Marked 28 - I Wanna Be Loved By You

JPOV
Draining the last of my coffee, I forced myself to slow down. I was unwilling to let on how unsettled I was and how eager I was to get outside - away from everyone's inquisitive eyes.

Breakfast had been a quiet, uncomfortable affair, so unlike what I was used to when I was home. Things hadn't been this awkward since right after I'd come out.

Grabbing my dirty dishes, I made to go wash them as usual when Mama said, "Jasper, honey, would you be a dear and help your mama fix the washing lines? I've been trying to get your daddy to fix them, but he hasn't had time, and it can't wait any longer."


I raised my head to glance at her, only to be met with a look that said quite plainly that she wanted to talk to me, whether I was a willing participant in the conversation or not. Sighing softly, I nodded. "Of course."

Like there was any choice in the matter. Part of me felt I should be nervous, worried even, but somehow I was actually grateful for the chance to speak to her alone. I washed my dishes, then went to the laundry room to check, even though I was sure there wasn't any need. I was somewhat surprised to find that I was wrong and the washing lines actually were in need of fixing.

Deciding to get this out of the way, I set about taking down the broken lines, replacing them with the new ones Mama had sitting on the washing machine. I was almost done by the time she came to the laundry room. From the corner of my eye, I could see an appreciative smile on her lips. She stepped up behind me, putting a hand on my shoulder as she said, "Thank you, sweetheart."

I just nodded, knowing this wasn't what she had been after. Not really, anyway. She smiled, patted my arm, and said, "Come to the kitchen when you're done. We'll have a cup of tea, and then we'll talk."

My fingers fumbled at her words, and I grasped the line I'd been trying to secure before it fell to the floor. Swallowing hard, I nodded again, murmuring, "Yes, ma'am."

Everyone would be out doing their chores until lunch was ready, so it would be just Mama and me. Even Emily would be out helping in the stables, like she always did. Mama went back to the kitchen, and a few minutes later, when I was finished, I followed.

I smiled in spite of the nerves that threatened to rise at the sight of Mama putting her tea set out on the kitchen table. I always knew she was serious when she pulled her tea set out and made Earl Grey tea. "The only proper way to have a good conversation," she always said.

It was something she had done for as long as I could remember, and most of my best memories revolved around those talks with Mama. Even if, at first, the reason for such talks was because I'd gotten in trouble or something serious had happened, Mama knew how to make it all better - and that remedy always included a cup of tea.

She gave me a gentle smile as I sat down at the corner of the table, placing a small plate of shortbread in front of me with a wink. "I figured we could do with a little something extra today. No need to tell the others," she said conspiratorially.

I grinned, watching Mama go through her ritual of pouring each of us a cup of tea and adding sugar and milk to both cups before passing mine to me. She took a seat, and we sat in silence for a few seconds as we stirred our tea and took our first sips. I closed my eyes and smiled, murmuring, "Thank you, Mama."

She reached over and patted my arm, then set her cup down in front of her with a soft sigh. "Talk to me, Jasper," she said quietly.

Carefully setting my cup down, I folded my hands, placing them in front of me. "I'm sorry I-" I sighed, shrugging, unsure where to even start. Well, that wasn't quite true. I knew I should start with Paul, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her about that. Emily might have understood, but then she'd just gone through something similar. The very thought of telling Mama now had me shivering. No, I couldn't tell her. Not yet, anyway.

Maybe some day.

Maybe.

Staring down into my teacup as if it held all the answers I was looking for, I sighed. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked up at her with an apologetic smile. "It's just... all of this... Edward and me... it's kinda... new, I guess. I mean..."

I frowned in frustration with myself. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say. In fact, I wasn't sure what the hell I was thinking or feeling right that minute - well, other than missing the hell out of Edward, that is.

"I don't know, Mama. It's been so long since I felt anything like this... I wasn't sure what was going on, and to be honest, I was a little scared to tell you."

Mama's eyebrow raised at that, though she said nothing. She didn't need to. The way she was looking at me spoke volumes - loving concern, tinged with questioning disbelief in that way only a mother could look.

"Okay, more than a little scared to tell you," I amended with a sigh. I took my cup between my fingers, twisting it this way and that on its saucer as I said, "It took me a while to figure things out for myself. I-I only told him I loved him the day I left for home."

The last was spoken in a whisper, and I felt a twinge of shame at having taken so long. I regretted that I'd hurt Edward by my own insecurities. Swallowing hard, I tried not to let my thoughts spiral downward. It was done, over with, and there was nowhere to go now but forward.

We sat in silence for a while, drinking our tea, and it wasn't until Mama had poured us more that she spoke again. "Sweetheart, are you happy?"

I glanced at her and smiled, nodding. She placed her hand over mine, and said, "Jasper, honey, you don't know how long I've been hoping that you would find someone special. I know there's more to all of this," she gave me a pointed look that told me quite plainly that I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all her, then continued, "and I hope that some day, you'll tell me what's really going on. I can't say it doesn't hurt to know that you felt as if you couldn't tell me about Edward; you have to know that we love you, sweetheart. We want you to be happy - fulfilled."

I reached out, taking her hand between both of mine. "I know, Mama. I'm sorry. It's… I don't know. If I'd told you about him… I was worried you would ask if he was…"

When I trailed off this time, Mama filled the silence. "If he was… what, Jasper? Your boyfriend?"

I didn't answer, fully aware of how ridiculous it was that I was a twenty-eight-year-old man having this conversation with my mother. But, no matter how silly it felt, the reality of my life was that I had never had a boyfriend before Paul… and none since, until Edward.

"Is he?" she asked, interrupting my musing.

I took a sip of my tea to buy myself some time, but there was really only one answer. A jittery feeling settled in my chest as a smile spread over my lips. "Yeah, he is."

Now, I just have to talk to him about that…

I couldn't contain my chuckle, and Mama looked at me with amused curiosity. She didn't comment further, though, simply giving me a moment before she said, "Well, then… I'll be expecting to meet him sometime. For now, though, tell me about this young man of yours."

With a grin, I grabbed a shortbread cookie and took a bite, chewing carefully to give myself a little more time to think. Now that Edward was an open subject - and now that our feelings were out there - it felt as if there wasn't anything I didn't want to share with her. With regards to Edward, at least.

Finally, after a gentle rebuke from Mama about making her wait even longer, I started telling her about him. I told her about how we met, how at first Edward had believed me to be straight and off-limits. I told her about the photoshoot... to an extent, anyway.

She wanted to hear everything, and I was just telling her about our first real date when Emily walked in, startling both of us. Mama actually blushed at having forgotten the time - something she never did - and then hurried to start making sandwiches for everybody. Emily and I both helped, and before too long, we were done.

Mama refrained from asking questions over lunch, and after everyone was done eating, it was time to help with the chores. I washed my dishes quickly and then walked over to Mama who was putting milk back in the fridge. When she straightened up, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, kissing her cheek. "Thanks, Mama," I whispered.

She patted me lightly on the back, and with a grin told me that I wasn't out of the woods yet. Winking, she cupped my cheeks with her hands to lower my face so she could kiss my forehead. "I love you, Son. Never forget that."

I nodded and, with another pat on my shoulder, she sent me off to help in the stables. It felt good to be able to get my hands dirty and to saddle up again. It'd been too long since I'd been on the back of a horse. Mine had passed away a few years earlier while I'd been in my senior year of college, and I'd never really gone to the trouble of finding a stable up in Boston. Much as I liked my motorcycle, it just wasn't the same as the connection I felt while on horseback.

The rest of the week leading up to Thanksgiving was spent in much the same way: doing chores during the day, taking out one of the horses, and answering Mama's many questions about Edward. She seemed insatiable in her thirst to hear about him - what we did, how we got along. More often than not, mealtimes were spent talking about us, and Thanksgiving dinner was no different. Even Emily didn't escape, since she alone had had the chance to meet and interact with Edward. It was both fun and kind of odd to hear her views on him - mostly though, it made me miss him.

Papa and Mack both asked questions, too, and of course the boys did as well, though they had little idea why or even who they were asking about. To them, it was mostly a game.

"Uncle Jay? Does Edward like to ride, too?" Finn asked. The question was innocent enough, but the thoughts it provoked colored my cheeks.

Clearing my throat, I said, "I don't know that he's ever been on a horse, Sport, but he likes to ride on my bike. Why?"

He grinned up at me with excitement, practically bouncing in his seat as he said, "He can borrow Daisy, Uncle Jay! Then we can teach him!" He turned to Mack and said, "I can teach him, right, Mom?"

Mack winked at me, then schooled her expression as best she could. "We'll see, baby. Maybe Edward won't want to learn to ride a horse."

Finn's expression grew dour as he thought on that. He was silent for a few minutes as he ate, and conversation had moved on when he suddenly spoke up again. "I don't think I like him then..."

I blinked in confusion, putting my cutlery down. All eyes were on Finn as Mack asked, "Why's that, sweetheart?"

Finn took a deep breath, straightening in his seat. He frowned and said, "Anyone who doesn't like horses can't be good people."

Silence fell over the table at his words. My eyes flickered from my nephew, to Mack, to Mama, to Emily, only to go back to Finn again. Clearing my throat, I leaned forward a little. "Finn, Edward's good people, trust me. And I'm pretty sure he loves horses. I just don't know if he's ever been on one before." Bending closer to him, I stage-whispered, "Edward's from the city, Sport."

His eyes widened almost comically as I said that, and he nodded solemnly as if that explained everything to him. After that, conversation went on to lighter topics - mostly revolving around the upcoming Christmas season.

Once we were done eating and had helped clear the table of food and dishes, Emily came up to me with puppy-dog eyes and a grin she was fighting to keep off her lips. I rolled my eyes at her, leaning against the kitchen counter as I crossed my arms. My voice was amused as I said, "What do you want, Lee?"

I could feel Mama's eyes on us, but she kept herself busy cleaning the kitchen, giving us some space. Emily pouted slightly and huffed. "You know, it's really not fair."

I frowned, confused. "What's not fair, Lee?"

She sidled up next to me, leaning against my side as she looked up at me. "That he couldn't be here," she said softly.

Putting my arm around her, I hugged her to me as I kissed the top of her head, murmuring, "I know... it sucks."

She tilted her head up again, this time with a small grin. "Can we text him or something? I haven't talked to him at all, but you have. I just want him to know I miss him, too."

I chuckled, thinking about it for a moment before pulling my phone out of my pocket and holding it in front of us. "Picture says a thousand words, right?"

She nodded, grinning. I ignored the stares we were getting from the family and turned my phone just so, in order to take the picture properly. "Ready?"

"Yep!"

I didn't look at her, I just thought about how much I missed him and wanted to be with him. When the click of the camera went off, I knew I was looking very pouty, but I wasn't quite prepared to see the same look mirrored on Emily's face. I laughed, kissing her on the crown again before typing a quick "We miss you!" and hitting send.

Emily hugged me and said, "Thanks, Spurs."

Wrapping my arms around her again, I smiled, murmuring, "Thanks, Lee."

She gave me a questioning look, and I added, "For loving him, too. It... it means a lot to me to know that."

"He's a great guy, Spurs. I'm just happy you found him."

"Thanks."

I felt my phone vibrate in my hand, indicating I'd gotten a message. I opened it with a grin, showing it to Emily, who giggled at the sight of an equally pouty Edward. She kissed my cheek and wandered off to do God only knew what, while I texted back and forth with Edward for a bit. I knew there were things I had to do, as always, but the need to have these few moments with him was too great.

It wasn't until Chuck's annoyed grumble pulled me out of my bubble that I sent one last text, telling him I had to go. Pocketing my phone again, I sighed, my eyes darting around the kitchen to find several heads turning away quickly - knowing smiles on all of them.

Except Chuck, of course. I couldn't quite make out the look on his face when he muttered something about getting my ass in gear to help get the Christmas stuff down from the attic. It took us a good half-hour to get everything down the narrow stairs to the landing. The entire time Chuck kept giving me side-long glances, muttering under his breath about something. What, I wasn't sure, but I was positive I was better off not knowing.

By the time we'd hauled everything down into the living room, everyone was assembled and ready to decorate. Mama had secured a corner of the room and had a bowl of cranberries and one of popcorn ready for the boys to make garlands. Emily and Mack had already begun unpacking the ornaments, and Papa and Chuck went out to get the tree they had picked out the day before.

My job, as it had been ever since I was old enough to do it, was to set up the nativity set by the fireplace. We were all doing our bit, talking about Christmases past, as well as commenting on the great job Finn and Conall were doing. It was fun, familiar. It made me wish I could share this with Edward.

I put down the garland I was helping Conall with and sighed. Mama glanced at me and smiled. She patted Finn, telling him he was doing such a good job before moving to sit next to me.

She placed her hand on my knee and said, "Thinking about Edward?"

I nodded and reached for the bowl of popcorn, trying to distract her by looking busy. She wasn't having it, though, and settled deeper into the couch beside me, making it clear she was staying put. "What do you think he's doing right now?"

The question threw me off, and my hands slowed as I threaded popcorn onto the garland. "I don't know," I answered at last and then added with a grin, "He's probably hanging out with Emmett."

"His cousin, right?"

I nodded, and my smile spread as I found myself talking about Edward's family. I could envision him somehow, surrounded by the people I'd seen only in pictures. No matter how quickly I talked or how much I said, she had more questions.

Finally, she patted my knee and said, "Well, I think it's about time I talked to this young man of yours. Why don't you call him?"

Raising an eyebrow, I said, "Now? But..."

She nodded. "Yes, why not? I'm sure he misses you just as much as you do him. Certainly no one here will mind if you call your beau." I groaned quietly at that, blushing, but she smiled and lowered her voice as she added, "Besides, it's clear you love him. It's high time I met him."

"Mama," I spluttered, my eyes widening.

Jesus, Edward and I hadn't even talked about the boyfriend thing yet, let alone gotten to the whole "meet the parents" stage.

Mama's eyes narrowed slightly, her voice taking on that tone that brooked no argument. "I would like to hear for myself what kind of man he is, Jasper, since it isn't likely that we'll be meeting him any time soon, what with you living up in Boston. How is a mother supposed to get the answers she needs, if not directly from the source?"

That last was added in a teasing manner, which left me pulling a face and huffing. She gave my knee a smart tap and warned, "No sassing me, young man. Now call him and wish him a proper Happy Thanksgiving."

Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed and shook my head, my tone somewhat defeated - though, in truth, I didn't mind calling Edward one bit. "Yes, Mama."

Fishing my phone from my pocket, I dialed Edward's number. It rang only once before I heard, "Hey, baby."

I smiled automatically, settling back into the couch as I said, "Hey, sweetheart."

We talked a bit about how our days were going, and I told him I was sorry I couldn't be there with him.

"Yeah, I know. This being apart thing sucks."

I tried to keep the disappointment about being apart out of my voice because I could tell from his tone that he was having as hard a time as I was. "Yeah, that's why I was asking if you could come home early."

Mama cleared her throat softly, reminding me she was there - that everyone was there, really - but for once I couldn't find it in me to care.

Let them see.

My eyes roamed the room, and I realized that every adult was paying at least partial attention to my conversation. I ignored them the best I could as I placed my hand over my phone and turned to Mama, mouthing, "You sure?"

A roll of her eyes told me all I needed to know, so I took a deep breath before lowering my hand again. I had no idea how Edward would feel about this, and I wasn't sure how I felt about putting him on the spot. Still, part of me was anxious for him to like her, and for Mama to approve of Edward.

"So… there's someone here that wants to say hi. Is that okay?"

Edward chuckled and said, "Sure, that's fine."

I murmured, "Alright…" before handing the phone over to Mama, who took it from me with a smile, patting my knee in reassurance.

My eyes were fixed on Mama as she said, "Happy Thanksgiving, Edward. This is Jasper's mother, Claire. I hope you don't mind, but I just wanted to say hello to the man who's put this smile on my son's face."

I could feel my cheeks heat at her words, and I heard Emily's chuckle. In that moment, I felt like a teenager again, and I couldn't stifle the groan that left my lips. I buried my face in my hands, suddenly doubting the wisdom of this phone call.

The more Mama and Edward talked, though, the clearer it became that she approved of him - and even seemed to like him, which made me wish even more that Edward could've come here. The shock of that realization had me glancing around the room at my family. It was surprising to realize that I didn't just want him here for selfish, carnal reasons. I wanted him to be a part of all of this.

Am I really thinking about them all meeting Edward?

As Mama talked about the trip to the zoo and the pictures she'd seen from Emily, I felt something loosen in me, and I smiled. I wanted Edward to meet my family - maybe not right here and now, but soon. As soon as we could manage it, anyway.

I was brought back to Earth when Mama said, "I'll give you back to Jasper now. I hope you have fun on your trip – and don't be a stranger, now. I'm sure Jasper will give you our number."

I stared at her with wide eyes, but the look she gave me had me nodding my assent. It said quite plainly that I would not leave the state without giving her his number and making sure that Edward had theirs. Emily chuckled again as she walked past me, ruffling my hair teasingly before heading out into the hallway.

Mama handed me my phone and stood up. She squeezed my shoulder affectionately before going to inspect the tree, leaving me to finish my call. "You there?"

Edward laughed and said, "Yeah, I'm here. I wasn't expecting that."

I chuckled. "Yeah, we were talking about you, and apparently I couldn't answer fast enough for her. She asked if we could call you. I didn't see why not…"

We talked for a little while longer until the boys both came up to me, tugging at my pants and shirt and pointing to the games that were set up on the table. I whispered that I'd be right there, shooing them off so I could say goodbye to Edward.

I could feel the smile on my face as I told him I loved him and that I'd talk to him soon; I had every intention of calling him later, without an audience there. After we'd finally hung up, I made my way over to the rest of the family and took my seat next to Emily. We played Uno for a while, bending the rules a little so that Finn and Conall could play as well. It was fun.

After a while, though, I excused myself so I could get something to drink and stretch my legs. I was just pouring myself a glass of sweet tea when I heard someone enter the kitchen. Glancing up, I was surprised to see a frowning Chuck standing a few feet from me. He seemed a little uncertain, like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure how.

"Did you want some?" I offered, holding up the pitcher of tea.

Chuck nodded, taking the glass I poured for him. I put the pitcher back in the fridge and leaned against the counter, watching my brother as I took a sip. Finally, he cleared his throat and said, "Mind coming out on the porch with me for a minute?"

Apprehensive, I nodded and followed him out there. It was a little chilly, so I hoped that whatever he had to say wouldn't take too long. I was too curious to find out why he had been acting so strangely to decline his request, though.

We sat opposite each other, silence heavy between us as Chuck watched me intently. Just as I was about to give up and go inside, he cleared his throat again and said, "You seem... different." I frowned, wondering what he meant, and he added, "I guess I just... don't quite understand."

Sighing, I wrapped my hands around my glass, my eyes focused on them rather than on Charles. Swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat, I said quietly, "No, you don't. You never really tried to..."

The hurt I felt as the words left my mouth took me by surprise. Chuck hadn't ever made any attempts to understand me. Instead, he had always been dismissive of the fact that I was gay - something I, in turn, had never understood.

He mumbled, "No... don't s'pose I did, at that."

Something in his tone made me raise my eyes to his, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. All my life, I'd looked up to him and had wanted so badly to earn his approval, his love. I'd tried so hard to be just like my big brother - the guy who had everything going for him back when we were growing up. He'd been my idol back then, which is why it had hurt all the more when he had waved off my announcement of being gay as nonsense.

He took a couple of sips of tea, his gaze wandering out over the yard for a moment before settling back on me. "The other night..." His eyes flickered away briefly, and I was surprised to see a faint blush on his cheeks. "I'm sorry for calling... Edward?"

I nodded.

"Anyway, for calling him a piece of tail. I was out of line. It's obvious that he's a lot more than that to you. Been watching you all week, and I..." He sighed, running his fingers through his hair in much the same way I did when frustrated. "Like I said, Spurs; you're different."

I nodded again, a little taken aback at the fact that Charles was talking to me about this. We'd never really discussed my being gay - not together. He ignored it, and I ignored him because of it. I wasn't entirely sure what to make of his bringing it up, but I was grateful for the chance to get things straightened out with him, so to speak.

We ended up sitting out on the porch talking for nearly an hour. Charles asked questions ranging from back when I first came out to how I met Edward. I skirted around the Paul issue, something he either didn't notice or chose to ignore. It was the most intimate conversation I'd ever had with my brother in my life, and when Mama finally came out to call us back inside to get warm, I felt a lot closer to Chuck than I had since we were little kids having lightsaber battles in our Underoos.

I knew that, in a strange way, I had Edward to thank for that. Before Charles and I stepped back into the house, he came up and hugged me, his voice gruff as he said, "I love you, little brother. I know I don't always show it, but I do... and I'm glad you found someone to make you happy."

Even after our talk, his words still shocked me, and I tightened my arms around him as I choked out, "I love you, too, Chuck. Thanks..."

As soon as we walked into the kitchen, Mama handed each of us a cup of hot cocoa, giving us each a gentle pat on the cheek in turn as we headed back to the living room. I curled up in my favorite chair by the fire, sipping my drink slowly as I observed my family. I was so lost in thought after my talk with Chuck that I didn't really pay much attention to any conversations, content to simply watch.

At some point, Emily came to sit with me, half on my lap, half on the armrest, with her head resting on my shoulder and her arms around my neck. As nice as it was - and comforting, in a way - it made me miss Edward all the more, so I was glad when Mack decided it was time to go home. Both boys had long since fallen asleep on the couch, so when she and Chuck began carrying them to the car, it gave me the excuse I needed to call it a night. I still had a call to make, and I couldn't wait to talk to Edward. I wanted to let him know about what had happened today.

After saying goodnight to everyone and closing the door to my room, I let out a slow breath and closed my eyes. It had been a long day, and while I wanted to go to bed and get some sleep, I was aching to hear Edward's voice.

One glance at the alarm by my bed had me cursing - it was a little after midnight, which meant it'd be an hour later for Edward.

Damn it! Didn't mean to be this late... hopefully he's still awake.

I changed quickly into my pajama pants and settled myself between the blankets before calling him. He picked up again after the first ring, which made me smile. "Hey, baby."

"Hey, yourself. Sorry for calling so late, sweetheart, though you sound like you're still wide awake."

I could hear his grin as he said, "That's okay. I don't mind; you should know that."

"So what has you up this late?"

"Beating Emmett's ass at Mario."

I tried to imagine Edward playing video games and wondered if he looked as intense doing that as he did while doing most everything else. I couldn't help myself and laughed, shaking my head even as I accused him of still being a kid.

"Yeah, probably. But you don't seem to mind," was his response.

It was true, of course. I ran my fingers through my hair and took a deep breath as my thoughts went back to earlier that afternoon, and I had just opened my mouth to say something to Edward when he said, "Hey, did you want to say hi to Emmett?"

I blinked in surprise, all thoughts of my conversation with Charles were chased out of my mind at the prospect of being introduced to Emmett. I grinned, wondering what I could expect, given everything Edward had ever told me about his cousin. "Emmett? Yeah, sure."

Emmett turned out to be exactly as Edward had described him, and the more I talked with him, the more I was looking forward to someday meeting him in person. He was definitely a piece of work, though, and someone who'd keep you on your toes.

By the time that Edward came back on the line, I was so tired, I was barely thinking straight anymore, and it wasn't long before we hung up. My last thoughts were of him and how things would go for Tanya in the morning, though I was sure everything'd turn out fine.

I must've slept soundly because I was aware of nothing more until an annoying sound reached my ears. It took me awhile to figure out it was morning and that my phone was ringing. As soon as I did, I fumbled on my nightstand, smiling when I saw Edward's name flashing on the display.

"Hey there, gorgeous." My voice was a little gruff, so I cleared my throat and rubbed my eyes in an attempt to chase away the haze of sleep. "She tell 'em already? How'd it go?"

I could almost hear Edward's relief and his smile as he said, "Hey, baby. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He sighed, and I imagined him running his fingers through his hair as he said, "I think everything went okay, all things considered. Bit of a shock, especially that early in the morning," he chuckled. "Think everyone'll be fine, given time. Aunt Livy's having a tough time, but that's to be expected, I guess. It's her little girl, ya know?"

I hummed in agreement, certainly able to sympathize with her. "And how about you? How are you doing?"

The sound of fabric rustling was all I heard for a while, making me wonder what was going on. I ached to hold him, to comfort him. We'd talked extensively about his own worries about his aunt and uncle - that maybe they would have been less accepting of his sexuality if he were their son. I didn't fully understand because I'd, thankfully, never been through the pain of losing my parents. I couldn't imagine what that must've done to his self image. Since I couldn't really empathize, I'd just done my best to offer a sympathetic ear and let him know I loved him.

I knew he understood what I was asking about, given the conversations we'd had about the subject over the last few days. While I waited for him to speak, I sat up to lean against my headboard. "Edward?"

A small huff met my ears, followed by a chuckle. "I really miss you, you know that?" I frowned, opening my mouth to ask again, but he continued. "I'm alright, sweetheart. I... the whole thing was stupid, really."

We talked for about half an hour about everything that had happened that morning, and as much as I hated that I wasn't able to be there for him, I felt like I was... in a way. The more Edward told me about his family, the closer I felt to him, and I realized that I liked knowing we had that connection. It made me wonder if this was how it was supposed to be - if it was like this for everyone.

That thought had me both aching and warming inside. Aching because of what I'd essentially been robbed of so many years ago, thanks to Paul, and warming because of Edward showing me this new path.

A glance at the clock told me I had to get moving, since I still had quite a bit to do today, though I was reluctant to get off the phone with Edward. I had to remind myself it would only be another week before we'd both be in Boston again, and I'd be able to see him - and touch him. With a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair and said, "Hey, baby, I hate to say it, but I gotta go. I still have to pack, and..."

"Oh shit, I forgot you guys were flying home today. Alright, Jazz, I won't keep you. Just let me know you got home okay?"

I smiled. "Of course, darlin'. I love you."

"Love you, too. Have a safe flight, sweetheart."

Just as I put my phone back on my nightstand, there was a soft knock on my door. Rolling my eyes, I grinned. "Come on in, Lee."

Emily poked her head around the door, a sad smile on her face as she wished me good morning. Scooting over to the side of my bed, I patted the free space, and she crawled in next to me. I put my arm around her shoulders, giving her a sideways hug, and kissed her temple. "I know," I murmured. "I'm gonna miss them, too."

Emily always hated leaving the ranch, even though she loved living in Boston. It was much the same for me. It was a double-edged sword, really. We both loved our family and life here, but we loved life in Boston just as much. Whenever we were in one place, we missed the other. For me it was even worse, now that I had Edward.

She sighed and nodded. Jostling her, I said, "Hey, you still have me, Sis."

Emily grinned at that. "True... " She gave me a speculating look and said, "When's Edward coming back again?"

Leaning my head back against the wall, I peered down at her, unable to keep a pout off my lips. "Not 'til Thursday."

She poked my side and said, "Hey, at least you still have me."

Ruffing her hair, I chuckled. "True. You all packed yet?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah, just got done. Mama said breakfast would be waiting for us."

"Alright. I still need to pack, but I'll do that after we get some food. Go on ahead. I'll be right down, okay?"

She nodded and gave me another hug before disappearing downstairs. I pulled a shirt over my head and followed her. Papa and Chuck had gone already, and Mama was pouring coffee for us. Just like we weren't allowed to help out on days we arrived, we weren't allowed to do so on the days we left, either. That had been the only reason why I'd still been asleep when Edward called.

Mama joined Emily and me as we had breakfast. We talked about our plans for the next few weeks, and I'd just finished the stack of pancakes Mama had put in front of me earlier when she cleared her throat. She was holding her cup in both hands, seemingly focused on them as she said, "So, Jasper... Your father and I were talking last night, and we were wondering if we needed to make some adjustments to the usual plans for Christmas? Should we book another ticket?"

I blinked, gaping at her. Mama and Papa always bought tickets for Emily and me to come home for Christmas as part of our Christmas presents. They'd done that every year since I moved to Boston and continued it when Emily joined me there. Of course, the first couple of years I'd declined them, claiming my schedule was too busy, thanks to the whole Paul fiasco.

"I... I don't know, Mama. I... we... we haven't talked about that yet. I have no idea if he's got plans already or not. But I'll ask him?"

Why that last part had come out as a question, I wasn't sure. All I really knew was that it felt as if butterflies had been set loose in my stomach, and I wasn't hungry anymore.

"See that you do," she answered with complete assurance that she'd be obeyed.

She stood up and began clearing the table, and I joined her automatically. When I carried my plate to the sink, she took it from me and promptly turned me around, telling me to relax.

In a daze, I went back to my room, where I sat and stared for a little while. Before long, Emily was knocking on the door again, bringing me back to the present. She ended up having to help me pack my things, as I'd been too distracted after Mama's question, but it wasn't long before we were done and I grabbed my bags. I took one last look around before flipping off the light and following her out. Neither of us spoke until we got downstairs, where Mama was waiting for us.

We began saying our goodbyes, though we were quickly interrupted by Mack arriving to take us to the airport. The boys' energy was infectious, chasing away my worries about Christmas and drying Mama's tears. They darted around us, "helping" with the bags and hugging our legs.

After we were finally packed in the car, the drive to the airport passed quickly. Mack and I chatted idly against the backdrop of Emily, Conall, and Finn singing songs. When we were only a few minutes away from our destination, Mack reached over and patted my knee.

"I'm happy for you," she murmured, casting a glance in the rear-view mirror. She grimaced and sighed softly, looking away as she made a left-hand turn. "And I'm sorry about Chuck."

"It's alright," I answered, smiling as I realized that it really was. He'd been a dick, yes, but out of it, he and I had grown closer than we'd been in years - maybe ever.

Mack gave a small smile and nodded in understanding, but all she said was, "Alright, we're here." She glanced in the rear-view mirror again, and her face tightened. "Finlay Charles Whitlock, you let go of your brother this instant!"

I chuckled as I climbed out of the car and helped wrangle the boys into submission. We all said our final goodbyes at the car so that Mack wouldn't have to drag two young boys through the busy airport. As we were turning to walk away, Conall began to cry, and I knelt down, holding him close.

"Shh, it's okay, Connie-boy. We'll be back soon," I murmured, rubbing his back. I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't hearing anything I said over his wails.

Makenna peeled him away, winking at me as she picked him up. He put his head on her shoulder, sniffling, and Finn seemed to pick up the mood. He watched us silently, slipping his hand into his mother's. Emily ruffled his hair, and we waved as we turned away at last.

Leaving the boys that way affected both Emily and me, and we were quiet as we walked through the airport, our eyes scanning the arrival and departure boards. We made it through security and were sitting at our terminal before Emily finally broke the silence.

We talked about the week, catching up by sharing observations about nothing of consequence. She told me a little about her conversations with her roommate Ri, and I shared what little news I'd had from Mike and the gang. I could tell from the circles under her eyes that she was tired, and I felt exactly the same way. Visiting our family was always fantastic but exhausting.

We were both yawning by the time they called us for boarding, and we'd barely gotten settled into our seats before we were dozing. We woke up from time to time, shifting in the uncomfortable seats and dealing with the flight attendants, but the flight was uneventful. By the time we landed, we were both just ready to get home.

We didn't speak much on the way to Emily's dorm, and she was still yawning when I dropped her off outside her building. I got out to help her with her bags, but she waved me off. Instead, we hugged, I ruffled her hair, and then she was on her way inside.

"Call me in a few days, and we'll go to dinner, 'kay?" she called over her shoulder.

I smiled. "Sounds good."

The thought of having something to break up the monotony I knew I faced without Edward was welcome, and Emily and I hadn't really had a good chance to talk about how she was doing in the wake of James since before we left for Thanksgiving.

As I climbed back in the car, I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders and recognized it for what it was. I missed Edward and felt listless without him. I felt a stirring of fear, but I pushed it down, unwilling to let myself lose control again like I'd done the last time he'd been gone.

"Just a few days," I muttered under my breath, starting the engine before pulling away from the curb.

I drove home in silence without even the radio to keep me company. The first thing I did when I walked in the door was kick off my shoes and head to the refrigerator, where I grabbed a beer. I knew it was likely that I would pass out soon after drinking it, despite the nap I'd had on the plane, so I took it to the couch. I pulled out my phone and sat down, hitting the button to call Edward.

He answered on the second ring, grunting as he said, "Hello?"

I raised an eyebrow, lifting my bottle to take a sip of my beer. "Hello, yourself..." I said with amusement. "What's got you breathing hard?"

I was sure he could hear the slight edge to my voice, but even I wasn't sure if it was from anxiety or frustration at being apart from him for so long. He laughed before he explained that he was out with Rosalie, helping her pick out a new car. He'd been lifting the hood when I called and caught him off guard.

I didn't want to bother him when he was busy, so after talking for just a few moments, I said, "I think I'm going to take a nap... give me a call later?"

"Yeah, of course. You're sure you don't want to just sleep?"

"Yup, I'm sure. I'll be wide awake in a little while..." I grinned as I shifted on the couch, lowering my voice. "Besides... I have plans for you tonight, Dr. Masen."

All I could hear was his breathing before he muttered, "Plans, huh? What did you have in mind?"

"You'll find out," I taunted, refusing to tell him anything more, even though he protested and tried to coerce me. There wasn't much he could say with Rosalie standing there, though, so he contented himself with grumbling and muttering darkly. I laughed and teased him a little more before I said, "Go have some fun with your family, baby. Tell Rosalie I said hi."

"I will," he answered, sounding genuinely happy before his voice trailed off, becoming muffled.  "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming!" I couldn't catch what he said next, but then his voice was back, clearer than before as he said, "Yeah, I guess I need to go. Rose is being a bitch. Ow!"

I laughed again, taking a pull from my beer before we exchanged our goodbyes. My head was fuzzy as I hung up the phone, and I was sorely tempted to just stretch out on the couch. The lure of my own bed was too strong, though, so I drained the last of my drink and stood, stretching my arms over my head.

Lowering them with a grunt, I went into the kitchen to toss my bottle and then made my way to my room, unbuckling my pants as I walked. I let them fall to the floor and fell into bed just as I was, in my t-shirt and boxers.

I awoke hours later to a darkened room and no idea what time it might be. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I raised my head, searching in the wrong place for my alarm clock after being at my parents' house for a week. Finally, I found it and determined that it was just after ten o'clock. I'd slept for way longer than I intended, which was good and bad; it meant that I'd be wide awake to talk to Edward when he called, but I definitely wouldn't be sleeping for a while unless the travel fatigue hit again.

I rolled out of bed and headed straight for my shower, where I washed away the grime of travel while I debated what to eat. It was a little late for delivery, but I decided to call my favorite Chinese place rather than going out. I sure as hell didn't have anything left in the house to eat.

When I stepped out of the shower, I dried quickly and wrapped my towel around my waist before going back into my bedroom to grab my phone. I called and placed my order and then thought for a moment. I hadn't been kidding when I told Edward I had plans for him. It had been a very long, very frustrating week for me, and I fully intended to make payback the best kind of hell.

I bounced my phone against my palm and then grinned, shrugging to myself. Wandering back into the bathroom, I finger-combed my hair, making it messy just the way he liked it. I checked to make sure the towel was just low enough on my hips to drive him crazy, and then I snapped a picture of myself in the mirror.

I felt a little ridiculous, but I knew there was no better way to get him to call me right away. With a chuckle, I labeled the text, "NSF...anyone," and added a message letting him know I missed him. I hit send and then went to get dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt.

My phone buzzed almost immediately with a message from Edward.

Fucking hell, Jazz. Are you trying to kill me? In the middle of Scrabble - Tanya won't let me drop. Call you as soon as I can.

Before I could respond, a second message came in.

Don't bother to get dressed.

I laughed out loud and sent back a text that I was looking forward to his call. Then I settled in on the couch, watching some mindless TV as I waited for my food to arrive.

When it did, I paid the delivery guy and ate out of the carton, too hungry - and lazy - to bother with plates. I finished up and took the leftovers to the kitchen, sticking them in the refrigerator and grabbing a beer to enjoy while I waited for Edward to call.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before he did, but when I saw his name on my phone, I answered with a grin. "Hey, baby. I was beginning to think you changed your mind."

"Not a chance," he answered with a smile in his voice.

We spent a few minutes talking about how my trip had gone and what he'd been up to, but it didn't take long before he said, "So, just what did you have in mind for tonight?"

I laughed. "Eager, are you?"

"It's been a long time..." He chuckled, and I agreed.

"Well, you said you brought your headphones, right?" I waited until he confirmed that he had, and then I said, "Did you happen to bring, ahh... anything else?"

There was a moment of dead silence on the phone. "Umm... what do you mean?"

I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was stalling - and that he knew exactly what I was talking about. "Toys, Edward." I lowered my voice teasingly. "You know, those things you love?"

"Maybe," he answered. "Why's that?"

With a grin on my face, I turned off the TV and headed toward my bedroom. "What did you bring?"
When he hesitated again, I sighed. "Tell you what... why don't you go get... them?" He made a small noise, letting me know I'd guessed right. "And meet me online in, say, five minutes?"

"Okay," he agreed immediately.

"Hey, Edward?" I interrupted before he could hang up. "Be dressed and lock the door."

His second, "Okay..." was confused, and I bit back a laugh.

As soon as we hung up the phone, I darted to my room and stripped down to my boxers. I took a second to make sure I had lube handy - I'd regretted not taking any to Texas - and then straightened my bed before pulling out my laptop. It seemed to take longer than ever to boot up, but soon enough, I was looking at Edward's smiling face.

"Hey, Cuddles," he murmured, and I answered as I took in his long-sleeved t-shirt and well-worn jeans.

"You listened," I said, pleased.

"Yup. Gotta admit that I figured you'd want it the other way, though..."

I let my lips curl into a half-smile as I arched an eyebrow. "Why don't you put on those headphones, and I'll tell you why?"

He narrowed his eyes at me but then shrugged and did as I asked. It took him a moment as I listened to the sound of a zipper and a drawer opening and closing. When he stepped back into view, he was wearing headphones and carrying a small wooden case and what looked like a huge flashlight.

He set them both on the edge of his bed and looked at me expectantly. "Now what did you have in mind?"

"Can you put your laptop on a table or something so I can see you when you stand?"

We spent a few minutes playing with the computers so they were perfectly arranged, and then I used my best imitation of Edward's voice the day of my photo shoot. "Stand up," I said quietly. He grinned but did as I asked, growing more amused when I asked him to turn around. "What? I like your ass..."

He glanced over his shoulder at his computer screen, smiling broadly. When I told him to take off his shirt, he teased me, slipping off his headphones and exposing a scant inch of skin at a time before covering it again. I couldn't say anything with his headphones on the floor, and the taunting smirk he threw at the camera told me he knew it.

At long last, he was shirtless and wearing his headphones once more, and I had to admit that his little striptease was enticing - and exactly what I'd been going for. My eyes traced his form hungrily, taking in the tattoos on his back and chest, lingering on the Escher along his ribs. That one made me ache in unfamiliar ways. I hated that I'd hurt him, but seeing it was also reassuring somehow because it was absolute proof that I meant something to him.

I pushed away the strange melancholy and focused on the moment, but my voice was husky when I said, "Let's lose those pants, Dr. Masen."

Edward paused, and I could see his eyes roaming over his computer screen. "How about we see a little of you?" he whispered.

"How much more do you want to see?" I laughed, gesturing to my boxers, which were the only thing I had on.

"All of it."

I thought for a moment, contemplating just how much I wanted to push my being in charge. In the end, I decided it didn't matter; we were both going to have some fun tonight. Without answer, I slipped out of my boxers and tossed them to the floor, my hand automatically stroking my shaft. Edward froze, watching me with his lips slightly parted, and I grinned as I murmured, "You want to suck my cock, don't you?"

He bit his bottom lip and nodded, his hand drifting down to cup his own erection. "Hell, yes..."

"I thought I told you to take those off?"

Shaking his head slightly as if just waking up, he quickly undid the buttons on his pants and let them fall off his hips. I groaned loudly when he was suddenly exposed, without even the barrier of underwear. My hand quickened, and Edward picked that moment to put his hands on his hips and tilt his head. "What did you want me to do now?"

"Such an ass," I muttered, and he flashed a cheeky grin. Still, I knew what I wanted, so I gladly accepted the invitation. Raising my voice, I said, "I want you to crawl into bed and show me your toys..."

His smile widened, and I watched appreciatively as he crawled slowly onto the bed, making sure his ass was on prominent display. I couldn't help moaning, remembering the way he felt when I took him just like that. "God, you have to come home soon..."

"Not much longer," he murmured as he turned around, but he added under his breath, "Still too damn long."

Not wanting to give in to the sadness I felt at being apart, I changed the subject. "So, why don't you show me what's in the box?"

Edward raised both eyebrows, licking his lips. "Sure you want to see?"

"Absolutely."

Without answering, he flipped up the catch and opened the lid. Then he pulled out... something. It was some sort of arch made out of what looked like steel with a sphere at either end. It was a little longer than his hand, and I felt my eyes widening as I watched. "What is that for?"

He chuckled and shrugged. "Oh, I think you know. Remember when you asked if I ever... umm..." He glanced toward the door and lowered his voice even further. "Came that way before? This would be how."

His grin was completely unabashed, and I found myself intrigued. "You have to show me how."

"Of course, baby. And when I get home, I'll let you feel...if you want."

I thought about it for a moment, but really there was no question. "Yes."

"Excellent," he whispered. Before I could ask, he was shifting back on his bed, leaning the pillows against the headboard before settling in. He grabbed a bottle of lube, and I took the opportunity to do the same. I rubbed my fingers against my palm to warm it, and as he was spreading the slick liquid on the metal toy, I did the same to my cock.

"Mmm..." he hummed, his eyes focused on his screen as he took himself in hand, stroking slowly while he watched me. Just like the other times we'd done this, there was something so exciting about watching him watch me. It was as if I were the only person in the world; I'd never seen someone look quite so intense, so predatory.

"Come on, gorgeous... let me see..."

His eyes flickered up to find mine, and I could tell he was watching my face as he reached down, teasing himself with one of the steel balls. He rubbed it slowly down the length of his cock and along the seam between his balls, moving it back and forth tantalizingly. I bit my lip, swallowing as I watched his every move.

At long last, he spread his knees further, giving me an amazing view of his ass before he pressed the smaller of the two spheres against his entrance. Watching the resistance, the way his puckered flesh gradually loosened to accept the intrusion, I groaned loudly. It was all I could do not to close my eyes, imagining vividly the way he felt when he was wrapped so tightly around me.

He inhaled sharply as he eased it in, his hips lifting from the bed as his heels dug in. My eyes were constantly in motion, torn between watching the visceral sight between Edward's thighs and the enraptured expression on his face. His eyes were half-closed, his lips parted, as his hand began to pump slowly, rhythmically. He took the steel arch a little deeper each time until, finally, the ball on the other end was reaching his skin on every pass.

I realized I'd been watching him in silence and whispered, "You look amazing, baby... I can't wait until you can tell me how it feels..." His eyes opened then, meeting mine, and the lusty green made me shiver. "Fuck, until you can show me..."

He smiled then, spreading his knees to put on a show for me. His other hand reached for his cock, and my breathing sped as I watched him work himself over with both hands. His head fell back against the headboard as the stimulation became too much. His swollen, purple cock disappeared in his closed fist again and again as the metal slipped between his thighs.

I wasn't sure how long he would last at that rate, and I wasn't quite ready for our time to be over. "Edward," I said, the commanding voice returning. He ignored me, his right hand quickening as he closed his eyes. "Stop, Edward."

The sound that escaped him couldn't be described as anything but a whine. His toes curled, and his knees turned inward before he pulled both his hands away, panting as he opened his eyes and looked at me. His expression was pleading, and I smiled in understanding. "Sorry, sweetheart... but you haven't showed me your other toy yet."

His eyes flickered toward the flashlight-looking contraption, and then he licked his lips as he looked back at me. "I don't know if I can last..." he admitted huskily.

"You can," I reassured him, "and you will."

He took a few shallow breaths, visibly calming himself, and then he nodded. "Okay," he breathed, running his fingers through his hair. The lube made it stand up at crazy angles, and I couldn't help but laugh. He rolled his eyes at me, but his grin told me he wasn't annoyed.

My amusement faded when Edward reached for the second toy. He popped the top off of it and winked as he flashed it toward me. I raised an eyebrow, but he didn't wait for me to tell him what to do. With a little more lube, he slipped the end of the tube over the head of his cock and hissed in pleasure as his eyes closed again. I recognized that sound - I was usually the reason he made it.

I grumbled teasingly, and Edward chuckled, opening his eyes, "Don't worry, Mr. Whitlock... it doesn't feel nearly as good as you do."

"You sure about that?" I muttered.

"You have no idea..." he answered lowly. He swallowed, his hand growing still. "I wish I could tell you..." His eyes shot to the door again, and I nodded.

"I know. Not too long now, though..."

He made a face before his playful expression returned. "You're not taking care of yourself very well there. Come on now... don't leave me all alone."

I nodded, understanding what he didn't say, too. I readjusted on the bed, shifting my pillows so that I was as comfortable as possible while giving Edward a good view. With his eyes on me, I decided to give him a little show as well. I pressed my palm flat against my cock, sliding it all the way down to cup my balls. My eyes drifted closed as my fingertips teased my ass, and Edward's groan just made it that much better.

Before long, I felt that growing need for release, and I opened my eyes again, searching for him as my hand wrapped around my shaft. He was watching me intently, his hand squeezing plastic as the toy glided over his cock. His left hand was reaching between his legs, working the steel arch with the same rhythm.

Something about the sight - Edward's flushed face and parted lips, his brow furrowing as he pushed himself to the brink - nearly did me in. I squeezed just a little tighter, turning my hand at a slightly different angle, and suddenly I was soaring. Reaching down, I pulled at my balls, relishing the sting and the way every nerve in my body seemed to be focused on this one act.

I could hear Edward's panting, moaning breaths, but my eyes had closed again. There, in the darkness behind my eyelids, my hips began to rock on the mattress, thrusting into my hand again and again. When I heard the catch of his breath that meant he was close, I forced my eyes open again. Sticky heat spread over my chest as my cock throbbed, and only seconds later, Edward's body curled in on itself before he called out, "Fuck!"

The rhythm of his hand faltered, moving in fits and starts, until finally he lay there, utterly still. His eyes were closed, his head thrown back against the headboard. I lay in the same blissful fog until Edward chuckled - a low, throaty sound.

"So much for being quiet..." he muttered. He chewed on his bottom lip as his head turned toward the doorway. "Hopefully they didn't hear that."

I laughed quietly as I sat up, arching my back to try to loosen my taut muscles. "Well, at least Emmett's not there, right?"

"No, thank god. He'd probably come asking questions about how it feels..."

With lighter hearts, we joked as we cleaned up. I felt foggy and more tired than I would've thought, but I was reluctant to say good night. Once we were dressed in pajama pants again, Edward shifted to lie on his stomach, his face only a few inches from the camera as he wrapped his arms around the pillow beneath his chest.

The sight made loneliness surge in me again, and I wished more than anything that he was just here already. It was a complete change from the confusion I'd felt the first time he was out of town, which filled me with a strange sense of pride.

We talked quietly for a few minutes until it became obvious that we were only holding on because neither of us wanted to let go. The conversation was making no sense, and it was mostly made up of yawns and apologies by the time Edward finally said, "I miss you, sweetheart."

"I miss you, too," I answered with a lump in my throat. "You look like you need some sleep, though. You're helping Tanya pick out furniture tomorrow, right?"

He nodded, another yawn making his jaw creak. He blinked away the residual tears and said, "Yeah, guess you're right. Call me tomorrow, though?"

"Of course." I smiled when I realized that I meant exactly what I'd said - there was no question about whether or not I'd talk to him. After stalling for another minute or two, we finally said good night, and I barely managed to shut down my laptop before I fell asleep with Edward's sleepy, "I love you," ringing in my ears.

The next few days were busy as I settled back into my routine. I'd managed to create a huge pile of laundry during the trip, so most of my time at home was spent sorting through that as I worked on Christmas presents. I knew from experience that work would pick up between now and then, so I spent every spare minute working on my drawings and the quilt.

Rummaging through some fabric left over from other projects, I ran across some that reminded me of Monet - which, naturally, made me think of Edward. It was at that moment that inspiration finally hit for his gift. I'd been struggling because I wanted to do something different for him, but I'd had no clue what.

Staring at the fabric and remembering our first date and the way he'd always paid attention to my ties, I realized I wanted to tie his gift into art somehow. The Escher inked along his ribs was the final piece of the puzzle, and I grabbed my keys as I headed toward the door.

It didn't take me long to find what I was looking for. I'd done all the research when I painted Emily's helmet for her, so I knew what I needed and found it easily in the motorcycle shop. It wouldn't really be warm enough to ride again until late spring... and I wanted to be able to take him out then.

I wondered if he'd understand - that it meant that I saw us together months down the road, that it was sort of my way of welcoming him into my life.

Buying the helmet made me a little jittery, so when I got home, I put it away. I couldn't explain why, exactly, but the nervous, fluttery feeling wouldn't go away. I couldn't settle down enough to work on anything, so I turned on some TV instead and watched until Edward called.

He was so cheerful and relaxed and just himself that by the time we hung up the phone, the nerves had faded away. Standing slowly, I slipped the phone into my pocket and smiled as I rolled up my sleeves, picked up the helmet, and set about preparing it to paint.

Those content moments kept me going, helping me get through our time apart and the mess that was waiting for me each day at work.

Projects had piled up while I was gone, and all of them seemed to have something vastly important that needed my particular attention. The project I'd won away from Paul's company filled me with both pride and dread, making me hate the way he tainted everything he touched. I tried to ignore it, though, focusing on the details to make the time pass.

I talked to Edward a couple of times a day, and I went out to dinner with Emily one night after we'd both settled in. She seemed to be doing better and feeling more like herself, which I was sure had something to do with the distance - both physical and emotional - she'd put between herself and James as well as with the comfort of spending the week around our family.

I felt much better after talking with her and seeing that she really didn't seem to be slipping into the pattern I had. Strangely, I also felt a little... ashamed. I guess it was like she was stronger than I was, and that thought made me both proud of her and disappointed in myself.

My weird melancholy mood must've been showing at work on Wednesday because Mike kept watching me strangely. He asked me a few times if I was okay, and then he stopped by at lunch to invite me out to dinner with the guys.

When I glanced around at the piles of paperwork on my desk and sighed, he jumped in before I could turn him down. "Oh, come on, J... you know you're not going to stay and work overtime tonight. Your boy's coming home tomorrow, right?"

I couldn't have fought the smile on my face if I'd wanted to. "Yeah, about noon."

Mike chuckled but refrained from commenting - for once. "So come out with us tonight. Angie said she'll watch Bella so Ben can go... Come on, man. How often do we get to do this anymore?"

It didn't take much to convince me after that, which is how I found myself at Aro's, eating freshly made pasta and drinking too much wine. Aro and Gianna stopped by to ask if I was feeling better and to tell me all about when Edward dropped by to pick up food for us on my birthday. My cheeks heated as I listened to Gianna tell me what a good match we were and that we made a "fine, handsome couple."

When she started talking about being jealous but willing to share with Edward, I choked on my wine, to the great amusement of the guys. Even Ben was laughing as he slapped my back, and Eric spread his hands, looking at Gianna seriously as he said, "It's completely unfair, isn't it?"

They commiserated on their bad luck as I buried my gaze in my pasta, my cheeks flaming as red as the sauce. They took some pity on me finally, and Ben changed the subject by asking Mike when Jessica was going to have her next night off.

We spent a couple of hours there, laughing and having a good time, and by the time I climbed into bed, I was extremely glad I'd gone. Edward's phone call woke me up about half an hour after I fell asleep, so we talked just long enough for him to finalize our plans for the next night. I felt a surge of excitement when I thought of seeing him in less than twenty-four hours, but the alcohol weighed heavily on my eyelids, and I was out again in no time.

Work the next day was torture. Every minute seemed interminable, and I watched the clock more than I ever had in high school. Still, I was determined to get some things done since I had to be there anyway. I was still catching up from the week off, and it was just going to get worse with Christmas coming up.

I was buried beneath some charts and tables, grumbling to myself about how to work in a customer's latest request without completely rewriting everything we'd already done, when Mike walked into my office.

"What are you doing here?" he asked with surprise clear in his voice.

Annoyed and distracted, I muttered, "It's my office. I fucking work here."

My eyes were still on the papers in front of me, so I didn't see the pen before it hit me in the head. "What the fuck, man?"

He was standing there, frowning at me. "It's almost noon. Why are you here?"

"I'm working through lunch so I can leave a little early." I looked back down, shuffling a stack of papers to find the one I needed. Just as I pulled it out, he snatched it from my hand. "Mike. Stop fucking around. I need to get this shit done."

"Jesus, you're dense. Isn't Edward flying in... right now?"

"Yeah." I ran my fingers through my hair, my annoyance growing.

"So... what the hell are you doing here, J? Go. I got this... you go be with your boy." I blinked at him, uncomprehending. He snorted, shaking his head. "Look, if Jess had been out of town for a couple of weeks, and I wasn't there to pick her up... well, let's just say, I wouldn't be sitting for a while - and not from overexertion." He smirked at me.

When I still didn't move, he made a shoo'ing motion with his hand. "Seriously. Get out of here. You're in my way."

A smile spread slowly on my lips before I strode around my desk. I grabbed Mike's face between my hands and planted a kiss on his lips that made his eyes fly wide. "Thanks, Mike!"

I grabbed my jacket from my chair and was about to pick up my messenger bag when he said bemusedly, "Anytime. You better get your ass in gear, though. It's lunch hour, and you've got to get across town."

"Shit, you're right!" I fumbled with the bag for a second, trying to get the clasp to latch before finally, I muttered, "Fucking piece of shit," and dropped it and my coat back on the floor. "See ya!" I called over my shoulder, racing out of my office to the sound of Mike's laughter.

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Chapter 27 - Chapter 29

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