Marked Chapter 23 - Glycerine

JPOV

Fuck.

I stood there for a minute, frozen in place. I wasn't even sure if I was debating answering the door or not. I just couldn't seem to make myself move.

Another knock brought me out of my stupor, and I opened the door without ever deciding to. I don't know what I expected, but Jason didn't really react at all beyond straightening up and taking a step back from the door. His eyes were darker than I remembered and some mix between stormy and confused.

I stood there, just staring at him stupidly, until he cleared his throat. I stepped back, half-tempted to close the door and pretend none of this was happening, but Jason took it as an invitation. He walked into the living room, and my eyes followed him as I stood there with the door still open.


I noticed ridiculous things, like that he seemed like he had just taken a shower. His hair was wet, and there were drops on his shoulders. His pants were low on his hips, and as I realized where my eyes were lingering, I snapped them up to his shoulders again. He turned around then, half-sitting on the back of my couch with his hands by his hips.

"Can we talk?" he asked at last, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

I swallowed, unsure what to do. I knew I owed him some sort of explanation, but I couldn't get the image of Edward's hurt face out of my mind. I imagined the accusation I would see in his eyes if he walked in just then, and bile burned the back of my throat.

I couldn't just send him away without saying anything, though. Finally, I nodded and closed the door, taking a deep breath to steel myself. When I turned back around to face him, he'd crossed his arms over his chest.

"So, ahh…" I began, only to stall immediately.

He watched me for a minute before lowering his arms and gripping the back of the couch. He rubbed the fabric with his thumbs, reminding me forcibly of Edward. "Jasper…" he said gruffly. "Look, obviously you're not interested, and that's…whatever." He glanced to the right, shrugging. "But I just have to ask… what the hell? We were having a good time, and then you just…what the fuck was that?"

I nodded again, more to have something to do than in acknowledgment of anything he said. I'd never before faced a situation like this, and I found myself floundering. I wasn't used to being at a loss. I decided to try once more, clearing my throat before I said, "I just…" The words were harder to get out than I would have expected. I leaned back against the door, both hands on the knob, and found that I was looking at some place just below his chin when I finally finished, "I shouldn't have been out with you. I'm seeing someone and…"

"And what?" he interrupted. I watched as he pushed away from the couch and took a step toward me. "Can I ask you something, Jasper?"

He stopped just in front of me, so close that I was afraid to look up, knowing his eyes would be only inches away.

Worse, his lips would be.

When I didn't answer him, he asked anyway. "If you're seeing some guy…why were you out with me? Have you asked yourself that?"

I rolled my eyes. That was the question that had tormented me endlessly during the whole week before Edward and I talked things out. Why had I done it?

"Can I tell you what I think?" he asked when I said nothing. He stepped closer, his hand moving to my hip, and I tried to shrink back automatically. I had nowhere to go, though, and before I could escape, he said, "I think maybe you're not as into this guy as you want to be. Because, let me tell you, the way you were kissing me…"

Heat flared suddenly in my chest, boiling blood rushing, pounding in my ears as I pushed him away. "You're wrong." The coldness in my voice surprised me, as did the way my fists were suddenly clenched at my sides.

He looked amused, making me want to punch the smirk off his face. "Am I?" He raised one eyebrow. "You sure about that?"

I clenched my jaw and nodded once before I could force out any words. "I am," I said lowly.

"Jasper…" He breathed my name, his voice caressing the two syllables like they were something precious as he stepped toward me again.

Something in me snapped.

It was so like Paul, the way he'd taken every little thing that happened and twisted it, the way he'd told me how I felt and what I thought.

Jason's hand was reaching for me again; I grabbed and twisted it, pulling his wrist back. His lips parted in a pained grimace as his eyes widened. On some level, I realized that I was overreacting. He wasn't Paul and likely wasn't even close to that level of degradation, but I couldn't seem to help myself. "Stop," I growled. "Don't fucking tell me what I feel."

Abruptly realizing that I was assaulting the man, I let his arm go. His hand dropped to his side as he took a step back, and then he lifted both hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, man…I wasn't trying to…" He swallowed, glancing away. When he looked back, I saw vulnerability in his eyes for the first time. "I'm sorry. Seriously. I just…"

He trailed off, shrugging, and we stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment. I couldn't decide whether or not to apologize, but stubborn reluctance held my tongue.

He was the one to break the stalemate, clearing his throat. "I like you Jasper. A lot. I thought you liked me, and I guess I just wanted to…to see if…"

I nodded, still unwilling to answer aloud.

He scrubbed his hand through his hair and started toward the door. I stepped to the side automatically, watching him go. I finally found my voice, saying, "Hey, Jason?"

He glanced at me over his shoulder, hope lurking behind his guarded eyes. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," I said, giving a small, rueful smile. I debated telling him I liked him, too, but I thought he might take it the wrong way. Instead, I added, "I didn't mean to mix you up in…whatever that was. I was having a rough week, and… I'm sorry."

My suspicion that he was still holding out hope was confirmed when his face fell at that. He nodded and opened the door, pausing to say, "If you change your mind, you know where to find me." He shot that winning smile, the one that probably helped him get his way a lot, over his shoulder and then disappeared.

I stood there, shell-shocked, for a moment and then shook my head, muttering wordlessly as I went to close the door. I was in awe of the sheer confidence he had, even if he was completely wrong in this case. He couldn't even begin to fathom the reasons I'd been out with him – and very little of it had to do with Jason himself.

Returning to my room, I tried to put him out of my mind, but something began to nag at me. It started as a feeling of unease but quickly grew until, finally, I recognized it for what it was.

"I need to call Edward," I murmured aloud.

With a sigh, I walked toward my living room, dragging my feet like a petulant child. I knew no one was making me do this – in truth, I could probably not tell him and he'd never know – but I felt like I owed it to him, especially after the trust he'd placed in me. Again.

I plopped down on my couch with my phone in my hand, only to stand up immediately and go to the kitchen. There, I grabbed a beer and popped the top, tossing the cap into the garbage can before I went back to my original place on the couch. I put my feet on the coffee table, my eyes focused on my toes for a second before I exhaled deeply and hit the button to call Edward.

He answered on the second ring, sounding a little breathless. "Jazz? Is everything okay?"

As soon as I heard his worried tone, I realized I hadn't let him know I got home. "Hey, baby. I'm sorry I forgot to call earlier. I was unpacking and all that. I'm…I'm okay. I just kind of needed to talk to you."

"Is everything alright? Did something happen with Emily?"

I sighed again, completely unhappy with the way the conversation was going. The last thing I wanted was for him to work himself up into thinking something major was wrong – and then decide he was right when I told him about Jason. "Relax, Princess, everything's fine. Sort of."

I rolled my eyes at myself.

Way to convince him there's nothing to worry about, Whitlock.

I plowed ahead, not giving him time to say anything else. "So, listen, when I got home this afternoon…" When I first told him about catching sight of Jason, I could tell he wanted to say something, but he held himself in check. As I continued on, though, the silence deepened, taking on a life of its own, and by the time I wound down, all was still on the other end of the phone.

"And I…I told him I was seeing someone, and then he…left." I picked at the worn material stretched across my knee, painfully aware that I was leaving out some important bits of information – like the rage I'd felt and the doubts Jason had managed to conjure – but I couldn't bring myself to say more.

That's mostly everything, I amended in my head.

Edward sighed but otherwise stayed quiet. When he spoke, it wasn't what I expected at all, though maybe I should have. "Are you alright, Jazz?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered immediately. "Are you?"

There was a pause before he said, "Yeah, I am. I guess." He exhaled heavily. "As much as I'd love to kick his ass, I can't. And it sounds like you handled it anyway, so..."

We settled into silence again when he trailed off. I didn't know what to say to that, and I was more than a little shocked that he'd taken it so...well. It dawned on me that he was saying that he trusted me, if not in so many words. I smiled a little to myself, the weight lifting from my shoulders, even though I wasn't sure I had earned it. I felt strangely justified, knowing that telling him had been the right thing to do - and it hadn't hurt us.

He broke the silence by changing the subject. "Hey, know what I realized after you left?"

"What's that?" I asked, balancing the phone on my shoulder so I could take a drink of my beer.

"We don't have costumes for this weekend."

I laughed quietly at the excited tone in his voice. "Like dressing up, do you?"

"Ehh, not really…but I won't say no to seeing you in some skimpy costume."

"Skimpy, huh?" I teased. "Just what did you have in mind?"

He laughed and said he really hadn't thought about it much but that he knew it was tradition, so he figured we'd better show up in something.

Internally, I groaned. I thought I'd dodged the costume bullet when I called Alice to cancel my Halloween plans with her and the guys. She'd been more than a little disappointed and tried to coerce me into coming by telling me that Ben and Angie were sending little Bella to her grandparents' place for the night, so it'd be just like old times. When I held firm, though, she surprised me by agreeing pretty quickly with an admonition that she better meet my mystery man soon.

After a few minutes of discussion, Edward and I couldn't think of anything to wear, so we decided to meet the next day after I got off work to go to dinner and visit a costume shop. Not long afterward, we hung up. I spent the rest of the night getting things ready for the work week and fell asleep easily.

When I woke up Monday morning, though, I still felt a little tired. I figured it was no wonder with the business trip and then the weekend I had, but I couldn't shake the slightly disconnected feeling. It stayed with me as I showered and got dressed, lingering despite two cups of coffee during my commute.

Work flew by with little time for thoughts of any sort except those related to code and a presentation I was set to give later in the week. Mike and I worked closely all morning, taking a break for a rushed lunch of take-out tacos.

Sitting across from me, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and spoke with his mouth full. "Hey, what are we doing for your birthday?"

He swallowed and took a long drink of his water. I shrugged and took another bite, making a noncommittal noise. The truth was that I wasn't sure what Edward might have in mind and didn't want to make any plans without him. The thought brought a smile to my face, which Mike picked up on immediately.

"Gotta see what your boy wants to do, huh?" he teased, lifting his eyebrows suggestively. "I bet he has plans for you."

"Shut the fuck up," I muttered, kicking his shin. He cursed, hunching over, and I laughed as I went back to eating. We talked for a few minutes more and then split up.

He went off to check with development while I went back to my office. I had Felix pull some files I knew I would need and spent the afternoon poring over them. From time to time, I found myself sketching, but the pictures I drew definitely didn't match up to the information I was reading. I could see Edward's influence in each one of them, even those where I hadn't specifically drawn him. He was there in spirit, in the lighter subjects I chose and in the complex textures that made up my shadows.

By the time five o'clock rolled around, I was more than ready to get out of there. I slung my jacket over my shoulder and stuck my head into Mike's office to tell him goodbye, but he wasn't there. Deciding not to go looking for him, I headed out the door.

Getting behind the wheel of my car was a relief. I tossed my jacket onto the backseat and loosened my tie before starting the engine. I flipped through radio stations until I found something that fit my mood – oldies, of all things. I sang along as I inched my way through rush-hour traffic, and finally, blessedly, I was pulling to a stop on Beacon Hill.

I made the relatively short walk to Edward's place in no time. Even though I'd unbuttoned the neck of my shirt, I left my tie on, mostly because his reaction to seeing me that way was clear.

I had a cocky grin on my face as I knocked, and I was rewarded when he opened the door. His eyes widened, the corner of his lips curved into a smirk, and he reached out, taking my tie carefully between his thumb and forefinger. He pulled me close and kissed me deeply, the metal stud through his tongue ring clicking against my teeth.

With a soft, hungry moan, I devoured him, savoring the taste and feel of his lips and body against mine. I walked him backward, forcing him inside, and he grinned as he readily complied. I pulled the door closed behind us just before Edward spun us around, pressing me back against the wall.

Only when I was breathless and thoroughly aroused did he finally pull away with a satisfied smile. "Hey there," he murmured.

I laughed. "Hey yourself…" I winked and then kissed him once, taking his hand. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself."

His eyes were bright, mischievous, and it didn't seem like he minded in the least. "Not a problem," he said. I started to lean in to kiss him again, and he stepped back, laughing. "But if you keep that up, we might never get out of here…"

I frowned at him and started to say that was perfectly alright with me, but he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. "Come on… let's get you some dinner," he said softly.

My arguments crumbled, but I couldn't resist smacking his ass on the way out the door. "Don't think you're escaping, Dr. Masen," I threatened. "I fully plan to have my way with you. Soon."

His green eyes were dancing when he smiled at me. I was a little surprised at how…bold…I was being. I wasn't sure what was bringing it on, but Edward seemed to react favorably, so I didn't fight it.

We climbed into his car after he said he knew I must be tired of Boston traffic for the day. I was, so I didn't complain. Besides, he looked damn sexy behind the wheel of his Mustang.

As he maneuvered his way slowly through the congested streets, we talked lightly about how work was going for me. I told him about the account I was making a bid for later in the week, and he mentioned that he should be meeting with his editor again sometime soon to finalize a few things.

"Oh wow, so is it close to being done then?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair. I was suddenly a little apprehensive as I remembered the pictures of me that would be in that book – a book that anybody could walk in and pick up off the shelf to take home.

It was a little intimidating, to say the least.

Edward shook his head, frowning as he ran his thumbs along his steering wheel. I smiled at the patches of leather that were shinier than the rest, evidence that he'd been driving this car a long time. "Nah," he said. "Not yet. I'm just making the final changes to one section. It's getting there, though."

We were still talking comfortably when he pulled to a stop and parked the car. We got out and walked up the hill to the little deli we'd decided to try, where we found a booth without ever breaking conversation. It felt…good. Right.

I'd just asked Edward about Tanya when the waitress returned to ask if we wanted dessert. I started to say no, but one look at the way Edward's eyes brightened made me change my mind. I chuckled as he got up to look at the dessert case and leaned over, peering inside.

One of the waitresses openly appraised him, which he appeared not to notice at first. She walked closer and said something to him – likely offering advice or asking if he needed help – and he straightened. As I watched, he turned to face her, letting me see the charming grin he wore. He said something that made her laugh, and my eyes narrowed when she put her hand on his arm.

I wasn't jealous – not really – mostly because I knew there was no way in hell he was interested. It was still bizarre to watch him clearly flirt with her. Again, she laughed, and Edward leaned a little closer to say something to her over the clatter of the busboy at the table beside ours. I grumbled in frustration at not being able to hear.

Edward's smile was as bright as his eyes when he came back to our table and slid into the booth. He reached across, taking my hand. When I raised an eyebrow, he said, "What?" He shrugged unapologetically. "Better service," he added, grinning. He lifted up out of his seat and leaned across the table, giving me a brief, light kiss. "You can't tell me you object…I've seen you do the same thing."

"Mmm…" I murmured, capturing his lips again. For a moment, I forgot all about where we were, lost in the feel of him – right up until I heard the tell-tale clink of a plate against the table.

Edward and I turned our heads together to find the waitress he'd been flirting with gaping at us. As soon as she realized she'd been caught, her cheeks flared red. Instead of stammering like I thought she was going to, she cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest, sticking one hip out. "You don't have to stop on my account," she teased.

We all laughed quietly, and I could feel the same heat I saw on Edward's face creeping up my neck. "Sorry," I murmured. "I guess we forgot where we were."

"We do that a lot," Edward added wryly, bumping my knee with his beneath the table.

"Trust me," she said with a wink, "I don't mind. Can I get you guys anything else?"

We shook our heads, and she walked away, tossing a "Let me know if you change your minds" over her shoulder.

"Why do I get the feeling she wasn't just talking about more sweet tea?" Edward asked under his breath.

I laughed and then finally took a look at what he'd ordered for dessert. It looked like chocolate heaven on a plate, layered with what could only be peanut butter. When I raised an eyebrow at him, he grinned.

"Butterfinger cheesecake," he said. "Reminds me of a pie this guy made for me once…"

I smiled, and he wasted no time, taking a huge bite and licking his fork clean. I chuckled until I took a bite as well – it really was chocolate heaven on a plate. I nodded my approval with a quiet moan, grinning when he shifted in his seat.

We didn't talk as we enjoyed our dessert, and when we were about halfway through, the waitress returned. She put down two glasses of milk before pulling out the check. "Dessert's on the house. Least I could do for the show I got…" She grinned mischievously. "You sure you don't need anything else?"

We assured her we were fine, and she wandered off. I thought her hips were swaying a little more than necessary, and Edward's chuckle said he thought so, too. We finished our cheesecake and downed the milk before Edward reached for the bill. My fingers itched to take it from him, but I just wiped my mouth with my napkin and watched as he counted cash from his wallet – with more than enough to cover dessert plus a generous tip – and stuck it inside.

When we stood, he took my hand, lacing our fingers as we walked back toward his car. We'd never really gotten around to talking about Tanya, and he surprised me by remembering my question and bringing it up again.

"Tanya's doing great," he said without preamble. "She's feeling a little sick, and she's kind of having a hard time hiding it from the family, but she's so excited."

"Why's she still hiding it?"

He shrugged and sighed. "I don't know, really. I mean, I get it, I guess, but I think she's wrong about how they'll react." He frowned slightly, glancing down the street before we crossed it. "I hope she's wrong," he added to himself.

"She really thinks they're going to be mad?" I asked.

He paused after unlocking my door and stopped with it halfway open, thinking about his answer. "Not mad, exactly. She just thinks they won't get it. She's worried that because it doesn't fit into what they think of as 'normal,' they'll be upset."

He opened the door the rest of the way, but before I climbed in, I stopped to kiss Edward softly. "Don't they have a little experience with handling things other than a husband and wife?" I whispered against his lips.

Instead of answering, he kissed me hard. His arm slid around my waist as he pulled my hips toward his. His lips moved hungrily against mine, parting to let me taste chocolate and peanut butter and Edward on my tongue. He pulled away with an impish grin, but he kept his face close. "You'd think so."

He stepped back then to let me get in the car, and as soon as he'd joined me, he said, "I guess it's kind of like that, though. I was scared out of my mind to tell my family…maybe she feels the same way, even though it's not the same thing." He shrugged and started the engine. "Whatever it is, she wants me to be there when she tells them, so I'm going to be."

I nodded thoughtfully, remembering the way I'd felt when I contemplated telling my family I was gay. I didn't think Tanya's news would be as big a shock, but I completely understood that fear of losing your family because of who you were and what you wanted.

The short drive to the costume shop was filled with more talk about Edward's family. It felt good to hear about them, and in so many ways, I felt like I already knew them. Edward was so descriptive when he talked about them, especially Emmett, that I found myself really looking forward to meeting them. Of course, I didn't know when that might be and wasn't sure how to bring it up, so I just let it lie for the time being.

Walking into the store was almost surreal. There were costumes of Big Bird and Barney surrounded by terrible sequined bellbottom jumpsuits. I reached out to touch a Dolly Parton costume complete with…embellishments…and laughed in disbelief.

Edward snickered, coming to stand beside me. "Doesn't look like there's a lot of choice left…" he said, glancing around the store. I followed his gaze and saw what I'd missed before – empty racks with the larger costumes on display in front of them to make it seem fuller.

"Guess we did wait a little late," I agreed.

He grabbed my hand, saying, "Come on," and began dragging me through the store. We rummaged through rack after rack, pushing the costumes to the side to get a better look at them. We alternately grimaced at what the other picked out and laughed as we offered our own suggestions.

I put my foot down when Edward held up a full body costume covered with red fur and big googly eyes. "Hell, no."

He put on his best innocent smile and said, "What? I think you'd be adorable as Elmo! Come on…"

I started to protest again, but then I spotted a Minnie Mouse dress behind him and decided to change my tactics. He was still mock-pouting at me, lip poked out and everything. "Alright," I said abruptly. "I'll wear it, but I get to pick out yours."

Instantly, the innocent act was gone. He narrowed his eyes shrewdly and followed my gaze. He was sputtering when he turned back around to face me, hastily putting the Elmo costume away. "Hell fuck no," he said.

We got a little more serious then, looking for things we might actually wear. Edward picked out a ghost costume – not a sheet, but a white tuxedo with a top hat and cane, meant to be worn with pasty makeup. "It's too bad there's only one of these…"

I tilted my head, checking out the costume hanging next to it. "I'll wear that one," I said, pointing.

He stared at me for a second and then turned around to check that, yes, I meant that one. "A dress?" he said, puzzled. "You won't be Elmo, but you'll wear a dress?"

"Sure," I said with a shrug. His eyes widened, and I took the opportunity to walk closer, wrapping my arms around his waist. I kissed along his neck and whispered, "Big difference between looking like an idiot by myself…" I teased his earlobe with my teeth. "And wearing something to match you."

He moved so quickly that he caught me off guard. He bit my lip with a growl and pressed his hips against mine before releasing me. "God damn," he whispered breathlessly. "What the hell are you trying to do to me?"

I laughed, feeling a little bewildered. "Nothing… why?"

He quirked a half-grin and murmured for my ears alone, "Never been into drag, but damn…the thought of you…doing that to show you're with me…" His words faded into unintelligible mutters then, and I half-laughed, half-moaned when I felt him hardening against my hip. I glanced around at the mostly empty shop, wondering semi-seriously if we could find a relatively private place, but there seemed to be no options.

I sighed and stepped back, my hands tightening on his hips as I struggled between pushing him away and pulling him closer. I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. It was either that or jump him. His eyes were smoldering, holding promises of what was to come just as soon as he could get me alone.

The thought of that was enough to make me decide on the spot that those costumes were the ones for us. Edward laughed as he held the dress up to me, checking to see if it would fit. It was a Southern belle sort of number, with ruffles and lace and who knows what else. It would probably be a little snug, but there were laces along the sides to accommodate different size women. It would definitely be shorter than it was supposed to be, but what did I care?

Edward looked bemused as we took the costumes to the counter. The teenage boy working the register glanced between the two of us and then at the costumes we'd chosen. He shrugged and shook his head, then started ringing them up. He gave us the standard speech about rental and return dates, mentioning fees for cleaning and the like – and leaving us no time to talk in the process.

"So what sort of shoes are you going to wear?" Edward asked, his amusement clear in his voice as we started walking back toward the car. "Heels?"

I grinned and glanced at him. "Well, that depends."

"On what?"

"On how you react to a guy in heels…" I winked and smacked his ass, dancing away so he couldn't retaliate, but he didn't even try. He just put both our costumes across the backseat of the Mustang and then slid into the driver's seat with a thoughtful expression.

"You know…it really has never done anything for me. But damn…" He cut his eyes to me, giving a mischievous grin. "Well, if you're gonna do it, might as well go all out, huh?"

"You have a point." I glanced out the window to hide my grin. I'd never expected him to be so intrigued. Of course, I'd never expected to be wearing a dress around him either.

After a brief pause, he said, "Do you own any heels?"

I laughed. "No."

"Could be hard to find them in your size…" he mused.

"It's not too bad, really. They get a little expensive, though."

"You sound awfully knowledgeable about high heels for men," Edward observed. He was trying to sound casual, but I heard the curiosity behind the statement easily enough.

"I've gone in drag a few times over the years." I shrugged. At his quiet "Oh," I chuckled. "Not seriously…it's not really something that appeals to me. But it's fun sometimes, especially to mess with Mike. A few years ago, Ben, Eric, and I all got dressed up and kidnapped Mike on his birthday. Took him to a gay bar. We were planning to change afterward and take him out for the real party." I trailed off, shaking my head. "Fucker had too much fun dancing with the other guys. He got hit on more than I did."

Edward threw back his head, laughing loudly. He was winding his way slowly back toward his house. Traffic had cleared out some, but there was still enough stop and go to be annoying. When he caught me looking at him, he reached over, squeezing my thigh. His fingers trailed up teasingly before he returned his hand to the wheel and his eyes to the road.

"Sorry, baby…you're too cute when you're pouty like that."

"I'm not pouty. I just wanted to know what the hell he had that I didn't."

Edward grinned mischievously. "Trust me… not a damn thing."

His fingers tightened on the steering wheel then, reminding me of the way they felt when they were wrapped around me. I spent the rest of the drive counting the seconds until we got back to his place. He sensed my mood, and the air between us seemed to thicken, the charge from earlier returning. It matured, growing stronger, simmering just beneath the surface.

We grew quiet, but it was a silence of impatience rather than discomfort. I reached over to place my hand on his knee when we were a few streets away from his house, and he licked his lips before they curved into a smile.

"You have bad aim," he whispered huskily.

"Shouldn't you be focused on driving?" I taunted.

In answer, he reached down, shifting my hand a few inches up his thigh. I bit the inside of my cheek in indecision before deciding that a little teasing couldn't hurt. He inhaled sharply as I let my hand drift even further up, my little finger grazing his crotch. He squirmed in his seat, adjusting his hips in a way that let me know he loved the attention he was getting.

Glancing at his face, I saw that his eyes were carefully focused on the road, but my gaze wandered, taking in his knuckles whitening against the steering wheel. Seeing how I affected him was exhilarating, making me a little bolder. I cupped him, feeling him semi-hard against my palm, and leaned over to kiss along his neck.

"Holy hell, Jazz," he whispered, tilting his head just slightly to the left. I smiled and licked the skin he revealed, nibbling his ear as I began to rub his cock with the heel of my hand. He spread his knees a little wider, encouraging me, and I took him up on the offer.

I was so busy tasting the salt of his skin that at first I didn't notice when we began to slow down. I lifted my head, never ceasing my stroking, to find that Edward was turning onto his street. I smiled, glad we were so close to a place where I could have every bit of him, but I wasn't quite done playing with him yet.

I returned my face to his neck, licking and sucking as I popped the top button of his jeans. It gave me just enough room to slip my hand inside, and I inhaled sharply when I felt the velvety soft skin of his cock. I moaned quietly, shifting even closer as I lost focus on my aim – to tease him – and instead felt a nearly uncontrollable desire welling up inside me.

I had been gently tracing his head, but I shoved my hand down further, wrapping my fingers around his shaft. He groaned and let his head fall back against the headrest, and it was only then that I noticed we'd stopped. I couldn't stop myself, though, so I just kept going, stroking him awkwardly as I kissed my way along his jaw.

When my lips reached the corner of his mouth, he turned to me with a needy hiss, kissing me furiously. His tongue ring scraped my lip, and I caught it between my teeth, grinning playfully. He swallowed my moan as he reached over, cupping me through my jeans.

He pulled away just far enough to murmur, "You have about ten seconds to get inside if you don't want the entire neighborhood to see that gorgeous cock of yours."

That was all the encouragement I needed. I jerked my hands out of his pants so fast that he gaped at me, stunned and even a little confused. I winked and said, "Get your ass inside, Dr. Masen."

A smile flitted across his face then, and he yanked the keys from the ignition, sliding out of his seat smoothly. In front of the car, we met again, and everything became a blur of hands and lips and impatience until finally, mercifully, we were standing in Edward's bedroom.

My jeans were already around my knees, my belt buckle clinking as he pushed them further down. He dropped to the floor in front of me and used his hands to spread my knees. I reached back, supporting some of my weight on his dresser, as he took full advantage of the position he had me in. He sucked each of my balls into his mouth in turn, tormenting me with that rod of metal through his tongue as his fingers drifted everywhere.

His mouth left my skin for only a moment, and I watched in fascination while he slipped his first two fingers into his mouth as deeply as they would go. When he released them, it was to let them glide across my entrance with just enough pressure to buckle my knees. My dick replaced his fingers, enveloped by the wet heat of his welcoming mouth.

"F-fuck," I stuttered, my eyes clenched tight as I shifted to rest part of my weight on the dresser. I couldn't stand up anymore, and my shoulders slumped as I gave myself entirely to him.

He sucked eagerly, the stud through his tongue brushing tantalizingly against the ridge of my head before he took me deeply, letting me hit the back of his throat. His fingers against my ass left little doubt as to exactly what he wanted tonight, and I moaned loudly, imagining the way it would feel.

Too soon and not soon enough, he pulled away. I opened my eyes, panting as I gazed down at the floor. I lifted my head when I heard the scrape of his nightstand drawer, but before I could move to join him, he was back. He bit my lip and breathed huskily, "I want you here."

I didn't have to stop and think; I just kissed him hard and then turned around when he put his hands on my hips. He gave an appreciative grunt before trailing his warm lips over my shoulder and down my spine. He bit my ass and squeezed my thighs. As soon as his hands fell away again, I heard the snap of the bottle. I braced myself with the heels of my hands against the edge of his dresser and took a step back, spreading my feet.

He settled between them, and I watched in the mirror as he licked his lips. His eyes were focused on his work when he lifted slick fingers to my entrance. His eyes fluttered and his lips parted when he slipped the first finger inside me, whispering, "God damn… can't fucking wait…"

His murmurs never slowed as he worked to prepare me for him. He took himself in hand, and I watched the movement of his biceps, frustrated that I couldn't see him stroking his cock but excited by the mental image it sparked. I remembered seeing him over Skype – seeing exactly what he did to himself, and I moaned, pressing my ass back insistently.

He laughed softly, meeting my gaze through the mirror, and I flashed a smile that made him lower his hands and reach for the condom. As soon as it was on, he was in me, burying himself fully in one long, hard stroke that curled my toes.

I pressed back against him as he tried to steady himself. I knew he was holding back, trying to make sure he lasted.

"Don't," I grunted.

"Don't what?" he asked, his voice strained and his hips utterly still.

I raised my eyes again to find him watching me. "Don't go easy." His eyes widened when I added, "Fuck me, Edward. Hard. Don't you stop until you're screaming my name."

He watched me for a second longer before smirking – and doing exactly what I demanded. And god damn was it good. His fingers dug into my hips, blunt fingernails stinging as he pulled me back against him again and again, harder and harder. His eyes moved downward, and I became fascinated with watching him watch us.

He licked his lips, utter concentration furrowing his brow, but soon the sensation of exactly what he was doing to me was too overwhelming. I hung my head, panting and trying to catch my breath as I supported myself with my left hand. I wrapped my right around my cock, stroking furiously as I closed my eyes, focusing entirely on just feeling.

It wasn't long at all before I heard my name spilling from Edward's lips – a breathless, grunting whisper rather than the screams I'd ordered, but it didn't matter. I was too far gone to even fully notice. Edward held himself still for a moment though my hand never paused, but soon he was batting it away, replacing it with his own hand.

"Oh god," I groaned, dropping with my elbows on the cool wood of his dresser. I rested my forehead on my fists as he pumped me, every stroke bringing me closer to euphoria. I felt tightening in my groin, quivering in my thighs, and then my world was nothing but darkness and flecks of glittering light blooming behind my eyelids.

The first sound I heard was Edward's gruff voice murmuring softly, even though I couldn't make out the words. He kissed my shoulders, his lips brushing my neck before he grew still against me.

Finally, he pulled away, and I looked up to see him watching me in the mirror with that impish, self-satisfied grin. His left hand was cupped, but I could see the evidence of my orgasm all over his right as well as he said, "Be right back," and disappeared into the bathroom.

I chuckled and stood up straight, arching my back to work out kinks I hadn't been aware of until then. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a minute to look in the mirror. I barely recognized myself – it had been so long since I'd really seen that expression on my face. Bright-eyed, with spots of color on my cheeks and a smile on my lips, I looked years younger. Happy.

My smile grew as Edward walked back into the room with a washcloth in hand. He laughed when I plucked it from his hands and wrapped him into my arms instead, but he didn't protest, kissing me for long minutes until I was finally content. When we parted, he helped me clean up what little mess was left and tossed the cloth onto the bathroom floor before turning to me with eyes that sparkled the same way mine had been.

"Do you need to go?" he whispered as he kissed beneath my ear.

I could hear the half-hearted hope in his voice, but I sighed as I glanced over his shoulder at the alarm clock. "'Fraid so, Princess…" For a moment, I considered just staying, but logistically speaking, it would be a nightmare – and I wasn't quite sure I was ready to start spending the night at Edward's during the week. His shoulders dropped a bit, so I reached up, putting a knuckle beneath his chin to lift his lips to mine. "I don't have any clothes for tomorrow," I added.

He gave a small smile, apparently mollified, and nodded. We talked idly as we dressed, mostly teasing each other about grunting and groaning as we bent to pick up our clothes. Edward was quiet as we walked to the door, but he was still smiling when he kissed me good night. He held me close for a moment, burying his face in my neck, and I felt him place a soft kiss there before he straightened.

"Be careful going home," he said quietly, but his eyes held the three words he didn't say again.

I nodded, understanding both what he said and what he didn't. I hoped he could tell from my expression that I felt something more for him as well. I was too afraid to say it, too afraid that what I felt might not be love – and too afraid of what it might mean if it was.

Edward's eyes held understanding as he nodded at nothing in particular. I pulled him close, kissing him again, and then we were saying our goodbyes. I told him I'd text when I got home, and he stood on his front stoop the way I'd come to expect as he watched me drive off. Just before I passed out of sight, he lifted his hand once and turned to go inside.

I wondered if he knew I was watching in the rear-view mirror.

I arrived home with a strange feeling of happiness and discontent. I didn't like leaving Edward hanging the way I was. I knew he had to be wondering how I felt, and it didn't help that I was still wondering myself. The question - and the nagging doubts - stayed with me as I texted him and then took a quick shower. I got ready for bed, and his simple response - Sleep well, sweetheart. Miss you. - stayed with me as I fell asleep with Edward on my mind.

They were still there when I woke the next morning, and they lingered over the next few days. Work was busy with my current projects, but even when my mind was engaged on whatever assignment I had at the time, Edward lurked in the background.

We spoke throughout the week, and every time I heard his voice, the feeling of rightness began to grow. He teased and laughed and was caring and sympathetic, listening to me talk about Emily. He understood why she was so much on my mind, and he was even fine with the fact that she and I had dinner a couple of times. He suggested it, actually, when I confessed to him on Monday that I was having an extremely hard time being away from her. I didn't like not being able to see for myself how she was doing.

It cut into the time I would've normally spent with him, but he didn't mind. He said he missed me, of course, but that it was important for the two of us to be there for each other. It helped more than I'd expected it to, and the knot in my chest that was made up of anxiety for Emily began to loosen as the days passed.

At work on Wednesday, I called her again, just to see how she was doing. I was surprised – and happy – to find that I was more relaxed than I'd been in a long time with her. The fury for James was still there, buried deep, but I was no longer worried that she was going to go back to him.

We talked for a few minutes about my work and her school. I asked if she wanted to get dinner again that night, but she turned me down. I let it slide as she told me about helping out at Carmen's that morning, but as we were about to hang up, I felt like I had to offer again, just in case she needed me.

"You're sure you don't want to have dinner tonight, Lee Lee?" I asked, leaning back in my desk chair as I listened to the silence on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, I'm good, Spurs. Thanks, though."

I smiled at the pause she took before answering. It made me feel like she was really thinking about it, rather than just brushing me off the way she had been for a few weeks.

"I've been sort of…" She paused, clearing her throat, and I imagined her running her fingers through her hair when I heard her sigh. "Well, to be honest, I'm sort of really behind on my work now. Because…well, you know. I just kind of let things go…"

"Yeah, I know."

We sat in silent acknowledgment of the unfortunate bond we shared now. I didn't quite know what to say, but it felt good – freeing, somehow – to know that Emily, at least, knew the truth about what had happened with Paul. The family still didn't know either of our stories, and I wasn't sure when or if we were going to tell them.

"Alright, well, catch up on your schoolwork, but let me know if you want me to bring something over, okay?"

"Okay, I will. Thanks, Spurs…really." I could hear her smile, and it made my heart feel lighter as we talked for a few minutes before hanging up the phone. Despite the dinners and phone calls, I'd been trying very hard to give her space and remember that she was an adult. I didn't always succeed, but we were getting there.

Luckily, she didn't seem to mind. If anything, she seemed relieved that she didn't have to hide the truth anymore. Her affection toward Edward had grown into something like hero-worship, and I knew how she felt. Watching Mike punch Paul had been strangely vindicating, even if I'd been conflicted at the time.

I cleared my throat, carefully moving my thoughts in a different direction. I was coming to terms with a lot of the things Paul had put me through, but that was still no reason to dwell on the past, especially since I was hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time. It'd taken a lot of thinking, but I finally felt as if I knew what I was feeling. I thought I had a name for it now, and it wasn't scary, or bad, or wrong. In fact, I had never felt more right, and that thought made me smile.

I thought about calling Edward, but Mike poked his head around my door with a knock. "Hey man, you didn't forget about your meeting over at Landers and Reed's, did you?"

I looked up with raised eyebrows, then glanced at the clock. "Oh, fuck! Thanks, Mike. I hadn't realized it had gotten quite that late. I'm heading out now."

Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed. Probably better to wait until the weekend, anyway. I'd rather not have any interruptions.

"Good luck, J," Mike said, grinning.

"Thanks, Mike. I'll see you when I get back."

He nodded, then headed back out while I grabbed the portfolio and stuffed it into my laptop case. I double checked that I had all the files I'd need on my laptop before shutting it down and putting in the bag as well, and then I was on my way. I was relatively early still, but since the company was downtown, it would take some time to get there. Parking was always a bitch, and I knew there was every chance of it taking longer than it should to find a space.

Thankfully, I was lucky and pulled into a spot right after someone vacated it. I walked the block and a half to the building, and after announcing myself, I was told to wait until Mr. Reed came to collect me.

I was looking over some notes when I heard someone walk up to me. When I looked up, Mr. Reed held his hand out, smiling widely. "Afternoon, Mr. Whitlock, sorry to keep you waiting. Why don't you follow me?"

Grabbing my bag, I followed him as he made small talk. After he ushered me into the meeting room, he introduced me to the other people I'd be making the presentation to and asked if I wanted anything to drink.

"Water'll be fine, thank you."

While someone grabbed a bottle of water from the mini-fridge, I set up everything I needed. Once everyone was settled, I was asked to begin, and the presentation went off without a hitch. They seemed impressed with the plans we had for the program they needed. We'd done a similar program already for another firm, so I was able to show them certain applications that they could expect. All in all, I felt positive about the meeting and really liked the people we'd be working with. They asked good questions and seemed - for once - to know exactly what they wanted. They had done some research of their own and had had two other companies come in to make bids.

I was saying goodbye and thank you to Mr. Reed when I saw him. I knew that there would be a presentation right after mine by another firm bidding for the contract, but I hadn't realized that it would be Paul's company.

Everything seemed to freeze the moment our gazes met. I saw his eyes narrow as he tilted his head slightly before turning to his partner and murmuring something to him. Swallowing hard, I again thanked Mr. Reed for his time and hastened past Paul and the other guy as I hurried to the restroom. I needed to collect myself before driving.

It wasn't often that I ran into Paul, but just like every other time, doing so shook me to the core. I hated that he still held any power over me.

I was standing at the sink, one hand gripping the side of it while I ran the fingers of the other through my hair. My eyes were fixed on my mirror image as I berated myself yet again for letting him get to me. The door opened, and seconds later he was behind me, almost-but-not-quite pressing up against me as he murmured in my ear, "Hello, Jasper. Long time, no see..."

My jaw clenched as my eyes darted away, wanting to look at anything but him even as he seemed to be everywhere. "What do you want, Paul?"

I could feel my body respond to him like it had always done. Even after all these years, even after Edward, I still had an almost Pavlovian response to his presence, his scent, the heat that seemed to roll off his body. I despised it, especially after everything that had happened, yet I couldn't control myself.

I did the only thing I could think of to try to regain some measure of self-control. I turned my thoughts to Edward - how he smelled and felt, his smile, the warmth in his eyes whenever he looked at me. It was so different from Paul's cold gaze that was boring into me through the impersonal glass. I caught a soft smile playing on my lips in my reflection, one that froze as I noticed Paul's face harden.

I knew that look.

I dreaded that look. It always meant something was coming, and it had never been anything good. I thought I heard him mutter under his breath about something being different, and it confused me. I wasn't left waiting long, though.

I shuddered as I saw his hand reach as if to caress my face, but he stopped just short of touching me. The smile that formed on his lips as he noticed every reaction of my body - every breath that became more labored, every shudder, even the goddamn semi I was now sporting - it fueled him in some way. My hands gripped both sides of the sink in an effort to remain upright instead of cowering from him like I wanted to. I couldn't make myself move away, couldn't make myself leave this restroom - or Paul. I never had been able to, and it sickened me that I still couldn't.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I felt his breath fan over my neck and cheek as he spoke again. "You haven't changed; have you, my Jasper?"

I shuddered again. I wasn't his. My voice sounded almost strangled as I told him so, which just seemed to amuse him. He hummed then and said, "Hmm, perhaps you have. There's something about you, Jasper. Could it be..?"

I had no idea what he was talking about as his words washed over me, causing my stomach to turn time and again. Why couldn't I just leave?

What does he want from me?

As if to answer my question, his attitude changed and his face hardened further. I knew then what was coming, but just like always, I was powerless stop him. He used the same words he had always used, wielding them like a knife, only this time the knife had a new edge: my own guilt. He sliced with great skill, leaving me wounded and bleeding again as he reminded me that I wasn't worthy of anyone's love, that I was foolish to think anyone would or even could love me.

"Love is just a lie," he told me. "Just words spoken to get someone to believe you. Empty words, words to control and deceive. After all, that's what I did," he reminded me with a smirk. He asked me if this new guy was doing the same things he used to do. Did he hold me tight, caress me, show me affection? Did this guy make small gestures like he used to do, try to make me believe him to be a gentleman, to make me believe that he actually cared?

He told me that this new man would change soon enough; once he believed me to be under his spell, he would show me his true colors. He said that I'd end up being his bitch, just like I had been Paul's - and that thought, that Edward would turn out to be just like Paul, made bile rise in my throat. Was that why he had forgiven me so readily? Why he'd told me he loved me?

Paul was right. Edward couldn't love me, not really. Not after what I had done. After all, hadn't I done the very thing I had once accused Paul of doing? Edward and I weren't exclusive - we hadn't proclaimed ourselves boyfriends - but in my heart I knew the name for what I had done. I had cheated on Edward. I had hurt him, and even though he said he had forgiven me... it couldn't possibly last. I wasn't worthy of his love. Paul made that abundantly clear the longer he talked. It was as if he knew exactly what had happened. Maybe he did.

Paul's words created two opposing options in my head - Edward leaving me... or Edward controlling and abusing me as Paul had. Both made me sick to my stomach. I could feel sweat bead on my forehead as Paul shifted away with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. I shivered as I felt the ghost of his touch over my shoulder. He left with a sickeningly sweet goodbye.

As soon as he was gone, I rushed into one of the stalls, my stomach roiling. I barely made it to my knees in time to bend over the toilet and throw up. I sat there, heaving for what felt like hours, my face streaked with tears as Paul's words echoed in my head over and over again. When I had finally calmed down enough, I got to my feet, brushing my pants off in disgust as I walked to the sink. I felt as dirty as I now looked, inside and out. I cleaned myself up to the best of my ability and made my way to my car, calling in to work to let them know I wouldn't be coming back in until the morning.

Once I was home, I stripped and got under the shower, letting the water run as hot as I could stand it. Paul's voice would not shut up, and his words formed a backdrop to the memories that plagued my mind. Again and again, I saw every show of affection from both him and Edward, every whisper and caress. In my daze, I thought I heard my phone ring, but I ignored it - I wasn't up to talking to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. I stayed under the shower until the water ran cold.

After toweling off, I went to bed, curling up under the blankets and burrowing my face into my pillow as I tried to get my mind to shut down. The assurances that Mike had given me weeks ago drifted into my head, and I cringed. If he was right, if I truly wasn't the same man as I had been back when Paul and I were together, then why did he still affect me so much? I felt exhausted, raw, and vulnerable. It took hours before sleep finally found me.

The next day, I woke up with a headache bad enough that I felt nauseated. I tried not to think about why I felt so bad, but it was pointless. Paul's voice continued to ring in my ears, his implications twisting my stomach further into knots. Forcing myself to get up, I took a couple of Excedrin and downed a bottle of water before even attempting to get ready for the day. I wanted to stay home; I wasn't up for facing Mike or the others, but I had to go in. They had to know how the meeting had gone, but as soon as that was done, I could hole up in my office.

I managed to eat a couple of pieces of buttered toast, along with a cup of coffee, but the idea of eating anything else repulsed me. Why does he always have to affect me this way? It was normal for me to react to Paul this way, though in the past it had never quite been as strong as now.

Ah, but in the past, he never had the same ammunition as now, either. Edward wasn't there...

I cringed, shaking my head slowly, mindful of my headache.

Enough!

Putting the few dishes I had used in the sink to be taken care of later, I headed out to the office. I was one of the first ones there, which allowed me to get things ready before the guys got in. I still felt out of it but did my best to just shrug it off.

Somehow, I made it through the debriefing without too much trouble. As soon as I was done, I locked myself in my office after telling Felix I didn't want to be disturbed by anyone or anything, save a natural disaster - and, really, I wasn't even sure about that one. I knew I wasn't being fair to anyone, especially Edward, but it was the only way I'd be able to even make it through the day.

I ignored my new sketchpad after throwing it into a drawer. I knew that if I started doodling, I'd be faced with either Paul or Edward, or both, and I simply couldn't handle that right then. Scrubbing my face, I threw myself into my work instead - something that took every ounce of concentration I had. I even worked through lunch, skipping food entirely because I still didn't feel like I could stomach anything.

My phone went unanswered, my e-mails largely ignored - I only checked to see if clients had gotten back to me. Everything else I simply put aside for later. I left work an hour early and headed home. The first thing I did was turn off my phones without checking for messages. I didn't feel like talking to anyone; I knew that, no matter who called, the question of what was wrong with me would come up, and I wasn't ready or willing to tell anyone about running into Paul.

I changed into pajama pants and an old Red Sox shirt before looking for food. My stomach was still not feeling right, all knotted and tight, but I hoped that a bowl of chicken soup would be okay. Comfort food sounded good right now. It was Campbell's and not Mama's, but it'd do.

I sat at my kitchen table, eating slowly as I tried not to think...about anything. Of course I failed, and I ended up being able to finish only half the bowl before my stomach protested too loudly. I put it in the sink, not even feeling up to doing the dishes, and headed to bed early. After too many hours of staring at the ceiling, I curled up into a ball, my arms around Edward's pillow without conscious thought, and finally fell asleep.

When I woke up on Friday, I still felt like shit, but I attributed it mostly to a lack of food and having woken up several times during the night from nightmares. Both Paul and Edward had starred in them, and that alone sickened me.

Work went much like the day before, with me ensconced in my office and Felix under orders not to let anyone or anything interrupt me. It mostly worked, except for the intrusions of my own making. I could keep the world out, but I couldn't protect myself from the way my mind assaulted me with everything that had happened.

Around noon, my phone vibrated in my pocket and then buzzed with the tone that let me know I had a calendar reminder. I frowned, unsure what it could be as I knew I didn't have any meetings. Pulling the phone out, I stared down at the words.

8:00 Party at Alice's

I cursed under my breath, tossing the phone onto my desk. I sat back and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to decide what to do. I obviously hadn't deleted the reminder when I canceled my plans and made new ones with Edward. I didn't know where he and I were supposed to go, but it didn't really matter because I definitely was not up to facing him just yet. In truth, I wasn't up to much of anything, and that just pissed me off further.

Goddamn Paul!

Staring at the ceiling, I tugged at my hair in frustration. "Fuck it. I'll just go to Alice's party," I mumbled to myself. I knew they couldn't corner me in that setting, and hopefully my mood would go unnoticed. Besides, I might actually be able to relax enough to have a little fun and be ready to talk to Edward afterward.

My costume was at Edward's, but I decided that didn't matter. I didn't feel like wearing that dress, anyway. Not without him. I pushed the thought about what I'd go as instead out of my mind and went back to work. When it was time to go, I made my escape without running into anyone, and I praised my luck as I drove home.

Making myself a couple of pieces of buttered toast again, I walked into my room and stood in front of my closet. Putting a piece of toast in my mouth, I began to sort through my clothes, occasionally stopping to actually take a bite, chew, and then swallow carefully, having to force it down. I loathed having such a visceral reaction to him but was at a loss to how to stop it.

I was about to give up on finding anything to wear when, finally, my eyes fell on my riding chaps, and I gave a half-hearted grin. Cowboy it is, then. I grabbed my hat, my leather vest, and a white, casual button down, and laid them on the bed. Then I went in search of a bandanna and my favorite boots. I didn't wear them often because they generated far too many comments that grated my nerves. There were only so many times I could stand some random man - or woman - saying, "Ride me, cowboy," before I wanted to clock someone.

As I was drying off after my shower, I shivered and then frowned. It's not that cold yet... I looked at myself in the mirror, my frown deepening as I noticed the bags under my eyes and the pale reflection staring back at me. I looked like absolute shit. I couldn't stand the sight, knowing the reason for it, and turned away, hurrying to get dressed. As soon as I was done, it was time to go. I grabbed my leather jacket, wallet, and keys, opting to leave my phone at home as I was fairly sure Edward would try to call, and I didn't know if I was ready to talk to him yet.

I tried to shake the feeling of guilt at ignoring him, but I didn't have much success. Instead, I worked to distract myself, forcing a chuckle as I drove past Alice and Becca's house because I was unable to find a parking spot close by.

I ended up parked almost three blocks away, and walked back to their house, huddled in my jacket. Just like every holiday, Alice had outdone herself. Scarecrows and ghosts covered their small front lawn, decorating the stoop and covering the door. I smiled faintly and shook my head, welcoming the familiar amusement I felt at just how far Becca would go to make Alice happy.

I shivered and ducked my head as I climbed the few steps, feeling much colder than the weather really afforded, and I wondered idly if I was getting sick. The party was in full swing already by the time I got inside and hung up my coat. I nodded in greeting to the people I knew, straightening my hat and heading for the makeshift bar they had set up. It took me a lot longer than normal to figure out what I wanted because nothing sounded good, which was a sure sign something was off with me.

Since I was driving, I decided to stick with 7 Up, hoping it would settle my stomach enough to be able to have some fun. Wiping my hands on my jeans - what little I could reach, due to the chaps - I looked around the living room. I was beginning to wonder if I'd made a mistake in coming when I spotted Alice. It couldn't be anyone else, given her stature, not to mention the way she seemed to be buzzing with life and energy. I stared a moment, taking in her outfit, and then glanced at the woman beside her. I assumed it had to be Becca, even though I couldn't see her face.

Finally, I started across the room, figuring I needed to at least let her know I'd shown up after all. Alice had dressed up as Harlequin, and as I approached, she was brandishing the scepter and talking enthusiastically about the party.

Becca turned and spotted me first, smiling as she said, "Hey Jasper! Long time no see." She stepped up to me, hugging me briefly as she murmured, "Love the costume...I'm glad you made it after all."

"Thanks. It's good to see you, too." I let Becca go and turned to hug Alice as I added, "Figured I shouldn't miss any party thrown by my godson's godmother." I winked at Alice as I let her go, sure she would see that my heart wasn't in it. She seemed oblivious for once, thanks to the party, and I quickly turned my attention to Becca, tilting my head as I tried to figure out what she was supposed to be. She wore a simple, long, flowing purple gown that hung off of one shoulder, with a cape in a lighter shade of purple. She had blue streaks in her hair, as well as a wreath of vines and flowers perched on top of her head.

She made a small circle, holding out her arms so I could see, and grinned. "You like? I'm Gaia."

I chuckled. "As in Captain Planet's Gaia?"

She laughed, and Alice smacked my arm. "Something like that," Becca said.

Alice rolled her eyes at both of us, grinning. "I told you," she pointed at Becca, "that's what people would think. Didn't I?"

Becca leaned down, kissing Alice lightly on the lips. "Yes, dear."

As always, being around Alice's energy helped lighten my mood. I bit my lip to keep from smiling, and she narrowed her eyes. "Watch it, missy," she told Becca before saying, "Oh!" and turning to me with a Cheshire Cat grin. "Remember the guy I was going to set you up with awhile back? He's supposed to be here tonight. I haven't seen him yet, but he said he'd come, and he's pretty good about keeping his word." She paused for a second, craning her neck as she scanned the room. She wrinkled her nose and turned back to me. "Anyway, he says he's seeing someone, but I still want you to meet him. I think you'd get along great, even if you're just friends."

Rolling my eyes, I tried not to think about being set up, or about Edward, or anything. It was all too uncomfortable right then. Instead, I sighed, and said, "Alice, please? Give it a rest? For one night?"

She studied me thoughtfully, then hugged me briefly around the waist with a sigh of her own. "Alright, J. Just this once. You look like you've had a rough day, so I'll let it slide. For now. Try to have some fun, okay?"

Kissing the top of her head, I promised her I'd do my best, even though I felt like anything but partying. Becca squeezed my arm lightly and smiled. She took Alice's hand and pointed out a few new arrivals, and they went to greet them, leaving me to my own devices. Taking a careful sip of my drink, I let my eyes wander again, sighing with resignation when I realized I was going to have to talk to people. I gave a half-smile when I spotted Peter talking with a guy I didn't know.

Walking up to them, I grinned at Peter, feeling somehow triumphant when it was only partially forced. "Hey, Pete."

Peter blushed slightly, his eyes flickering to the guy he'd been talking to. I glanced at him and saw at once why Peter'd fancy him. He was exactly Pete's type: blue eyes with a long, blond ponytail that was even lighter than his own. His features screamed twink, from the youthful face and pouty lips to the slender body and narrow waist.

The guy eyed me with some interest, and when Peter still hadn't said anything after a minute, I held out my hand to introduce myself with a smile. "I think Pete left his tongue with the Cheshire Cat over there. I'm Jasper."

"Conner." He smirked as he shook my hand, his eyes flickering to Peter, who'd turned scarlet.

I withdrew my hand, fighting the urge to wipe it off after the damn-washcloth-shake Conner had given me. There was little I hated more than a limp handshake, be it from a man or a woman. The distraction helped, letting me feel a little more normal, and I latched onto it, looking over their costumes and grinning. Peter had come dressed up as an infantryman from World War Two, and Conner...Conner looked as if he'd stepped out of The Princess Bride or something, dressed all in black with his mask hanging around his neck.

We talked for a little while, just normal stuff like our jobs at first. They told me they'd been seeing each other for a few weeks, and I tried to be interested in how they met, but I was becoming more and more distracted by a sick feeling in my gut. At first, I thought it was guilt again, that feeling that seemed to grow whenever anything reminded me of Edward and the shitty way I was treating him, but soon I realized I was wrong. It was something very real, very physical, and it seemed to be getting worse.

Is it getting hot in here?

I wiped my forehead with the bandanna I had tied around my neck, repressing another shiver as Conner's voice washed over me. I'd downed my bottle of 7 Up and was contemplating getting another when I felt a hand on my upper arm.

"Jasper?"

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Chapter 22 ~ Chapter 24

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