Marked Chapter 10 - Take a Chance on Me

EPOV

I was staggering down the stairs Sunday morning when I heard keys jingling in the lock of my front door. I chuckled, running my fingers through my messy hair as I yawned. Kate had called me on her way over, frantic as she asked if I could develop a few rolls of film for her. She’d had a major reshoot and was in a panic, trying to figure out how to get everything done.

I met her in the hallway, amused by her wild eyes as she shoved a bag into my arms. Her long blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she was wearing a Red Sox cap. She was babbling at a rate that my mind, still half-asleep, had trouble following.

“Thank you so much! I can’t tell you how much this means to me. I owe you big. Like make-you-dinner-and-do-your-laundry-for-a-month kind of big. Well, maybe not your laundry, but you know what I mean. I cannot believe I had to reshoot that whole damn thing, and now I have this shoot today, and there’s no way in hell I’d be able to get done-"

I arched an eyebrow at the number a “few” apparently meant to her, but I dropped the bag on the bench, pulling Kate close as I tried to calm her down a little.

“Don’t be silly,” I said, wrapping my arms around her. I smiled when she buried her face in my chest and tightened her arms around my waist, her shoulders dropping as she sighed. “You don’t owe me a thing…just calm down before you give yourself a coronary. I’ve got this.”

I rubbed her back gently, feeling her relax against me as she took a few minutes to just breathe. After a while, she lifted her head and peered up at me. “You’re a lifesaver,” she said simply.

“What flavor?” I gave her a cheeky grin, and she rolled her eyes.

“You’re such a dork,” she muttered and then giggled.

“Only when I need to make you smile.” I shrugged and squeezed her once more before letting her go and picking up the bag.

She thanked me, pulling me down by the elbow so she could kiss my cheek, and then she was out the door again, mumbling a list of things she needed to do. She had the shoot that afternoon, the Labor Day get-together on Monday, and the rolls of film I was developing were being presented to a client on Tuesday.

From the stoop, I watched as she got into her car and drove away before I went back inside, heading to my kitchen. I left the film on the bar while I set about finding breakfast. I was in a remarkably good mood and treated myself to an omelet with cheese. After polishing it off with a glass of orange juice, I went down to the basement to begin work on Kate’s pictures.

I had several rolls of film I needed to develop myself – including the ones Emily and I had taken at the zoo – but I was going to get all of Kate's finished first in case I decided I’d had enough for the day. I found myself humming as I made my way down the stairs and got everything set up. I couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking my head as I realized that a certain pair of sky blue eyes seemed to be hovering just at the edge of my mind.

In the blackness of my darkroom, my fingers felt nimbly along the reel, starting to load the first roll of film before I placed it into the tank. My hands worked automatically, not needing the help of light or even the guidance of my conscious thoughts as I performed the actions that had become second nature to me over the last decade. Without sights to distract me, my mind drifted, returning, as they had so often lately, to Jasper.

I hadn’t known he was going out with Emily when I called him yesterday, or I wouldn’t have bothered him. When he’d said he was on a date, I felt as though he’d kicked me in the balls. Hard. The force of it surprised me, and I was suddenly keenly aware that we weren’t…official yet. We hadn’t made any sort of declarations or promises, and I really had no idea if he was seeing someone else. I didn’t think so, and I knew I wasn’t and didn’t plan to.

Jasper had my undivided attention.

But I didn’t know how the fuck to bring that up to him. He was already skittish about certain things, and I knew that this was likely to be one of them. He seemed to spend most of his free time either with me or talking to me, though, and I seriously doubted he called anyone else as often as he did me…so I decided, for the time being, to just leave it. Let it go and take comfort in the way he obviously enjoyed being with me.

For now.

The film reached its end, and I placed the reel into my developing tank, screwing on the lid. I flipped on the light and went to the deep double-sinks along the wall, checking the temperature on the chemicals I kept there. As I worked, I thought, and as I thought, memories of my day with Jasper and Emily slipped in.

I’d been more than a little shocked when he invited me to go with them, especially when he’d said “please,” but as soon as it was clear that they were both okay with me being there, I’d been on my way to my car. Watching him with his little sister was so…special, somehow. She was a very sweet girl and looked a hell of a lot like him, only with more delicate features. I liked her instantly and had even trusted her with my camera, which was something I never did.

Okay, so that was partially because I thought Jasper would appreciate the gesture…and he had. It was kind of refreshing – it had been the first time ever that I’d been around him for hours without feeling a constant need to pounce.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t been aroused by him – I’d had to adjust myself a few times when he looked particularly fuckable. He had obviously decided not to shave that morning, and the dusting of stubble along his chin made me pull him close to kiss him more often than I probably should have with his sister there. It gave him a rugged look that put me in mind of cowboys and open fields and sweating and...it had been a challenge to keep my mind clean. But even though I'd wanted him as much - or more - as always, getting to see how he was with Emily was just…nice. I liked knowing him better, and I liked even more that it hinted, yet again, that we were more than just physical.

I’d felt a strange warmth when I watched him interact with Emily. They just fell into step so seamlessly. It was effortless, like breathing, and it helped me see that I truly did know the real Jasper. People often behave differently depending on who they are around, but he was the same with her – teasing, playful, even loving – as he had been with me.

Emily was welcoming and understanding, whispering to me and buying me a little gift to help me remember the day – a souvenir that was now hanging from my keychain in the hall. She looked at Jasper with more than a little hero worship, and I was glad to see that he really earned it. He was attentive, listening to her and humoring her, no matter what silly request she made. He’d been too fucking cute when she’d let her nickname for him slip.

Spurs…

I chuckled, shaking my head as I finished agitating the film and began pouring the developer into the sink. Every single time I heard that nickname, an unbidden image came to my mind – Jasper standing in nothing but boots and spurs, tipping his cowboy hat at me. I’d been torn between amusement and arousal, unable to decide if the sight would make me laugh or make me tackle him. I decided it would probably do both.

I also decided I had to see that shit.

But thinking about Jasper nude while I was all alone in my darkroom – and likely to be there all day – probably wasn’t the best idea, so as I was pouring the stopbath into the tank, I forced myself to think about more innocent moments from the day before.

The tropical birds squawked and flapped their wings as I changed the roll of film again. I finished winding the camera and lifted it, snapping pictures as the birds took flight in a burst of color. Emily and Jasper were standing a few feet away, and I surreptitiously turned my camera toward them, catching a few shots of Jasper teasing his sister, messing up her hair. She frowned and ruffled his hair in response, punching his side with her other hand.

Jasper tickled her, and she doubled over, stepping quickly away. The smile that had been on my face all day grew as Emily stuck her thumbs under her arms and flapped her elbows like wings. I lifted my camera to take a picture, but I was shaking too badly from laughter when Jasper did the same and then started strutting around bobbing his head. I managed to get a good shot as he was clucking while Emily giggled at him, and then she rolled her eyes.

“What the hell are you doing? They’re not chickens, Spurs,” she teased, and he threw back his head, laughing as I captured that purely happy expression on his face.

He heard the click of the camera and turned to me with a shrewd expression on his face. I shrugged and tried to look innocent, but he didn’t buy it. He sauntered over to me, putting his hands on my hips as I lowered the camera.

“Enjoying watching me act like an idiot?” he asked with a grin.

“Matter of fact, I am…” I tilted my head, unable to resist kissing him when he was so close. He hummed lightly against my lips and then slipped his hands all the way around my waist, pulling my body to his. He deepened our kiss, his tongue brushing against mine, and I forgot everything – where we were, who we were with – until I felt a tugging at my camera.

I opened my eyes, my face turning toward the disturbance as Jasper’s lips moved to my cheek, kissing along my jaw to my ear. Emily stood smirking at me as she pulled the camera from my hands.

“Shh…” she whispered airily, her index finger across her lips, and I let go. She smiled at me, winking as she took the camera in both hands and wandered a few feet away, snapping pictures of the tawny frogmouths while Jasper nibbled on my earlobe.

I bit my bottom lip, enjoying the sensation for a moment before I turned my face back to his. He smiled at me, his forehead pressed against mine as he looked into my eyes before tilting his head, his lips meeting mine again.

We spent a few long minutes kissing, becoming lost in the feeling of our lips moving together until I finally pulled away. I rested my forehead against his once more, smiling when he pouted at me.

“Emily,” I murmured, and his eyes widened.

“Shit,” he whispered.

“Don’t worry…” I said quietly, tilting my head in the direction I’d last seen her. “I think she’s having a good time.”

We turned to look as one, and I could have sworn that I saw her hair sway as she turned her head quickly, like she didn’t want to get caught looking our way. Jasper didn’t seem to notice, though, and when we came up behind her, I heard the click of the camera as she took pictures of the birds.

As soon as he had her attention, he whined that he was starving and asked what we wanted to do for lunch, but I was distracted by Emily’s mischievous smile when she handed the camera back to me.

I couldn’t wait to develop the pictures we’d taken. I wanted to see, first, how Emily had done. She seemed to have a pretty good eye – I’d noticed her taking shots from unusual perspectives, and she understood a good bit about color and balance. More than that, though, I wanted to see how the pictures I’d taken of Jasper and Emily had turned out. I hoped I’d managed to capture their playful way with each other, and I really wanted to be able to give some to both of them as a little thank you for including me in their day.

As I thought, I worked, and before I knew it, I’d spent hours in the darkroom. My aching back was the only indication of the passage of time, but as I clipped the last of the negatives up to dry, my stomach rumbled loudly. I cleaned up quickly and then went back upstairs to relax for a little while and figure out what to do about lunch.

As always, I considered calling Jasper but dismissed it. It was bad enough that I really was completely enamored without making it obvious. He clearly needed some space, too, and that thought made me frown as I rifled through my pantry, thinking about our phone call the night before. It wasn’t that it had been bad by any means, but I’d definitely been a little disappointed when he hadn’t invited me to the Labor Day party he was going to.

Pulling out a box of ziti, I decided to go for a slightly more involved meal, figuring I could have leftovers for dinner. I preheated the oven and put water on to boil, gathering the Italian sausage, spaghetti sauce, and everything else I needed for a simple baked ziti. While I waited for everything to warm up, I sat on a barstool, leaning back against the wall as I propped my feet on another stool.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I took a few minutes to just…breathe. I’d been working hard all morning, and the weekend had been a confusing mix of elation and disappointment. I’d been completely dejected when I got the airport to find that my flight had been first delayed and then canceled altogether. I never got a straight answer about what, exactly, happened, but when they reassigned me to the next available flight to Memphis and told me it would be leaving Sunday evening, I told them thanks but no thanks.

I’d been extremely upset at first, and when I’d called Emmett to let him know, he’d had a string of curses for the airline, but he had been the one to suggest I just cancel for now and plan to stay longer at Thanksgiving. I was bummed, wanting to be with the people I loved…

And it was with that thought in mind that I’d called Jasper. The fact that I was connecting him – however loosely – with my family wasn’t lost on me. I’d felt a strange fluttering as I waited for him to pick up the phone. Of course, the excitement in his voice had immediately chased away any of my feelings of melancholy, and the day had turned out better than I’d expected. Much better.

The sound of boiling water interrupted my thoughts, and I went over to the stove, dumping the ziti in before getting a pan to brown the sausage. Things had, I guess, worked out for the best, as I’d not only spent the day with Jasper, but he’d let me into his life a little more as well. Kate was very lucky that I’d been home this weekend – I’m not sure how she would’ve gotten everything finished if I’d been out of town like I was supposed to be.

It was with random thoughts of Kate and Jasper and Emily that I prepared my ziti for the oven. Once I’d put it in to bake, I set the timer and then went upstairs, grabbing my journal from the nightstand drawer. This one had been new five months ago, but it was over half-full, and I’d been feeling the urge to write more lately. I never got rid of the old ones, though, and there was a box full of old notebooks and journals – the oldest dating back to high school – in the top of my closet.

I carried the timer and my journal into the den, where I sat down on the couch and flipped to a blank page. I rarely reread something I’d already written, just needing to get those thoughts down, out of my head where they seemed to grow and fester and turn into something altogether different.

I sat with my feet on the coffee table, the notebook balanced on my knees as I tapped my pen against it and thought. Finally, I put pen to paper and began to write, letting everything pour out through my fingers – my feelings for Jasper, including the sting I’d felt when he’d subtly let me know that he’d be spending Labor Day without me, my disappointment at not going home to see my family, especially Tanya, as I was pretty sure she needed me, random thoughts about my book and what I’d learned as I scoured the city for tattoos and graffiti.

By the time the little digital timer beeped, my scrawl filled several pages, and I closed the journal with my pen marking my place. I gave a yawn as I stood up, shutting off the incessant beeping and going to the kitchen to pull my lunch from the oven. I knew the cheese and sauce in the baked ziti would be roughly as hot as the sun, but I still dished up a more-than-healthy serving and poured myself a glass of sweet tea.

I carried it upstairs with me, deciding my balcony would be the perfect place to unwind. Leaving my food on the bistro table there, I went back into my room and pulled out my guitar. I sat outside, playing for a while as the wind rustled my hair and my food slowly cooled. When I thought enough time had passed, I ducked back inside and leaned the guitar against my dresser.

Taking my seat on the balcony, I propped my feet on the railing and put my plate in my lap, balancing it between my thighs and abdomen. I could still feel heat radiating from it, but it seemed to be warm rather than searing. My mind turned to the work I still needed to do in my darkroom as I began to eat, humming contentedly at the mingled flavors of sauce and melted cheese.

Before long, I finished and put the plate back on the table, yawning as my eyelids were suddenly heavy. I hadn’t slept that many hours last night before Kate was calling this morning, and it had finally caught up with me.

After draining my tea, I stood up and left my dishes on the table – I’d get to them later. I went back inside and closed the door, taking off my shirt and letting my flannel pants fall to the floor as I walked to my bed. I slipped beneath the sheets, enjoying the soft, cool cotton on my bare skin. I fell asleep easily, out nearly as soon as my head hit the pillow.

When I first awoke, I was confused with the last vestiges of my very vivid dreams still hanging on. I could nearly feel Jasper behind me, his arm wrapped tightly around my hips as he writhed against me. The ghost of his lips trailed along my shoulders, and I could hear his panting voice whisper my name.

It all seemed so real, so overwhelming, that I rolled over onto my other side, half-expecting to find him there curled up asleep. When I saw I was alone, the emptiness hit me hard, leaving me feeling lost and confused. I scrubbed my eyes with my fists like a little child and then opened them again, looking at the empty pillow beside me. Despite the erotic images my mind had conjured up, I felt anything but aroused.

I was lonely.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I’d rolled over in bed again, my eyes scanning the floor. I found my pajama pants – within reach, for once – and pulled them closer, grabbing my cell phone from the pocket. Scrolling through to find Jasper’s number, I hit the call button and then fell back onto my pillow, resting my forearm across my eyes as I listened to it ringing.

As soon as he answered, something in me relaxed, and I smiled, exhaling lightly. He was a little surprised to hear from me, saying that he thought I’d be in the darkroom all day.

“Err…yeah, I really should be down there, I guess. Kate showed up early this morning with a shit-ton of film she needed me to develop for her, so I didn’t get a lot of sleep…just passed out a couple of hours ago.”

I could feel my cheeks heat as I remembered my dream, and I almost asked him to come over and make it happen. I had a feeling he would be on his way in a heartbeat, no questions asked, but the thought of the sheer volume of work I still had ahead of me stopped me from saying the words.

Plus, I wasn’t quite sure if I was ready for sex with Jasper yet. I wanted it. Badly. That much, I knew. The rest was…questionable.

“I’d offer to help, but I wouldn’t know what the fuck I was doing…” I listened as he chuckled and then lowered his voice. “I’d just end up distracting you, and we can’t have that now, can we?”

I bit my bottom lip, a half-smile on my face as we talked and flirted for a while. It was light-hearted, teasing…and exactly what I needed just then.

By the time we hung up, I felt much better, and I decided to take a shower before I went back downstairs to work some more. I hummed and sang softly to myself throughout the afternoon and on into the evening, eventually finishing all of Kate’s work although I didn’t get started on my own. I was heading out to Collin’s early – for me, anyway – in the morning, so I didn’t do much else except heat up leftover ziti for dinner, do the dishes, and go to bed.

On Monday morning, I woke up early and went for a jog before breakfast. I grinned as I thought of the way Jasper seemed to appreciate my body – if he was going to look at me like that, I was going to do all I could to encourage it. The pounding of my feet on the pavement seemed to match the rhythm of my pulse in my ears, and I concentrated on the sounds, blocking out all other thought.

Before I knew it, I was back home, and a glance at the clock showed me it was getting close to time for me to leave. I took the stairs two at a time and started my shower before stripping and going to examine myself in the mirror. I grimaced when I saw the way I was losing a bit of definition in my abs – I was going to have to work on that some, too.

Sighing, I tossed my dirty clothes into the hamper and stepped into the shower, cleaning myself quickly. It was supposed to be a hot day, so when I came back out, I dressed in my jeans and a solid deep green t-shirt. We would be hanging out on the beach part of the day, so I threw a pair of board shorts and a clean t-shirt into my duffel bag and took it downstairs with me. I dropped it off at the bench in the hall and went to grab my camera, noticing that the last roll of film from the zoo was still only about a third full. I packed the camera bag with a couple of extra rolls and decided to take it instead of my digital.

Finally ready, I picked up both bags and headed out the door to my car. It was such a beautiful day that I put the top down, feeling the wind in my hair as I sang along with the radio on my way to Collin’s. I hadn’t called, so I didn’t know if they were expecting me or not, but chances were that Kate had filled them in. If she hadn’t, it wouldn’t matter. We were all just that way – any one of us could show up at anyone’s place anytime. I loved that about my friends.

The drive to Kettle Cove Village took about an hour, so I pulled up to Collin’s place right around noon. Judging from the cars, nearly everyone was already there. I parked on the street and shut off the engine before I got out, twirling my keys around my finger. I went to my trunk and pulled out the two bags. Just as I closed the trunk and pocketed my keys, I heard a voice call out, “No fucking way! I figured we’d have to wait at least a couple of months before we’d see you again, Masen.”

I looked up to see Seth hanging over the railing on the upstairs deck. His black hair was plastered back against his head, and judging from the state of his boardshorts, he’d already been playing in the water. He left his beer sitting on the wide rail and came down the stairs, meeting me in the driveway. He hugged me, bringing with him the briny smell of the ocean as he clapped my back and said quietly, “Damn good to see you, man.”

I smiled at him, returning the greeting, and he took my duffel from me as we walked to the door. We talked as we made our way inside, but our conversation was cut short when Kate hugged me tightly and said, “Good lord, Seth, you couldn’t even let him get inside without getting him soaked?”

Seth and I both chuckled, and he shrugged, saying, “You know he’s going to be out there in about five minutes anyway.”

It was true. Our Labor Day celebration was our last chance every year to enjoy the beach, since they were officially closed afterward. As I walked into the living room and was greeted by the rest of my friends, I was suddenly extremely glad that my flight had been canceled – I would’ve hated to miss this.

A small voice in the back of my mind whispered that I would’ve missed it for Jasper’s party, but I brushed it away, laughing as Embry joked about Seth picking up other men. Seth rolled his eyes and punched his shoulder, but Embry caught his fist and pulled him close, kissing him gently.

I glanced away, and Kate caught my eye. She had a shrewd look on her face, but I made a face at her, and she laughed, sticking her tongue out. As I started making my rounds, talking to everyone in turn, I noticed her slinking away. I turned my head to see where she was going and spotted Garrett sitting in the corner. My eyes widened, and I waved to him, seeing him wave in return before I looked back at Seth, who was chattering away about how perfect the water was. Without even taking a breath, he asked if I’d brought my football, and I exchanged a glance with Embry, who just smiled fondly and shrugged.

Seth was the only one of my childhood friends I was still in contact with. We’d been close as children, but we’d lost touch when I’d moved to Tennessee. I had been shocked when we’d reconnected in a class at Harvard.

I was homesick, wondering why in the world I’d decided to come back to Boston for college. I missed my family, especially Emmett just then – he would’ve cracked some joke that made me laugh and let me forget that I was in a city where I quite literally knew no one my age. I sighed, resting my elbow on the desk and my forehead in my palm as I tried to concentrate on what the professor was saying.

It was no use.

That prickling feeling of unseen eyes watching me raised the hair on the back of my neck, and I turned my head slowly, finding a guy staring at me from a few seats away. I frowned, and he grinned in response.

I felt my own lips turn up into a half-smile as I studied him. He was pretty cute, actually, and that thought reminded me at once why I had decided to come back to Massachusetts. I was gay, and while my family knew and accepted me, I had never felt comfortable telling anyone else. I hoped that with a fresh start, I could just be myself – no fear, no hiding.

That was easier said than done, of course, and as the cute guy finally turned back to face the professor, I realized I had no idea how to do any of this – how to approach someone, how to talk to him, what to do if he liked me in return. I’d been completely celibate as a teenager, but I didn’t want that anymore.

I watched the cute guy’s profile, seeing how his smile broadened when he felt my eyes on him. He licked his lips, and that natural action made up my mind.

I was going to talk to him.

I straightened in my seat, resolving to approach him after class…somehow. I didn’t dwell on the fact that I still didn’t know what to do. I’d say hello, and we’d go from there. Hell, Emmett picked up girls all the time. It couldn’t be that hard, right?

My eyes kept drifting back to him all through class, and I caught him looking at me a few times, too. There was an emotion in his eyes I couldn’t place, but it looked like…excitement? As soon as class ended, people started clearing out, but I took my time, closing my notebook slowly and putting it carefully into my bag. I unzipped the outer pocket and dropped my pen in, zipping it again before I stood and put my arms through the straps of my backpack.

I was startled when I realized that the room was nearly empty, and my eyes darted to the seat where the cute guy had sat. My face fell when I saw that he was no longer there, and I sighed, a little ashamed of the relief I felt through my disappointment. I turned around and nearly ran smack into him. He was standing right in front of me with a grin on his face.

“Edward? Edward Masen, right?”

I blinked, taken aback. I nodded, and suddenly, his arms were around me. Instead of the arousal I thought I would feel at the sensation, I felt nothing but shock. I patted his back awkwardly, and he let me go, holding me at arms’ length.

“I knew that was you! God damn, man, it’s good to see you! What’s it been? Six years? You’re looking good!” He was speaking quickly, a wide grin on his face, but he must’ve seen the confusion on mine. “You don’t recognize me, do you? It’s Seth.”

“Seth Clearwater?”

The relief that flooded through me at his nod was palpable, and this time, I was the one who hugged him close, clapping his back.

The minor disappointment I’d felt at realizing that the first guy I thought was interested in me wasn’t was far outweighed by the fact that I’d reconnected with one of my best friends from my childhood – someone who knew me. Someone my age.

Even better, I’d learned Seth was gay and had come out in high school. He’d been fucking adorable when he’d admitted that he’d had a crush on me in junior high, but neither of us had ever been tempted as adults. We just fit so perfectly as friends. He’d helped me connect with the local gay and lesbian groups, and he’d been instrumental in my adjusting so well to life in Boston.

Seth had never lost his youthful energy, and he always seemed to be running at full-speed. There was something innocent and earnest about him that I loved, and he’d found a perfect partner in Embry, who was more reserved, more level-headed – and absolutely in love with him.

We both listened until Seth finally began to wind down, and I took the opportunity to ask, “Hey, did Leah come this year?”

Seth nodded. Before I could even ask where she was, he said, “She’s out for a walk on the beach. With Tyler.” He wrinkled his nose as I chuckled.

“You know those two are going to end up together some day,” Embry teased.

“Ugh…no, thanks. Tyler’s nice and all, but…” he trailed off.

Embry wrapped his arms around Seth’s waist and rested his forehead against his lover’s. “You’re saying you object to Tyler as family?” He pressed his lips against Seth’s, and as I looked away, I caught his whispered, “I kind of hope to have him as my brother-in-law someday.”

Something in me ached at the words and the intimate gestures, and I had to distract myself. A glance into the corner showed me that Kate was sitting on the couch beside Garrett. They were holding hands and were deep in conversation, so I made my way to the kitchen. There, I found Collin putting the finishing touches on a salad as Brady made hamburger patties.

They didn’t notice me enter, so I said, “Need some help with that?”

“Edward! Hey, man, we didn’t know you were coming!” Collin hopped off his barstool and walked over, clapping me on the back while Brady nodded with a grin.

“Great to see you, E,” Brady said, by way of greeting.

“Want a beer?” Collin’s words flowed smoothly just after Brady’s as he reached into the refrigerator and pulled out three bottles. He opened them all and handed me mine before taking one over to his partner.

“Thanks, babe.” Brady kissed Collin briefly just before he finished making the hamburgers.

“Where’s Benjamin?” I asked.

“Watching the grill.” Brady flashed a smile. “Tia’s with him. They have news.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Brady nodded as he walked to the sink, where Collin met him and turned on the water for him. He glanced over, grinning at me. “Yeah, I have a couple of ideas, but they’re not saying until later.”

He finished washing his hands, and I helped him carry out food for the grill. We met Tia and Benjamin there, and they both seemed to be absolutely glowing with whatever their news was. Like Brady, I had a couple of guesses, but I knew from their expressions that – no matter what the news actually was - it was something that was making them more permanent.

I was happy for Benjamin. He’d been the odd-man-out longer than any of us. Tyler was more often alone, but he dated around more as well. As we stood there and talked while Brady grilled, I sipped my beer and slowly realized that I was the only one alone at this particular barbecue. I knew that, technically, Leah and Tyler weren’t together, but they might as well be. They’d spend the entire day wrapped up in each other despite Leah’s snarky attitude and Tyler’s attempts to behave himself for Seth’s sake.

I hadn’t realized Kate had invited Garrett, and it had come as a bit of a shock. She didn’t usually bring guys she dated around. She was sort of the little sister of our group, and some of the guys were too protective of her. She must really like Garrett if she was subjecting him to all of us already. More than that, she must already plan for him to be around for a long time.

I gave a melancholy smile as I sipped my beer, and I tried to push those thoughts away, instead just enjoying the afternoon with everyone. I hid behind my camera, taking pictures as we hung out and goofed off. We ate lunch on the deck, and usual, Brady had cooked for an army. Even after everyone was stuffed, there was too much food left.

Just like always, Collin said, “Well, I guess you guys will just have to stay for dinner because there’s no way we can eat this ourselves.”

And just like always, we all playfully protested before “giving in.” After lunch, those of us dressed in regular clothes changed into our swimsuits. I took my duffel bag into Collin and Brady’s room, quickly putting on my boardshorts and grabbing the old blue t-shirt I’d brought. I threw the shirt over my shoulder and pulled out my bottle of sunscreen, going in search of Kate.

I found her dressed in a skimpy bikini out on the deck, laughing at something Garrett had said. It was the first time I’d been mostly alone with them all day, so Garrett and I shook hands as we exchanged greetings. We talked a bit about the modeling gig he’d just landed, and I laughed when I felt Kate snatch the bottle out of my hands.

“Guess this is a hint?” she teased.

I pouted at her, and she laughed, smacking my arm lightly. “Sit down,” she commanded.

I sat with my feet hanging over the edge of a lounge chair while Kate spread the lotion on my skin. My eyes closed and I smiled when she massaged me a little the way she always did, and I was surprised when the image my mind conjured wasn’t the innocent one of Kate. It was of Jasper, and it was decidedly…naughty.

As much as I wanted to follow the imagined sight of Jasper’s hands drifting lower down my back, cupping my ass before he teased my entrance, I wanted even more to not have a raging hard-on when I stood up for us to go to the beach. I forced the thoughts away, melancholy settling in as I wished intensely – for about the millionth time that day – that Jasper was with me.

“Oh, damn.” Kate’s voice broke through my musings as I heard the bottle snap shut. I opened my eyes, peering up at her. “Garrett…I left my sunglasses upstairs with my purse. Would you mind getting them for me?” There was something a little too sweet in her voice, and I narrowed my eyes, wondering what she was up to. “Oh, and I think we’re finished with this. Do you mind putting it in Edward’s bag? I think it’s in Collin’s room.”

“No problem, Katie.” I smirked as I watched him kiss her cheek as he took the bottle from her. As soon as he disappeared inside, Kate sat down beside me, resting her head on my shoulder as she leaned against me.

“What’s the matter, Katie-bug?” I asked, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

“Nothing’s the matter with me,” she said, sighing. “What’s the matter with you?”

I glanced over, smiling ruefully at her. “Am I that transparent?”

“Just to me.” She grinned as she reassured me, and then her brow furrowed. “Seriously. Garrett will be back soon…what’s on your mind?” When I shrugged, she continued, “Okay, maybe I should say…what, exactly, is it about Jasper that’s bothering you?”

I sighed, trying to put words to the strange feeling of dejection. In the end, I went for simple. “I was sort of hoping he’d be here today. Or I’d be there.”

She rested her head on my shoulder and her hand on my thigh. “I thought so.” After a moment of silence, she said, “So why didn’t that happen?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “He’s…holding back. I don’t really know why, and it’s frustrating the hell out of me.” She lifted her head, looking up at me through her lashes, and everything came spilling out. “God, Katie, when we’re together, it’s fucking perfect. He’s funny and sexy as fuck, and he’s maybe even smarter than I am, and you know what a goddamn turn on that is for me.” A ghost of a smile played on her lips as she nodded, but she didn’t speak, letting me get everything off my chest. “We don’t even have to try. It’s effortless. But then…” I sighed shaking my head. “We’re hiding shit, Kate. He won’t let me in. It’s like he wants to keep me separate from the rest of his life. I’ve only been to his apartment once, and we were there for about five minutes when I picked him up for our date. Otherwise, he finds some excuse for us to hang out at my place. But then I think…well, I think maybe I’m overreacting. He invited me to spend the day with him and his sister, and that was just…amazing. So maybe I’m projecting all the shit with Alistair onto him, but I just…I can’t…”

Kate noticed my struggle and said, “Shh…” as she patted my leg. “It’s alright, Edward. I mean…I get how some of that sucks, definitely…but you know what?” She waited until I looked over, and then she grinned at me. “I haven’t seen you this legitimately interested in a guy since Alistair. It’s scary as hell. Believe me, I know…but you gotta take a chance sometime, right?” I frowned, staring at the pattern of the wood on the floor of the deck before I finally nodded.

“Tell me something.”

I looked up, tilting my head slightly to the side while I waited for her to continue.

“Is he worth it?”

“Worth…what?”

She flashed a small smile. “All of it. The questions, the uncertainty…the possible heartbreak. Is he worth it? Or do you get the hell out now without taking the chance?”

My mind balked at the suggestion of getting out, leaving Jasper. I knew the immediate answer was that he absolutely was, but Kate expected me to take her question seriously – and so I would.

I took a moment, sitting in silence as I made myself really consider it – never again feeling the way his thumb dug into the small of my back when he wrapped his arms around me, never hearing that little desperate moan when his tongue brushed my tongue ring…never knowing what it was like to make love to Jasper, to be buried inside him or feel him deep inside me. Beyond that, I tried to imagine never seeing the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled at me or watching his head tilt just to the right when he was deep in thought. I felt an inexplicable sadness when I thought of never learning his morning routine, and I realized at once that I needed to know these things, to see these things.

“He’s worth it,” I whispered, adding to myself, Please let him think I am.

Kate slipped her arm around my waist and squeezed me gently. “Good,” she said softly. “I’m glad you know he is…now you just have to make sure you remember it.”

I glanced down at her. “What do you mean?”

She gazed back up at me, her eyes wide as she bit her lip. Her brow furrowed and she gave a small frown before she sighed. “He’s…look, I like Jasper. What I know of him. He seems pretty cool, and you two really do seem like you’re good together from what little I’ve seen. But he’s obviously got some…” I watched as she bit the inside of her cheek. “Problems. I think…well, to be blunt, I think he might fuck up. Maybe a few times. You just have to remember that he’s worth it.” She bumped my shoulder with hers and gave a small grin just as Garrett came back out on the deck again. “And if he’s not, he’s got me to deal with,” she muttered under her breath.

She hopped up, smiling brightly at Garrett, and I was a few seconds behind, standing slowly as I tried to process all she’d said. I realized that there was just too much there, too much I’d have to consider later, so I tried to put it out of my mind as we gathered our towels, and I grabbed my camera case and slung it over my shoulder as we made our way to the beach.

We spent most of the afternoon soaking up the last rays of the summer sun and working off some of the massive lunch we’d eaten while Kate and I took turns with my camera. We went for a swim in the ocean, enjoying the cool water as we dove into the small waves while Tyler and Leah sat on the beach. When we came back out of the water, I played what was supposed to be a game of touch football with the guys, but I was sporting a bruise the size of Embry’s shoulder along my ribs by the time we finally won the game.

As the day cooled off and the sun began to lower on the horizon, we packed our bags again, shaking sand from our towels as everyone talked at once. We made our way back to Collin and Brady’s, where they set to work heating up all the leftover food. I offered to help, but they wouldn’t hear of it, instead asking me to get drinks for everyone.

Soon, we were all settled around the tables spread out on the lower deck and the backyard. We began dishing up food and fixing our burgers, and just as I was about to take my first bite, Benjamin stood up. He cleared his throat and reached down, holding out his hand for Tia, who stood up beside him. She was positively beaming. I glanced from her to the proud smile on Benjamin’s face, and I felt a small smile reflexively form on my own.

Those looks were all I needed to strengthen my suspicions, but Benjamin wasted no time in confirming them. “Hey, guys?” he began unceremoniously.

Everyone paused in their conversations, turning to look toward them. My eyes flitted to Tia’s left hand, which was resting lightly on her belly, and I saw the sparkling ring she was now sporting. My grin widened as Benjamin announced in his easygoing way, “I just wanted to tell you that I’ve asked Tia to marry me, and – now, don’t anyone die of shock – she said yes!”

A chorus of well-wishes went up around the table, punctuated by Kate’s squeal as she hopped up and went to hug Tia. The two of them whispered quietly for a moment before Katie’s eyes widened, and she squealed again. Benjamin had turned to talk to Embry, who was sitting just to his right, but he turned back to Tia when she tugged at his hand.

He beamed at her and then cleared his throat, saying, “And Tia has something else to tell you…”

Tia’s smile brightened as a faint blush graced her cheeks, and the glowing expression on her face made me wish I hadn’t left my camera inside after we’d returned from the beach.

Now there’s a sight to remember…

Kate slipped quietly away, returning to her seat between me and Garrett. She grabbed my hand, squeezing it as she turned her excited eyes back to the happy couple just as Tia said, “We’re expecting a baby in March!”

She bit her bottom lip, but apparently Benjamin couldn’t resist his soon-to-be-wife because he pulled her close, kissing her before whispering soft words to her. I couldn’t hear above the roaring in my ears. I felt completely off-kilter, just…wrong somehow.

I saw the others getting up, smiles on their faces as they hugged Tia and Benjamin, but when I finally made myself move, I felt wooden, and my congratulations seemed stilted. I didn’t understand why it was hitting me so hard.

Just moments before, I’d been nothing but happy for them, and I knew I still was…but that was deep down. At the time, all I could focus on was the way I just…hurt.

For some reason, hearing the words and seeing the way the two of them were wrapped up in each other just brought it all home. Even as they were turned away from each other, hugging people and carrying on completely separate conversations, their hands were joined. I stayed there, taking part in the celebration, until I finally saw Tyler slip away. He was heading for the kitchen, and I followed him on the pretense of getting something else to drink.

When I walked in, he grinned at me, pulling a bottle of tequila from the cabinet. “Fucking unbelievable, isn’t it?” He babbled on, talking about how we needed to celebrate as he began pouring shots. “You in?” he asked, and pulled down another shot glass when I nodded.

Leah came in through the door from the hallway then – I hadn’t seen her sneak away. Her face was like mine: a smile plastered like a mask on her lips, and she seemed in the mood for anything but celebrating.

Wonder what that’s about…

I didn’t wonder for long as the three of us downed our first shots straight before Tyler began slicing limes. I licked my lips, my fingers turning the tiny glass in circles on the table as I felt the heat from the alcohol spread through my chest.

While I waited for him to pour the next shot, I pulled my phone from my pocket on the pretense of checking the time – 7:38 – but my face fell when, yet again, there was no message from Jasper. I’d checked here and there throughout the day, but I hadn’t expected to hear from him earlier when I knew he was at his own barbecue. As the night wore on, though, I was sure he’d call. I pocketed the phone again with a sigh. It was still early.

God, I fucking miss him.

Before I could let myself wonder if he was thinking of me, I strengthened my resolve not to call him. He’d wanted to spend the day with his friends, and I wasn’t going to force myself on him. If he needed a little space, a little time without me, then I could give it. I couldn’t smother him just because I wanted to spend every waking moment with him.

The thought gave me pause…just a big enough pause for Tyler to put a slice of lime in my hand. I licked the join of my thumb and forefinger, and Leah sprinkled it with salt before we threw back our second shots.

Just as I slammed my glass down on the counter again, Kate walked in behind Garrett. She was laughing, but the smile on her face faded as she took in the sight of me. She whispered something to him and then walked over to me, clearing her throat as she said, “Hey Edward…I meant to ask you. Did you think to bring those pictures you developed for me with you?”

I nodded mutely. She knew I wouldn’t have forgotten them, and I knew she didn’t give a damn about them just then.

This was about me.

I left my glass where it was, leading the way to Collin and Brady’s bedroom. There, I knelt on the floor beside my duffel bag and pulled out the portfolio I’d put together for her. I’d taken a chance, enlarging some I knew she’d like, and I’d put them together the best I could. The rest of the pictures were all carefully wrapped, ready for her to look through them and make her own choices. I stood up again, handing both packages to her, and she turned, dropping them onto the bed.

I frowned at her. She arched an eyebrow in response. When I didn’t say anything, she sighed and took the two steps needed to reach me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my chest, murmuring, “I know what you’re thinking…are you alright?”

I couldn’t bring myself to hug her. My voice was coarse, rough with repressed emotion when I said, “I’m fine.”

She looked up at me shrewdly before shaking her head. “No, you’re not. Have…” she trailed off, biting her bottom lip before lowering her voice and continuing, “Have you thought about Rose’s offer?”

My eyes tightened as I shook my head, swallowing. It wasn’t entirely true. I had thought about Rosalie’s offer to be a surrogate for me if I ever decided to have children of my own. But unlike Tanya, I did want a husband, a partner to share my life with, and until I had that – had him – children weren’t in my future.

Kate opened her mouth to question me further, but I cut her off. “Kate, please. Not tonight.”

She squeezed me tight, nodding once against my chest before she looked up again. “You will talk to me soon.” There was a long pause. The only noise in the room was the sound of Seth’s laughter from the kitchen. “Please?” she whispered, and I sighed, nodding begrudgingly.

Pinching my side, she said, “I love you, you know.”

I smiled, my expression softening as I hugged her at last. “I know…don’t know why, though. I love you, too.”

She rolled her eyes as we parted, changing the subject as she picked up the portfolio and extra pictures. “You really are a lifesaver.” At my smirk, she grinned in return. “Cherry…but you’re kinda limey right now.”

I groaned, rolling my eyes as I ruffled her hair…because that’s how I knew I should react. That was the typical Edward response whenever Kate was being silly.

But I didn’t feel typical. I felt more like I was watching myself go through the motions, a dispassionate outside observer that watched my body walk back into the kitchen and take up shot glass after shot glass with Tyler and Leah. I lost count somewhere around six, and I absently noticed a new bottle of tequila coming out. After another round, we were joined by some of the others, and Leah soon stumbled away, leaning against Kate, who was helping her upstairs. The two of them had their heads bent close together, giggling, though some corner of my mind recognized that Kate seemed to be playing along – she was stone cold sober.

My eyes narrowed as I tried for a split second to decide if she wasn’t drinking because she was trying to keep an eye on me…or if she didn’t want to get shitfaced in front of…

Shit, what’s that fucker’s name?

I swayed where I stood as his face came into focus in front of me, bringing with it his name. “Garrett!” I declared, clapping him on the back as he handed me my latest shot.

He grinned and said, “Yeah, that’s me.” He held up his shot glass, and I tilted mine toward him, spilling a few drops on the counter before I tossed back my head, taking the shot. I stayed that way, staring up at the plaster peaks in the ceiling as I lowered my hand and put the glass back on the counter.

The angle did crazy things to my vision and equilibrium, and the room was spinning when I finally looked ahead again. Garrett chuckled, and I swung my head slowly to find him grinning at me as he put his arm around my shoulders. “I think you’ve had enough…” he said quietly, steering me out of the kitchen.

I started to protest, but in truth, I couldn’t even remember what he was talking about, so I staggered at his side, my arm around his waist as I tried to keep my face from meeting the floor that kept looming large in my vision.

“Holy fuck,” I whispered as I lifted my head and found myself staring at the staircase rising endlessly above me.

My body was jostled as Garrett laughed, and then he switched our arms, wrapping his around my waist and draping mine over his shoulders. He pulled me close against him, and I had just a moment to idly realize he smelled really fucking good before he muttered, “Staring at it’s not going to make it any shorter.”

“What the hell-" I started to ask, but then he was dragging me up the stairs, and I had to concentrate to put one foot in front of the other and use my free hand to try to pull myself up as much as possible. A tiny part of my brain was alarmed to realize that I was well beyond fucked up; I wasn’t sure if I’d ever had so much to drink in so short a time.

That thought, like all others, was fleeting, and the next thing I was aware of was that I was lying flat on my back on something soft, my feet on the floor, and I was staring at another ceiling. I felt hands at my waist unbuttoning my jeans, and I brushed them away in alarm. “Hey now!” I sat up, my vision swimming as I tried to find Garrett to tell him that as nice as he was – and as fucking amazing as he smelled – and as damn attractive as he was…

Wait…what was I gonna say again?

Oh, right.

I couldn’t do that to Jasper.

Or Katie.

Katie? I blinked in confusion when it was her face I found grinning back at me. She arched an eyebrow and returned her hands to the buttons of my jeans.

I flopped back on the bed, grunting and closing my eyes when the motion didn’t agree with me. “Sorry,” I slurred. “Thought you were Caesar.”

“You thought I was…what?” She laughed, and then she paused. “Tell me you’re wearing underwear tonight.”

I smirked, opening my eyes as I tried to nod. When she didn’t move, I realized she couldn’t see me, but I couldn’t be bothered with lifting my head – or speaking, apparently – so I gave her a thumbs up.

She made short work of my jeans, tossing them to the floor. I saw her come into view again as she put my phone on the nightstand, but the blank screen stared at me, taunting me, so I turned my head away.

“Shirt on or off?” she asked, and I shrugged, rolling onto my side.

She laughed again and tugged at the blanket beneath me until I sighed in exasperation and rolled further toward the edge. She managed to get it out somehow and covered me up with it, tucking it beneath my chin. I felt her fingers in my hair and her cool lips on my forehead, and the last thing I was aware of was two silhouettes in the doorway before the door swung shut, covering me in darkness.

If I had any hope that being unable to see would stop the room from swaying before my eyes, I was sadly mistaken. No sooner had the sound of retreating footsteps faded than I was rolling off the bed, crawling on my hands and knees toward the bathroom.

I wasn’t entirely sure if I made it in time or not. All I knew was that I spent the rest of the night alternately puking up everything I’d ever ingested and curling up on the fuzzy bathmat with my cheek pressed against the cool tile floor.

The bathroom was dark, a sliver of light from the hallway that spilled in from beneath the bedroom door providing the only illumination, so my other senses seemed strangely heightened. I was vaguely aware that it was still very early in terms of the party – it couldn’t even be nine yet – and soon I heard music filtering up the stairs, the steady thump of the bass matching the pounding in my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the sound away, but that just made me more aware of my ragged breathing and the disgusting smells of my own sickness. I lay there, wishing I would just die and end my misery, sure that I would never fall asleep.

I must have been so pathetic in my drunken state that even the universe took pity on me because when I next opened my eyes, weak light shone through the long, narrow window above the shower. I grunted, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I sat up. The room was stable, at least, but the drumming in my head had reached epic proportions, and I felt shaky and dizzy.

What the fuck were you thinking, Masen?

I hadn’t had that much to drink in a very long time, and my body was definitely feeling the effects. I forced myself to stand and survey the damage, finding that I had – thankfully – not made too big a mess in the bathroom. I felt disgusting, the salt from the ocean and my apparent sweating during the night caked to my skin, so I turned on the shower while I cleaned the room. Every movement left me feeling a little light-headed, making me take extra care as I worked.

Putting the towel I’d used in the hamper, I peeled off my t-shirt and boxers, toeing out of my socks before I stepped under the warm spray. I swallowed against the acid burning my throat, but I couldn’t seem to get any relief from it as I washed myself mechanically. The fragrance of ginger from the body wash I found on the shelf in the shower helped clear my mind a little, and I tried to form some sort of plan for the rest of the day.

By the time I shut off the water, I was a little more coherent, though my head was aching dully, and I felt weak and ill. I dried off, wrapping the towel around my waist, and went into the guest room, where I found my duffel bag waiting for me. A small smile played on my lips as I thought about Kate taking care of me – again – and I knelt down, rifling through it to find my travel kit.

When I stood, I glanced at the nightstand. The morning light streaming through the windows was dim, but I could make out the outline of my phone, and I bit my lip in indecision for a moment before walking over and picking it up. When the screen lit up, the absence of any messages taunted me, and I dropped the phone onto the bed, muttering to myself as I stalked back to the bathroom.

I brushed my teeth roughly, muttering to myself here and there as my brain kept up an endless rant about my stupidity. I vacillated between feeling like a complete fool for letting Jasper infiltrate my life – and my heart – the way he had and worrying whether or not he was okay. I rinsed my mouth out, gargling to try to get rid of the sickly acidic feeling, and then ran the toothbrush beneath the water before shoving it back into my little black bag.

It was just after seven in the morning, and the house was completely silent. Suddenly, I just wanted to be alone. Not alone-in-a-house-full-of-sleeping-happy-couples but alone.

After throwing my towel in the hamper, I snatched up my travel kit and went back into the bedroom for the last time. I picked up my jeans from the floor and searched through my duffel, grabbing the first t-shirt I felt. I dressed a hurry, annoyed when I stumbled. I was definitely hungover, but it was not the worst I’d ever been by far – surprising, considering the amount I’d had to drink.

Of course, most of that shit ended up in the goddamn toilet.

I grimaced, wrinkling my nose before inhaling and running my fingers through my hair. It was too early to do much of anything – in truth, I should probably have found some aspirin, drunk about a gallon of water, and crawled back into bed.

So, of course, I didn’t.

“Fuck this.” I picked up my duffel, slinging the strap over my shoulder as I ignored the throbbing in my head. I padded down the stairs quietly, finding no one in sight as I made my way to the front door. There, I searched through the pile of shoes, frustrated when I couldn’t find mine. Then I caught sight of them sitting off to the side near my camera bag with a folded piece of paper stuck in one of them.

Kate.

I leaned over, yanking the note out before shoving my feet into my shoes. I started to just throw the paper on the ground, but despite the many causes for my foul mood, Kate wasn’t one of them, so I impatiently opened it, finding a message in her girly scrawl.

E-

Just wanted to say good morning. Be careful, please. You’re worth it, too, you know.
Love you,

Kate

I sighed, reading the note again before I stuffed it into my pocket and opened the door. My mind wandered aimlessly as I drove back to Boston, and by the time I turned the key in the lock of my front door, my headache had faded.

I was tired.

I didn’t want to sleep, though, as my body ached from sleeping for ten or so hours on the hard tile floor of Collin’s bathroom. Instead, I dropped my bags off at the base of the stairs and went straight to the kitchen, brewing a pot of coffee.

While I waited, I got the two rolls of film from my camera bag and took them down to the darkroom, putting them with the rest of the film I needed to develop. I knew I was probably being masochistic, but I wanted to see Jasper’s face…and I’d taken far too many pictures of him at the zoo. After checking to make sure I had everything I needed, I went back upstairs, pouring myself a cup of coffee. I drank it black, burning my tongue in the process, but the clarity it helped bring was more than welcome, so I poured a second cup and went back down the stairs.

I spent most of the day in the darkroom, developing roll after roll of film. The chemicals didn’t do much to help my lingering headache, but with my hands occupied, the time passed quickly. I paused here and there to eat, and Emmett called midway through the afternoon, providing the only interruption to my surprisingly productive day.

By the time I saw the first images, my frustration with Jasper had faded, leaving behind only a sense of longing as I looked at a picture of him laughing with Emily. The sun glinted off their blond hair, and their mouths were open, their eyes actually fucking sparkling with happiness. I smiled, shaking my head as I went back to work. More images appeared before my eyes, pictures of the animals we’d seen, and even some of me that Emily had taken. I flipped past those, feeling that typical sense of weirdness whenever I looked at photographs of myself.

A true grin was on my face as I studied the pictures of Jasper being silly with his sister. The one of him clucking like a chicken came out perfectly, and I laughed out loud when I saw him sticking his tongue out at the camera. Emily had been just quick enough to catch the childish gleam in his eyes. The pictures I’d taken of the two of them posing together were fantastic – the backdrop the zoo provided was beautiful, and they were both ridiculously photogenic. I was pretty satisfied with them, and I started setting a few aside to look at later when I could make a decision about which to give them as gifts.

And then I stopped short, staring at the picture I held gingerly between my thumb and forefinger.

Jasper and I stood there, smiling at the camera. His arm was around my shoulders, while mine was around his waist. We looked damn good together, but that wasn’t what caught my attention. No, what drew my eye was the look on his face. He looked…happy. Relaxed. His eyes were sparkling just like they had been in the pictures with Emily, and I was taken aback when I realized that his expression matched my own.

Slowly, I put the picture to the side, shuffling through a few shots of birds in their exhibit before I came to another picture that made my eyes widen. Jasper and I were standing close, our foreheads pressed together as we smiled at each other softly. He was gazing intently into my eyes, and his lips were pursed just slightly. The image was so vivid that I could remember the moment keenly – it was just after Emily had taken my camera from my hand. Just before…

I flipped to the next picture, a crooked grin forming on my face when I saw Jasper kissing me. Exhaling lightly, I turned around, leaning back against the counter as I flipped on the overhead light. I studied the image carefully, taking note of the way his body was pressed close to mine. One of his arms was wrapped around my waist, his fingers spread along my side. His other hand disappeared into my hair, and my soft sigh broke the silence of the darkroom as I remembered the way he had pulled insistently, tilting my head to deepen our kiss.

Finally pulling my eyes from Jasper, I looked at myself, taking in the way my forearms ran up his back, my hands on his shoulder blades pulling him closer to me. I chuckled, shaking my head when I realized my hips were pressed firmly against his, and my knee had slipped between his. I felt my cheeks heat when I thought of Emily seeing us that way – taking the picture, no less – but the sight and the memories shoved away the last bit of resentment I’d felt at not being invited to go to the party with him and then not hearing from him all day.

I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to see him, to feel him again the way I had when that picture was taken.

I smiled, turning off the light and heading out of the darkroom. My eyes were still on the photograph as I went upstairs, where I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and walked to the den.

As soon as I sat down on the couch, I pulled my phone out and called him, surprised when I realized it was nearly nine o’clock. I knew he had to work the next day, but as I ran my fingers through my hair, I really hoped he’d feel like spending a couple of hours with me. It had been too long.

“Edward, hey!”

His enthusiastic greeting put a smile on my face, and without even thinking twice about it, I asked him if he wanted to get together. My voice was a little lower when I admitted that I missed him, but hell…if it meant he’d be in my arms in a few minutes, I was willing to take a chance.

The smile slid from my face when I heard him curse under his breath. I felt hollow when he finally raised his voice and spoke again.

“Shit…man, I’m really sorry. I’m not in Boston right now. I’m in Portland until Thursday.”

Portland? Fucking Oregon? I let his voice wash over me, barely hearing him as he babbled and explained that he hadn’t known about the trip until Monday night and that Mike had apparently kept his phone from him. I couldn’t help but think he was explaining just a little too much, and I felt my jaw clench as I ground my teeth.

I took a moment, reminding myself that Jasper was not Alistair, but the whole situation had an eerie feeling of déjà vu. Leaving town without notice, not speaking until I called…Alistair had never cheated, but I wondered often if he was…and the uncertainty I felt as I listened to Jasper created an uneasy parallel that made me frown.

I finally interrupted, unable to take the flow of words through the phone any longer. I keyed in on the earnest tone in Jasper’s voice, holding to that as I spoke at last. “It’s alright, Jasper. I understand.”

He broke in, apologizing again and telling me he would’ve let me know if he’d had the chance. I tried to reassure him that I really did get it, but I was disappointed and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was just…off. Wrong, somehow.

How much trouble is it to pick up a fucking phone? Or hell…even a text would’ve been better than nothing.

We went back and forth for a few minutes, and when he said he was going to be off on Friday, the loneliness I felt pressed in on me when I realized that there was no chance I’d see him this week.

“I won’t be here, remember?” I reminded him about the Nantucket shoot, ridiculously a little hurt that he’d forgotten.

Stop being such a goddamn sap.

He cursed again, and we spoke for a few more minutes as he asked about my trip. He interrupted often with apologies and regrets, but when he finally said he had to go meet Mike for dinner, I couldn’t help but wonder if they were just empty words.

After I hung up the phone, I put it in my pocket and looked once more at the pictures of us together. There were several spread across the coffee table, and I felt a strong sense of longing as I studied them. The happy expression on Jasper’s face made me give a half-smile in response, and I reminded myself several times that he had invited me on the date with his sister.

That has to mean something, right?

My head ached from the mixed signals I seemed to get from him, so I tried to find something solid to cling to. As I flipped through the pictures, seeing image after image of us smiling, touching, kissing…I shook my head with a small, fond smile on my lips. I thought back to my conversation with Kate, hearing her words again as she told me that Jasper was likely to fuck up – possibly many times.

I sighed, running my thumb along his image before I tossed the picture back onto the coffee table and flicked off the lamp. “You better be fucking worth it…” I muttered.

Please, I added silently as I left the room with my beer in hand.

I spent the rest of the night working. I moved from the darkroom to my computer and back again, pausing at times to eat and even play the piano at one point. Sometime around four in the morning, I realized that I was avoiding things – keeping myself busy so I could avoid thinking about Jasper, staying away from the rolls of film where I knew I’d see him. I was even avoiding my own bed, which had somehow become draped in memories of him despite the fact that we’d been in it together only a couple of times.

“Fucking ridiculous,” I mumbled as I began shutting down my computer. I took my empty beer bottle into the kitchen and then made my way upstairs, where I stripped and fell into bed.

My room was still dark when my sleep was interrupted by the irritating sound of my phone. I cracked one eye open, peering at the clock, and was surprised to find that it was already after ten. Yawning loudly, I sat up, blinking at the weak gray light edging my curtains.

Wonder if it’s raining, I thought stupidly before I realized that my phone was quiet.

I scrubbed my face with my hands and flopped back onto my pillow, but no sooner had I closed my eyes than the persistent ringing started again.

“What the fuck?” I grumbled, rolling out of bed and searching for my phone in the dim light. I found it in the pocket of my pants and staggered back to bed as I answered. “Hello?”

“Hope I didn’t wake you…” Jasper’s voice was quiet, reserved, and the sound of it made my eyes widen. Before I could answer, he continued, “I just…I feel like a total asshole. I thought about you all night, and I just needed you to know that I really am sorry.”

“Jazz…” I sighed, but it wasn’t out of annoyance or hurt or anger or…anything like that. I felt more whole, somehow. Even though we hadn’t actually fought, I felt a sense of relief, as though we were making up. “Baby, it’s okay. Seriously. I’ll admit that I was upset, but it’s alright. I’m glad you called.”

The line was silent for a moment and then Jasper’s voice was playful. “You were still asleep, weren’t you?”

I felt the crooked grin on my lips as I admitted that I was. He asked if I was still in bed, and I said, “Mmhmm…awfully big bed for one guy, too.”

He growled, and everything felt right for the first time since I’d been with him at the zoo. We talked for several more minutes as he got ready, and when he finally said he really had to go, I sighed. He laughed softly and then gave a sigh of his own. “I know. I miss you, too.”

I grinned at the presumption, but I didn’t correct him – it was too fucking true. We said goodbye, and I finally got out of bed in a much better mood than I’d been in when I crawled into it. I worked hard all day, and I didn’t even hesitate to call him later that evening.

Thursday passed in much the same way. My day started early with a phone call from Jasper, and he reminded me that he’d be home that night. He asked when I would be leaving, and I frowned as I told him that we were heading out around 8:00 the next morning. I held onto a shred of hope as I asked him what time his flight was supposed to arrive, but that hope was dashed when he said, “We’re working until lunch today, so we won’t get back to Boston until ten…”

“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

Finally, Jasper cleared his throat, saying that he needed to get to work. “I’ll call you when I land, if that’s alright?”

“You better,” I answered, my voice more teasing than I really felt.

After we hung up the phone, I was morose yet again. This time, I embraced it, spending the day in my pajama pants, pouting that I was going to go days more without seeing Jasper. Seth called around noon to decide who was bringing what, and that started a string of phone calls between me and my friends as we worked out the last-minute details while I lounged on the couch watching the Red Sox game.

Around six, I made a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and then finally got off my ass, packing for the trip. Between my two cameras, the film, my laptop, clothes, and all the other things I was supposed to bring, I had a massive pile of luggage in the sitting room by the time I finally took a break and went to plant myself in front of the TV for a while.

It was nearly ten, but I knew it could be any time between then and midnight before Jasper called, depending on whether or not his flight was delayed and if he was able to get through security easily. To distract myself from checking my phone obsessively, I popped in my Casino Royale DVD and stretched out on the couch. I’d loved James Bond movies since I was a kid, and it didn’t take long before I was lost in the story, idly scratching my head as I yawned.

My plan didn’t work entirely, as I kept glancing at the clock, but luckily, I didn’t have long to wait. It was just after eleven when my phone rang, and Jasper’s name flashing on the screen brought a smile to my face.

“Hey, Jazz! Make it back okay?”

“Hey yourself…yeah, we actually got in a little earlier than expected, and I’m already in my car.”

“Oh, good. I take it the flight was okay then?” As I spoke, I sat up and put my feet on the coffee table, hitting pause on the remote.

“Yup, everything was smooth. So listen…I know it’s late and you’re leaving early in the morning, but I was wondering…” He trailed off strangely and cleared his throat, leaving me furrowing my brow as I waited. “Can I see you tonight? I won’t stay long. I just…I need…” He didn’t finish his sentence, and I grinned.

“Yeah…me, too.” I paused for half a second, and my voice was softer when I said, “Please come over, Jazz. I need to see you, too.”

“You’re sure? I don’t want to get in the way.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t invite you if I didn’t mean it. Now get your ass over here before I have to come find you.”

He laughed, and we talked for just a couple of minutes more. As soon as we’d hung up the phone, I tossed it onto the coffee table and stood up. I hadn’t showered, and I was sure I smelled like it, so cleaning up was the first order of business. The pictures from the zoo were scattered all over the table, and I stacked them up, debating before I put the ones of Jasper and me on the bottom of the stack. I moved them to the end table before leaving the den, taking the stairs two at a time on my way to my room.

I pulled off my pants on the way, tossing them into the hamper as I flipped on the bathroom light. I turned on the shower and stepped in, not even waiting for the water to warm.

“Son of a bitch!” I cursed as I felt the icy stream hit my back, but the smile on my face was wide as I cleaned myself as quickly as possible. The water was just warming up when I jumped back out.

I scrubbed my towel through my hair and walked to the mirror as I dried myself. My eyes were dancing with excitement, and I snorted at my reflection, trying to calm down.

You’d think I hadn’t seen him in a month.

I rolled my eyes at myself, slowing down just slightly, but I was still dressed within minutes. I was wearing the same fraying jeans I’d worn when I met Jasper with a forest green long sleeve t-shirt that Kate always told me made my eyes look “enchanting.” Shaking my head with a chuckle, I started downstairs just in time to hear the doorbell ring.

I bit the inside of my cheek to suppress my grin as my bare feet carried me straight to the door. I yanked it open a little harder than necessary, and there he was. We stared at each other for a moment, and I just had time to take in that he was still wearing his dress pants and button down shirt. He’d taken his tie off and the top two buttons were undone, but that didn’t lessen the effect. His lips turned up into a crooked grin, and then his hands were on my hips as he pushed me inside. He pressed me against the wall, kissing me thoroughly before he finally pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

“Mmm…” he murmured. “You smell fucking…what is that?” He pushed away finally, smiling at me as he went to sit down on the bench.

“Just my soap.” I shrugged and grinned, stepping in front of him while he leaned down to untie his shoes. I couldn’t resist touching him now that I had him so close. I ran my fingers through his hair as he slipped his dress shoes under the bench, but instead of standing up, his hands went to my waist, and he lifted my shirt.

His mouth found the skin of my abdomen, and I moaned softly as his tongue traced a lazy circle around my navel. His thumbs rubbed my hipbones, dipping down beneath the waist of my jeans, and then he turned his blue eyes to me, his lips kissing along the V leading into my pants.

“Take me to your room…” he breathed. “Please?”

My breath caught, and my fingers slipped from his hair, my hand cupping his chin as I guided him up. When he stood, he pressed close to me, and I could feel his arousal hard against my hip. “Fuck, Jasper…” I broke off, kissing him hungrily as my body began to respond in kind. My hands trailed up his back, clutching at his shirt as he returned my kisses eagerly.

Finally, he pulled away, his eyes smoldering as he said, “Your room?” He placed a soft kiss on my lips, whispering against them, “Please, Edward…I missed you…” His lips moved over my face and neck as he kept up a steady stream of soft words. I’m sure he thought I was reluctant, as he was trying to convince me, but his pleading and words of desire were soothing, healing the hurt I’d felt when he’d left town.

When he bit at the join of my neck and shoulder, I moaned, thrusting my hips against his, and the feeling of my hard-on pressing against the buttons of my jeans pushed me into motion. I hooked my fingers around Jasper’s belt and began pulling him backward as my lips found his again. When we stepped through the doorway leading to the stairs, I turned around and led the way up, my hand still at his waist.

As I reached the top of the stairs, he took my hand, pressing my palm against his erection, and I inhaled sharply when I felt the obvious evidence of his desire. I shoved him against the wall, unable to wait to kiss him again, and his hands went to my hair as he tilted my head, his tongue parting my lips.

When I pulled back at last, he gripped my hips as if steeling himself. He looked into my eyes for a long moment and then murmured, “Sorry…” before brushing his lips against mine. I raised an eyebrow in question, and he grinned impishly. “I don’t mean to be so pushy. I just-“

I laughed, shaking my head as I cut him off with my lips against his. “Get the fuck in here, Mr. Whitlock…” I whispered, leading him into my room at last. My left arm trailed behind me, my hand around his belt as I took him straight to my bed. When I turned to face him again, he was smiling at me, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing me deeply.

I felt his hand slip around, his fingers teasing the skin just above my jeans, which were resting low on my hips. They glided lightly, tickling me, but then his hand moved purposefully upward, lifting my t-shirt as he went. When he pinched my nipple, I bit his bottom lip and stepped back, raising my arms so he could get rid of the thin material.

He muttered, “Fuck yes…” and lowered his head, taking my nipple between his lips as my hands tangled in his hair. I tugged lightly, and he lifted his head, returning his lips to mine while I worked on the buttons of his shirt. I felt the pull of denim as he began unbuttoning my jeans at the same time, and I kept trying to will myself to slow down.

I just couldn’t seem to do it.

The only thoughts in my mind were all of a nude Jasper in my bed, and I was doing everything I could to make that happen. Our lips explored the flesh we exposed, Jasper’s tongue leaving trails of cool skin in its wake. No words were uttered as we communicated entirely in grunts and moans punctuated with sighs and occasional whimpers.

A distant corner of my mind was in awe of the way we moved so fluidly together. There was no awkwardness, no pause, no wondering if we were going too far. We seemed perfectly in tune, and by the time Jasper sat on the edge of the bed, licking his bottom lip as he looked up at me, I sensed that we were changing somehow…growing.

“Come here, Dr. Masen.” He growled playfully, his eyes soft as he watched me. When I started moving, he did as well, and soon we were settled on the bed. He pushed me onto my back, his legs between mine as he lowered himself onto me. Looking into my eyes, he began thrusting his hips slowly, rhythmically against mine. I moaned, biting my bottom lip as I shuddered and arched my back. His hand moved to the back of my neck as he urged my face toward his, and we kissed gently as our bodies moved together.

Before long, we were panting, the feeling of our cocks brushing together while we kissed with abandon taking over our whole bodies. I wanted more, wanted to see the beautiful expression on his face as he fell apart in my arms, but I wasn’t willing to give up the feeling of his body on mine, his weight pressing me into the mattress.

I reached over to my right, blindly feeling for my nightstand. I managed to open the drawer, finally having to break out kiss as I lifted my head to see what I was doing. Jasper rose slightly off of me, watching me with an amused grin.

His amusement faded, his eyes widening when he saw the bottle of lube in my hand. “Edward, what…?”

I didn’t answer, flipping open the top and squeezing some of the slick liquid into my palm as the fragrance of strawberry filled the air. “Oh, fuck…” he murmured when I wrapped my hand around both our cocks. His curse was balanced by my own as our hips began to thrust more insistently together. It was too much and not enough, all at once.

More.

Before I could begin to act on my thought, Jasper pulled my hand away and lifted it over my head. He took my other wrist in hand and moved it as well, wrapping the fingers of my left hand around my right wrist. “Don’t move,” he ordered softly before placing kisses all along my jaw. His lips blazed a trail down my body, my torso already glistening with sweat, until he reached my waist.

He gazed up at me, his blue eyes darkened as he kissed his way to my hip. I pouted, shifting my hips toward him, but he just smirked at me. He licked the edge of my tattoo purposefully, his grin widening when my hips bucked as I tried not to laugh.

“What’s so funny, Dr. Masen?” He teased my skin with his tongue again, and my knee jerked as I tried to keep myself still on the bed. “Well, now, if you’re just going to laugh at me…” His accent was exaggerated as he pulled away with a mock pout.

“Don’t fuck around, Jazz…” I begged, squeezing his side with my knees. “Please…just…”

I gasped, my words cut off as he took me deep in his mouth with a loud moan. His hands were on my thighs, holding me as still as he could though my back arched and my hips writhed. My eyes were wide as I lifted my head to watch my cock disappearing between his lips. I felt my head brush the back of his throat and muttered, “Oh my…fuck…”

He hummed, and I felt the vibrations as he flattened his tongue, creating suction as he moved up and down my length. His fingers kneaded my thighs before he reached for the tube of lube at my side. He paused for a moment as he squeezed a little into his hands, and I admired the way his lips were swollen and reddened from the attention he’d paid to me.

His right hand cupped my balls before dipping lower, and I felt his middle finger gliding gently toward my entrance. His eyes watched me closely, gauging my reaction, and he smiled when I inhaled as my eyes fluttered closed. “You like that?” he asked quietly.

I couldn’t form words, nodding mutely as I turned my head on the pillow, feeling the cool cotton against my cheek. I felt his left hand wrap around my shaft as he took me between his lips once more, and his fingertip pressed slowly into me. I lifted my knees, spreading my legs wider for him – an invitation he accepted as his finger stretched me.

I looked back at him only to find him watching me. He wore a look of determination, his eyes revealing a blend of desire and caring and…apology, I thought. He seemed hell bent on bringing me pleasure, so for once, I let my eyes drift closed. I focused every shred of my attention on him – on the warmth of his mouth and the abrasion of his teeth, the slick tightness of his palm and the steady brushing of his finger against my prostate.

Even in the self-imposed darkness behind my eyelids, I saw him vividly, my imagination conjuring a perfect memory of his sky blue eyes and full lips. With my senses completely overwhelmed by him, it wasn’t long before my hips were rocking on the bed. Jasper’s mouth grew still as he let me lead, but his hand pumped along my shaft, picking up speed as he licked at my head. His fingers matched our rhythm, and the jolt of pleasure with each passage had me crying out, begging him not to stop.

He sucked at my head with a groan, nodding his encouragement, and I finally moved my hands from where he’d placed them. My fingers went straight to his hair, where they tangled and pulled as I thrust forcefully into his mouth. He swallowed as I came, the movement of his tongue and throat making me shiver as the sensations overwhelmed me and pulled me under, drowning me in a sea of ecstasy.

When he tried to pull away, my hands tightened on his head, holding him in place. I was too fucking sensitive to even let him move away for a moment, but I finally forced my hands away, my fingers gripping the sheets instead as my cock slipped from Jasper’s mouth.

I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as I worked to catch my breath. He settled beside me, his hand on my abdomen as he moved his head to my shoulder. He kissed my cheek and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I blinked, turning my face to his. I started to brush it off with some smartass comment, but his expression gave me pause. My brow furrowed as I rolled onto my side, brushing his cheek with the backs of my fingers. “Don’t be…” I murmured instead, pressing my lips against his softly.

A smile flickered across his lips as he watched me for a moment before he kissed me again, shifting so that his knee slipped between mine and our bodies were flush. We kissed for several long moments before he sighed with a “Mmm…” and rested his head on the pillow beside mine. His eyes drifted closed, and he seemed completely satisfied.

I might have believed it, had it not been for the way his dick twitched against me. He was hard, so hard that it nearly made me ache in sympathy, and I could feel his wetness against my skin. I watched him for a little while, smiling at the gentle expression that curved his lips and relaxed his features. He seemed…content.

I realized that was an expression I wanted to see for a very long time. I could imagine waking up to find him in gentle repose, that look on his face and his sinewy arms wrapped around me. I thought about the way he smiled at me and the gleam in his eyes that had been captured by the camera during our trip to the zoo. At once, I understood what Kate was saying.

Yes, he could hurt me. More than even Alistair, Jasper had the power to smash my heart into a million tiny pieces and then grind those into dust if he wanted. He could leave me broken and bleeding…or he could make me feel more alive than I’d ever felt. He could make me feel like I did right then, with my heart thumping in my chest and a sense of awe as I watched him lie there.

Even with just a tiny taste of how…vibrant he could make my life, I knew without a doubt that what I’d told Kate was the absolute truth.

He was worth the risk.

I love you.

I swallowed, holding back the words that would likely have him bolting from my bed before they’d even fully settled in the room. It didn’t matter if he didn’t hear them yet, though…I had thought them, and I knew they were true.

I gave a fleeting smile as I stretched my toes, pushing myself closer so I could kiss him. His hand rested lightly on my hip as he smiled, returning the kiss tenderly. I was surprised when he didn’t try to deepen it, didn’t push for any sort of relief from the tension I knew he felt.

Silly man.

I kissed along his neck, moving to nibble on his collarbone, and his fingers tightened on my hip.

That’s right…I know what you want.

Still, he lay there with his eyes closed, that beatific smile on his face as if all was right in his world. I moved to hover over him, rolling him onto his back, and his eyes finally fluttered open. “What are you doing?” he murmured.

“Do you really have to ask?” My voice was soft as I gave him a playful grin and began kissing my way down his body.

A low moan escaped his lips as he whispered, “You don’t have to. I wanted to…” He jerked as my tongue swirled around his head. “Fuck…I wanted to make you feel good…”

“You did…” I placed a long, slow lick up his shaft, the taste of strawberries a little too sweet on my tongue. “And now it’s my turn…”

He protested, but his weak words were undermined by the way his fingers went to my hair, kneading my scalp as he helped guide me. I licked at the liquid dripping from his slit, and he hissed, his opposition quickly crumbling. “Oh fuck, Edward…god, please don’t stop…”

I smiled before taking him into my mouth, my eyes widening as the level of his arousal became evident. I’d never felt him so hard before, and knowing that it was because of what he’d done to me made me groan, a sound of longing and amazement.

All of my attention was focused on him, letting me hear every little moan, every catch of his breath. Since I couldn’t tell him how I felt with words, I tried to show him, pushing away everything except making him feel wanted…needed…loved. When he whimpered, I smiled internally, tracing my tongue along his ridge the way I just had. I memorized the one little sensitive place just beneath his head that invariably made his hips buck from the mattress, and when his hands fell to the bed, I admired the way they looked as his fingers clutched the sheets.

His lips were parted, his breathing shallow when I reached for the lube. At the snap of the lid, his eyes opened, and he looked down at me.

“Do you like it, too?” My face hovered over his cock, my left hand kneading his thigh.

He stared at me for a moment, his eyes widening as they drifted from my eyes to my mouth to his body before snapping back to me. Just when I thought he wasn’t going to answer, he reached out, his fingertips brushing my cheek as he said, “Fucking hell…you’re gorgeous…”

I gave a half-smile, amused and touched at his words, and raised both eyebrows as I nodded to the tube of lube.

“God, yes…” he murmured, reaching for another pillow to prop himself up. One hand stayed behind his head, and I felt the heat of his eyes on me as I took him between my lips again. He inhaled sharply when my slick finger slipped inside him, but his legs spread wider as he encouraged me.

Between his excitement and the attention I was giving him, it was not long at all before I felt him harden even further, his breath coming in pants and gasps as he took over. His hips pumped rhythmically, his dick gliding between my lips, and I hummed contentedly when his salty release spilled down my throat.

After waiting for him to come down from his high, I moved to lie beside him. He immediately held his arms out to me, and I snuggled up close to him. I rested my head on his chest, and he pulled me closer, his arms wrapped around my waist as he kissed my forehead. We lay there quietly until his hoarse voice said softly, “You didn’t have to do that…”

I smiled. “I know…” I murmured, kissing his chest once before settling against him again. “I wanted to.”

Silence descended again, and Jasper’s breathing found a slow rhythm, but his thumb rubbing my arm let me know he was still awake. My fingertips traced lazy patterns on his chest, and I sighed in contentment.

Just as I was thinking I could really get used to this, Jasper stirred, and I tensed. My heart sank as I waited to hear him say that he should go, and I took a shallow breath, steeling myself.

Whatever he needs.

He tightened his arms around me and whispered, “Hey…” I fixed a smile on my face before I lifted it to look at him. “Feel like a shower?” My eyes widened in surprise before a grin spread on my lips. I didn’t say anything, and his smile faltered as he glanced at my clock. “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s late. Should I…?”

I loved him a little bit more when he didn’t say the words. I kissed him hard and then rolled off the bed, holding my hand out to him. “Don’t be ridiculous…come on, baby.”

He smiled at me brightly as he took my hand, and as I was leading him to the bathroom, he snickered, ruffling my hair. “That’s a good look for you…”

I turned on the water before turning to look in the mirror. My hair had been wet when he came over, but it was dry now, sticking up in all sorts of directions thanks to his fingers and the strawberry-flavored lube. I couldn’t help but laugh as I ran my fingers through it, trying to tame it.

He caught my wrist and pulled me close, his hands splayed across my back as he murmured, “Don’t…sex hair suits you.” His eyes were goddamn twinkling as he kissed me.

“Well, you can give it to me any time you want.” I winked at him as he raised his eyebrows suggestively, and we stepped beneath the spray, teasing as we washed the other’s body.

It really hadn’t been that long since we were together, but I felt my playful mood slipping away into something more reverent as we let the shower wash away the remnants of our fun in the bed. Jasper grew quiet as well, but instead of pulling away as he so often did, I found he was standing closer, keeping one arm around my waist as he stood behind me, kissing my neck. He washed my hair carefully, turning me around to tilt my head beneath the spray. When I raised my head and ran my hand over my hair, sending water rushing down my back, I saw him watching me.

One corner of his lips quirked into a half-smile, and he gave me a single nod before he turned around, reaching for the shampoo for himself. I took it from him, and we finished bathing in silence, stealing kisses here and there as we caressed.

When we stepped out of the shower again, I handed him a towel and then reached for a clean one myself. “Did you just take a shower before I came over?” I turned at the sound of his voice.

“Yup.” I grinned and shrugged.

“Sorry.” His expression was sheepish, and my eyes widened incredulously.

“For what?” I asked, perplexed.

“For making you take another shower.”

I snorted. “You’re seriously apologizing for surprising me…giving me a blow job…and then taking a shower with me?” He shrugged before bending over to dry his legs, and I smacked his ass playfully. He stood up with a “Hey!” as he twisted away, and I grinned at him, leaning in to kiss him. “Honestly, Jazz…you’re welcome any time at all, and you made my fucking week showing up here tonight.”

He smiled at me, biting the inside of his cheek before he spoke again. “It made my week, too.” The blush on his cheeks was cute when he admitted, “I couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing you before you left. Thanks for letting me come over.”

“You’re fucking adorable…do you know that?” I took his towel, throwing both of them to the floor as I wrapped both my arms around his waist and brought his body to mine. “Stay awhile?” I whispered. Instead of answering, he angled his head to kiss me, and when we finally parted, his mood had lifted again.

He picked up both our towels and put them in my hamper before he turned and walked into my room, haughtily calling over his shoulder, “I’m going to get dressed. You can hang out in the nude if you want. Looks good on you.”

I laughed, following behind him. We both dressed again, though he wore only his dress pants and undershirt, carrying his button down and belt.

Downstairs, we wandered into the kitchen, where I asked what he wanted to drink. He said anything was fine with him and then watched with amusement when I opened a bottle of wine. I poured a glass for each of us, and he smiled, winking as he lifted his glass. “To us.”

I hid my surprise by murmuring my response, the clink of our glasses sounding loud in my ears as I took a sip of my wine. I tasted the wine on his lips as we kissed, and then he led the way back down the hall to the den, where he sat on his end of the couch and said, “So what were you up to before I called?”

I shook my head, thrown a little off-balance by how comfortable he seemed. A half-beat too late, I said, “Oh…just watching some Bond,” and walked around to sit on the other end of the couch. I put my wine glass on a coaster and picked up the remote, turning on the TV to see that the movie was still paused.

He glanced at the screen. “Which one is this?”

“Casino Royale…you’ve seen it, right?”

“Nope,” he said, settling back in his corner with his legs sprawled in front of him. “Mind if we start it over?”

“Not at all.” My voice was slightly higher than normal as I flipped through the DVD menu to restart the movie.

As soon as I put down the remote control, he said, “Why are you way over there?” and spread his arms, motioning me toward him. I gave a small chuckle and slid down the couch, trying to figure out where the hell this was all coming from as he pulled me into his arms.

I settled against him as we watched the movie. He quickly became absorbed as I stole glances at his profile, but he just seemed completely comfortable…content. It made me smile as I finally turned my attention to the screen. He asked questions here and there, and his fingers idly rubbed my arm. Occasionally, he pressed his lips against my temple or my cheek as if he just had to kiss me.

We sipped our wine, shifting from time to time to get more comfortable. Midway through the movie, I lifted my glass to my lips only to find it empty. I frowned at it, putting it back down, but a few minutes later, I realized I was really thirsty and needed some water.

I kissed Jasper’s cheek and said, “Be right back,” but when I went to stand, his arms were an iron vise around my waist. The unexpected resistance made me fall against him with an oof, and when I glanced over at him, his eyes were on the TV. I saw the faint blush on his cheeks, but he didn’t relax his grip on me.

I tried to stand again with the same result, making me chuckle. He looked at me then, saying, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I’m just going to get a drink…” I grinned, kissing his nose, and he dropped his arms in surprise. “I’ll come right back, Cuddles,” I teased.

He tried to keep a cocky air as he said, “Make sure you do, Princess,” but the effect was ruined when he blushed further and stuck out his tongue.

I laughed, bemused as my eyes widened. “Princess?”

“Yes, Princess…” When I just looked at him, he grinned, haughty again as he held up his fist. He started naming points, lifting a finger for each one, starting with his thumb. “You live on fucking Beacon Hill. You don’t have to work. You can do whatever or go wherever whenever you want. Despite all your tattoos and that goddamn tongue ring, you like the finer things in life.” He raised an eyebrow and nodded pointedly toward our empty wine glasses. “And you are clearly used to getting your way.”

I thought about what he said for a moment before I threw my head back, laughing.

Too fucking true.

Never would’ve called myself a damn princess, though.

“You know, you’re fucking right…it’s damn good to be a princess.” I stopped snickering. Instead of trying to get up, I leaned into him, pressing him against the arm of the couch as I kissed him passionately. He resisted for just a moment before he moaned, returning my kiss hungrily. His hands slipped down my back, coming to rest on my ass, but before we could get too involved, I pulled away, placing one more kiss on his lips. “The princess always gets the prince, you know…”

Mirth and happiness were dancing in his eyes, and he seemed to be struggling to decide if he was amused or touched. He lifted his hand, cupping my cheek as his thumb ran along my cheekbone. We kissed again, soft and sweet this time, and then I grinned as I pulled away at last.

I stood up, saying, “The princess always gets a drink, too. Want anything?”

He shook his head with a silly, embarrassed grin on his face. I took both our wine glasses to the kitchen and refilled them, grabbing two bottles of water as well. When I came back, I found he’d paused the movie, and he seemed fairly relaxed again as I handed him his glass. He took a long sip of wine and licked his lips as he looked up at me before stretching one arm along the back of the couch. “You can tease me all you want…” he began with his slight drawl, “but you’re going to be gone for the next three days, so you better get your ass back over here.”

The smile beaming on my face when I heard those few words was ludicrous. I curled up beside him on the couch again, and I felt his lips press against the top of my head as he started the movie again. We spent the next hour or so cuddled up together as we watched guns and explosions going off all around Daniel Craig. We talked and occasionally kissed, just appreciating our time together.

When we finally parted, I felt a little thrill when Jasper seemed to be just as reluctant as I was. It was nearly two when I walked him to the door, and he smiled at me as he said, “Get some rest, darlin’…you look tired. Take care of yourself, alright?”

I nodded, hugging him close as I rested my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck. “I will.”

He rubbed my back before taking a small step away. When I lifted my head, he kissed me and murmured against my lips, “Have a good time this weekend…”

“You, too,” I answered before realizing that I really had no idea what he was doing. I frowned slightly, and he gave me a crooked grin, answering my unspoken question.

“Just staying in and resting.” He shrugged. He opened his mouth and then closed it, furrowing his brow as he seemed to change his mind. When he spoke again, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had intended to say something else. “Call me when you get home?”

“I will…promise.” I hugged him one last time, kissing beneath his ear as I murmured, “Miss you.”

“Miss you, too…” he breathed before pulling away. He reached for the door but paused, glancing over his shoulder with a mischievous grin. “Princess.”

With that, he winked and quickly made his way outside to his car. I watched him drive away and waited for my nightly text letting me know he’d made it home before I climbed the stairs to my room and drifted off to sleep with dreams of Jasper keeping me company.

---

Chapter 9 ~ Chapter 11

---