Be Careful What You Wish For Chapter 2 - I'm Yours

I woke to the feeling of soft caresses and tender kisses. I hummed in pleasure, a smile playing on my lips as I opened my eyes slowly, taking in the sky blue eyes in front of me that were still slightly dazed from sleep.

Carlisle whispered against my lips, "Good morning, love."

I sighed contentedly as I pressed my lips to his. "Good morning, sweets."

He shifted closer to me, and my arms tightened reflexively around him. Even after all this time, waking up to him never ceased to fill me with awe and wonder. He nuzzled my neck affectionately, his lips brushing against the mark he left there the night before as we made love.

He pulled away, resting his weight on his right arm as he placed his left hand on the torch tattoo over my heart. He looked at me, his thumb brushing my skin lightly as he spoke, "You didn't sleep very well, love. Are you going to be all right to drive to Seattle and back?"

I placed my hand over his, squeezing it lightly as I nodded. "I'll be fine. Nothing some coffee won't deal with. Though I wish you could come with me."

His brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, placing my finger against his lips. "I know, I know...I need to do this on my own." I sighed. "I still don't know how I'm supposed to tell my daughter... especially after all this time..."

His eyes were saddened as he moved his hand to cup my cheek. "I don't know, love. But she will need to hear the truth before she finds out for herself. I know this is hard for you, Charlie. She's your daughter. If she takes after you at all, she will be okay. It may take her some time, though..."

All I could do was nod. We'd had endless discussions about this ever since Bella's call. In truth, it had been a topic of discussion for years, but now that Bella wanted to live here...

I wished we could have stayed in bed; I needed his comfort, his touch. I was scared to death for Bella's reaction, afraid that she would run away like her mother had done and not look back. I had never blamed Renee for leaving, but the thought of Bella turning her back on me chilled me to my core. It had been partially for that reason that I had never been able to bring myself to tell her the truth. And now there was no choice but to do just that.

As he always did, Carlisle seemed to sense what I needed most. He moved so that he lay completely on top of me, letting me feel his weight as he ran his fingers through my hair. I welcomed it; it let me know he was there, would be there always. I slipped my arms around his waist and tilted my head, lifting it a little so I could kiss him.

We lay like that for a little while, just holding each other as we kissed. We both knew we wouldn't have time for much else as I needed to head out, but we afforded time for this. We both needed the contact right then, as he was moving to a hotel for a few days to give Bella time to get used to the idea of us. He felt it was important that we not throw it in her face, that telling her her father was gay was enough information to digest without forcing Carlisle down her throat, too.

I hated the thought of being parted from him again, and I had tried - in vain - to talk him out of leaving. I was selfish in my need for him with me, I knew that. I knew he was right, but that didn't stop me from wanting to be able to hold him, to draw on his comfort.

Eventually, Carlisle moved off of me with a soft sigh. "C'mon, love. We need to get moving if you're going to be at the airport on time."

Grunting, I reluctantly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to start the shower. I heard Carlisle give a soft chuckle, and I shook my head, feeling my lip twitch as I tried not to grin. By the time the water was the right temperature and I had stepped under the spray, Carlisle had joined me, slipping his arms around my waist from behind.

We took turns washing each other, wanting these last moments of being able to show affection openly. It had become a ritual of sorts, over the years. All too soon, though, we were dressed and I was heading out the door. Carlisle would be gone by the time I got back, and my heart ached as we said our goodbyes at the door, even knowing that it was only for a few days and he would be right here in town. In a way, that actually hurt more than all the other times we'd been apart. He whispered some last encouraging words, telling me he loved me before sending me on my way.

As I made my way to Seattle, my thoughts drifted back to just after Carlisle had left. I had gotten depressed, and it had taken Harry and Billy little effort to figure out the reason behind it. Harry and Billy were my best friends and had seen me through all the changes in my life, so it shouldn't have surprised me when they confronted me about Carlisle. I had told them everything - well, mostly everything.

Neither man batted an eye at the revelation that their friend was gay, and their reassurances and support helped me find my way back out of my state of depression. They made sure I wasn't alone, especially once mother's health took a severe downturn. She was giving up, missing my father too much, and she was slowly withering away. It killed me to see it happen and not be able to really do anything for her.

Carlisle and I wrote back and forth. I'd never been one for writing letters, but for him, I took time to write them, and I found I was able to tell him more with him gone than I could before. His letters were always full of comforting words, his love was palpable, and I often found myself re-reading his letters, tracing the words with my fingers and almost able to hear him speak. I missed him so much.

My mother took me by surprise one night. I hadn't thought she had paid much attention to anything or anyone since my father had passed away, as she had withdrawn into her own little world for the most part.

We were sitting on the couch, watching some mindless show that she used to follow. I was hoping to get her interested enough in something to help her find a way to move on, but everything we'd tried so far had failed. Without her husband, there just wasn't anything left for her, not even me. The thought stung, but I could understand it. After all, my parents had loved each other fiercely, and hadn't I just learned how that kind of love could feel?

I got up to get myself another beer when she grabbed my wrist and looked at me with more life in her eyes than I had seen in months.

"Charlie-boy, you promise me something. You follow your heart, always. I know you, Son. Your heart won't lead you wrong; trust it, be true to it. Be true to yourself. You deserve to be loved, Charlie-boy, to be as happy as your Dad and I were."

I sat heavily back on the couch and stared at her. I had never told her about Carlisle, and this was the closest to that conversation as we ever had gotten. I was dumbfounded, and when she spoke again, I was stunned.

"I know you've been lonely since Carlisle left, Son. Find a way to work things out, if you can. Be happy."

With that, she patted my knee and turned to look at the TV again, her eyes getting that faraway look once more.

Within a couple of weeks, I had gotten a tattoo over my heart to remind me of my truth; it was a small, black torch, and nestled in the flames was a scrolled letter C. The torch was a symbol of truth, and the C was for Carlisle, though people assumed it was my own initial. It didn't matter, but for me it was a reminder that Carlisle was my truth. Even if I never saw him again, he would always - always - be a part of me.

After that conversation with my mother, time seemed to go by without my being truly aware of it. Before I knew it, I was heading to Seattle to pick up Bella for her first visit. Renee was flying her in, and Sarah had come with me as the drive back to Forks would be long - honestly, I didn't think she trusted me to be able to deal with a crying infant while driving, and she may well have been right. As it was, she had come with me, leaving Billy in charge of their twin girls for the day. She had also arranged with Sue that they would stay with me in shifts while Bella was with me, to help take care of Mother as she refused to leave the house.

The support they all gave me meant the world to me. Sarah said she would be waiting for me at one of the coffee shops, knowing that I would want some time to talk to Renee before heading home. When Renee and Bella arrived, I felt a pang of guilt again. Renee looked thinner than when I'd last seen her, and not in a good way. She'd smiled at me, though, and hugged me. We went to one of the delis and sat down after I grabbed us something to eat. As Bella slept in her stroller, we sat and talked about what had happened, how she and Bella were doing down in Phoenix, about my father passing away and how my mother was doing.

I apologized again for everything, and she surprised me by taking my hand in hers and telling me she had forgiven me a long time ago, that there really had not been anything to forgive. She told me that though it had hurt her, she would be fine in the end, and I had to believe her. When it was time for her to get checked in for her flight back to Phoenix, I walked her to security where she hugged me again and told me to be happy.

Watching her walk through security gave me a sense of déjà vu as I was reminded of Carlisle leaving. Pushing Bella's stroller with one hand and grabbing her luggage in the other, I walked to the coffee shop to find Sarah.

For the first few days, I hardly ever left Bella's side. Having my little girl with me was a bittersweet thing as it reminded me starkly of the events that had led to the situation we currently found ourselves in. I had missed her so much, and she had grown a lot since I had seen her last. I was almost afraid to miss another minute while I had her with me. With the help of Sarah and Sue, everything went smoothly. I made sure that my mother got to spend as much time as possible with her only grandchild, but even Bella was unable to reach her.

My time with Bella was over all too soon and I had to drop her off in Seattle again, where Renee was waiting for me. She had flown in the night before and stayed in a hotel, not quite able to make herself go back to Forks. I couldn't blame her; this was hard for both of us.

When I got home, I locked myself up in my room. Sue was staying with Mother, sensing that I would not likely be up for dealing with anything or anyone for a while. I just lay in bed, curled up on top of the covers and staring blankly at the wall, my mind going in a hundred different directions, all of them focusing on what I'd lost, what I was missing. Who I was missing.

When the phone rang around eight, I almost didn't answer it. I couldn't tell you what made me pick up the phone then, but I had to choke back a sob when I heard the soothing quality of Carlisle's voice. "Hey Charlie."

I glanced at the clock again, doing some quick math, and frowned. "Carlisle? What are you doing up? Isn't it four in the morning over there?"

My voice sounded thick with emotion, almost to the point where I didn't recognize it as my own. In spite of that, I could feel a smile form, knowing that he was on the other end of the world, thinking of me, talking to me.

His voice was filled with tenderness, and it made me ache to feel his arms around me again. "Yes it is, love. I figured you could use someone to talk to tonight. Didn't you drop off Bella today?"

I had to swallow a few times before I found my voice again. "Yeah, I did. Thanks, Carlisle. You don't know how much that means."

There was a short pause where I could hear him take a deep breath, and I could almost see his shy smile when he spoke again. "Any time, love. Tell me about Bella?"

We spent the next two hours on the phone. I told him about Bella's stay and how much she'd grown since I had seen her last. I filled him in on the latest with my mother, and he said he wished he could be there to help. He told me to call him if anything happened, no matter the time. It felt good to know that even half a world away, Carlisle knew just what I needed. It made me feel loved, cared for, though it also made me ache for him. I wanted him here, but I knew that was impossible.

The next three months were hard. Harry, Sue, Billy, and Sarah all tried to keep my spirits up, but it was difficult. I missed Bella, and I missed Carlisle. And I missed my father. The first anniversary of his death came ever closer, and as it did, my mother got worse. She passed away in her sleep on the very day he had left us a year before. She had just given up completely. When I went into her room to wake her, she looked so peaceful that I just knew.

Sue found me sitting on the edge of her bed, having come looking for me when I didn't immediately come down with Mother for breakfast. She placed all the phone calls, made all the arrangements. I just couldn't. I knew my friends were all there; they spent the entire day at the house, not wanting to leave me alone, but I wasn't up for their company. I spent my time in my room, silent tears running down my face as I curled up on the bed and hugged my chest. I felt alone and lonely, more than I ever had before.

The phone rang frequently throughout the day, but I couldn't bring myself to answer it. Eventually, I heard Sarah walk into my room and stop by my bed as she said, "Here he is, Carlisle."

I looked up at her, disbelief clear on my face as she pointedly held the phone out to me. I grabbed it, and she leaned down to kiss my forehead before leaving me to my call. I wiped my eyes, as if he would be able to tell the difference as I croaked out, "Hello?"

Carlisle's voice sounded tired and thick with sleep still as he spoke, "Ah, Charlie... I'm so sorry, love."

"How did you know?"

"You've got some very good friends, my love. Sarah found my number and called to let me know."

I frowned at the phone for a second. Sarah had called him? "She woke you up?"

He gave a short chuckle, "Yes, but it's okay. I told you you could call me any time, Charlie. I meant it." He sighed softly, and I could hear a faint rustling as I imagined him shifting in bed. His voice was so soft, I could barely hear him. "Why didn't you call me?"

I turned to lie on my back, staring up at the ceiling as I ran my hand through my hair, blinking away the tears. "I don't know. I just..."

He sighed softly. "It's okay, love. Talk to me now? I want to be there for you, Charlie. I wish I were there."

I snorted softly. "Yeah...me, too."

We had spent another hour on the phone, just talking. Hearing his gentle voice was both a balm to my soul and a slap in the face. I would not have gone without it, though. He called every week for a while, to make sure I was holding up okay. During our talks, he would encourage me to follow my dreams. He knew I wanted to be a police officer, and the small inheritance left me by my parents would pay my way through the rest of college and allow me to do what I needed to do to achieve my wish. I also didn't need to worry about house payments, as the house they left to me was paid for by their life insurance.

I kept my job at the hospital while I finished college, not because I needed to anymore, but because it forced me to interact with people. Sue and Sarah were particularly insistent I do so, and I relented after a while. Between my work and my classes, I didn't have a lot of time, and that was probably a good thing.

I graduated that next May, and was glad to be done with it.

When I got home from graduation and sorted through the mail, I paused. There was a padded envelope from Carlisle. I put the rest of the mail on the little table by the door and walked to the couch with the envelope in hand. I wondered what it was, but before I managed to open it - it was taped up really well - the phone rang. "Swan."

"Congratulations, Charlie."

I smiled as I sat back, putting the envelope on my lap. "Carlisle!"

I heard him laugh softly on the other end. "Yes, love, it's me. Wanted to congratulate you, and check if you'd any post today."

His voice sounded hesitant, which made me frown as I looked down at the envelope. "Yes, I did, just now in fact. Was about to open it when you called. Your timing is as great as ever."

"Please, open it, love."

Tucking the phone between my ear and shoulder, I picked up the envelope again. I took out my pocket knife and carefully cut through the tape. Pulling out the letter and a small gray satin drawstring pouch, I put the envelope aside, opened the letter and skimmed through it quickly. As if knowing what I was doing, he said, "Never mind the letter right now, love. Please, open it."

Putting the letter on top of the envelope, I tugged at the string, opening the little pouch. Holding my hand palm side up, I upended the pouch, and a small silver coin fell out. I picked it up after discarding the holder and held it up to examine it more closely. It was about the size of a dollar and at its center was a tiny diamond. There were words inscribed around it that read, 'Think of me when you look upon this.'

I gasped softly. Never had anyone given me anything like this before. I was stunned.

"Charlie?"

I had to clear my throat before I could speak. "Carlisle...I don't know what to say..."

He sighed, and I could imagine him running his fingers through his hair. "There should be a card with the coin, love. Did you read it?"

I picked up the pouch again, only now realizing that it was stiff, so I opened it further and fished out the small card. It read:

"How beautiful poetry can be. I see.
It transports faraway friends.
But this token, I think, serves better the role,
As my remembering of you never ends."

I read it several times, trying to figure out what he meant.

"Charlie? Still there, love?"

I blinked, frowning. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here, sorry." I picked up the token again, my thumb lightly tracing the words on it. "Thank you, Carlisle. I don't need a token to remember you by, though. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you," I admitted quietly.

"Same here, love. I know I'm being selfish, but I needed you to know..." he paused a moment before continuing, "I just needed you to know, love."

I could feel the words he seemed unable to utter hanging in the air. I tilted my head back, looking up at the ceiling. "I know, Carlisle."

He had called it a selfish thing to give me; to me, it was a most precious gift. One I treasured still. It was too precious to keep on my person. With my job, I was afraid to lose it, so its home was in the drawer of my bedside table. It was nestled on top of his letters and taken out frequently over the years.

I checked the arrival board and saw that Bella's flight had been delayed. Deciding to grab a cup of coffee while I waited for her flight to land, I went to the Starbucks and ordered my usual black coffee. I didn't care for all their fancy drinks that were supposed to be coffee. Plain old black coffee worked fine for me. I found a seat out of the way from people and just sat, sipping my coffee as my mind drifted back over my life since Bella was born.

Coffee at Starbucks had become another ritual of sorts. Every year, I came here to wait for Bella's flight to arrive; that only changed once she no longer wanted to come to Forks, and I instead went to see her for two weeks in California.

Every year, it was the same bittersweet pleasure to have my little girl with me. Sue and Sarah both stuck around closely in case we needed them. I appreciated their help over the years. I knew things would have been much more difficult for me had they not been there. Another reason I was grateful for their presence was that they kept sneaking pictures of Bella and me together. They worked together on a scrapbook for me, and I frequently leafed through it when I missed her particularly badly.

Carlisle always called me every night after I had dropped Bella off, as well as on the anniversary of my parents' deaths. He knew those were the hardest times for me, and I was grateful for his calls. It made the pain just a little less, if only for a little while. We still kept in touch through letters, but we now also used e-mail and on occasion instant messenger, though it was difficult for us to connect, given the time difference.

He would always ask me about Bella, ask me how I liked being an officer of the law. He inquired about Harry, Sue, Billy, and Sarah as well as their kids. Every little thing, he was interested in, and I was more than happy to share it with him. It felt like he was there, in a way. He would tell me about the work he was doing. He had been working hard to become a doctor, doing more than was needed because he said he wanted to do research. I was proud of him, but worried about him overdoing things, and I always told him so. He would just give a soft chuckle and change the subject.

When he graduated medical school, I had sent him a stethoscope with his name engraved in it. I felt incredibly corny, but I couldn't think of anything better to give him. He had called to thank me, and in a letter told me he always had it with him. He sent me copies of articles he had written. In short, he included me in his life as much as possible, and I cherished everything he offered.

The others would try to get me to go out or try to date, but I wasn't interested. I wasn't ready. I wasn't sure if I ever would be, again.

The summer before Bella turned five was the hardest yet. She was growing up so fast; she was more observant than I thought a child her age would be, and she asked questions. Lots and lots of questions. Questions that I had no answers to. She had asked me why I wasn't living with her and Mommy in Phoenix, why I always seemed to look a little sad when I thought she wasn't looking. Why I was alone.

I couldn't tell her. How do you tell your almost-five-year-old little girl that Daddy fell in love with another man and that was why Mommy left?

I couldn't, so I left her questions unanswered. Not that it mattered much, she seemed to draw her own conclusions, stating with the utmost certainty any four-year-old can muster that I must still love her mommy and I was sad because I missed her so much. I couldn't bring myself to set her straight.

Dropping her off in Seattle had been nothing short of torture as she kept trying to convince me to come with her and Mommy to Phoenix. I had to quietly explain to Renee what had happened, and the hurt in her eyes tore at my soul. There was something else there, too - disappointment, I thought. I wasn't sure.

By the time I was home again, I was tired and more than a little down; depressed, even. The only thing I looked forward to was Carlisle's call. He had never failed to call me on this day, but it was early still, so I tried to distract myself. I turned on the TV to ESPN but was soon lost in thought, not paying any attention to whatever they were showing.

After sitting on the couch for about an hour, I glanced at the clock with a frown as I realized that it was past the time Carlisle would usually call me. I shook my head at myself; I felt a sense of loss and rejection, and I mentally scolded myself for it. He was a busy man; something probably came up. I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't have forgotten.

With a sigh, I got up to grab myself a beer but instead wound up in my bedroom, sitting on the edge of my bed as I stared at the bedside table. Muttering to myself about being a sap, I pulled open the drawer and took out the little gray pouch, fingering it gently. Rolling my eyes at myself, I clutched the little pouch in my hand and went in search of a beer before settling down on the couch again.

Setting the pouch on my knee, I opened my beer and took a long pull before placing it on the coffee table. The TV was still going in the background, and I vaguely noted that the Mariners game had started. I took the token out of its pouch, tracing the words with my fingers. I felt silly, but I needed the connection it afforded me. I sat like that for a long time, occasionally glancing at the clock.

The phone finally rang almost two hours later than normal, but I knew it would be him before I answered. "Swan."

I smiled at the soft British accent that came through the receiver. "Hey, Charlie."

"Hey yourself. Everything okay?"

He chuckled softly. "Isn't it usually me asking you that question?"

"Yeah, usually. Just worried when you didn't call..." I scrubbed my face with one hand, feeling like a complete tool.

He sighed softly. "I know, I'm calling late; I'm sorry. I wasn't able to get to a phone until now. Been running around a lot today."

I frowned. "Work?"

He hummed. "Mhmm..."

There was a knock on the door, and I let out a soft curse under my breath, hoping he hadn't heard me. "Sorry, Carlisle, someone's at the door. Can you hang on a minute?"

"Of course, love."

Holding the phone to my chest to cover the mouth piece, I unlocked the door, opened it, and froze in shock.

Carlisle stood at the door as he put his phone in his shirt pocket. He smiled shyly at me, running his fingers through his hair. "Hi Charlie..."

I stood there, stunned, as I took in the sight before me. He looked every bit as handsome as I remembered him to be, though he looked tired. His blue jeans and light blue button down shirt looked rumpled, but to me he had never looked better.

He shuffled his feet slightly, uncertainty flashing in his eyes as I remained quiet. I felt the phone slip from my fingers and before it even really registered in my mind that I was doing it, I had placed both my hands on either side of his face and closed the distance between us, kissing him with everything I had. He gave a quiet moan as he slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer still as he tilted his head slightly to deepen our kiss.

I couldn't quite believe that he was here, even with his arms around me, his body pressed against me, and our lips locked in a kiss I hoped would never end. Air was a necessity, though, so I reluctantly pulled away and looked in his eyes, my voice breathless as I spoke, "Running around a lot for work, huh?"

He chuckled softly and pressed his lips to my forehead, murmuring, "You could say that, love."

I looked at him in confusion. He smiled shyly again, tightening his hold momentarily as he tilted his head toward the living room. "Not that I'm not happy to be with you, love, but do you think we can take this inside and sit down? It's been a long day."

I blinked, suddenly realizing that he must have spent most of the day traveling. "Oh! Yes, yes, of course... sorry."

Blushing slightly, I grabbed his hand in mine and pulled him inside. The need to make sure he was real - having to have the tangible proof - was too strong. Once we were in the living room, he sat down on the couch with his back to the armrest. His eyes were on mine as he toed out of his shoes, putting one long leg along the couch and pulling me down to sit with my back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, nuzzling right below my ear, and gave a soft, contented sigh. "I take it from your very welcome greeting that you don't mind this? I've been waiting so long to hold you again."

Did I mind? Was he kidding? The only response I was able to manage was a soft snort as I turned my head and rolled my eyes at him. He chuckled softly, kissing me lightly on the lips.

"Carlisle, not that I am complaining about seeing you, far from it. But... what are you doing here?"

I shifted slightly so I could see his face properly. He blushed, running a hand through his hair again as his eyes darted across the room before settling on mine. "I'm the new doctor the hospital hired, Charlie. I'm here to stay, this time."

I had heard rumors of a new hire at the hospital, but no one knew who it was, just that he or she was good and would be starting in mid-August. The hospital administration had arranged housing for them - the same house Carlisle had rented when he was here - and that was all I had heard. It took me a moment to fully register what he had just said, and a hundred questions popped in my mind. The only thing I was able to say was a simple, "Why?"

My eyes searched his, both hoping and fearing what I might find in them. He placed his palm on my cheek, his voice low. "Because I'm a selfish creature, my love. I needed to be close to you. There hasn't been a day that's gone by in these years past that I've not thought about you, that I didn't long to be with you again."

All I could do was stare at him; I was speechless. When I didn't reply, he frowned slightly, his thumb brushing my cheekbone as he whispered, "Tell me I'm not too late, Charlie. Tell me that you want to try with me."

His voice sounded so insecure, it broke through the daze I was in. I had to swallow a couple of times before I found my voice again, and it still came out as little more than a breathless whisper, "God, yes."

The smile that lit up his face was brilliant and the emotions I saw flicker in his eyes made my heart race. He pulled me closer as he leaned in and kissed me - tenderly at first, but quickly becoming more urgent. Any thoughts I had - any further questions - melted away for the moment as we got lost in just being together again.

I had thought I would never get to see him again, let alone touch or kiss him, and I didn't want to waste any time by thinking right now. It felt too good just to feel again. It was as if I'd gone on autopilot all these years, never really alive anymore after saying goodbye to him. Now here he was, holding me again, and it felt as if he was breathing life back into me with every kiss, every touch, with every breath I took that carried his scent to me.

When we finally had to break away, we were both breathing heavily. I brushed his cheek with the back of my fingers, my eyes intent on his as I calmed my breathing. After a minute or so, I whispered, "You're really staying?"

He smiled softly and nodded. "Yes, Charlie, I'm really staying."

I could feel the frown form on my face as I tried to figure out if I could tell him now; God knew I wanted to. I got up, pulling his leg so that he was seated properly on the couch before I climbed on his lap, straddling him. Carlisle watched me with confusion clear on his face as I settled myself and cupped his face in my hands. His eyes searched mine even as his hands went to my thighs, gently rubbing them. "Charlie, what..?"

Kissing him briefly, I interrupted him. The need to tell him overrode the fear of doing so - the fear of it being too soon, too much. The man had come back for me. I had to tell him, needed him to know. My eyes were intent on his as I spoke, and I was surprised by the strength I felt even though my voice was low. "I love you."

His eyes lit up at my words, making me smile. His hands moved up to my hips, gripping them tightly. "I love you too, Charlie. I have for a very long time now."

I had known, but to hear him say the words back to me, confirming them, was like a balm to my soul, healing wounds I wasn't even aware that I had. I didn't want him to leave, and I had no idea if the house he would be renting was ready yet or if he would be staying in a hotel in town. All I knew was that he was here and that I wanted him to stay with me. I wanted him.

Leaning in, I kissed him right under his ear before whispering, "Stay."

He moaned as I continued to place soft kisses, trailing along his jaw until I finally met his lips, whispering, "Stay," in between each kiss. When I pulled away and sat back a little, he opened his eyes and nodded. With a smile, I leaned in and kissed him again, tilting my head as I teased his lips with my tongue. He responded immediately, and as we explored each other's mouth, I began to unbutton his shirt.

I wanted to feel his skin again. I needed to learn, needed for him to teach me. I felt his hands kneading my hips, and I rolled them into his, causing us both to moan at the friction it created. Once I'd gotten his shirt open as far as it would go without moving, I slipped my hands inside and ran my fingers over his skin, brushing against his nipples.

He pulled away from the kiss and let his head loll back as he moaned. I watched him intently as I took both nipples between my fingers and gently rolled them. His eyes rolled back as he moaned again, his hips bucking up into mine before he lifted his head and watched me through hooded lids. His voice was gravelly with want as he spoke, the grip he had on my hips tightening as he pressed me firmly into him. "Charlie..."

His grip was so tight, I couldn't move even though I longed for more. I ducked my head, brushing my lips against his as I repeated the words that had allowed him to let go so many years ago. "Don't behave... please, Carlisle."

His eyes flashed as his fingers dug into my hips almost to the point of pain, but I didn't care. His lips latched onto mine, and for a moment, I thought that he would go no further. When he pulled away again, he was breathing heavily, as if trying to control himself. "Bedroom, Charlie?"

I grinned as I indicated where my bedroom was and made to get up to show him, but he just shifted his grip and scooted forward on the couch before pushing off to stand. My legs automatically locked around his waist even as I gaped at him with wide eyes, and I couldn't help but chuckle. I hadn't been expecting him to do that, and my voice was questioning as I said his name. "Carlisle?"

He quieted me by planting a kiss on my lips, holding me up flush against his body, so I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let him carry me. I couldn't stop chuckling as I felt completely silly, but at the same time, I loved that he wanted to keep the connection with me.

How he managed to get us to the bedroom unscathed I had no idea, nor did I care. When we got to my bed, he carefully lowered me until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and he half-crawled over me, pushing me back against the mattress and hovering over me as he kissed me. I tightened my arms around him, pulling him closer, and I moaned into his mouth as he pressed his hips into mine.

His hand ran down my side before sliding under my t-shirt, bunching the fabric up as he moved his hand back up. When he could go no further, he pulled away, tugging at the shirt to get me to sit up. As he did, though, his phone, a small bottle, and a piece of plastic spilled out of his shirt pocket. We both glanced down at the items, and when I looked back at Carlisle, he was blushing.

He made a grab for them, but I was quicker and snatched them up. As I did, he groaned softly, burying his face into my chest. As soon as I got a good look at what I had in my hand, I started to laugh, eliciting another anguished moan from Carlisle as he shook his head against my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair before coaxing his head up to look at me. I grinned as I held up my half-open hand. "Lube and a condom, Carlisle? Expecting to use them this time?"

His shy smile was almost negated by the gleam in his eyes. "Not...expecting... as much as hoping, my love. And you know us Brits; always prepared."

At that, we both started laughing, and I pulled him to me again, pressing my lips against his as I murmured, "I think you've got it confused with American Boy Scouts, sweets."

He pulled back to look at me with slightly widened eyes and a lopsided grin. I frowned. "What?"

He shook his head, but his grin remained firmly in place. "Nothing..."

My eyes searched his as I asked, "What, Carlisle?"

He ducked his head slightly, shaking his head again as he spoke softly. "You just called me 'sweets'."

Going over what I had said, I grinned as I realized he was right. "So I did."

His eyes danced as he looked back up. "I could get used to hearing that."

I just rolled my eyes at him before brushing my lips against his, my hands going to his waistband and grabbing the fabric of his shirt, tugging it out of his pants so I could undo the last few buttons. My hands ghosted up his abs and chest to his shoulders, pushing his shirt off of them. He stood up slowly, his eyes on mine as I sat up on the edge of the bed. He let the shirt fall to the floor before reaching to pull my shirt over my head.

As soon as my arms were free, I reached for his belt, unbuckling it with fumbling fingers. I just wanted those pants off, to see all of him, feel all of him again. After the buckle, I unbuttoned his jeans slowly, tugging at each button as I brushed against his erection. I looked up at him as I palmed him before pulling his pants down; he moaned softly as he watched me, his fingers running tenderly through my hair. I hooked my thumbs under the waistband of his boxers before slowly pulling them down as well, and he stepped out of them.

He made to sit down on the bed, but I placed my hands on his hips, keeping him in place. His hard-on was right in front of my face, and as my breath washed over it, it twitched. My eyes flickered from his face to his dick and back. I had thought so often about what it would be like to taste him, to do to him what he had done to me. I knew I wanted to try it, but now - quite literally - faced with the possibility, I felt nervous. Could I do it? Would I be able to make him feel as good as I remembered him making me feel?

Taking a shaky breath, I leaned forward slightly, placing a gentle kiss on the head of his dick. He hissed, his fingers running through my hair as he murmured, “You don’t have to, Charlie. I’ve missed you so much…I just need to be with you.”

I peered up at him, swallowing before I licked my lips and whispered, “Please…I’ve spent the last four years regretting that I didn’t do this when I had the chance.”

As my thumbs ran lightly across his hipbones and my fingertips caressed his ass, he frowned down at me, a look of concern in his eyes. “Charlie, my love, I swear to you – I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for good. We have all the time in the world.”

I gave him a small smile and said, “I know.” I felt my cheeks heat as I cleared my throat. My eyes were focused on his navel and that thin trail of blond hair leading from it as I admitted, “I’ve fantasized about this for years. I need to know what you taste like. Please? Can I taste you?”

“Oh, bloody hell…” His voice was so low it was hard to hear, and then he raised it as he pleaded, “God, yes…do whatever you want…” He slipped his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my head so I was looking up at him. “I’ve fantasized about you for years, too. Every day we were apart.” His thumb ran along my bottom lip, and I placed a small kiss there before I licked my lips and smiled.

When I leaned forward and kissed his dick again, I saw his head loll back as his grip tightened in my hair. His other hand stayed beneath my chin, and I gently moved it away. I lowered my face, tentatively taking him between my lips. The little bit of liquid that had gathered in his slit was salty and thick; I licked it with my tongue, and his quiet moan let me know I was doing something right.

His voice was in the background, murmuring words of encouragement mixed with his moans and groans. It had been so damn long since I’d been with anyone – not since Carlisle – that I wasn’t even sure I remembered what I enjoyed, much less what he might. But I remembered my time with him clearly, and it was with that memory in my head that I began to move.

I kissed my way up and down his shaft, teasing him with teeth and tongue and lips. I lapped at his base and reached up, cupping his balls as he let out a loud moan. I smiled to myself and took his shaft in hand, pumping him slowly as I lavished attention where he so clearly enjoyed it.

As I licked at one of his balls, carefully taking it into my mouth, a part of my mind – albeit a very tiny part – marveled that this wasn’t strange for me. It wasn’t uncomfortable. All those years ago, I’d worried that I wouldn’t know what to do or how to make him feel good. Carlisle put all those worries to rest, his vocalizations leading me even as they reassured me that he was loving it.

I trailed my tongue back up along his shaft, swirling it around his head before I looked up at him. His chin was lowered, his lips parted as he peered down at me through half-closed eyes. As I watched, he swallowed once, licking his lips before he breathed out, “Charlie…” in a voice so reverent, I felt my pulse quicken in response.

I couldn’t deny him then, and I didn’t want to deny myself anymore either, so I took him again between my lips, this time more than teasing as I felt his hard length fill my mouth. It was such an utterly new sensation – this hardness encased in the soft flesh I’d touched for only one night and then fantasized about for nearly half a decade.

I flattened my tongue, sucking lightly as he slid further back in my mouth. His head brushed near my throat, and I felt the constriction that I fought against. I managed not to gag, but I knew I couldn’t take him any further, so I massaged him with my tongue as I pulled my head back again.

My fingers kneaded his balls, pulling just a bit – that part, I knew well, as my hands had been quite busy over the intervening years. My other hand stroked his length as my lips and tongue worked at his head, swirling and licking and sucking as I bobbed up and down.

A thrill shot through me when his hips began rocking to meet me, mild curses tumbling from his lips in that sexy accent that made me moan. That voice – the sound that had so often comforted me through the phone lines – had me squirming, trying to shift my hips to adjust myself as my dick suddenly rebelled violently against the confines of its denim prison.

I was sucking earnestly, and the sounds he was making and the sting of his fingers tugging my hair while his hips thrust insistently, his dick gliding between my lips - it was all too much, driving me toward the edge as well. I tried to ignore it, throwing myself into pleasuring him, so I reached between his legs, pressing against that sensitive place just behind his balls.

He jerked, his hips moving toward me as his hand pulled my hair, shoving himself deeper into my throat than I had taken him. My loud moan was buffered by his, and I couldn’t take it anymore, my hand going to the button of my jeans as I ripped it open and lifted my hips to unzip them. My mouth didn’t still, didn’t pause in the attention I was giving him, until I felt his hands over both my ears, tugging gently upward as he tried to move his hips back.

He slipped from my lips as I heard his muffled voice say something, but I couldn’t make it out with his hands covering my ears, so I licked my swollen lips as my eyes turned upward. “Hmm?” I asked, confused at the imploring look on his face.

A smile ghosted across his lips as he lowered his hands to my neck. “Please, Charlie…it’s been so long…I’m not going to last much longer. I need to feel you. Please?”

He was babbling, his voice quick and low, and it made me smile to hear him so flustered and pleading. I felt my teeth biting into my bottom lip as I nodded wordlessly, not trusting my voice. He leaned down, kissing me soundly before he helped me stand. He pulled me close, his bare chest pressed against mine as he whispered into my ear, “That was bloody unbelievable, love…” His teeth teased my earlobe before he kissed all along my neck, his hands moving to push my jeans and boxers down from my hips. He gave a sigh, his voice nearly inaudible when he said, “I hate to admit it, but I’m envious.”

His hand slipped from my hips to cup my balls, and my hips jerked immediately, but I reached out, catching his wrist to still his hand as I pulled back to look at him. “Envious? What are you talking about?”

He blushed faintly, and there was pain he tried to hide dulling his eyes. He swallowed slowly, keeping his eyes on mine when he whispered, “I’m envious of whoever got to teach you that…” He paused, licking his lips. “Whoever knew what that felt like before me.”

I was absolutely confused for a moment before his words finally made sense. Without even thinking about it, I pulled his wrist behind my back and then dropped it, wrapping my arms tightly around him. Our faces were a scant inch apart, our dicks pressed together between our hard bodies when I looked at him fiercely. “Carlisle, you are the only man I have ever been with.”

He didn’t speak, his eyes cautious as he looked at me, and I could easily guess what he was thinking. We had never talked about dating, never broached the subject of romance for either of us, so I had spent so many nights wondering if I was the only one alone – if he was out there, wrapped up in some other man’s embrace. It had killed me, the thought of someone else touching him, but at the same time, I’d hated to think of him lonely and miserable as I was.

I loosened my hold on him only to bring my hand to his face, cupping his cheek as I said, “There’s been no one else since you, not in any way.” I placed a hard, chaste kiss on his lips before I pulled away, gazing into his eyes again. “There was no one else I wanted. Only you.”

When I backed up a bit further, he suddenly yanked me to him, kissing me deeply. His teeth clicked against mine with the force of his passion, our tongues tangling as he gave a low moan. His hands were all over me, clutching and rubbing from my shoulders to my thighs as he pushed me back against the bed. I sat down hard, and he shifted his knees to either side of mine.

We moved together, never breaking our kiss as we worked our way back onto the bed. I stretched out on my back, my hands clinging to his hips as he settled between my legs. My lips never left his, and I was completely absorbed with him – his scent, the feel of his skin beneath my fingertips, the way his stubble roughened up the edges of my lips.

He lowered his body onto mine, and I finally had to pull my lips away, turning my head to the side as I moaned loudly. He felt so right. The weight of him, the feel of his hard-on brushing against mine, his strong, sinewy arms wrapped tightly around my body. He was my home, my life.

Kissing down my neck, he sucked lightly at the junction of my shoulder and my throat, making my hips writhe on the mattress. He hissed and rocked his hips against mine, panting into my ear. As lost as I was in the sensation, it took me a moment to realize he hadn’t said anything about his relationships over the past few years. I argued with myself, saying it didn’t matter – he was here. Across the ocean. With me.

Who cared if he’d been with other men?

But in the end, I had to know. It did matter – though I sure as hell wouldn’t kick him out of my bed either way. I tried to stop the words from leaving my lips – especially right then, when I was seconds away from the first sexual gratification I’d had in years that hadn’t come from my own hands – but they wouldn’t be stopped.

“Carlisle?” I knew he heard the fragile tone of my voice, though I tried to hide it. My head was still turned to the side, cheek pressed against the cool pillowcase as my eyes stared at the plain white wall. His kisses slowed, becoming lighter as he worked his way back to my lips. I turned my head at last, looking up into his concerned blue eyes.

His hips grew still against mine, his fingers tracing my cheekbone the only movement as we watched each other in silence. “Talk to me, Charlie…” His gentle accent was more pronounced, his voice soft.

“I’m sorry.” I cursed myself internally. What the hell was I thinking, bringing this up right then? “I just…I…I need…I…” I stuttered and then paused, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. Bolstered by the darkness behind my eyelids, I murmured, “I just need to know…if you’ve been with anyone else.”

When my words were met with utter stillness and silence, my eyes flew open. He was watching me with an indecipherable look on his face, and my words tripped all over each other as I tried to explain. “It doesn’t matter. Well, I mean, it does matter, but it sure as hell doesn’t matter right now because I just need you, and I missed you, and dear God please don’t stop because I’m an idi-“

Carlisle’s lips on mine effectively ended my babbling, and I returned his kiss hungrily, beyond thrilled that my idiocy wasn’t going to end things before they even started. The taste of him on my tongue, the feel of his lips against mine, and the way he began thrusting against me again drove out all my insecure thoughts, and I was panting when he finally pulled away, his forehead resting against mine as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Charlie,” he began, pausing as he waited for my eyes to meet his. He gave a fleeting smile and kissed me lightly. “There has been no one else for me since I nearly knocked you over in that lift. I’m yours and yours alone – if you’ll have me.”

So many nights I had stared at my ceiling, wishing more than anything to feel his weight on me, just like this, and to hear words so very like those. And now that it was happening, I laid there like a complete fool, staring up at him and unable to say any of those meaningful things I’d imagined myself saying. I was frozen for a moment, speechless, before I finally slid my hands down his back, coming to rest on his ass as I thrust my hips up slowly against his. He shuddered, his eyes closing briefly before he looked back down at me. I said the only word I could.

“Please.”

He smiled, murmuring, “I never could resist your voice begging…” and I loved the tone in his voice – somehow smoldering and playful at once. We kissed again, his hands beginning to roam all over my body, and I wanted to both frown and cheer when he slipped away, moving to lie by my side. His hard-on pressed against my hip, and I reached over, holding onto his waist to bring him closer. I heard the snap of the bottle, and my thighs quivered as my knees instinctively spread.

I’d been sure this would feel completely new – that we’d be starting all over again – but my body had forgotten nothing of Carlisle’s touch. When his slick fingers rubbed down my shaft and over my balls, circling my entrance before one pressed slowly into me, it was all I could do not to buck my hips, begging him to go further. The intense pleasure he’d brought me last time seemed to be inscribed in my flesh, permanently etched there and needing only the smallest of reminders to be brought to the surface again.

His lips left mine as he ducked his head, taking my dick between his lips. I could tell he was holding back, trying to take this slowly, make sure I was okay, but I was rapidly reaching the point of begging. “Don’t behave,” I murmured softly, my hips thrusting up into his mouth as I felt him smile against my skin. A second finger pressed into me then, and I groaned at the exquisite sting of him stretching me as he brushed against my prostate.

He continued to tease, each touch designed to bring me pleasure and leave me wanting more. I couldn’t stand it – my body was aching for him, my hips writhing as my hands fisted the sheets. “Christ,” I moaned as his hands sped. One was stroking me as the other pumped steadily in and out while his tongue teased my dick, and it was all just too much. If he didn’t stop – now – I was going to explode. “Carlisle,” I admonished. “Now…please?”

I saw his cheek lift as he smiled before he released me, his fingers leaving me feeling hollow as they slid away. He moved to kneel on the bed, searching briefly before he found both the condom and the lube. He tore open the package with his teeth, his lubed hand stroking his length. I rose up, supporting myself on my elbows as I watched. “Fuck,” I cursed softly.

He arched an eyebrow at me, and I shook my head, swallowing as I nodded to his hand wrapped around his dick. “Damn beautiful,” was all I managed to say, my voice a gruff grunt.

He gave me a wicked little smile as he pinched the tip of the condom and rolled it on incredibly slowly. I could feel his eyes on mine, but I couldn’t tear my own eyes away from the seductive sight of Carlisle touching himself. He flipped open the bottle of lube, and I moaned when the shimmering liquid coated his length. He stroked himself again, his hips rocking into his hand, and I reached out, my blunt nails digging into his hips as I pulled him toward me a little more roughly than I intended.

“Eager, aren’t you?” The amusement in his voice was tempered by the husky sound of his own desire. He nipped at my earlobe, his breath hot as he whispered, “You can’t possibly be more eager than I am.”

He knelt between my legs, lifting my knees before he leaned forward, supporting his weight on one arm. He kissed me gently, whispering his devotion, and then he reached between us, guiding his head to press against my entrance. His eyes flickered between mine as he said softly, “Are you ready, my love?”

In answer, I reached between us, my hand covering his as I helped guide him in. My ankles crossed behind his hips, my heels digging into him as I urged him forward. The initial burn made me squirm, and I felt the sting of my teeth biting into my bottom lip as we both pulled our hands away. His hand moved to my thigh as he slowly and steadily buried himself within me.

When he could go no further, he closed his eyes, his lips parted as he remained motionless. Finally, he swallowed, and his eyes opened, gazing into mine as he began to move slowly. My legs fell away, my heels braced on the mattress as my hips matched his rhythm.

Before Carlisle, I had never been one for romantic sentiments. I’d thought all those scenes in movies where lovers stared into each others’ eyes as they made love were ridiculous – overdramatized to make women swoon and cause trouble for their husbands. With Carlisle, though…

I’d spent years aching for his touch, wishing I could have just one more night with him. To have him here, his body joined with mine as he moved above me…to know that when this night ended, he would still be here with me…to see all those sights I’d remembered and longed for in the time we’d spent apart…

I found I couldn’t look away. He was giving me the most amazing pleasure, stroking my cock as he thrust deep inside me, his lips kissing mine and sucking lightly on my neck, but I was most enthralled with just the way he looked – and the way he was looking at me.

I felt like a man who’d been denied light for long, lonely years as he atrophied in the shadows only to be thrust into the sun. It was blinding. He was dazzling. I studied him, memorizing this man who was to be my partner. He’d developed the lightest of laugh lines around his lips, and his blue eyes glittered and smoldered as they roamed my face. Seductive noises and words of love were uttered in that accent I knew so well – I knew it better than his face, having spent so many nights listening to it across the waves.

I kissed him with abandon, rolling my hips against his as my dick began thrusting more insistently in his hand. He smiled and then bit his bottom lip, his eyes closing as his brow furrowed in concentration. His speed increased, and I groaned loudly, my back arching as my head pressed against the pillow.

I was so close – I knew it wouldn’t be long for me – and I needed him with me. My hands were gripping the tops of his thighs, and I twisted my body slightly, reaching even further with my right hand as I stretched my finger to press against that sensitive place just between his legs. He shuddered, crying out, as he thrust into me harder and harder. My body was rocked with the force as his eyes flew wide, seeking mine.

The rest of my body seemed to have shut down, every nerve focused on the point of our union as my hips clenched and my thighs shuddered, tightening around Carlisle. That was all it took for him, and I felt him spasm within me as the final few strokes of his hand sent my release spilling over my chest.

He collapsed on top of me, and I automatically wrapped my arms around him, holding him to me tightly. My vision was blurry, so I closed my eyes, and I was unaware of anything at all but the delicious burden of his weight on my chest and the perfect way my arms formed to his body.

I lost long moments to just relishing him in my embrace when I was suddenly covered in small kisses, Carlisle’s lips moving slowly but with an edge of urgency as he kissed my cheeks and eyelids and jaw, even the tip of my nose. He was whispering the most beautiful words – promises and declarations – and though I wanted to feel his lips on mine, I never wanted to silence him.

Instead I just smiled up at the ceiling, finally realizing that my heart had made his way home.

Eventually, his lips stilled, and his head came to rest on my shoulder as he shifted to lie at my side. His fingers were idly tracing circles on my chest when he lifted himself up on one elbow.

“What’s this, love?”

“Hmm?” My mind was in some sort of blissful fog, so it took me a moment to realize he was tracing the shape of the torch on my chest with his fingertip. “Oh…” My smile was soft and lazy as I put my hand over his, closing my eyes. “That’s for you.”

“For me?” At the surprise in his voice, I opened my eyes. He was looking down at me, his blue eyes wide as I nodded at him.

“Yes, for you.” My voice was low and husky, worn out from grunting and moaning and from the sheer force of my emotions. “I got it a few months after you left. Just before the end…” I swallowed. “…my mother told me to be true to myself, to be happy. So I thought about what my truth was, and…” I shrugged, unable to explain everything I’d felt at the time. Instead, I went with simple words, simple ideas. “The torch is for truth. The C is for you. You…all the things I feel for you…that’s my truth.”

The smile that spread on his face was truly a thing of beauty, and I knew I would die a happy man if I could see him look at me like that every day. He leaned in to kiss me, his palm lying flat on my chest as I could feel his need building again.

The buzzing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I drank the last of my now cold coffee as I pulled my phone out of my pocket, flipping it open to see a text from Carlisle. I smiled at his message 'You can do this, love. I'm here. I love you.' I shot him a quick text back, letting him know Bella's flight had been delayed and that I loved him, too.

With a sigh, I got up to check the delays and found that her flight was minutes away from landing. The nerves that made themselves known were fluttering around uncomfortably in my stomach. As I made my way over to where she'd be coming from, I kept trying to imagine scenarios of how to tell her. Each one had me stumbling over my words, even in my head. And each one ended with her turning right back around and booking the next available flight back to Phoenix.

I took a seat facing the arrivals area. Calm down, Charlie, for crying out loud. With a sigh, I scrubbed my face before standing up and pacing the area, feeling like a trapped animal. I couldn't see any way for this to go well. I'd backed myself into a corner over the years, one I was clueless how to get out of. When she was still a child, I was convinced she'd been too young to understand any of what happened and what everything meant. As she grew older, I thought she might be able to understand, but I had stayed quiet, not wanting to make her life harder as she already had so much going on. The kids at school were giving her a hard enough time just with her being who she was, and she had trouble fitting in; I could not bring myself to make things worse for her by having her find out her dad was gay.

As she got older still, and past the awkwardness and everything teenagers go through, I was certain that it was too late. How could she possibly accept that I had - in effect - lied to her all those years? She had grown up to be such a mature young woman; she would hate me if I told her now. God help me, what am I going to do?

"Ch...Dad!"

I turned around, grinning in spite of my worries at the sight of my little girl walking up to me - duffel bag slung over her right shoulder, a carry on in her right hand and a suitcase in the left. I walked up to her and took her duffel bag off her shoulder, slinging it over mine before giving her an awkward hug. "Bells," I kissed her lightly on the crown of her head. "How was your flight?"

I looked at Bella, amazed as always at how much she'd changed since the last time I had seen her. She was growing into a beautiful young woman, so much like her mother in so many ways, though she had my eyes and my curly hair. Her heart-shaped face framed by her dark brown hair reminded me starkly of her mother, and I had to repress a sigh in an attempt to push away the guilt I felt for hurting her.

It was always the same, though this time it was something I felt more keenly because I knew that, this time, Bella would hear the words that broke her mother's heart and spirit. Those, and then some. I kissed her crown again before starting to walk to the parking lot, Bella falling into step easily.

She sighed as she tucked her hair behind her ear, glancing over at me with a soft smile. "It was fine. Long, though." She wrinkled her nose as she continued, "They had to hold the flight because of some counting error or something. Sorry you had to wait, Ch...Dad."

I flexed my jaw, trying my best not to show her how it stung that she kept wanting to call me by my name. She knew I hated it; no matter what, I was still her dad. Her use of my first name just drove home how I hadn't been able to play as big a part of her life as I would have wanted.

We walked to the car in silence, and as soon as her bags were in my car, I pulled her into a hug. She returned it hesitantly; this wasn't something we normally did a lot, though I wished we'd been able to have that kind of relationship. I patted her back awkwardly, clearing my throat as I let her go and got in the car. She eyed me warily as she buckled up, but didn't say anything.

On the drive home, I tried to make small talk with Bella, but it was difficult. My mind kept going back to the past; I couldn't seem to stop it.

Carlisle had moved in with me a few months after he had come back. Everything seemed to be going very well, both in our relationship and in our respective jobs. Harry, Sue, Billy, and Sarah had all welcomed Carlisle into their midst - he was as much a part of their lives now as I was, and I loved them for it. Now that Carlisle and I were together, things were a little different from what they had been before, at least when it came to how some people acted around us, be it together or separately, but I took it all in stride. I didn't care - in general terms - what people thought of me, or who I happened to love. It wasn't any of their business. We kept our life private, both preferring it that way.

The only real point of contention we had was Bella.

With Carlisle back and living with me, it would be hard to keep Bella from finding out. He wanted to be able to be a part of her life as well, knowing that she was important to me made her important to him. Telling Bella was not something I could find in me to do. I maintained that she was still too young to understand. I feared losing her above all else. She was the only family I had left, and she was my baby girl.

I knew it hurt him, and I hated being the cause of any pain for him. He understood - to a point, at least - my reasoning, and though he would try to assure me that she would accept me, specifically because she was still so young and therefore more open-minded, I couldn't do it. So when it came time for my annual visit from my daughter, he opted to go back to England for an extended visit with his family. The thought of him leaving killed me, but he said it would be easier if he weren't around while she was here. He was doing it as much for me as for himself, because we both knew that if he were around, we'd want to spend time together.

So the day I went to pick up Bella was also the day I ended up saying goodbye to Carlisle again. Though I knew that this time it would be temporary, it didn't make it any easier. It took everything I had to try and keep from getting too depressed about our parting; I didn't want Bella to know. She picked up on it, though, occasionally commenting about how I must miss her mommy, too, or just coming up to me for a hug, resting her small head on my shoulder and wrapping her arms as far around me as they would go as she sighed.

Over the years, this was our routine. I would drop Carlisle off, hang around the airport waiting for Bella's flight to arrive, and spend a month with her. Then I'd drop her off again, and a few hours later, Carlisle would be back in my arms. The older Bella got, the harder it seemed to get. She had picked up on Carlisle being in my life, but thought he was a friend. I didn't tell her any different. All she knew was that he was never here when she was. She'd ask about it on ocassion, and I told her - truthfully - that he was visiting family back in England. And that was that.

As she got older, though, she stopped making comments about my missing her mother or hugging me. She'd grown quieter and felt awkward hugging her old man. She would always give me a look whenever she caught me feeling gloomy, but never spoke of it.

Part of me was amazed that she hadn't found out yet on her own, but our friends understood she didn't know and that it was my story to tell - much like Renee had said. As far as other people went, they respected our privacy enough to keep their comments to themselves. There was something to be said for being a cop in a small town and being involved with a well-respected doctor. Bella didn't really hang around other kids much while she was with me either, choosing instead to read. Sometimes she would hang out with Billy's or Harry's kids, but they all were familiar with the situation and knew better than to go against the wishes of their parents to say anything to Bella.

Usually, anyway.

Bella was fourteen. We'd all been hanging out on the beach and were settled around a campfire while Billy told a few stories from their tribe. Jacob and Bella were sitting together, only speaking when Billy was in a lull between stories. The two of them were thick as thieves that night, and Billy would shoot me a grin every now and then, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. I just rolled my eyes at him; I was definitely not anywhere near ready to think about my little girl in that fashion yet.

Sarah and I were chatting when I heard Jacob ask Bella what she thought of Carlisle. My eyes flew from Jacob to Billy's in alarm, and I could heard Bella answering the boy, "Dunno, never met him. Seems to be a good friend of my dad's though. Why?"

At her question, my eyes went to Jacob, who was opening his mouth to answer her when Billy's voice cut across the bonfire, "Jacob! The fire needs more wood; go grab some."

I glanced at Billy, and the look on his face brooked no argument, so I wasn't surprised when Jacob stood up and went to gather more wood. I sighed in relief, nodding in thanks to Billy, who gave me a short nod back before watching his son with sharp eyes. Story time was officially over.

I sighed, running my hand along my face as I glanced at Bella from the corner of my eye. She hadn't said anything in a while, staring out the window as she watched the landscape roll by. I frowned as I tried to think of something to say, but to be perfectly honest, everything seemed trivial and pointless in the face of the conversation I knew we had to have soon. Bella was going to be pissed off - and rightfully so - and I didn't know if it would make it worse when she realized I'd been chatting idly in the meantime.

Instead of talking, I let the silence linger in the car as I remembered how tense I'd been at dinner the night after Jacob brought up Carlisle. Bella had asked about him, simply wondering why she hadn't met him, and I'd told her a half-truth - it was a tradition for him to visit his family every summer at that time. She nodded, seeming to accept my explanation, and I'd taken the opportunity to turn the conversation back to her mother, asking how Renee was doing. Bella had given me a shrewd look, but she'd let it drop, talking about her mom's teaching job, and before long, we'd done the dishes and were heading to bed.

That was the last year she'd visited me in Forks. The next year, I'd gotten a call about a month before she was supposed to arrive. Renee was frantic, telling me Bella was refusing to spend a month away from her friends and that she had told her mom she wasn't going to fly to Washington. The news was a blow to the gut, hitting me hard. I knew Bella hated the rainy little town, but for her entire life, I had been reason enough to visit.

I wasn't anymore.

As I hung up the phone, I stood staring at the wall, lost in thought. I didn't hear Carlisle come up behind me, but I felt the comforting weight of his arms as they wrapped around my waist from behind. I put my hand on top of his at my belt buckle and sighed as I leaned my head back against his shoulder.

"What's the matter, my love?" he murmured softly, kissing my temple.

I cleared my throat, answering quietly, "My daughter isn't coming to see me this year." The words burned in my chest, leaving me feeling hollow.

He didn't say anything. He just stood there and held me for a minute, his right hand moving from my waist to rub my chest gently, almost as if he knew the ache I felt there. After we'd stood in silence for a while, he kissed my neck and whispered, "Go to her then."

I frowned, considering his words as I swallowed. Finally, I shook my head. "I can't take that long off work. And a month in Phoenix...?" I trailed off, knowing Carlisle would understand the difficulties in my being around Renee for such an extended period of time.

I felt him nod, and then his lips were on me again, leaving tender kisses along my neck, grazing my ear. He squeezed me once, pulling me back against him comfortingly. His voice was soft when he murmured, "She needs you, Charlie. She's at a tough age...you said yourself that she was growing up, becoming a young lady. Maybe it's just time for a change."

I moved my right hand to cover his on my sternum. He spread his fingers, lacing them with mine, and just the feeling of having him here and being in his arms was a comfort, a balm to my aching heart. Still, I didn't understand what he was saying. "What do you mean?"

He kissed the place where my shoulder joined my neck and then turned me around to face him, putting his hands on my hips as he looked into my eyes. "Let her choose where you go. Call her up and tell her you wanted to see if she'd go on vacation with you - her choice. Then take a couple of weeks off and spend them with her." He looked at me seriously, his hands shaking my hips lightly to emphasize his words. "She's too important to you, Charlie. Don't let a little thing like her growing up push you two apart."

I was already nodding, seeing the wisdom in his words. I never could understand how he would take situations that seemed so complicated and just make them...simple. Easy. I smiled at him quietly and kissed his lips tenderly. When I pulled back, I saw the flash of pain in his eyes, but he didn't voice his wish again - that wish that I would tell Bella about us and let him be a part of her life. As quickly as relief had come to me, a new pain seeped in, and I found myself biting the inside of my cheek to keep from saying the words...whether they were the words that would make him smile or make him nod in resignation, I wasn't sure.

Instead of doing either, I pressed my lips against his once more, trying to show him with my kiss and my embrace that it wasn't him. I wasn't ashamed of him and never had been. I was just a coward, too afraid of losing my daughter forever to tell her what I should have told her long ago.

That was one problem I'd never let Carlisle simplify for me.

After kissing me in return for long moments, he pulled back and smiled at me gently. He caressed my cheek and then said, "Call your daughter, love. I'll start dinner and open a bottle of wine - we'll need to celebrate once she tells you where you're going on vacation." He winked at me, keeping that playful gleam in his eyes, and when he turned around, I smacked him lightly on the ass. He grinned at me over his shoulder, and as he disappeared into the kitchen, I wondered how I'd ever gotten so lucky.

He'd been right, of course. He always was. Bella had been excited about a vacation with me and had squealed into the phone, making me grin until my cheeks were aching. She babbled and told me she had so much to think about and would call me sometime that week with some ideas.

She'd called the very next day and had our entire trip planned out already. We'd spent two weeks in California - the first in Anaheim at Disneyland, where we'd run around like mad, eating too much ice cream and riding every ride under the sun. I would've thought she'd be too old - or at least that she'd think she was - but for that one week, we were both transformed into little kids, and we had more fun together than we'd had since she was small enough to ride around on my shoulders, pulling my hair to make me turn.

The second week had been spent at the beach and was as relaxing as the first had been exhilarating. All in all, it was absolute perfection - or would have been, had one other person been with us.

Carlisle and I had kept in touch, mostly on instant messengers as I'd bought a laptop before the trip. We chatted late at night, and sometimes I just had to call him to hear his voice. That summer, more than any other, I had so wanted to tell her. I nearly had a few times, but I felt weak and afraid, and then the two weeks had passed so quickly and I was taking her to the airport so she could fly home to her mother.

I sighed as I glanced over at her again. Airports...so much of my life with her was tied to airports, dropping her off and picking her up...and even more so, with dropping off Carlisle before Bella arrived and picking him up again once she had gone back home. As often as possible, he scheduled his trips for the same day, so many times, I waited around for a few hours for one of them to arrive after watching the other fly away. When Bella and I had changed our summer plans, he had as well, going to visit his family for only two weeks rather than the four he had before. When I asked him about it, he shrugged and gave me a sheepish smile, telling me he didn't want to be apart from me a day longer than necessary.

I felt like a real ass then. He'd kissed me and made love to me, telling me that's not how he meant it, but it still stung - and I knew he was right. I was the reason for our separation every year.

In hindsight, it was ridiculous. I knew I should've told her. But I hadn't, and dwelling on the mistakes I made wasn't going to change the fact that I was facing a monster talk with my daughter when we got home.

I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, looking over at her once again. The silence and the memories were making me uncomfortable, so I cleared my throat. "So ahh...what's your favorite subject?"

She glanced over at me, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Oh." She brushed her hair back from her face, tucking a lock of it behind her ear. "English."

I wanted to laugh at the irony. Usually I loved the silence, but right then I'd give anything if she hadn't inherited the Swan family trait of single-word answers. I kept trying. "Oh yeah? Still like to read, huh?"

"Yeah..." She glanced out the window, and I saw her biting her bottom lip. Finally she smiled and looked back over at me. "Still like to watch baseball?"

I chuckled and nodded, my grip tightening on the steering wheel before I relaxed it. "Yup, still like baseball..."

The rest of our drive was passed in somewhat comfortable silence and only slightly awkward conversation. It at least helped the time pass a little faster, although every so often, I would remember what was waiting for me at home, and then I found myself wishing the drive would take a little longer. Of course, wishing doesn't do shit for altering time, so before I would've liked, we were pulling into Forks.

The familiar wooden sign welcoming us made my heart beat a little faster, my chest constricting, and I realized I was chewing on the inside of my cheek, but I couldn't make myself stop. I grew quiet again, unable to keep up my end of the conversation, and silence descended over the car as Bella gave up. She was watching the tiny town pass by out of her window, and I humored myself with thinking she didn't notice my discomfort.

When we pulled up to a stop sign just a block or two from my house, and I adjusted in my seat, clearing my throat. When a knock sounded on Bella's window, I jumped.

"God damn it..." I muttered, pressing the button to roll down her window when I saw Pamela Jenkins waving at me like a fool. I repressed my sigh, smiling at her as I said, "Afternoon, Pam."

"Chief Swan! And this must be Bella! It's so good to see you again, dear..." Bella glanced over at me, wide-eyed and seeking rescue as Pam prattled on. Apparently, she was out at the stop sign because she'd been putting up an advertisement for the sale she was having at her clothing store. She spoke quickly, inviting Bella to come check it out and offering her an extra ten percent off as I was trying to find a break to politely tell her we wanted to get home. Bella kept glancing between her and me with an amused expression as she tried to keep up, and I was having a hard time not laughing as well.

That is, I was right up until she said, "So how's Carlisle? I haven't seen him lately."

Instantly, the desire to laugh faded, and it was only with effort that I kept the smile on my face. "He's doing fine." I paused for half a second, not long enough for her to start babbling again and make this worse. Glancing in my rear-view mirror, I was relieved to see a car behind me. "Well, Pam, we should get going. It was good to see you again."

I winced involuntarily when she added, "Tell Carlisle I said hello," as she was saying her goodbyes. I pulled away, rolling up the window as quickly as possible.

Bella sounded a little amused as she said, "Oh, so am I finally going to meet the elusive best friend? I was beginning to think Carlisle wasn't real."

"Oh, he's real alright," I muttered and then rolled my eyes at myself.

Real smooth.

I could feel Bella's eyes on me, but she didn't say anything for the rest of the drive. I pulled into the driveway and parked, not looking at her as I got out of the cruiser and shut my door. I nervously ran my fingers through my hair, twirling my keys around my forefinger as I walked to the trunk to get her luggage. I grunted as I pulled her suitcase out and then grabbed the duffel, slinging it over my shoulder. She reached in beside me, picking up her carry on bag, and her thick, dark hair formed a curtain between us so I couldn't read her face.

I didn't want to stare, so I just led the way inside, listening to my heavy footsteps and her lighter ones as I walked down the hallway to her room. It was just across from mine, which had never been an issue before...I wondered how awkward it would be now once Carlisle moved back in, and I couldn't stop my sigh.

I tried to cover it by clearing my throat as I put her bags on the floor. Glancing around, I said the first thing I thought of. "We updated your room a little bit. Thought you might like to get rid of the unicorn stuff." I chuckled. "The purple alright?"

"Yeah, purple's cool." There was only the sound of Bella's carry on hitting the ground before she said, "Who's 'we'?"

Motherfucker.

All my careful words and evasions had been for nothing as she immediately picked up on that one little slip. "Ahh...yeah..." I hooked my thumbs into my pockets and turned to face her finally, intending to explain. "You must be thirsty."

Without waiting for an answer, I left the room, rolling my eyes and muttering at myself under my breath. So much for telling her the truth. She followed me into the kitchen, and I could feel her eyes on my back the whole way. I sensed her confusion. She really had no idea - she hadn't pieced it all together yet.

When we got to the kitchen, she sat down at the table. I asked her what she wanted to drink and pulled a Coke for each of us from the fridge. I sat down across from her, taking my time flipping the top, and the sound of the can opening was unnaturally loud in the otherwise silent room. She didn't open hers, tapping her thumb against the top as she watched me. I finally looked up, taking a long drink before I sighed, realizing I couldn't put it off any longer. "Time to pay the piper..." I muttered under my breath.

"Carlisle is..." I began and then realized instantly that was a terrible way to go about things. I frowned, staring down at the can in my hands as I backed up and tried again. "How much do you know about the divorce? About the stuff leading up to it?"

Oh Jesus Christ, Swan. Yes, that's much better.

She frowned in confusion. "The divorce? What do you...what are you talking about?"

I took another long pull from my can, wishing that the sugary liquid was a nice stout beer instead. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I decided to just get it out there. This dancing around it was killing me. What I wasn't prepared for, though, was the way my dumbass mouth decided to share my revelation. "Well, you know how your mom just married Phil? You sort of have...two stepdads now..."

I bit my bottom lip, my brain screaming at me that I was an absolute fucking moron and that I couldn't have picked a worse way to tell her.

I agreed.

I watched her brow knit together, a small frown on her lips before her eyes widened and she stared at me. "What the hell? What are you saying?"

I swallowed hard, both against the knot that formed in my throat and the impulse to call her down for her tone. She has a right to be angry. "I'm saying that..." I bit the inside of my cheek. "I'm saying that Carlisle is my..." Thankfully, my brain worked for once and censored the word 'lover' just before it fell from my lips. "...partner. I'm gay, Bella."

There was something liberating in saying the words finally - in openly acknowledging that Carlisle and I were together to the one person who had been kept in the dark. I even began to smile...

...and then Bella exploded. She shoved her chair away from the table and stood up, her hands shaking. She clenched them into fists at her side to stop the movement. "What?! Are you serious?"

I frowned, my eyes narrowing as I felt the pain spreading through my chest. My greatest fear, happening right before my eyes. "Yes, I'm serious."

She blinked, a slightly dazed look on her face as she tried to absorb what I was telling her. The anger had faded from her voice somewhat, replaced by quiet bewilderment. "How long has this been going on?"

I licked my lips. "I've been with Carlisle for a long time now." I couldn't bring myself to tell her I'd been in love with him since before she was even a year old.

Her eyes narrowed in response. "Wait a damn minute. The divorce? Are you telling me you got divorced from my mom because of him?"

I wasn't able to answer, knowing that no matter what I said, she wouldn't understand.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some kind of goddamn joke, Charlie?"

I couldn't even focus on the hurt I felt at her words, so stunned was I by the onslaught. I latched on to the first thing that came to mind. "You watch your mouth, young lady!" I stood up as well, moving to stand behind my chair. My hands gripped the back of it, my knuckles turning white. "And don't call me 'Charlie'! I'm your father, damn it."

She laughed, a low, humorless sound as tears filled her eyes. My heart broke at that sight and at the way her voice was choked when she spoke again. "You don't get to tell me what to do anymore, Dad. I don't even know who the fuck you are."

She stormed out of the room, her footsteps heavy on the hardwood floors as I stood there frozen, watching her leave. I heard her door slam, and the sound of her strangled sob reached me even in the kitchen.

I don't know how long I stayed there, unable to move for fear of falling apart. Finally, I realized that muffled noises were still coming from Bella's room, so I crept down the hallway, trying to figure out what the hell to do. When I got closer, I heard her talking to someone, her voice cracking as she sniffled. "-can't believe you fucking knew! Why didn't you tell me?"

I was standing outside her door, my hand literally over my heart as I tried to somehow soothe the pain I felt. More than for myself, I hurt because I knew my baby girl was in there, her heart breaking as well - and the last person in the world she wanted to see was me.

"Whatever. I can't do this right now." Her voice broke off again in a muffled sob.

Everything was quiet for a moment, and I paced outside her doorway. My fingers were running constantly through my hair, pulling at it as I tried to figure out what to do. I winced when my boots made noise on the floor and stopped, feeling my pulse pounding in my ears as I watched her door. Hesitantly, I stepped toward it and raised my fist, knocking lightly. "Bella?"

I jumped when something crashed against the door.

"Go. Away."

"Bella, baby, please...just let me-"

"God, will you please just go away? Please? I can't...I need..." She couldn't finish her sentence as the sound of her crying filled my ears.

My fingers traced the wood pattern of her door aimlessly. I was completely fucking lost. Not a clue what to do.

I didn't even realize I was texting Carlisle until my phone was in my hands. The first button I hit seemed incredibly loud, so I quickly switched it to silent, and my fingers flew over the keys.

She's hysterical. Won't talk to me. What the hell do I do?

I stood utterly motionless, staring at the little screen as I willed it to light up, telling me he'd responded. The seconds stretched on interminably, and as soon as I saw the notice that I'd received a text from Carlisle, my finger was on the button, my eyes reading frantically.

Give her some space, love. She'll calm down. How are you holding up?

Even through digitized words on a screen, his presence calmed me, albeit very little. I could hear his sigh, feel his fingers running through my hair, and I was horrified to feel my own eyes fill with tears.

Not good. I can't take this.

I slid down the wall beside my door, my eyes on hers as I waited for his response. For the longest time, I sat there, my legs sprawled out in front of me, my ass falling asleep, as Carlisle and I communicated silently. He managed to talk me down, ease some of the panic, but I still ached. Every piece of me seemed broken; even my joints felt loose and weak.

Over an hour and a half had gone by when I realized that her room was silent and had been for some time. I stood slowly, slipping my phone into my pocket as I took the few steps needed to reach her door. I turned the knob cautiously and poked my head in just far enough to see her bed. She was curled up on her side facing the door, the thick purple comforter Carlisle had picked out for her pulled up around her face so that she looked like she was wrapped up in a cocoon. She was sound asleep, her lips slightly parted, and I smiled, blinking back fresh tears when I saw how peaceful she looked.

As I stepped back to close her door again, I glanced down and saw what she'd thrown at the door - her phone lay in pieces at my feet. I closed the door silently, taking a shaky breath as I pulled out my phone again to send one more text message.

My nerves are shot to shit. I need you.

His reply was so fast, I wondered if he felt the same pull I did - or if he'd just known I'd need him.

Meet me in the hotel bar. I need to be able to touch you.

I tiptoed down the hallway, careful not to wake Bella as I put my phone back in my pocket and grabbed my keys. I knew this was far from over and that I had - hopefully - many long hours of talking to Bella to try to get her to understand, but for now, I needed to be with the one person who had always understood me implicitly. I locked the front door behind me and climbed wearily into the cruiser, on my way to see the man I loved.

---

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 3

---