fact that his hairline was slightly receding, he was grayish-blond, and he was slightly heavier than I.
Esme and Mother could have been sisters, though Mother's hair only remained the same shade through the help of her hair salon. I shook my head slightly to rid myself of these thoughts so I could introduce them.
I placed my hand behind Charlie's elbow as I spoke.
"Charlie, these are my parents, Avery and Abigail Cullen. Mother, Father, I would like you to meet my partner, Charlie Swan."
Charlie blushed a little at the introduction, holding his hand out to Mother as he said, "Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen."
I had to stifle a chuckle when my mother waved his hand aside and stepped up to him, engulfing him in a warm hug. Charlie shot me a panicked glance before returning the hug - I knew he hadn't been expecting a welcome like that.
Mother stepped back, placing her hands on his arms as she looked up at him with a warm smile. "Charlie, please call me Abby. Mrs. Cullen is my mother-in-law. I'm happy to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you from both Carlisle and Esme."
Charlie cleared his throat, muttering, "Thank you."
Father stepped up to him, clapping him on the shoulder as he winked at him, while at the same time coaxing his wife away from Charlie to allow him some space. "Now, now, Abby; let's give the poor chap a break, shall we? Charlie, please call me Avery."
Charlie just nodded. He looked a little shell-shocked, so I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him to my side. He smiled tentatively at me as he placed his hand on my elbow, holding onto me. I whispered in his ear, "See, nothing to worry about."
He gave a soft snort and whispered, "Says you."
Esme gingerly patted Charlie on the arm and said, "Well, what are we all standing around for? Sit down while I go and get the tea."
We all sat and chatted for a long while after that. Charlie had sat down close beside me, and we were always touching in some way, affording him some comfort and allowing him to relax little by little the more he got to know my parents.
The next few days we spent mostly by ourselves as I took him around London to shop and do some sightseeing. I took him to the Sherlock Holmes Museum, thinking he might enjoy it - which he did. He marveled at how small the house was and how tiny the furniture seemed to be. The tour guide explained that people back then were a lot smaller than they are today, but it still amazed him to see it. He got a kick out of seeing Sherlock Holmes in the flesh, so to speak, when a guy came up to us in costume and introduced himself as such, never breaking character. I ended up buying him a special edition of the collected stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, making sure he didn't see so I could give it to him for Christmas.
I also took him to Scotland Yard, and even though we didn't go inside, he was still intrigued by it. We made the obligatory stop at the Palace as well as the Tower of London. He had loved it all and was in awe of the city, saying that we would have to come back soon so I could show him more.
My phone, chirping in my hands, brought me from my thoughts of that Christmas, and I sighed when I read Charlie's text.
She's hysterical. Won't talk to me. What the hell do I do?
I sent a text back, advising him to give her some space and asking him how he was holding up. We texted back and forth for well over an hour, and I knew that he was hurting. I wanted so much to hold him, to comfort him, to just be there, that there was no hesitation on my part when he said he needed to see me.
Meet me in the hotel bar. I need to be able to touch you.
If I knew my Charlie - and I did - he would not have eaten at all, having been too worried and upset to even think about food. I could make him eat at the bar as we talked. I could have opted for room service, but I didn't want to chance our being distracted.
I went to the bar as soon as I had sent the text, knowing that he would be there within minutes. I ordered us an appetizer and a couple of beers - it would be something, at least. I had just taken a seat in a booth when Charlie walked in. I stood up as he got to the table and hugged him tightly. He buried his face in my neck as he clung to me, almost as if he feared he would drown if he let go.
He kept muttering, "I've lost her," over and over again.
"Oh, Charlie..." I sighed softly, rubbing his back. "Tell me what happened.”
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