Memory Lane

A/N: Dearest kimberlycullen10,

Happy birthday! We love you more than you know, and we wanted to celebrate your birthday with something special. With all the moving and such, this is a little later in the day than we wanted it to be, but we hope you will enjoy it. You are a fantastic friend and beta – thank you so much for all you do. You rock.

We love you sfm,
SC and nae

ooOoo

Leaning against the fallen log, I stretch my legs out in front of me and watch Edward. He mutters under his breath, but his smile tells me he's not nearly as annoyed as he's pretending to be.

We both know camping is much more my speed than his. When he settles beside me, I take his hand and say, "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He kisses me softly and then winks. "You're lucky I love you so much."

"I am," I agree. "Goes both ways, though."

He beams a smile at me, and I turn to reach into the cooler behind us. Grabbing two ice-cold bottles of beer, I open them and hand him one.

"Don de Dieu? How did you sneak this in there?" he asks in surprise.

"I have my ways," I tease.

He narrows his eyes at me and mutters something about me being full of surprises. We spend a few minutes just sitting there, relaxing and enjoying our time away. Life has been incredibly hectic lately, and we both need this.

Edward puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer. I rest my head against his and sigh.

"Rose said she'd feed the dog," he says out of nowhere, and I chuckle, nuzzling my head against his.

"I know, baby. Everything's taken care of… relax."

He nods, but I can feel how his shoulders are still tense, and I know he's going over his mental checklist. I settle in to wait and am surprised when he starts laughing.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you…" he begins. I sit up and turn to face him, my eyes growing wider as he says, "Rose said Bella kissed that kid Jake yesterday."

"Bella? She's only six!"

Edward laughs and shrugs his shoulders. "So what?"

"So she's a baby!"

He smirks, raising one eyebrow. "I had my first kiss when I was five."

"You did not!"

His amusement grows as he watches my expression, making me realize how ridiculous I'm being. Still, the thought of my little niece kissingsomeone has me so rattled that it takes a moment for what he said to sink in.

"Wait… you did? Really?"

He nods. "Yup."

I frown at him. "How the hell do I not know this?"

"I don't know…" he laughs.

I grumble and take a pull of my beer before leaning back against the log. "Well, you know you can't leave it at that... spill."

He leans over, kissing me lightly on the lips. "You're adorable when you're jealous. Especially of a five-year-old."

"I'm not jealous," I protest, laughing at the thought. "I'm just... surprised. I thought I knew everything about you."

"I'm sure there are plenty of things we still don't know about each other."

I'm skeptical, considering we've been together over a decade, but obviously there's at least one thing I don't know. "Who was this guy?"

"A kid who lived down the block. His name was Ben…" Edward relaxes against the log, resting his elbows on the rough bark. "I remember the first time I saw him, I thought he was cute. I don't even really know if I knew what that meant, exactly. I just knew I liked him. A lot."

I think back to the pictures I've seen of Edward as a little boy, all short red hair and freckles, and I can't help smiling.

"We hung out all the time. He was at my house or I was at his every day after school. One day we were walking home, and he asked me if I liked him better than Mike. I told him I liked him better than anyone, and then I kissed him."

"Oh my god…did you really?" I laugh.

He smiles as he looks down at his bottle and nods, shrugging. "Yup. He was a damn good kisser for a five-year-old, too."

I smack his leg, and he looks up at me through his lashes, his smile still in place. "What happened then?"

Edward sighs and wrinkles his nose before running his fingers through his hair. "His mom was waiting for us, so she saw the whole thing. She sat us down, had this talk about how boys shouldn't kiss other boys. It was the first time I learned that was 'wrong.'"

I frown and take his hand. "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's alright. It was a long time ago," he says easily, his momentary melancholy fading. "Didn't stop us anyway."

He chuckles, telling me about the times Ben held his hand or kissed him when no one could see. "It was just friendship to us, you know? Affection." He shrugs, and his smile grows mischievous. "Well, mostly. He was cute…"

After Edward's done, we sit in silence for a few minutes, both of us with fond smiles on our faces.

Adding logs to the fire, I sit back and watch the flames lick at the new fuel. With a grin, I turn to Edward. "I remember my first kiss – well, the only one I count, anyway. Kissing Maggie... just... no."

Edward laughs, bumping against my shoulder as he shakes his head. "Okay, so tell me about this first real kiss of yours."

Stretching my legs out in front of me, I lean back and look up at the night sky as I think back to my senior year in high school. Edward knows a lot of my past, but I decide to pretend he doesn't and just tell the story as if it's a new one.

"Let's see... I knew I was into boys for a few years at that point, but I'd always been too scared to do anything about it. Didn't dare mess around or anything because I was afraid my friends would find out. Most of them weren't too gay-friendly back then."

Edward nods as he leans back as well, his hand right alongside mine. My eyes flicker to his as his thumb brushes it gently, and I smile as I dip my head and steal a quick kiss before continuing.

"Anyway, everything kinda changed when Peter moved into town. We became thick as thieves, except I ended up falling in love with him. I tried so hard to keep it from him. For months."

I shrug.

"He was able to read me like a book, though, and he called me out on it. I was terrified. Here we were, in front of his apartment building, when he asks me point-blank if I'm into him. I remember stuttering like crazy, trying to deny it at first, but I was blushing so bad that it was no use. So Peter grabs my face and slowly leans in to kiss me, his eyes focused on mine the entire time. I couldn't have moved if I'd wanted to. Not that I did – was the best kiss I ever had. Well... up 'til then, anyway."

Edward's hand moves to grasp mine. Squeezing it lightly, he nods.

Looking at Edward, I sigh – not because I'm sad or unhappy or anything. Quite the contrary. Hearing his experiences and telling him mine this way makes me feel more connected to him than I thought possible. My heart seems to want to burst with happiness and contentment right now.

Edward is the first to move, draining the rest of his beer before he stands up and goes to rummage in the backpack full of food. I smile when he emerges with graham crackers and marshmallows. "Where's the chocolate?"

"Should be in there somewhere," I answer, shifting to my knees as I search through the bag and finally pull it out of one of the side pockets.

"Awesome!" Edward's enthusiasm makes me smile, and we spend a few minutes roasting marshmallows and building our s'mores. We make a complete mess of ourselves, of course. I laugh as I brush melted chocolate from Edward's chin, and then I moan when he takes my thumb between his lips, sucking lightly.

"Later," he whispers, winking. When I pout, he leans in to kiss me. "Just really enjoying talking to you… that okay?"

"Of course it is, baby." Despite my agreement, I kiss him deeply, moving to straddle his lap. Somehow, sharing our pasts has really helped me appreciate our present – the way I know him and love him, the confidence and comfort we share, the passion I've felt since the moment I saw him. He seems to feel the same as his hands go to my hips, his fingers grasping tightly as he kisses me with abandon.

When we part, he licks his lips with a soft hum. "Chocolate and marshmallow suits you…"

I laugh and shift back to the ground beside him.

He grins playfully and says, "So Peter was your first love?"

I consider his question carefully, knowing that what I felt for Peter really can't compare to anything I felt with men since him. "Yeah, he was. We were kids, really, so it wasn't the same thing, but I'd never felt anything like that before…"

Edward gives a thoughtful nod and stares into the fire, prompting me to ask, "Who was yours?"

He blinks as if drawn out of deep thought, and his eyes flicker to me. "Seth."

I was half-expecting the answer, but it still makes me smile. "I figured."

He shrugs and smiles ruefully as he talks about his life-long best friend. "It was just so easy to love him. He got me… he always has. Coming out to him was so hard, though. Did I ever tell you about it?"

"Just that it was at that pond and you were scared out of your mind," I answer, my voice softening. I never pressed too hard to find out what happened because it was clearly something intensely personal to Edward.

He glances up, staring at the stars for so long that I wonder if that's still all he's going to say. Just as I start to reach for the bag of marshmallows as a way to distract him, he begins to speak. I sit back and listen quietly, giving him the space he needs.

"We were seniors. I'd been obsessing over him for months. Literally. I couldn't stand to be in the same room alone with him anymore, so I found so many excuses – work and homework and dates with girls I had no interest in at all. It was just painful."

I shift on the ground, and he glances over and reaches for my hand, offering me a small smile. I squeeze his hand and smile in return.

"So then he showed up at my house one Saturday and told me we were going camping. Said he knew I didn't have to work and I didn't have a date, but I did have a choice – I could be his best friend and go with him, or I could tell him to fuck off and he'd take the hint I'd been giving him the whole year."

"Ouch." The word slips out before I'm aware of it, but Edward just nods.

"Yeah, that was pretty much how I felt. Obviously didn't really set a great tone for the whole thing. I worried the whole way out there because I didn't know what the hell to tell him." Edward continues, telling me how awkward the ride to the pond was, how afraid he was that he was going to lose Seth forever.

I feel myself growing anxious as I listen, and I can't imagine dealing with all of that now, much less at eighteen. I reach across and rub the back of his neck, silently offering my support.

"After we had everything set up, he looked at me and asked what he'd done. He looked so goddamn heartbroken, and I just couldn't do it anymore. So…"

"You told him?" I whisper when he doesn't continue.

He chuckles darkly and shakes his head before admitting, "I ran. He chased me and caught my arm and told me to at least be man enough to tell him I hated him to his face. I screamed back, 'I don't hate you, okay? I'm fucking in love with you!'"

Despite the pain I know he had to be in, I can't help but laugh. It sounds so much like my Edward. I cup his cheek and pull him closer, pressing my lips to his softly. "I love you," I murmur.

"I love you, too, babe." He smiles gently and looks down at the ground between his knees before pulling up a blade of grass. He tears it into tiny pieces as he finishes his story. "He looked like I slapped him. I remember closing my eyes, wishing that the ground would swallow me already or – I don't know – a nuclear bomb would hit just me or something. And then I felt him kissing me, and it was just… god, Jazz, it was fucking amazing."

I laugh, nodding in understanding. "I'm glad. I know you had to be relieved."

"You have no idea… it was pretty much more than I could've ever hoped for."

"Mhmm… I see. Better watch it, or I will get jealous this time."

"Oh, please." He snorts and rolls his eyes, patting my knee before he stands and stretches.

Edward hands me a beer from the cooler as he takes his seat again. His legs are pulled up, and his elbows are resting on his knees as he holds his own beer between both hands. He's staring into the fire, and I know his thoughts are on Seth.

It's a story I know well, though. They were together from that moment on, making it partway through college before distance finally got the best of them. They parted as friends and are to this day, something it took me awhile to come to terms with.

Sipping my beer thoughtfully, I think about my own college days and almost end up snorting my drink as a very different sort of memory comes to mind. Edward cocks a brow in question. "You alright?"

Coughing, I nod, my grin unmistakable in spite of my discomfort. "Yeah... fine. Just thought of Eric, is all."

Both brows lift this time, in amused surprise. Eric and I have remained good friends over the years, just like Seth and Edward, so he's well aware of the quirkiness that is Eric and must realize that whatever popped in my head has to be good.

Taking another sip of my beer, I clear my throat, grin firmly in place. "You remember me telling you how crazy Eric is about comics, right? Batman, in particular?"

Edward nods, an easy grin forming on his own lips as he listens.

"Well, we'd been together for, what... four, five months or something, and Halloween rolls around. He somehow manages to convince me that it'd be a great idea to dress up as his favorite hero-team. I'm still not quite sure how he managed it, but I'm pretty sure there were a few blowjobs involved at the time."

Edward throws his head back and laughs. "Oh, I believe it!"

I blush, nudging his leg with mine as I mutter playfully, "Shut it."

He just chuckles and takes another drink, so I continue. "Anyway. He insisted I dress up as Batman, and he as Robin. He said I looked dead-sexy, but I'm not sure I believed him then. I felt like a complete idiot running around in a mask and a cape, but hey... it made him happy, right?"

Edward eyes me appreciatively before he nods. "Go on."

The grin on his face tells me he has a good idea of what's coming, so I roll my eyes at him.

"We get to the party we were invited to, right? He insisted we stay until the end, but damn if the boy made it easy for me. He couldn't keep his hands off me! He kept backing me into corners and accidentally brushing against me, and it wasn't like I could hide shit in those skin-tight, paper-thin pants. Mind... Eric in those tights..." I trail off, tilting my head slightly to the side as I half-close my eyes at the very pleasant memory.

Edward teasingly snaps his fingers in front of my face, murmuring, "Hey, loverboy, where'd you go off to?"

I blush and clear my throat. "Sorry. Oh, yeah, so... at the party? They had this photographer who'd take portraits of anyone who wanted them, and Eric dragged me to get ours done. He kissed me in the first one, and then after that, he couldn't resist being a little... naughty. He's still got picture-proof of that night."

Glancing at Edward, I groan as I notice his grin.

"Does he now? I'll have to ask him about that next time we see him." Edward winks.

I sigh, already resigned because I know there's no chance in hell Eric will decline a chance to show off those pictures. From the moment I introduced him to Edward, they hit it off, often to my detriment.

"It's cool that you and Eric had so much fun together," Edward muses. "I don't know if I ever really had that sort of thing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well… I dunno. I guess I'm just too serious or something."

I try to hide my smile at that by biting the inside of my cheek, but he rolls his eyes anyway.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Always been my downfall."

"Nah." I shake my head and lean against him, resting my hand on his thigh. "You know how to have fun… there's just got to be something deeper there for you. I love that about you. You're intense."

I can see his blush in the firelight, and I interrupt whatever he'd been about to say to kiss him. It begins slow and sweet, building in heat and intensity before he suddenly breaks away, leaving me breathless.

"Like that?" he teases.

"Just like that," I manage.

Silence falls over us for a few minutes as I work to focus on our conversation again. Edward's right – talking to him this way is fascinating, and I find I'm enjoying every minute and wondering what else I don't know about him.

"I guess maybe Garrett was the closest," he says at last, and I look at him quickly.

"Really?" My surprise is clear in my voice, but I can't help it. I've always thought of Garrett as his great love – not really the one that that got away, necessarily, but certainly the one who had the biggest piece of his heart other than me.

"Yeah, really." He glances down at his hands in his lap and then back up to me. "Well, you know how we started. Roommates and all that…"

I nod. I know all too well the story of how Edward walked into his house just before his junior year in college, surprised to find that his stinky, lazy housemate of the year before had been replaced by a gorgeous Greek god who also happened to be the cousin of one of Edward's roommates.

It doesn't help that Garrett really is gorgeous – and fun and intelligent and kind.

Pushing away the stab of irrational jealousy, I remember that Edward is here, in my arms, and that it was by his choice. It helps, and I lace my fingers through his as he explains.

"I guess I never told you that we sorta started out as friends with benefits."

"What?" My eyes fly wide, and I find myself both intrigued and baffled as I try to put together what I'm hearing with the image of the devoted couple I've always had.

"Yeah," he answers, his eyes flickering away before he looks back at me. The red tint of his cheeks makes him look vulnerable and sexy, so I kiss him softly before sitting back.

"You have to explain. Sorry… just can't let that one go."

He laughs lowly and nods. "Yeah, I know. So umm…well, right away, I was into him. Very much so. And he was out and confident and just… just so… I don't know. I wanted him. Badly."

"Yeah, I got that part," I say wryly.

"Anyway, he was always so cool, and he was interested in… well, everything. One night he came in when I was studying for Neurobiology. I was on the floor, and he just sat down on my bed and started asking me questions – what I was studying, what it meant, all that kind of stuff. And then he just said, 'God damn, Edward. You're fucking sexy – you know that?'"

"Jesus… what did you say?"

He rolls his eyes. "You know me. I blushed and stammered, and I don't know what finally came out, but he asked if I thought he was sexy, too, and I nodded. Then he kissed me, and it was all downhill from there."

"I can imagine… so you two just started fucking around?"

"Yeah, pretty much. We didn't actually fuck for a while after that – not until we were together – but damn if we didn't do everything else…"

"I'm seriously just blown away," I admit with a laugh. "I always thought you two were so serious."

"We were," he says simply. "It just took us a little while and some screwing around to get there."

I nod thoughtfully, trying to work this new information into the image I've carried about Edward and Garrett for so long. As I think about it, though, I can see it a little too well. Edward is so confident and enthusiastic when we make love. As much as I don't like it, it makes sense that he would've been with Garrett, too.

When I don't answer again, Edward grabs the two pointed sticks we've been using and skewers a marshmallow on the end of each. He hands me one and kisses my neck just below my ear, making me smile at his silent affirmation that he's mine and mine alone.

As we make one last s'more each, I think back to my last boyfriend, Liam. My memories of him are bittersweet, and it must read on my face because Edward wraps his arm around my shoulder as he takes his treat out of my hand.

"Hey," he murmurs quietly, "you okay, sweetheart?"

I try to smile and kiss his lips briefly. "Yeah, just thinking about Liam, is all."

We've talked about him a lot already, but in spite of that, Edward still asks, "Tell me about him? About your first kiss with him?"

I nod, eating my s'more quietly as I ponder that memory. After we're both done eating, I lay my head on Edward's shoulder, and his arm slips around my waist, instead.

"Let's see... You know Liam and I met at a party in college. We danced a lot, and there was just something there, you know? And Liam was... well... he was definitely a charmer, and he was used to getting his way, if you know what I mean."

Edward chuckles and squeezes me lightly to his side. "Yeah, you've told me. Go on."

"He spent most of the night trying to convince me to come home with him. I think the fact that I was obviously into him but still refused him was what kept him coming back. Don't think he'd ever had a conquest turn him down before."

Edward nods. He's heard enough of Liam to be well aware of everything.

"I didn't give in because I just wasn't into one-nighters. He somehow got my phone number and called a day or two after the party to ask me out to dinner and a movie. He figured that that was more my scene, and he wanted me enough to play on my terms. His words, not mine."

Edward kisses my forehead lightly, and I smile.

"Anyway, so we go on our date, and he went all out. I mean, suit and tie, fancy restaurant... he'd even brought me flowers."

I smile at the memory.

"Everything was perfect, and he showed me a side of him no one had ever bothered finding out about. By the end of the night, I knew he'd be more than just a one-night stand, so I asked him inside for a drink. We spent hours that night talking before finally giving in to what we both wanted to do. I don't think I'd ever been undressed quite as quickly and efficiently as I was that night. Liam was quite... eager, and I loved every second of it. Let's just say that it was definitely a night to remember. Liam turned out to be a very attentive lover."

I blush, ducking my head a little. It feels strange, telling him all this, but Edward doesn't seem to mind. His voice is tender as he quietly asks, "If he was still alive, do you think you'd have gotten back together?"

Thinking about that a moment, I try to imagine how different my life might have been if he hadn't passed away when he did. I know Edward's asking not from a place of worry about my feelings for him – after all these years, the way I feel for Edward is a foregone conclusion – but out of genuine concern for me.

Sitting up, I look at Edward and cup his face in my hand. "No, I don't think so. We'd both grown apart by that time. I miss him, yes, but just as the friend he ended up becoming after we broke up. Nothing more."

Pressing my lips gently against Edward's I smile and murmur, "Besides. I've got you now. I don't need anyone else, baby. I love you."

Edward's smile is soft and warm as he kisses me back with a quiet, "Love you, too, Jazz."

After sitting for a few minutes in companionable silence, I feel Edward's cheek lift as he smiles against my temple. "I know you remember when we met… but do you want to hear one of my favorite firsts with you? It's silly," he warns.

I sit up and turn to face him, my eyes widening. "Of course."

"Okay, you remember that little apartment we rented over on Fifth?" At my nod, he reaches out, tracing my lower lip with his thumb. "After we'd gotten all moved in and settled and all that, we had to go back to work. The first morning you got up before me, I went back to sleep, but then I heard something for the first time ever." His grin spreads, broad and mischievous. "You were singing in the shower, belting out something. I remember lying there, listening to you, but I couldn't figure out what it was. So I went over to the door…"

I raise a curious eyebrow, trying to figure out where in the world he's going with this. "And?"

"And you were singing…" His voice trails off before he begins singing softly, "Walls of thought, strong and high… as my castle crumbles with time. I think of you – oh yes, I do."

I laugh, shaking my head. "Your damn fault. You played that CD all the time."

"I know." He smiles. "And you hated it, but you didn't complain. I don't know why – I told you it's silly – but something changed for me that morning. It showed me something about you, the way you're willing to love me, not what you wish I was."

"I don't want you to be anything but you, baby," I murmur honestly. Time and experience, some of it brutal, had taught me that. Smiling, I kiss him tenderly and then pull back to tease, "I thought you got up that morning to cook me breakfast."

"Well, I did… after I heard you singing."

"You knew I needed some energy so I wouldn't have to quit my day job."

He laughs and shrugs. "Maybe that's part of it. But I've never felt as loved and accepted as with you, and that's how I knew you were the one for me."

"Mmm…" I hum as I shift into his lap. His arms wrap loosely around me as he tilts his head for a kiss.

"Maybe I need to rethink my stance on the whole Grunge era…"

"Been telling you that for years," he teases before his lips capture mine in a heated kiss. This time, neither of us feels the urge to stop as our hands begin to roam. His lips leave mine, traveling along my neck instead. He nips at my ear and says, "Can we please go into the tent now? I want to show you some of my other favorite things with you."

My head lolls back as my eyes close, blocking out the view of countless stars as I focus instead on his hands and mouth. When I can't take anymore teasing, I look at him again and whisper, "Please."

"Anything for you," he answers before helping me into the tent, where we settle in to make new memories.